barbossa Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Did you get your high school/ college crush? The one(s) you want Don't want you ... The one(s) you don't wan't -they want you they are in a relationship... you are single. You are in a relationship... they are single The one you want on OLD ignores you... they are out of your league... people move away, social circles, work, life's problems, etc etc 1) Screech never got lisa turtle... (friends zone) 2) milhouse can't get lisa (friends zone) 3) Steve urkel loves lisa but lisa friends zoned him 4) Newman could never get Elaine benes (yes almost all my examples involve lisa) Have you Ever/Always got the exact person you wanted to date, when you wanted to date them? Why can't people end up with the one they want? ( why is it so rare that it does happen) Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 i've never gotten anybody. forget the ones i want. i couldn't even get the women with most issues. women always chose someone else. You hate women anyway so why do you care? Link to post Share on other sites
Guitarisgood Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Naaahhhh no such thing as 'the one' crap. It's just fairytale fed fluff that people who are smooth enough can use to woo other people. You have to realise that are millions of girls (or guys) out their that you are compatible with and in many different ways. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TB Rhine Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Urkel totally got LAURA, man, and Newman and Elaine weren't even friends. I think people who have success with the opposite sex are the ones who just go for it - they don't sit around idealizing someone they barely know, crushing on the girl sitting next to them in English class, etc. The very fact that you accord the other person that kind of status will very much work against your ability to "get" with them - hence they remain the pedastaled, idealized figure that you worship from afar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I didn't know my wife until about ten years ago but when I envisioned the kind of woman I wanted she fits all the criteria. Link to post Share on other sites
Scales Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Urkel totally got LAURA, man, and Newman and Elaine weren't even friends. I think people who have success with the opposite sex are the ones who just go for it - they don't sit around idealizing someone they barely know, crushing on the girl sitting next to them in English class, etc. The very fact that you accord the other person that kind of status will very much work against your ability to "get" with them - hence they remain the pedastaled, idealized figure that you worship from afar. Right on the nose. Ever think the reason you don't get the one you want is because ...well... you want them. The investment you make in them is clearly unmatched. It gives the impression that they are better than you and have control over you which technically they do. Its not attractive to most people, specifically girls, to melt all over for them. Equality in investment must be had for attraction. Currently we are in a dating meta of who can care the least which is pretty awful actually. Then there are those crazy cases i hear about where the guy asks one girl out for like 4 months and she finally says yes and they date. I still find that situation fascinating and confusing to me. I still don't have a solid answer for that one. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I got the one I wanted. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Right on the nose. Ever think the reason you don't get the one you want is because ...well... you want them. The investment you make in them is clearly unmatched. It gives the impression that they are better than you and have control over you which technically they do. Its not attractive to most people, specifically girls, to melt all over for them. Equality in investment must be had for attraction. Currently we are in a dating meta of who can care the least which is pretty awful actually. Then there are those crazy cases i hear about where the guy asks one girl out for like 4 months and she finally says yes and they date. I still find that situation fascinating and confusing to me. I still don't have a solid answer for that one. Some people also have perpetual want what you can't have syndrome as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Did you really just quote a whole bunch of TV series characters as 'proof' that 'people never get the one they want'? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I usually get them, for a limited time. My first "the one" I dated for 2 years, and my second was a little under a year. The girl I liked in high school started hitting on and messaging me when I ran into her in my early 20's but I didn't take her up on it. So it does happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Right on the nose. Ever think the reason you don't get the one you want is because ...well... you want them. The investment you make in them is clearly unmatched. It gives the impression that they are better than you and have control over you which technically they do. Its not attractive to most people, specifically girls, to melt all over for them. Equality in investment must be had for attraction. Currently we are in a dating meta of who can care the least which is pretty awful actually. Then there are those crazy cases i hear about where the guy asks one girl out for like 4 months and she finally says yes and they date. I still find that situation fascinating and confusing to me. I still don't have a solid answer for that one. the guy I am currently dating asked me out for 2 years. no joke. I said no in every possible way and he kept trying and trying and never gave up. he tried every 2 weeks