Zahara Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 All the attention is on this girl and how toxic she is but when you look at it, what does all this say about you? You have to really wonder -- what about your emotional and mental mindset has you stuck in such a situation -- dependent on the validation and acceptance of someone like her. Really, "suck my peepee" and then she's so happy with the new guy. And I am sorry, but like a doormat you sit there and put a smile on your face and entertain this? I don't even know where to begin. But like I said, something is damaged within you to keep allowing yourself to be in a situation that emasculates you over and over again. I'm embarassed for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author card Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) I don't want to say anything to her when she talks about her relationship because then it makes me look like I'm not over her and she'll use that. About the other thing... It's not that bad, is it? I made a jokingly insulting comment to get her to say that. I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm being emasculated by her in these situations but I do feel like I'm hoping for some kind of validation that says she still has feelings for me. I shouldn't. Edited April 21, 2014 by card Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) I don't want to say anything to her when she talks about her relationship because then it makes me look like I'm not over her and she'll use that. About the other thing... It's not that bad, is it? I made a jokingly insulting comment to get her to say that. I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm being emasculated by her in these situations but I do feel like I'm hoping for some kind of validation that says she still has feelings for me. I shouldn't. You are emasculated. You act like a puppet. This woman can say anything and do anything you will be there like the eternal scratching post. What kind of man are you that you would take all of this whacko drama BS and still sit back and wait for validation? She smells your need for her. It stinks to high heaven. You think that just because you don't say anything to her when she talks about her relationship she thinks you're over her? The fact that you sit there quiet and obediently listen to it is enough to tell her that you will tolerate just about anything to be in her life. I'm sorry OP. You play the doormat really well and trust me she knows it and she likes it. And worst of all, at 16 you're corrupting, conditioning and damaging your self-esteem by involving yourself in these type of toxic situations. Edited April 21, 2014 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 You've been going on and on about this girl every day for two months. This thread is proof. So yea...maybe you should do something else for a change than thinking about her. "Insanity....doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result" Zahara has a point. I've often thought that when someone is so obsessed with another it's merely a distraction to avoid addressing their own issues. It's hard work to look inward so instead they keep the focus outward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author card Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Oh man. You're right. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Oh man. You're right. What do I do? Block her from your life. Give her the ultimate finger. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Oh man. You're right. What do I do? 14 pages, OP. It has been suggested that you block her from every avenue and start NC. This girl is not good for you. And she's inflicting more damage as you keep holding on to her. You have to ask yourself what about YOU keeps doing this? This isn't about her anymore. She's damaged and broken and she's going down her own path. Don't let her take you down there as well. Please, at 16 you should be enjoying your years instead of being weighed down and tormented by a 15 year old. And at 16, if you are going to start bending and twisting to adapt and accommodate to toxic people, you're setting yourself up to tolerate even more BS as you move along your years. Why? It's because you are training yourself to accept and settle for less than what you deserve. Block. Block. Block. There is no alternative. You have to be determined that the priority now is you and no one else. You have years and years ahead of you. Make it all count. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author card Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Well, now she's blocked everywhere I can block her. Feels good. Thanks for the help, guys. I need to grow a spine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Well, now she's blocked everywhere I can block her. Feels good. Thanks for the help, guys. I need to grow a spine. Sounds to me like you already have a spine! Good job!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author card Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Ugh, she managed to message me... I'm not sure why my phone let the message get through, since it even lists her number as blocked. She's just saying stuff about how she "feels like ****, thanks for doing this to a girl with anxiety. I love losing people. I did so much for you, I guess 5 months (it was barely 4) meant nothing". Pity and guilt train. I didn't reply, of course. There's a little voice in my head wondering if I'm a bad person but I'm pretty confident I did the right thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 You did the right thing for yourself so don't worry about what it's doing to her. Not your problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Ugh, she managed to message me... I'm not sure why my phone let the message get through, since it even lists her number as blocked. She's just saying stuff about how she "feels like ****, thanks for doing this to a girl with anxiety. I love losing people. I did so much for you, I guess 5 months (it was barely 4) meant nothing". Pity and guilt train. I didn't reply, of course. There's a little voice in my head wondering if I'm a bad person but I'm pretty confident I did the right thing. Aww...poor me. It's all about her. She has her boyfriend to kiss her arse. You did the right thing. She's trying to manipulate and control you because she knows that you'll feel bad and respond. And of course, you feel bad. You're not a bad person when you are choosing to take care of yourself and your emotional and mental health. You come first. You are not her toy anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author card Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 Yeah... This is for me. I almost feel bored not having to think about her anymore. I maaay have left a small goodbye note to her on facebook explaining why I had to do what I did before I did it. I don't think I should have but she would have come up to me in person and talk to me about it if I didn't. I think I was almost mean but I regret not saying more, like telling her that she's been selfish and controlling. That might been too much, though. I just said that I realized we shouldn't talk because of how she said she missed me. In her reply she said that she only missed me as a friend, even though she asked me if I missed her sexually and romantically. Kind of selfish, again. Hmm. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I wish you didn't send her that message but her saying she missed you as a friend is enough for you to finally put a close to this. If you wanted validation, that was it. Yes, self-absorbed and manipulative. Please OP, stay away from her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author card Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 Will do. Thanks again, everyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author card Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 Now I'm beginning to think of all the times she's just used me. And I don't blame her- I let her do it. Hell, a month or two I did some of her homework for her because I thought I was just being good friend. She only talked to me when she wanted something. Just the other day when we had a "friendly" conversation it only happened because she wanted someone to entertain her. In one part of her last message she described me as "the friend who writes like two paragraphs back when I only write half a sentence". It's true. I really hope this changes for my future relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Now I'm beginning to think of all the times she's just used me. And I don't blame her- I let her do it. Hell, a month or two I did some of her homework for her because I thought I was just being good friend. She only talked to me when she wanted something. Just the other day when we had a "friendly" conversation it only happened because she wanted someone to entertain her. In one part of her last message she described me as "the friend who writes like two paragraphs back when I only write half a sentence". It's true. I really hope this changes for my future relationships. I hope you start to see the reality of it all and start to heal from this. And if you want to have better relationships in the future, this is the best time for you to work on yourself and try to regain your self-esteem. Focus on school. Sports. Activities. Your friends. Hobbies. It has to come from within and you need to work on that. You sound like a sweet guy but it's not enough, you have to be emotionally and mentally healthy as well. I hope you strive towards loving yourself more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 This happens. You do mistakes but you learn from them. I understand that you texted her one last time to explain. In a first relationship you are allowed to make these mistakes. Cause if you don't it's very hard to understand why it's bad for you to do these things in the long run. People will break up with other people cause there are always others that's more successful. More attractive. Or got more charm. Temptations will always be there. Remember that she chose you too. If she still need you to stick around and you're not perfect enough for her. that just proves she was never perfect herself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I almost feel bored not having to think about her anymore. I maaay have left a small goodbye note to her on facebook explaining why I had to do what I did before I did it. That's because you're addicted to the drama and the high you get when you're in the middle of it. Read some psychology books, figure out why you have that need in you to rescue or whatever, enlighten yourself. Move forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author card Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Yeah, I'll just view this as a big learning experience. I think it's beneficial in the long run. And sure, maybe I should read up on psychology. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 It's simple. Whenever a 15 year old girl tells you something that doesn't make sense. Take it with a rediocusly huge grain of salt. Cause she has no idea what she's talking about herself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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