Deactivated Facebook

[STM206]

It's been almost a month 1/2 since my break up (see other thread). I have decided to initiate NC today after spilling my guts out to my ex, trying so hard to make it work. I had unfriended him and his family on Facebook and let them know I just didn't need a constant reminder of him every time I logged in. I made the choice to not post any new photos of myself or allow any to be posted of me by friends/family. We had talked and last time he said "well I saw that you posted this and that and I didn't appreciate it" so obviously he went out of his way to look me up, whatever.

 

I know it sounds weird but I would almost rather remain a mystery and for wonder what I might look like now (since I've lost weight, not by choice lol, gotta love stress!)

 

Today I deactivated my facebook page because I found myself checking up on him and it's been driving me nuts. I figured deactivate for a while so I don't have that temptation to see him, and for him to wonder what's going on in my life. When I do decide to reactivate my page, I want to come back with a bang. Looking as great as I can, sharing positive news and show him what the hell he's missing. I'll essentially block him, and I think that's the only way it can be done in order to really move forward... I know right now I'm thinking "in a year I'll check up on him and feel the world come crashing again but I know I probably will be at a complete different place in my life and simply won't care anymore.

 

Have any if you done this? Just almost taken yourself away from the social world for a while to simplify things in life?

 

Well speak of the devil, literally just now a mutual friend of ours asked if I deleted my facebook. Oh how I wonder is SHE asking or is he fishing?

 

Dammit, there goes that little bit of "hope" again.

 

As Rihanna once said "Ef' love!"

 

Ps; I am a photographer and am part of a show in a couple weeks. I made this video with a dear friend of mine. A little self expression if you will. Showing just how it feels to have it all end, but holding onto hope.

 

http://youtu.be/fVQQio15VvU

Edited February 17, 2014 by STM206

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Yeah that's a great idea but you'll find your ex has likely blocked you on Facebook.

 

I deactivated my Facebook for five years. Broke up with my ex last September. Bumped into an old friend NYE and he said everyone thinks you've dropped off the face of the earth, no way to contact me.

 

So I activated it again and I've been hanging out with old friends again. BLOCKED my stupid ex on it straight away and she's already blocked me so it doesn't matter if it's deactivated or not.

 

Don't lose that contact with friends because of an ex, cause' they get to use it still, they don't give a damn if you deactivate or not just block them.

[lakerman34]

First, I would like to say that I really enjoyed that video.

 

Second, Facebook and other social networking sites SUCK when it comes to breakups. I have a friend I recently made who I was actually REALLY good friends with his ex. She went to New York and became all pretentious, but he's cool. They dated for 7 years. They haven't been dating for about 2 years now. She's moved on to another guy, and he hooks up with the occasional girl. Bring her name up to him, he goes from funny, social guy to nostalgic, "dude, why did you have to bring her up to me" guy.

 

Moral of the story is, they are still friends with each other on Facebook. I don't know how they do it. With my ex, I realized that when I REALLY moved on was when I was able to delete her completely from my Facebook, block her, and set up a blacklist so I couldn't unblock her from Facebook.

 

The current girl that I've been chasing for 14 months just "broke up" with me 2 days ago. The pain is still there, but it's not as deep as it was with my ex. This girl and I had one hookup and she sort of jerked me around a little bit, but ultimately she didn't feel any "chemistry."

 

I didn't want to appear weak. How bad would it look to get rid of her from my Facebook when we didn't even date? It looks obsessive. It looks like I put her on a pedestal (she even told me that I have thrown her on a pedestal -- which is true, but not in the way she thinks. Good looks and smarts aren't exactly a rare commodity. It was her essence that I feel deeply, unrequitably in love with). In her hour long "breakup" conversation with me, she was speaking very rationally which showed me that she hadn't changed at all. Love, to her, is still something rational. She won't find "love" until she gets through this hurdle, so THAT'S why she and I didn't have chemistry.

 

Annnnnnyways. With Mozilla Firefox, you can set up a blacklist (go into the add-on menu). On Facebook, you can set it so that certain people can't see if your online in messenger. She and all of her friends can't see me online. Then, I blacklisted her Facebook page. If I try to access it through the URL, it doesn't go to the page. Next, I made it so that I can't see anything from her or her friends on my newsfeed. And lastly, I'm being very diligent about this, I am not posting ANYTHING on my Facebook. She can't call me "weak" because we are still Facebook friends -- if she wanted to, she could EASILY message me. BUT she can't keep tabs on me. She can't ever see what I'm doing. I actually know that this drives her crazy. She genuinely LOVES talking to me (even in breakup, she said "if you need to not talk to me for a little bit I understand.") I NC'ed her before, and after about a month, she started talking to me. Regularly.

 

I think your move is actually a good one. It says that you REALIZE that there is NO hope (and I think this is VERY important) and that you are making a conscious effort to move on. I wouldn't have done the whole speech thing and talk to his family, BUT I do like that you have made the conscious effort to move on. I read somewhere that 1 out of every 11 people are compatible with us. That's about 9%. So going by that, there are about 318,000,000 MEN in this world that you are compatible with.

