My ex-girlfriend was just raped

[MCGar]

Please stop responding to her texts.

 

Wish her well in her relationship and hope that she has a happy and fulfilling life and just block her.

 

From what I gather you are a very giving guy. But you are bordering on 'knight in shining armour' syndrome. At first that sounds like a positive but it's not. It means you have a big tendency to co-dependency and you'll be attracted to and invest in drama of those that will only use you.

 

If you are at ALL invested in attracting a normal girl that isn't trying to use you to fill up her drama tank then you need to step away.

 

If she's all upset that you blocked her, then LET HER BE UPSET.

"I'm sorry you feel that way but I'm trying to move on."

So what that she's upset? Maybe it will give her pause to look at her choices (but probably not).

But sure as tootin' you will not 'nice' her into self-awareness.

 

She wants your attention. That's all.

 

Focus on yourself, your studies, and your own friends. Real friends that don't try to pull you into drama or use you.

 

If a girl acts 'crazy' or like a 'drama llama' just go on to the next one. You aren't going to fix her.

 

As an older female who is starting to see divorces in my circle of friends. 'Giving' people attract 'Selfish' people. You need to be 'Selfish' in order to attract a Giver. Not crazy selfish but selfish enough to not take crap from people and want to smooth things out for them. Don't do that.

 

Believe me, the right kind of female is attracted to the guy that doesn't entertain crap form anyone.

[card]

That's some really solid advice, thank you. I need to focus on giving to myself. I was talking to a friend the other day (she's the other girl who was molested by the guy) and she asked me something about my ex and brought up how my ex is manipulative and dramatic. I never talked about my ex with her so she wasn't just saying it to be agreeable. This really opened my eyes and made me say "oh yeah, she kind of really is" since it's from a person who used to be my Ex's best friend. I also kind of put together that my ex is way too forgiving in a relationship. This friend I was talking to was once asked by an ex of my ex to give him nudes. She refused of course, and told my ex what had happened. My ex acknowledged that she has been sort of cheated on but continued to date the guy and now hates this friend. I think my ex wants to pretend that she's safe and in a perfect relationship at all times,

[chados]

She's young and stupid nothing more. She's feel like she has to prove to herself and her boyfriend that she's above her friends. Meaning she takes a guys side instead of her friend because she's jealous of her friend who got the attention. She'll grow out of it.

 

You think perhaps this girl that talks to you is interested in you? Don't understand why she would tell you stuff randomly like this.

[card]

She's pretty flirty and friendly, but she's told me in the past that she doesn't want to date (I didn't ask her out or anything, it just kind of came up). I'm okay with that though, she makes a good friend and it would be kind of weird dating her.

 

I like to think that I'm not young and stupid but I think one goes with the other. Hopefully I can find someone who isn't so dramatic.

Edited March 30, 2014 by card

[chados]

You're young and don't have that much life experience. If she made you a little bit stupid I can just tell you that's why most people are on this site. Bad relationships and stupid decisions. We choose a path not always because we believe it but because we want to believe that it works. We don't listen and make the mistakes and were back asking for advice. I think your gut tells you to stay away from her but your brain has been telling you to stick around. That's not stupidity that's just a way of learning in life. You seem to understand this by now and hopefully you do the right thing.

[card]

I hope so. The hardest part right now is just seeing her face somewhere. Even with her blocked on every social media site she manages to pop up and it kills me. I'll probably get over it. I'm already focusing on another girl I like and if things go well this could be just what I need to help myself. Thankfully I now have absolutely no reason to talk to my ex (I used to be the VP of this club my ex started to try and get closer to me... She resigned last night because she "keeps ****ing everything up" even though she isn't, really. She did say that she's "started to let her life go". That kind of worries me but it's not my problem anymore.)

 

Thanks a ton to everyone who's helped me. Big shout out to chados for being here the whole time even if I don't agree with some of his posts.

