I was cheated on for 4 months. He's now left me for the other girl. I can't move on

[Sjdunn1990]

My partner of 8 years dumped me. I then found out the next day he had been cheating on me for 4 months. I had no idea. He is now with the girl which he managed to get pregnant whilst I was still with him.

 

Although I stopped contact with the guy quiet quickly and he deleted his FB ect which was a good thing cus I was unable to cyber stalk him I found out who the girl was. The girl has an open FB page and I can't stop myself stalking her. When ever I see she is happy or they've been together it's like a punch in the gut. I don't. I don't no how to move on. I no I shouldn't look and it's hurting me to do it but I can't help it. She found out I had bee. On her page the other day. She found it hilarious and thinks I'm pathetic. I'm just trying to move on and can't. My confidence is shot. My partner always put me last (which I can now see) and 8 years of it turned out to be emotional abuse.

 

Please help me. I hate myself so much and can't see a way out of this dark hole. I'm getting counselling but I'm still on the fricking waiting list. I'm starting to feel suiacidal. I just can't cope and can't cope of thinking he is happy with someone else. I still love him. Please help

[No Limit]

Don't believe in this "grass is greener" nonsense. 4 months isn't nearly enough to get to know each other, I wouldn't be surprised if he left her right before birth.

 

And don't look on her Facebook page. It just gives you the illusion that everything is fine in their world, but that's a lie. All people post how oh so happy they are, of course they do, nobody would ever post "Oh damn I couldn't pay all bills so they're going to clear out our house to get it themselves!" and make themselves look bad.

 

Just forget about him. Focus on yourself, hobbies, hanging out with friends, the gym is also pretty good although I believe men visit it more often than women after a seperation.

[Breaking123]

While you cannot see it now, one day you will realize he did you a favor. You are now free to find a man, and a relationship full of love, happiness, and so many other things that you do not realize were missing from your relationship with the cheater.

 

Your best days are still to come. Suicide does not end the pain today, it robs you of the joy that is to come in the future. Please realize there are people who love you, care about you, and will be there for you.

 

Can you go spend time with friends or family for several days? If so, then I suggest you do that. This isn't a time when you should be alone. You need the support of others.

 

While he is not worthy of your love and affection, there is a man out there who is.

[Keke1]

Get a massage or hit the gym. It's a big stress reliever. Besides he left you so a real man could find you.

[Sjdunn1990]

Thanks guys. I am trying my best to distract myself. All enjoyment has gone out of the things I previously loved. I'm trying to get out and see friends. I'm good at putting a front on and end up counting the time down so I can be on my own again. Although I have got so much support and people are trying to cheer me up, I still don't feel loved or supported. I don't no why. This is what the counselling is for. They think I have some underlying mental health issues and lack confidence and self esteem to the extreme - even prior to this. I also think I used my partner as my comfort blanket/crutch and felt more confident if I had him and I felt comfortable with him. I don't no how to like myself and to get my confidence back. I am going out - I'm not being a hermit, I'm just so shy and scared around people and social situations. I'm good at putting a confident front on but inside I'm scared - even with people I've known for years. I don't think anybody likes me. Again I don't no why as everyone is being so nice and offering to see me ect - I just feel there doing it to be nice. I don't no what's wrong with me

 

I agree he has done me a favour as I can see our relationship was wrong. All though we were best friends and I felt comfortable around him, he shot my confidence even more. It's his friendship I miss and feeling comfortable with somebody which I had never had before, even with my family.

 

I do want to find somebody new who loves me and can support me instead of destroying me. I just don't no how to do it. Where do I look for people? How to I become confident enough to find someone? I don't let people in. I do have really bad depression and have done for 8 years, I'm on antidepressants but it took me so long to speak to my family about it. I told my partner all the time - he just didn't say anything, give advise or support me. Although I could tell him things I could tell no one else, he didn't help me.

 

I am trying to lose weight as my 'new change' thing as I have gone from anorexia to comfort eating and getting very fat over the years. I feel if I loose weight it may help my confidence.

 

I don't no, I feel such a mess

[Space Ritual]

You should not be so hard on yourself.