 

Go find one that'll sweep you off your feet. It's not as daunting a task as you may think.

[STM206]

You both make very valid points.

 

I do think the main thing is basically remaining a mystery to them. We have mutual friends and I know one in particular will keep him up to date on what I'm doing. So it's a catch 22, do I remove the mutual friends or do I play it up and act as if it doesn't bother me anymore... Fake it till' you make it so to speak.

 

This whole thing has been a roller coaster for sure.

 

I decided to re activate my facebook but make everything 100% private, that way he can't be snooping around and the only way is for him to add me as a friend again... Even though I'll take my time and ignore the request as long as need be to start getting some clarity back.

 

It's funny you mention the compatibility. I've tried picturing myself dating again and I can't even see it yet.

 

I really wish there were ways to get revenge on your exes, not to get them back but to show them that they really made a mistake... Then again, it's a lost cause.

 

We put so much focus into THEM that we start losing focus of ourselves.

 

Losing 15 lbs in a month kinda makes one realize how much they've stressed out.

 

I haven't been able to bring myself to blocking him. Then again, what do I have to lose right? The temptation to see his page, the leaving that door open for him to contact me when he's "fully" moved forward is setting myself up for more pain.

[Tripz]

That was a wonderful video! Thank you for sharing. I just realized the "Showbox" is Seattle's Showbox! Cool. I'm from the PAC WEST. GO Hawks!

 

I haven't been on FB but maybe two or three times to list something for sale on the local For Sale groups, since D-Day in Dec. I don't follow the newsfeed and don't really care. About a month ago or so, I actually tried to COMPLETELY delete my entire FB account. Good luck actually making that happen. IIRC, you have to email them or send something in writing to erase it completely.

 

What a stupid trap Facebook is...

Edited February 17, 2014 by Tripz

[jphcbpa]

broke up with FB about a month ago. have not missed it one bit

[lakerman34]

You both make very valid points.

 

I do think the main thing is basically remaining a mystery to them. We have mutual friends and I know one in particular will keep him up to date on what I'm doing. So it's a catch 22, do I remove the mutual friends or do I play it up and act as if it doesn't bother me anymore... Fake it till' you make it so to speak.

 

This whole thing has been a roller coaster for sure.

 

I decided to re activate my facebook but make everything 100% private, that way he can't be snooping around and the only way is for him to add me as a friend again... Even though I'll take my time and ignore the request as long as need be to start getting some clarity back.

 

It's funny you mention the compatibility. I've tried picturing myself dating again and I can't even see it yet.

 

I really wish there were ways to get revenge on your exes, not to get them back but to show them that they really made a mistake... Then again, it's a lost cause.

 

We put so much focus into THEM that we start losing focus of ourselves.

 

Losing 15 lbs in a month kinda makes one realize how much they've stressed out.

 

I haven't been able to bring myself to blocking him. Then again, what do I have to lose right? The temptation to see his page, the leaving that door open for him to contact me when he's "fully" moved forward is setting myself up for more pain.

 

I was still in school when my ex broke up with me. I always ran the risk of seeing her, AND she was hooking up with a guy I called "a friend." Some friend.

 

At my school, sororities are ranked. There was this DROP-DEAD gorgeous girl that I was introduced to shortly after my breakup. Right away, she looked at me and I could tell she was undressing me with her eyes. She started asking me questions, and right away, "I actually am going through a breakup right now...." She lost interest RIGHT AWAY. If I screwed her, I probably wouldn't have been into it, but she was SO HOT that maybe it's what I needed.

 

Then ANOTHER girl I met was a bit drunk, she walked up to me, and said, "you are going to talk me to your room tonight, and I'm going to do things to you that you have never experienced before." Her friend stepped in the way though (her friend was a friend of my ex).

 

I drove to visit my best female friend on her campus. One of her roommates gave me a BJ, and 2 weeks later I visited again, and I slept with my best female friend and made out with another girl in the same night. I think getting validation that I was still wanted helped me out A LOT.

 

My advice? Stay off the bottle, and don't sleep with anyone unless you're 100% sure it's what you want. Sleep with them because they're hot and you're horny, NOT because "I need to get over my ex." You'll feel worse.

 

This may sound cliche, but the best way to get revenge on your ex is to focus on what you love and become the biggest success you can. You say you love photography. Everything you should do should have to do with photography. That should be your livelihood. One day, your ex will look you up. You may be fully unaware of it. Imagine what he'll think if you're a super successful photographer, making good money, living a happy life with a happy family when he's still unsure about himself and his life?

 

I want happiness for my exes. I really do. I got past the point of "I hope they fail in everything they do." BUT, at the same time, I want to be more successful than them. I want to be able to look them up in a few years and say to myself, "hmmm......I'm more successful than you and your boy, I'm happier, my wife is hotter and better than you, DAMN what a mistake you've made."

