volley Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I just dont get it or maybe im dumb. Is there such thing as a relationship anymore or is it all about fwb? I'm newly single after a 6 yr relationship. I moved back to my home town. I ran into an old crush and found out he recently got a divorce(his ex wife wanted it). Whenever we seen each other we flirt. Till one time I gave him my # to hang out. He texted me and asked if i was up for a lil fwb. I was unsure cause im not like that. He told me straight up that he is not ready for a relationship because he is still in love with his ex wife. He told me if i began having feelings for him he would drop the fwb. We have been fwb for about a good 3 months and talking as friends get to know etc. But im starting to have feeling for him. I asked if he would go out to dinner and movies as friends somtime and he said yes. But is he saying this because i just want to hear it. I told him i care for him but i think he just blew it of. I have been telling him he deserves better and he needs to move on trying to help him. I just dont know if i should be the better person to break it off as fwb or tell him how I feel. He still wants to continue with the fwb with me. He stated that if he is with someone more than a yr he will look at being in a relationship. He is so confusing. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 You should listen to his words. He told you exactly what he wanted. You're giving him sex and that's all he wants. If you want more, you won't get it from him. Either continue and suck it up or end it and find someone who is open to a relationship with you. He won't change for you, you can't change him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
eilsel001 Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I would recommend you prepare yourself to break up with him. When you do break up go ahead and reference back to what he said but do not let him cut you off without you having expressed your emotions toward him because you will think about your break up conversation for days and may feel like you left something important out and may have the urge to contact him again if you guys break up. On the other hand he may have developed feelings (I honestly do not think so but it is possible) for you and may want to keep you around. Whatever you decide to do be prepared to do it. It will spare you some pain. Do not be angry at him either if he is not over his ex wife. Divorce is tough. As far as you telling him he needs to move on I do not think that is a good idea. For someone in his situation it is rather annoying and frustrating to have someone tell you to move on because if that person had the ability to do so they would to spare themselves from the pain. All he needs right now is company, sex, and support at a friendship level that does not have romantic emotional feelings involved. He stated that to being with. I have been in a FWB relationship before and man I know how you feel. It is even more difficult when the guy begins sending mixed signals. Do not put yourself in a situation your gut tells you to get out off ASAP. Emotions will scream back at you and tell you to adapt to him and not leave him but at the same time your mind will let you know in your subconscious that what you are doing is not right. Follow that instinct. Good luck with your situation! I hope you find peace and not heart ache. Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliaSong Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Why would you accept FWB if it wasn't what you wanted really? You can't change him. He is in love with his ex. He was honest with you. Break it off before you hurt yourself any more than you have. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 If fwb is what you want then continue, if not tel him how you feel and that this isn't working for you. Be honest with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author volley Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 We met again and I told him how I felt. I told him I liked him and I kinda always had. I told him at the beginning he stated if I had feelings for him he would cut it off . But now he is telling he would continue being fwb but he is not looking for a commitment. In which he is not ready totally understand because of his divorce. In which I respect, cause I dont think im ready either and I just told him how I felt. We got talking about the summer and he asked me to go on a few trips with him. Its just akward. I know it will be as friends. But I dont know if he is trying to get to know me or what. Im debating on just being his friend and quitting the benefits part. Because I hope for the day when he has moved on and ready to love , maybe we could give it a shot. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 We met again and I told him how I felt. I told him I liked him and I kinda always had. I told him at the beginning he stated if I had feelings for him he would cut it off . But now he is telling he would continue being fwb but he is not looking for a commitment. In which he is not ready totally understand because of his divorce. In which I respect, cause I dont think im ready either and I just told him how I felt. We got talking about the summer and he asked me to go on a few trips with him. Its just akward. I know it will be as friends. But I dont know if he is trying to get to know me or what. Im debating on just being his friend and quitting the benefits part. Because I hope for the day when he has moved on and ready to love , maybe we could give it a shot. You are ready to be in a one on one relationship with him and that's why you started the thread. He is not even though the two of you will go on trips together. Break up with him and see if anything changes between you and if not move on to someone who wants to commit. He is still in love with his ex wife and you don't get over 6 years easily if you are still in love. This guy was completely honest with you about what he doesn't want. Why didn't you listen. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Those feelings you are hoping for will never happen and the longer you continue in this FWB scenario, the more hurt you end up being when he DOES move on and is able to commit to someone else. You will have a much better chance of "getting him" if you discontinue the FWB and don't go on any trips with him. He may miss you and realize you are worth pursuing. The more you give him the free milk, the less likely he will be to want the whole cow. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author volley Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 Thank you. This whole fwb thing is the first for me . So I will be discontinuing things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author volley Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 Your right I did know this all along. He did tell me at the beginning he didnt want a relationship with anyone at this time because he is still I love with his ex wife. He was just looking to have fun and I agreed with it. Why did I, I dont know. I dont need anymore time wasted and used. Its time to let go of the benefits part and just be friends. I cant change a person any person they have to do that for themselves.ill never have fwb cause its just wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author volley Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 So I informed my fwb that im done with the benefits part at this time and I hope he understands. I told him I didnt want to get hurt. He stated he understands and then asked if I have a boyfriend. I assured him I didnt have anyone because either there taken or not ready. I asked if we can still be friend talk and hang out . He stated yeah we can do that. He seemed kinda short and up set. I told him im sorry and if I did upset him. No reply I juat dont know why he would be upset. He knows how I feel about him. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I asked if we can still be friend talk and hang out . He stated yeah we can do that. He seemed kinda short and up set. Okay, so that was probably a mistake on your part. OFFER to be his friend, yes. And then let him come to you, if he wants your friendship and wants to hang out. Don't pursue him. Don't push him to hang out. This lets him know that you can take him or leave him and that alone will make you more desirable... Chasing him will be the turn-off. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 He is so confusing. What should I do? Let's introduce a little bit of Grandma-Logic into this. Do you think for one second that your grandmother would be the least bit "confused" about this or have one second's worth of confusion as to what should be done about it?????? If you told your grandmother what you just told us, do you think it would take her more than one nano-second to know what was going on or what to do about it? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 So I informed my fwb that im done with the benefits part at this time and I hope he understands. I told him I didnt want to get hurt. He stated he understands and then asked if I have a boyfriend. I assured him I didnt have anyone because either there taken or not ready. I asked if we can still be friend talk and hang out . He stated yeah we can do that. He seemed kinda short and up set. I told him im sorry and if I did upset him. No reply I juat dont know why he would be upset. He knows how I feel about him. He was upset because you said you wanted a FWB relationship and then changed your mind so now he has to find another one. I don't think you can be friends because I think you like him too much and would want more. What's the point afterall, just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author volley Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 Thanks people for you advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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