My ex-girlfriend was just raped

[amaysngrace]

@amaysngrace

 

You're right...I really should tell her mom. I think I can push myself to do it but I'm worried now that the idea that maybe there's a slim chance that this didn't happen is in my head.

 

Either way it still should be addressed by a professional.

 

Lying about being raped is pretty serious too. Just not nearly as serious as if she has been raped.

 

Honestly you will be doing her a favor if you pass this information on to her mom.

 

Just tell her what her daughter told you. That she was raped.

 

Or if you have it on text then snapshot it and text that to her mom. Even better.

[chados]

do not text her. if you choose to tell her, call her up. you dont text anyone that her daughter got raped. what do you think if her daughter says, no hes lying. and the mom doesnt talk to you anymore. and besides, to get a text like that. thats just insane. what if shes in public?. you need to call her and tell her when nobody is there and also tell her in detail everything you know about what this guy said etc.

[card]

do not text her. if you choose to tell her, call her up. you dont text anyone that her daughter got raped. what do you think if her daughter says, no hes lying. and the mom doesnt talk to you anymore. and besides, to get a text like that. thats just insane. what if shes in public?. you need to call her and tell her when nobody is there and also tell her in detail everything you know about what this guy said etc.

 

I'm going to take grace's advice and snapshot what she said to me. I really don't think calling would be the best option as I don't have it in me to say that out loud and her mom doesn't like me in the first place.

[chados]

okey i really need to sleep. why doesnt she like you in the first place?. i dont think shes gonna have less respect for you if you tell her. i dont think you should worry about what the hell she thinks about you. i still think you can have it as proof. but i dont think you should all of the sudden send a message when she might be at work or something that her daughter got raped. youre not doing it for her mom but for her. but you do realize that the guy will get punished no matter what if her mom sends the cop on him?

[card]

Okay...I texted her, but first with a bracer text. I think she already knew but I'm glad that I did it anyway.

[amaysngrace]

do not text her. if you choose to tell her, call her up. you dont text anyone that her daughter got raped. what do you think if her daughter says, no hes lying. and the mom doesnt talk to you anymore. and besides, to get a text like that. thats just insane. what if shes in public?. you need to call her and tell her when nobody is there and also tell her in detail everything you know about what this guy said etc.

 

Do you have children? I've been able to get a lot of information about where my daughter's head is at by someone taking the time to snapshot her words and pass them on to me.

[amaysngrace]

Okay...I texted her, but first with a bracer text. I think she already knew but I'm glad that I did it anyway.

 

I'm glad you did that too. You did the right thing.

[chados]

Do you have children? I've been able to get a lot of information about where my daughter's head is at by someone taking the time to snapshot her words and pass them on to me.

 

 

no i get that. but this is about a rape. im saying that i dont think its smart to send a text like that if lets say her mom is having a meeting at work. its a completely different thing if your daughter ask someone to buy her beer. i still think its better to call and explain what happened.

[amaysngrace]

no i get that. but this is about a rape. im saying that i dont think its smart to send a text like that if lets say her mom is having a meeting at work. its a completely different thing if your daughter ask someone to buy her beer. i still think its better to call and explain what happened.

 

That's fine that you think that. I've dealt with my daughter being suicidal and expressing it through tumblr. Her friend took a picture and passed the information onto me.

 

It's hard for a kid to dispute it or call their friend a liar when there's their words right there, plain as day.

 

And if this girl was raped and her mom was at work then I think she should leave work and get to her child right away. Don't you?

[chados]

That's fine that you think that. I've dealt with my daughter being suicidal and expressing it through tumblr. Her friend took a picture and passed the information onto me.

 

It's hard for a kid to dispute it or call their friend a liar when there's their words right there, plain as day.

 

And if this girl was raped and her mom was at work then I think she should leave work and get to her child right away. Don't you?

 

im not saying dont use the proof. im saying that its not very good to just send something like that out of the blue. you probably even knew about your daughter before that. and even if not. just because something happened to you and you dealt with it doesnt mean everyone should or can. i would call and tell her that she texted me of course. then she would know this. then i could send her that if she wanted to see or if she didnt belive it.