[chados]

You just need to get over her and not feel that it was your loss, that time will come. Keep us updated

[card]

Everything has been going pretty well. I've decided to post today because something happened. She texted me today (I believe I've said it before but I can't block her on that because we need to talk regarding this club she holed me into) and said that she's been thinking about me. She asked me if I missed her and I said "I get that we're not a good fit but it's fun being around you and sometimes I do miss that. I've missed you in other ways too but I spent a lot of time getting over that feeling." She wasn't satisfied and said that it hurts how I don't miss her romantically or sexually. Hmm. I'm fine that she isn't satisfied; I don't want to make her think that I'm still interested. She's still dating this guy, btw.

 

To be honest it feels good to be thought of like that. I'm glad she told me but I'm hoping this doesn't make me uncover some feelings for her. I don't think it will, though.

[card]

I added her again on FB because I thought I was completely over her. Maybe so, but... It just made me a little sad to see her relationship status and cutesy photographs with her boyfriend. It's comforting to know that she misses me. I still wouldn't be in a relationship with her even if I had the option but I'm reminded of memories we shared. I long for that feeling again but with someone else. I think I'm just lonely.

[chados]

Lovely and sad is a part of life we have to live with. I understand that you're getting happy when she tells you this but she's still with this guy and I think adding her is gonna make you look very desperate after your conversation. And I'm not saying that because it might be harder getting her back. I'm saying that because you can get the feeling that you want her back when you speak to much with her. And that might lead to your healing process taking much longer time.

 

She's in a relationship. She dumped you. I mean is it really worth the struggle? I think if any you can feel happy that even with this guy she's still thinking about you. Use that to your advantage and don't look at her Facebook. Trust me if it's meant to be she will contact you. And even if I think most people will advice you not to go back. Nobody is gonna stop you.

[chados]

It was gonna say lonely. Can't edit it

[card]

Yeah... I'm not planning on contacting her anymore. I don't think adding her will make me look desperate since I could just text here and say "wait no I really do miss you and I want you back" but obviously I won't. I'm going to try and let our relationship stagnate at this point. She didn't dump me, btw.

[turnera]

She wasn't satisfied and said that it hurts how I don't miss her romantically or sexually. Hmm. I'm fine that she isn't satisfied;

Good. It's not your problem and not your job to make any other human being feel good about themselves.

[card]

Thank you. I think I've been too caring of her feelings when we've talked in the past to the point where my message just becomes some kind of intricate compliment.

[chados]

Yeah... I'm not planning on contacting her anymore. I don't think adding her will make me look desperate since I could just text here and say "wait no I really do miss you and I want you back" but obviously I won't. I'm going to try and let our relationship stagnate at this point. She didn't dump me, btw.

 

Well I mean you do that after she tells you all that. It's not the end of the world but I do think you should listen here. She never told you she wanted you back, she told you she missed you. And we already figures out that she loves the attention. So without going any deeper in to this. Just don't fall in to any trap..

 

About she not dumping you. Do you think her mom ended it and she had nothing to do with it?. Even if she did. You don't think that jumping to the next guy is a sign that she let you go? Even if she wants you back at one point? This is why I'm afraid you will do something bad. You're not over it yet and won't accept that she in one way or the other left you and jumped straight to another guy.

[card]

Her mom was against our relationship from the start. After her mom broke us up she contacted me multiple times over a few weeks saying stuff like "I need you" or whatever. Unless she decided to plan an overly complicated way of letting me down easy I don't see how she could have let me go. She didn't even know this other guy until about a month after we split.

 

And I now think that you're right about how adding her might have made me look a little "desperate". I haven't spoken a word to her since she contacted me, so there's a start. I'm not giving her any of that attention she craves.

Edited April 14, 2014 by card

[chados]

Yeah I see what you're saying. And after reading all this I have no doubts in my mind that this girl could turn 180 and miss you. Yet again attention from her part. Wether that's the case I don't know. But it's to me strange how a mom can be against it. And let her date a 19 year old if nothing happened in your relationship. I don't think she's comfortable with this guy neither with herself. I think it's a thing she has to grow out of. You do see that the more you stay away the more she seems to want you back together?

