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Is he punishing me? [with no contact updates]


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It would be awesome to have a life fast forward button during these periods.

 

The missing thing will get worse before it gets better. Hang in there.

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I am so weak! Woke up this morning expecting a text message from him. Yet no message I got so upset! and tonight, Ive been busy trying to get my mind of it, yet it seems like I'm constantly in a day dream. I wrote out this email to send him, but he has a new girlfriend he hasn't spoke to me in 9 days, surely if i was important he would of spoke to me or at least tried. I can't stand this!!! but I have just got home and came straight on here.

 

all this self pity :( But i miss him!!! so much :( I feel like i love someone so much who doesn't love me anymore.

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Its about 23 days to be exact :( but he went to austria snowboarding with a bunch of mates when we where trying to figure it out…. Turns out the new gf is one of the girls he went on holiday with…. kills me!

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First I am sorry you are going through this! And you did right by coming here and not sending the letter.

 

Secondly, he was probably cheating! Sorry to be blunt, however this could be a rebound relationship which usually does not last! So you need to pull yourself together and move on! Because the trust between you two is broken! Next prepare yourself for IF he tries to come back after the HIGHS of the rebound wear-off!! You are strong and you can get through this!

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Well done for not contacting, you're stronger than most!

He's obviously moved on quickly, just goes to show he was probably being unfaithful to you and didn't put much effort into your relationship.

Keep no contact and allow yourself to heal. He may try and come back , he may well not. But it doesn't matter anymore , he's made his choice! You're priority should be you! And your mind. Busy yourself with better things. I know it's easier said than done but it will easier, you'll have your setbacks but with NC and by looking after your self ......you'll think about him less and less xxxx hugs xxxx

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I am really sorry for your pain. My ex isn't dating somebody as far as I know...but it would hurt very deeply if I knew she was. I know your pain is very real... and I hope it passes quickly. I broke NC today with a long letter pouring my heart and emotions out. Its possibly the longest email I've ever written in my life to somebody and it was over the course of 2 days I wrote it. Sending it gave me no relief.... because its not going to change her heart.

 

Sadly that would be the case for your ex too. I'd recommend guarding your heart and keep being strong. Perhaps I'll listen to my own advice soon enough :)

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I'm so sorry this happened! They usually say that when the ex dates someone super fast its to fill the void. Also rebound relationships are proven to end very quickly. No worries dear I know it is so hard to move past this no contact is the hardest part. Trust me you will feel better eventually. It is perfectly normal for you to still love him move on at your own pace.

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okay, I might of tried to ring him…. WHY DO WE DO THESE THINGS??!

 

i feel crazy, he has my number blocked I don't even know why I tried to ring.

 

I have blocked him off everything…. and his friends…. all of them now.

 

this is causing me more pain then its worth!!

silly feelings!

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Take that as a lesson learned!! Now the good in this is that you know he has you blocked and he is for real!

 

You are probably racking your brain right now! STOP!!

 

Let things calm down!! Emotions are VERY HIGH right now for the both of you, and will take time (weeks or months depending on the intesity of the relationship) to cool!!

 

You have to find an outlet for when you want to punch in his number!! Come on here when you get the urge!! Find two or three designated friends that you can text when you get the urge...

 

You have to leave him alone..

 

REMEMBER CONFIDENCE IS BEAUTIFUL!! and you have to build that back up in yourself, each day you do NC you are building that back up!

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This is the longest we have gone without talking for about a year, we have been apart a month now! He has a new misses. I have good and I have bad days and today was a good day so far. Ive concentrated more on myself… Lost over a stone!!

 

However today I went over my sisters who brought everything up about how we are both doing etc etc … and she said hey at least you look amazing! And then she showed me a recent picture of him.. it did hurt but seriously he looked terrible! Drunk and out of his face! ( i do feel mean for saying it ) but good riddance!

 

 

i don't want a uncontrollable man in my life!!!

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That is awesome Lauren!!! Good for you!! You are getting stronger by the day. I can't wait for my day to begin to be stronger. I'm getting there..

 

But I am very happy for you

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Lauren is that your pic in your avatar?

assuming it is.. your very attractive so dont fret! You have options and its his loss

 

Aww, It is me! that's lovely of you to say :) :)

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Good riddance! Your ex sounds like a complete a hole I'm on day 2 (broke NC Friday) and wish I never broke it BC it just made me feel ten times worse and now I have to start over. Stay strong you deserve and will get a guy much better.