or so for 2 years. he said I was blind to the compatibility we had and eventually I would wake up and see him for the great guy he was. he was/is not my type at all (looks) but he is one hell of a guy and the fact he likes me THAT much - it's flattering for any woman to have a guy pursue her to that extent. it's crazy, yeah, but I know he doesn't give up easily and I know I'm his dream girl, for now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 the guy I am currently dating asked me out for 2 years. no joke. I said no in every possible way and he kept trying and trying and never gave up. he tried every 2 weeks or so for 2 years. he said I was blind to the compatibility we had and eventually I would wake up and see him for the great guy he was. he was/is not my type at all (looks) but he is one hell of a guy and the fact he likes me THAT much - it's flattering for any woman to have a guy pursue her to that extent. it's crazy, yeah, but I know he doesn't give up easily and I know I'm his dream girl, for now. I hate to say this but it sounds like one day you might break this guy's heart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Yes! Married him! Still my great love story, 20+ years later. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I hate to say this but it sounds like one day you might break this guy's heart. agree. or, at least when someone does this - puts you on a pedestal - they give you that power. which is why you really shouldn't pursue someone so vigorously and think that any one person is 'the one.' it could also happen that the image of me is far greater than the reality, so i feel a burden too - to live up to some 'ideal' he has/had. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 the guy I am currently dating asked me out for 2 years. no joke. I said no in every possible way and he kept trying and trying and never gave up. he tried every 2 weeks or so for 2 years. he said I was blind to the compatibility we had and eventually I would wake up and see him for the great guy he was. he was/is not my type at all (looks) but he is one hell of a guy and the fact he likes me THAT much - it's flattering for any woman to have a guy pursue her to that extent. it's crazy, yeah, but I know he doesn't give up easily and I know I'm his dream girl, for now. This won't end well for him. You sound like you just got fed up with dating and settled. As for OP's question, I did get men I really wanted but it never lasted, not even a LTR. Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflying Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I have gotten my "the one" a few times. But the reality never matched my fantasy of them. If you have a crush on someone who is accessible and available you should let them know. If their feelings are not reciprocated, then you should respect that and forget about them. I have known people who have pursued a person that rejected them. If the pursuit lasts long enough, the one being chased might eventually give in. But these kind of relationships have the potential for being one sided. The pursuer remains in constant pursuit in order to keep "the one." I would never want to be with a person I had to beg or force to love me. If someone isn't as interested in you as you are in them, then they are not the one. When a person leaves you for someone else, this person is not the one. The one can be whoever you want it to be. Just make it a person who loves you as much as you love them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TB Rhine Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 the guy I am currently dating asked me out for 2 years. no joke. I said no in every possible way and he kept trying and trying and never gave up. he tried every 2 weeks or so for 2 years. he said I was blind to the compatibility we had and eventually I would wake up and see him for the great guy he was. he was/is not my type at all (looks) but he is one hell of a guy and the fact he likes me THAT much - it's flattering for any woman to have a guy pursue her to that extent. it's crazy, yeah, but I know he doesn't give up easily and I know I'm his dream girl, for now. Man, this guy's going to get taken for a ride. And, worse yet, some poor Nice Guy saps are gonna read this and think years (and years) of persistence in the face of continual rejection will eventually get them the girl, rather than a restraining order. I'm genuinely curious - how did you NOT tell this guy to get lost, in no uncertain terms, at some point? If you put him off for two years you can't possibly have been interested in him, or even conflicted - so what separates this guy from one that you would've gone to HR about after the first month? Women fascinate me. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Man, this guy's going to get taken for a ride. And, worse yet, some poor Nice Guy saps are gonna read this and think years (and years) of persistence in the face of continual rejection will eventually get them the girl, rather than a restraining order. I'm genuinely curious - how did you NOT tell this guy to get lost, in no uncertain terms, at some point? If you put him off for two years you can't possibly have been interested in him, or even conflicted - so what separates this guy from one that you would've gone to HR about after the first month? Women fascinate me. I cringe even thinking about how this guy's heart will get shredded. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Did you get your high school/ college crush? Sure did Not with any great ease though, she was "the one I wanted" since I was 15 years old, didn't get there till over 4 years later!! Link to post Share on other sites