[amaysngrace]

im not saying dont use the proof. im saying that its not very good to just send something like that out of the blue. you probably even knew about your daughter before that. and even if not. just because something happened to you and you dealt with it doesnt mean everyone should or can. i would call and tell her that she texted me of course. then she would know this. then i could send her that if she wanted to see or if she didnt belive it.

 

A text is instant. It's how we communicate.

 

And no I didn't know my daughter was in a bad way at all. She shares more with her friends than she shares with me, or use to at the time anyway.

 

Not all kids are great communicators on the phone. Unless it's through text.

[chados]

A text is instant. It's how we communicate.

 

And no I didn't know my daughter was in a bad way at all. She shares more with her friends than she shares with me, or use to at the time anyway.

 

Not all kids are great communicators on the phone. Unless it's through text.

 

 

that is true. but maybe some adult should tell her instead.

[card]

Totally unrelated but I was snooping around and she hasn't even blocked him on social networking sites yet...And she's very quick to do that if someone upsets her. It's like she's having some kind of stockholm syndrome with this guy.

 

She told me that she would be extremely pissed at me if I confront him but I'm really close to doing it. I was just thinking about what happened and I'm madder than I've ever been. I just want to yell at him "---- has enough problems in her life; she doesn't need to add a rapist to that list!". It's so infuriating that someone could be so cruel and just get away with it, especially in the eyes of the victim.

Edited February 17, 2014 by card

[card]

Here's an exerpt from our conversation I want to share:

 

Her: "last night at like 2am he's like yeah I like you

 

but I'm scared of him in general now"

 

Me: "who cares if he likes you, he's a huge creep and should be locked up for what happened honestly"

 

Her: "---- is gonna talk to him"

 

Me: "Please stay away from him"

 

Her: "yeah"

 

Me: "He's messed up"

 

Her: "stop"

 

Me: "what?"

 

Her: "idk"

 

Me: "I want to talk to him too"

 

Her: "don't"

 

Me: "why?"

 

Her: "I'll be so pissed at you."

 

Me: "...why??"

 

Her: "don't."

 

Me: "seriously why? I don't want you to get hurt again."

 

"don't"

 

 

 

Why would she be so reluctant to have me talk to him? This one other guy called her a whore behind her back once and I pretty much shouted at him, which she appreciated.

[chados]

Totally unrelated but I was snooping around and she hasn't even blocked him on social networking sites yet...And she's very quick to do that if someone upsets her. It's like she's having some kind of stockholm syndrome with this guy.

 

She told me that she would be extremely pissed at me if I confront him but I'm really close to doing it. I was just thinking about what happened and I'm madder than I've ever been. I just want to yell at him "---- has enough problems in her life; she doesn't need to add a rapist to that list!". It's so infuriating that someone could be so cruel and just get away with it, especially in the eyes of the victim.

 

 

 

hold up a minute now. you dont know if he is a rapist. what did her mom say? is she gonna handle it?. dont do anything stupid. ive said this from the beginning, and i dont think this rape occured. so by you confronting him, you will basically tell him that she told you he raped her. then she can get in trouble. let her mom talk to her.

[card]

hold up a minute now. you dont know if he is a rapist. what did her mom say? is she gonna handle it?. dont do anything stupid. ive said this from the beginning, and i dont think this rape occured. so by you confronting him, you will basically tell him that she told you he raped her. then she can get in trouble. let her mom talk to her.

 

Believe me, I know this happened. Her mom was very brief to me after I told her and pretty much just said she's keeping an eye on her.

 

I'm just really, really angry at him and her. Mostly him but the ways she's acting about this is so frustrating. I probably won't talk to him but I really want to.

[meghann8]

Believe me, I know this happened. Her mom was very brief to me after I told her and pretty much just said she's keeping an eye on her.

 

I'm just really, really angry at him and her. Mostly him but the ways she's acting about this is so frustrating. I probably won't talk to him but I really want to.

 

 

Okay first, the only reason why I stated "statutory rape" was because a 19 year old is an adult and a 15 year old is a minor. In the US, if an adult has sex with a minor, under any circumstances, the adult is a rapist.