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Good riddance! Your ex sounds like a complete a hole I'm on day 2 (broke NC Friday) and wish I never broke it BC it just made me feel ten times worse and now I have to start over. Stay strong you deserve and will get a guy much better.

 

 

Believe me, before this time I did break No contact like three times, Tried to fight for him tried everything I possibly could.

 

He was pretty sure it was final, even thou we where trying to fix things he just ran. I think its because he has a new misses.. I have lost all hope.

 

I think before one thing i kept king was hoping that one day he would turn up at my door and want me back, but now someone else is involved.

 

I know it could not possibly happen, sad to say!

 

:( I think before I didn't want to face up to the facts, and I was blaming myself because he was blaming me saying this is all my fault.. he will always love the girl i could of been…

 

And you know what he was mean!!

 

we don't need men like that in our life!!!

 

 

xxx

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I'm sorry you're in such pain, OP. I think many of us can identify with your experience and your feelings.

 

Think of it this way: your ex very obviously has some problems with emotional intimacy, maturity, honesty and jealousy. He also is very manipulative and emotionally abusive. The break-up was clearly his fault and yet he's trying to put you down and blame you. He's doing what he's likely always done - crushing your self-esteem so you believe you've caused the problems, thus giving him a free pass to behave how he wants. (This is the logic of the pea-brained, such as him.) Don't buy it!! Don't give him the power to change how you view yourself.

 

He was toxic to you. It hurts now because you're craving that validation from him, that little speck of something to show that you're still worth it. That's how emotional abusers play their game. That creates very unhealthy co-dependency. You're probably no longer in love with him, but are still seeking his approval because that's all he was giving you for so long. He wasn't giving you the support and care you deserve. Let him dump his toxic emotional garbage in some other girl's backyard! You know very well it's only a matter of time before he starts stomping all over her self-worth and value too - and only a matter of time before you find someone else who is far, far more worthy of your time!!

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I'm sorry you're in such pain, OP. I think many of us can identify with your experience and your feelings.

 

Think of it this way: your ex very obviously has some problems with emotional intimacy, maturity, honesty and jealousy. He also is very manipulative and emotionally abusive. The break-up was clearly his fault and yet he's trying to put you down and blame you. He's doing what he's likely always done - crushing your self-esteem so you believe you've caused the problems, thus giving him a free pass to behave how he wants. (This is the logic of the pea-brained, such as him.) Don't buy it!! Don't give him the power to change how you view yourself.

 

He was toxic to you. It hurts now because you're craving that validation from him, that little speck of something to show that you're still worth it. That's how emotional abusers play their game. That creates very unhealthy co-dependency. You're probably no longer in love with him, but are still seeking his approval because that's all he was giving you for so long. He wasn't giving you the support and care you deserve. Let him dump his toxic emotional garbage in some other girl's backyard! You know very well it's only a matter of time before he starts stomping all over her self-worth and value too - and only a matter of time before you find someone else who is far, far more worthy of your time!!

 

 

You described him so well. I just am at that point where I am thinking about the bad bits.. Like When I couldn't find his car he went ape sh** at me!

 

Just horrible stuff, Even when I was with him. I knew we where too different! We hung around with different people who would never get along. I think one thing that brought up together was the fact we had history. I guess, if it wasn't for that maybe we would never of got together.

 

 

Its strange, I miss him like crazy I know feelings don't just disappear. But I also so angry with him!!! Angry that he is making this out to be my fault! and ignoring me!! when this was just him!!!:(

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So as part of this improved me, with the weight watchers etc etc. I have written a bucket list to kick start my life!

 

Which I might add was the best idea ever!

 

Anyway yesterday I went to a comedy show and saw this guy rob beckett.. guy from celeb juice..If you're english.. anyway..

 

Met the guy after the show lovely bloke and took a picture with him… And changed it to my profile picture! I looked nice whats the harm!

 

 

And then the ex messages

 

' see you have a new man already..

 

I ignored him..

 

Who is he then? the picture looks like your at yours. You look comfy.

 

Okay!!! I am annoyed.. I don't want him messaging me.. It took ages for me to stop looking at my phone every ten bloody seconds. How does he have the cheek?!?!?!? Nothing and then that! Plus he is with someone!! what is the problem?!?!?! And it isn't even at mine!

 

why oh why???

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So he's still keeping watch on you because he wants to keep you broiling on the back burner where he can control you. He doesn't like the idea you might be getting away. He's yanking your chain my friend. Do not rise to it. Stick two mental fingers up and rejoice that you are strong enough to walk away. Can you block him from your phone?

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