MixedUpChick Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I usually get them, for a limited time. My first "the one" I dated for 2 years, and my second was a little under a year. The girl I liked in high school started hitting on and messaging me when I ran into her in my early 20's but I didn't take her up on it. So it does happen. I have gotten my "the one" a few times. But the reality never matched my fantasy of them. Hey wait a sec... I've never been great at math but... if you can have more than one of "the one"s... how can we call them "the one"? Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 i don't want my 'dream girl' because hoefully they will be far more wonderful than anything i have dreamed of. i don't want the 'perfect' girl i want the 'right' girl for me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NYC-BigKat Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Did you get your high school/ college crush? The one(s) you want Don't want you ... The one(s) you don't wan't -they want you they are in a relationship... you are single. You are in a relationship... they are single The one you want on OLD ignores you... they are out of your league... people move away, social circles, work, life's problems, etc etc 1) Screech never got lisa turtle... (friends zone) 2) milhouse can't get lisa (friends zone) 3) Steve urkel loves lisa but lisa friends zoned him 4) Newman could never get Elaine benes (yes almost all my examples involve lisa) Have you Ever/Always got the exact person you wanted to date, when you wanted to date them? Why can't people end up with the one they want? ( why is it so rare that it does happen) Nope! I never get the girl I always wanted & it sucks but I cant do nothing about it u know, just gotta keep on trying I guess . Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 I have yet to meet a woman I want so badly enough that I would do some chasing for. *sigh* So, no, I have yet to meet a woman I would consider "the one". My best options is currently overseas and I don't even know if they even exist. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 the guy I am currently dating asked me out for 2 years. no joke. I said no in every possible way and he kept trying and trying and never gave up. he tried every 2 weeks or so for 2 years. he said I was blind to the compatibility we had and eventually I would wake up and see him for the great guy he was. he was/is not my type at all (looks) but he is one hell of a guy and the fact he likes me THAT much - it's flattering for any woman to have a guy pursue her to that extent. it's crazy, yeah, but I know he doesn't give up easily and I know I'm his dream girl, for now. hmm. My friend with benefit guy fell very in love with me. I was his dream girl for that moment. I still didn't take him up on the offer because I wasn't feeling chemistry; it is what separates a friend from a LOVER... Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 I cringe even thinking about how this guy's heart will get shredded. Yep. But understandably, she may have wanted to start a family/settle down, and the men she felt a romantic spark for just weren't that into her. There is nothing inherently wrong with picking a partner based on how well they treat you and how much you enjoy being around them and all that other "sensible" stuff. If a woman cannot get the men she feels passionate about, it is little wonder they decide to go for the guy who are their best friends and who will treat them well AND are crazy about these women. I can't fault this poster for what she is doing. If every person you ever felt good "chemistry" and "sparks" with treated you badly or the relationship never lasted, can you blame women who choose the "go out with my best friend" route? Carrie T on here developed her own chemistry with a man because he was by far, the best man for her. So far I have not dated men who I didn't feel passionate about, due to my age and the range of options I think I still have. I will give up on chemistry and sparks and the "falling head over heels" crap once it proves to never be a lasting thing. I mean, at worst, it took me a few dates to feel like kissing a guy. I just wasn't feeling it with him to begin with in a romantic sense. He didn't excite me. He didn't make me want to kiss him. I didn't get excited about kissing him; the thought of it did nothing for me. After a few dates, however, I felt "enough" for him to learn to enjoy kissing him. I was sort of in that position with the FWB who fell in love with me. He was cute looking, I was attracted to him, however, I simply did NOT want to kiss him. I need to have romantic feelings for men in order to have a DRIVE to kiss them. I would let this FWB touch me and bring me to orgasm; I didn't want to kiss him whilst he did it. Where as with the currant boyfriend, I want to kiss him as much as he will allow me to when we have sex or fool around. I was 26 at the time I met "s" lets call him. He fell really in love with me and he was totally wonderful to me. I mean, you couldn't have gotten a guy who was MORE crazy about me and who did MORE nice things for me. He would have made the perfect husband.... literally. Funny,. great job, didn't necessarily want kids at all (much like myself), spoilt me, a huge dog lover like me... It was lovely to have a guy who was head over heels for me. After all, I don't think I am the type of girl who is beautiful enough to have a guy fawn over me, so I felt like I got to experience what it is like for beautiful women to meet men who feel so much must and passion for them due to their looks. As flattering as it was to have a guy totally besotted by me, I just didn't want to settle for a guy who I only had "platonic" feelings for. He was cute, I was attracted to him adequately! It had nothing to do with him not being good looking enough... I totally understand why this girl has chosen to date this man. Even though it is not my style. Link to post Share on other sites
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