 

The mom's response was 'I'm keeping an eye on her'!? wtf! That's not a normal response...

 

I hear you on the boiling over anger and frustration, but you have to maintain a level head. Don't confront this guy. He's already capable of manipulation and taking advantage of other people. Dangerous waters. This can cause even more troubles for the girl.

 

I say you yourself talk to a professional about this. This girl already has a lot on her plate and has her messed up reasons why she doesn't want to turn this guy in. As far as I can tell, the mother isn't taking action. If you really want to get this guy now, walk into police station and tell them what happened.

[chados]

No you don't know, first you do then you're doubting and now you know again. Her momes response sounded like this happened before. The guy tells her he likes her, really now? Either she's lying or he wants her again. That doesn't matter. What matter is that no rapist with the attention of violate a woman would tell her he liked her a day later if they don't live in the same house.. She wouldn't be talking to him in this way. They both would run. She's obviously not scared of him. She doesn't take it serious. All she does is making accusations , and adding parts to the story, whatever he did wrong, maybe he came in to her after telling her he didn't want her. I don't know. But this is not the sound of a scared raped woman.

 

 

And realize that I you're wrong, you're defending a girl that's pretty much been cheating on you. She obviously wanted him too. Let her mom handle it.

[card]

I think if she were lying she would at least try to fake being scared. My guess is that she doesn't realize how wrong of a thing rape is, or maybe she does and her mind is kind of messed up from a lot of other things that have happened in her life (it's been pretty messed up).

 

As for her mom's response, I guess apathy runs in the family.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I think if she were lying she would at least try to fake being scared. My guess is that she doesn't realize how wrong of a thing rape is, or maybe she does and her mind is kind of messed up from a lot of other things that have happened in her life (it's been pretty messed up).

As for her mom's response, I guess apathy runs in the family.

 

Card, she is nuts. Stay away from her! This girl is serious bad news, just let her live her life and move on. You can't make her uncrazy. I know girls like this... The drama is constant and they make your life hell.

 

Whatever her issue with this guy... She hasn't been shy about it and she clearly has no interest in pressing charges. That's end of story. Walk away before you get drug into more drama.

[chados]

Don't fool yourself, fake being scared? I've seen girls do this before. Some didn't even make a grin. Do you know why these people don't press charges? It's because they know they are lying. They don't want them to be in prison, they know that they are gonna be in trouble if the police realize she's lying. I don't blame you for is taking it seriously. But you cannot really just have changed your mind and believe there's nothing wrong with this story?

[card]

I'm just not going to make any decision as to if it's real or not. I think I'll let her sort the rest of this out herself. Sure, there are a lot of problems with her story...But honestly, this is going to sound naive here but I trust her. Maybe it's time to just step back, no matter if it's true or not.

[chados]

no i understand that. but like the above poster said. stay away from this girl. you might believe her, and then im talking not just about this but in general. i know i keep bringing it up but youre 16. maybe you havent seen that much crazy things in life. ive seen one of my best friends get accused. the girl who accused was close to me. my instinct kicked in. i felt like this is nothing my friend would do. and hes not a dangerous person in any way. probably the nicest guy on this planet. but of course i listened to her. she was trying to convince me when she was drunk.

 

i asked her about it. the only thing she told me was that she was sleeping. anyways my friend told her that he was gonna call the cops and tell them that she was spreading rumours about him being a rapist. then she took it back. she didnt show any emotions what so ever. and they are still friends on facebook. she still talks to me, the guy that supposedly didnt believe her when she needed it the most.

 

she even said to me once. theres always been something special about you. now that you dont say to someone that was defending her rapist. but of course it didnt happen.

[card]

Jeez, that's a sucky thing to happen between two of your friends. Sorry you had to endure that.

 

But...Yeah. I think I'm going to go NC with this girl.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Jeez, that's a sucky thing to happen between two of your friends. Sorry you had to endure that.

But...Yeah. I think I'm going to go NC with this girl.

 

Some crazy girls are good in bed, but this one is too much drama. Next time it could be you who is getting called a rapist. That could ruin your life!