[Trapito]

Card, I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

Whether she was or wasn't raped: You need to stay away from her, as far as possible. This girl is nothing but trouble and drama.

 

She wants your attention and wants to get a rise/reaction.

 

Who would send an ex (that is still caring and probably mourning the loss of the relationship) pictures of her sleeping boyfriend? For ****s sake! Stay away, she is trying to hurt you. Sending that he brought her doughnuts and later telling you that he wants a bj. Bat**** crazy..

 

Block her, block her every where you can. You can NOT save her. She doesn't WANT to be saved. She wants an ego boost. Every time you react, it is an ego boost for her. Don't give her that boost. Run as fast as you can.

[card]

Thanks for the replies. Both of you offer valuable advice.

 

Apparently he just broke up with her. Maybe he was smarter than I?

[chados]

Maybe that's why she said what she did? She either knew the relationship wouldn't last or he already broke up with her. So now she's looking for the guy that's been there for her. Don't fall for it.

 

You feel any better about the situation after this happened?

[card]

I don't think she planned on it ending (and it was still going on when she contacted me because I asked if they were still together) because she hasn't talked to me since. I know I shouldn't talk to her but I kind of wanted to see her reaction when I acknowledged their breakup and stuff. It's kind of funny- I used one of my favorite lines one of you told me on here: "Don't think of this as a loss".

 

I don't really feel anything, which I think is good. A little happy for her, maybe, but it didn't really change how I felt about anything.

Edited April 17, 2014 by card

[card]

Hmm... She contacted me on facebook today. We just had a fun conversation. She jokingly said "suck my peepee" at one point and then went on a tangent about how "oops that's awkward, I forgot we used to do that". It wouldn't have been that awkward if she hadn't brought it up so I only assume she wanted my reaction or something. She actually said "sorry for being a controlling bitch in our relationship" at one point. I said something like "it's okay, I only wanted to make you happy".

 

Also, she's back together with the guy for whatever reason and said stuff like "today he held my hand and was all over me and I LOVED IT OMG" so I guess she's trying to make me jealous. I'm not jealous but I'm kind of sad now. I don't really know why, either. I don't miss her and I don't love her but hearing that just strikes something inside of me. I think maybe it's because she reacted the same way when we were together at times, getting really lovey and saying things like "I feel so close to you".

Edited April 19, 2014 by card

[Trapito]

Stop talking to her! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

[chados]

She wants everyone to be there for her. So whenever he's not she's gonna come to you and vice Versa. You're sad cause she's with another guy more then you are that you're not together. It's how we work. The more attention you give her the harder it's gonna be for you to get over her. Now you've been rejected again. And instead of letting her know you're out of the picture she's gonna come back and hurt you. Even if you say no I was never rejected. Even if she didn't say she didn't want you and it was her mom who made her break up. She's together with someone else. That is rejection in some way and you must accept it.

[card]

Stop talking to her! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

 

This seems like the best course of action but it's so hard... She's been pretty friendly and nice recently, I guess. I don't want to ignore her. I know how naive this sounds.

 

She wants everyone to be there for her. So whenever he's not she's gonna come to you and vice Versa. You're sad cause she's with another guy more then you are that you're not together. It's how we work. The more attention you give her the harder it's gonna be for you to get over her. Now you've been rejected again. And instead of letting her know you're out of the picture she's gonna come back and hurt you. Even if you say no I was never rejected. Even if she didn't say she didn't want you and it was her mom who made her break up. She's together with someone else. That is rejection in some way and you must accept it.

 

Okay, maybe it is some kind of rejection. I don't really mind anymore because I've also accepted that I'm better off without her. I'm building up the courage to ask this other girl out and if things go well that's exactly what I need to stop getting upset every time I see her.