 

I want you to remember one thing that is so important that even though you may not think so right now later on you will realize it.

 

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!

 

Right now please keep hydrated as possible, and yes as Keke said ht the gym, or get a massage....treat yourself.

 

As corny as it sounds to people in reality the one thing that is always true is TIME....tale plenty for yourself.

 

Look, you have been traumatized and it is perfectly understandable for you to feel like a mess. But you also need to allow yourself to grieve at your own pace. Frankly I would make both of them as insignificant as possible and block this other girl.

 

Also look at it this way....now this other girl will get to smell his farts and look at his skidmarked drawers and that one zit he constantly picks at and that he wipes the pus off on the bathroom mirror. You no longer do.

 

So grieve now but go forward knowing that this bum did you a favor by finally showing you who he is, and you can forever cross your experience with this douchenozzle off of your bucket list

 

I can tell you're crushed (and rightfully so) so I wanted to give you one moment of laughter even if it was a poor attempt.

 

 

One day, hour, or minute at a time that is what can get you through....just know that you WILL survive this:)

[Eivuwan]

If you're on a waiting list, then are there other counseling places you can try that do not have a waiting list?

[ThatGirl213]

Something like your situation happened to me last year. My first and only love so fat, he cheated on me (not the first time) with a teenage girl (My ex and I are 24. She is 16) and then when I found out he was cheating, he broke up with me saying he isn't ready to commit. Few weeks later I found out he is in a relationship with this same girl. That hurt me so much coz I was there thinking he isn't ready and was kinda waiting for him to come back to me. I use to cry a lot. Wherever I went, if something reminded me of him, my eyes would water. My pillows used to be wet every night. There were days I woke up and wished that I had died in my sleep, so I wouldn't have to feel the way I felt. I used to try to contact him all the time. It was like I was missing something and that I lost a part of me. This continued for a few months. My ex and I live in the same apartment buildings. So I couldn't really cut contact.

 

Then I started feeling better. Not all the time. There are times I still feel really sad but those times are much less in number compared to before. My friends were there for my every beck and call. Initially no matter how much they tried to cheer me up, I used to feel unloved but slowly I started gaining my self confidence back. I even got close to another guy who loves me very much. He says he has a crush on since 4 years starting when we met for the first time but he never spoke to me because I had a boyfriend. Slowly I am getting there. I feel happy now. Not all the time but most times. Sometimes I do remember all the time my ex cheated on me (4-5 girls) and how disrespected I use to feel when I was with him and how lonely and unloved I felt. Now I realize how abusive of a relationship I was in for almost 3 years.

 

I had lost a lot of weight in the mean time but now I am gaining it back. My ex realized I am moving on. Now he wants me. He broke up with that girl and told her he loves me. Ever since he saw me getting close to this new guy, he has tried every way to stop it. But me, I am not going to let him destroy my happiness again. I told him I never want to be with him again and we can only be friends. He now calls and texts me all the time. It doesn't matter to me or make me happy or loved anymore coz my feelings for him are not the same anymore. I know my ex is also talking to other girls. He is a manipulator, a liar and a cheater. Took me a while to actually realize the kind of person he is. This new guy (the one mentioned earlier) I am talking to, has told me I can take my time to get over my issues from the past relationship. I feel happy that my ex did what he did or I would have never found this new guy.

 

Remember moving on is very difficult but if you want to and when you ready to, you will move on. The pain will then get less and less and you will be much happier and one day you will thank your ex for leaving you. I thought I will never love or be with anyone other than my ex and look at me now.

 

About you stalking his gf. I use to do it too both on facebook and twitter. She used to stalk me too. I am pretty sure your ex's new gf is stalking you too. I am sure when she sees that you are becoming happier, she won't be very happy. She obviously has self esteem issues to be able help someone cheat. Why didn't she ever look for a single man even if it was your ex who tried hitting on her first if she knew you guys were together? In my case, after awhile, I stopped the stalking. Now I don't feel like going and stalking that girl or the other girls my ex is trying something with. Took me months. But I stopped as I did not feel it was necessary. You will get there too. Your ex could leave that girl. She shouldn't be too proud coz look at the kind of guy he is. He could leave her any day and not even pay child support. She is just stupid to be saying those things about you. Leave her in her ignorance and work on yourself. When you feel sad at home, take a walk outside. Do your nails, join the gym, try cooking new recipes you get online. Anything that will get your mind off of it but try not to be so hard on yourself. You are worth so much more that your ex or his gf. Who knows who might be your next love. Remember what goes around definitely comes back around.

Edited February 21, 2014 by ThatGirl213

[ThatGirl213]

I read your other post...Give it a few months, maybe a year before he comes crying back to you and when he does, do yourself a favour and don't give him another chance.

[bob the brave]

Sweetheart I feel you're pain. I very similar thing happened to me and sadly, it appears, we are not alone. It has been a long time for me and it still hurts everyday. Some people are more senstive to this than others. I got counceling and though it helped to vent, I got nothing else from it. It is what it is.

 

At least you have the high ground. You did nothing wrong. The world is full of selfish people and giving, caring people like you and I will always be easy marks not becaus we are weak but because it is our philosophy to open and giving which makes us vulnerable.

 

I know the permanance of it, the child, really hurts. He just walked away form you to form an irrevokable life long bond with someone else. This is heavy rejeection. I know, I went through this too, suicide hotline, whole nine yards.

 

So where am I three years later? Still hurting but less. Stronger, wiser. There is no magic here. I won't lie to you. This, sometimes is life, but there are good people and I remain strong for them. Just exercise no contact, focus on things to strenghten yourself like working out, learning a language, whatever. Take it day by day, be kind to others and karma will be your reward in the end.

[fixing]

You ex is a disgusting two faced cowardly cheater. And the other girl is a slag. Sorry to hear about your pain but you must stop this stalking immedietely.

These vermin are so far beneath you.

 

You have been completely betrayed in the most foulest of ways by these people so your bound to be in a world of hurt.

 

But, its over, whatever you do, do NOT let him back into your life.

 

Go seek help from doctor if you are severely depressed.

[Lei Ping]

My partner of 8 years dumped me. I then found out the next day he had been cheating on me for 4 months. I had no idea. He is now with the girl which he managed to get pregnant whilst I was still with him.

 

Although I stopped contact with the guy quiet quickly and he deleted his FB ect which was a good thing cus I was unable to cyber stalk him I found out who the girl was. The girl has an open FB page and I can't stop myself stalking her. When ever I see she is happy or they've been together it's like a punch in the gut. I don't. I don't no how to move on. I no I shouldn't look and it's hurting me to do it but I can't help it. She found out I had bee. On her page the other day. She found it hilarious and thinks I'm pathetic. I'm just trying to move on and can't. My confidence is shot. My partner always put me last (which I can now see) and 8 years of it turned out to be emotional abuse.

 

Please help me. I hate myself so much and can't see a way out of this dark hole. I'm getting counselling but I'm still on the fricking waiting list. I'm starting to feel suiacidal. I just can't cope and can't cope of thinking he is happy with someone else. I still love him. Please help

 

 

It could have been worse. I've seen Guys run off with their Ex's Younger Sister and get them pregnant and now they've got Sons and Daughters who are one another's 1st Cousins as well.

 

 

Just be glad you didn't marry the bum and that there were no Children of your own involved. That whole stalking thing? Not a good look.

 

 

Go live your life and be happy. It could've been much worse.

[Thegreatestthing]

The only thing that pulled me out of these things was talking to hundreds of guys on OLD online dating,just go make a profile.

He wasted 8 years of your life don't let him waste anymore.

[pepperpot2014]

Same thing happened to me. 8 year relationship. Gave my child bearing years to him I'm 37 now. Got engaged in August 2012. He met someone in November 2012. I finished with him in March 2013. Found out he cheated on 4th Sept 2013. He updated his status messages on 6sept 2013 with his break up. I have no kids with him. But hopeful to meet someone else. It's hard but I went on holiday to get over it. Moved in with my mom for support. Your ex has jumped out of the frying pan into the fire. 4 months doesn't mean anything. He'll be hating her real soon. You dodged a bullet there. All the best. X