 

I'm talking to A LOT of middle age women about this girl who told me we had "no chemistry." They told me that when they were her age, there were some guys that wanted to date them, but they were too young and stupid to give them a chance, and they STILL think 'what if?' It's just human nature. I want ALL my exes to, someday, look me up and say, "DAMN! I could have had HIM."

 

THAT, my friend, is the sweetest revenge.

[ithappenedagain]

While we are on the topic of Facebook - I have a question to throw out to everyone.

 

Brief backstory:

 

My gf of 2 years (of which we lived together for almost a year) essentially ended things officially over facebook. Hilarious huh? Since we shared an apartment, did everything together, etc etc she sends me a facebook message one night when I was staying at my sisters ( I was giving her space)..The message was your typical generic breakup message "I've thought long and hard about stuff, and I really have made my choice to move on.... blah blah blah'' How sincere, huh?

 

As she was typing more, I was so hurt and upset that while she was typing more, I immediately deleted her from facebook and then deactivated my account. All within a matter of seconds after she sent me the initial facebook message. This was about 1 month ago exactly.

 

This leads me to my question for you guys:

 

I had TONS of pictures on facebook that are ONLY located on facebook. I'd say about 85% of my pictures contain her in them, yet the other 15% - of which I would really love to maintain - are still sitting in my albums.

 

I know if I activate my page and get the pictures, I will see her in most of the pictures which will serve as a ''trigger'' and will cause a set back.

 

What is the best way to go about getting all of my pictures back without seeing her at all? I still miss her dearly yet I really want those pictures.

[lakerman34]

While we are on the topic of Facebook - I have a question to throw out to everyone.

 

Brief backstory:

 

My gf of 2 years (of which we lived together for almost a year) essentially ended things officially over facebook. Hilarious huh? Since we shared an apartment, did everything together, etc etc she sends me a facebook message one night when I was staying at my sisters ( I was giving her space)..The message was your typical generic breakup message "I've thought long and hard about stuff, and I really have made my choice to move on.... blah blah blah'' How sincere, huh?

 

As she was typing more, I was so hurt and upset that while she was typing more, I immediately deleted her from facebook and then deactivated my account. All within a matter of seconds after she sent me the initial facebook message. This was about 1 month ago exactly.

 

This leads me to my question for you guys:

 

I had TONS of pictures on facebook that are ONLY located on facebook. I'd say about 85% of my pictures contain her in them, yet the other 15% - of which I would really love to maintain - are still sitting in my albums.

 

I know if I activate my page and get the pictures, I will see her in most of the pictures which will serve as a ''trigger'' and will cause a set back.

 

What is the best way to go about getting all of my pictures back without seeing her at all? I still miss her dearly yet I really want those pictures.

 

I have 2 Facebooks. One of them I deleted a LOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGGG time ago -- more than a year. I accidentally logged onto it recently, and it was VERY in tact.

 

Just hold out and WAIT. Only advice I've got for you.

[STM206]

Great advice. I've been pursuing a career in photography for the past 4 years. I really do want to do some inspired shoots by all of this.

 

It's so funny, at night I feel somewhat okay/numb to all of this, like I'm not expecting to hear from him, but low and behold the mornings are ****. I started a new job today and found it helped distract me.

 

What's even better is I swung by mcdonalds to grab a soda and the guy at the drive through was totally checking me out, I drove away and he was still there waving by. One positive thing that has happened over what had been a ****ty couple months.

 

Thanks for the advice, I really do want to get my life back right now, I'm so sick of feeling like ****.

 

Once they "check out" all of the sudden those "I will love you forever, you're my soulmate, i would never hurt you, I couldn't live without you" becomes "Sorry! We just have different goals, I have to move forward, and oh yeah, here you go, a specially made broken heart just for you, wishing you all the best!" the best line? "I just know this is the best for both of us." Oh please, you and I know you did this for YOU, not for US.

 

How people can be so tacky blows my mind.

[STM206]

While we are on the topic of Facebook - I have a question to throw out to everyone.

 

Brief backstory:

 

My gf of 2 years (of which we lived together for almost a year) essentially ended things officially over facebook. Hilarious huh? Since we shared an apartment, did everything together, etc etc she sends me a facebook message one night when I was staying at my sisters ( I was giving her space)..The message was your typical generic breakup message "I've thought long and hard about stuff, and I really have made my choice to move on.... blah blah blah'' How sincere, huh?

 

As she was typing more, I was so hurt and upset that while she was typing more, I immediately deleted her from facebook and then deactivated my account. All within a matter of seconds after she sent me the initial facebook message. This was about 1 month ago exactly.

 

This leads me to my question for you guys:

 

I had TONS of pictures on facebook that are ONLY located on facebook. I'd say about 85% of my pictures contain her in them, yet the other 15% - of which I would really love to maintain - are still sitting in my albums.

 

I know if I activate my page and get the pictures, I will see her in most of the pictures which will serve as a ''trigger'' and will cause a set back.

 

What is the best way to go about getting all of my pictures back without seeing her at all? I still miss her dearly yet I really want those pictures.

 

Only thing I can think of is maybe sit with a trusted friend/family member and have them do it for you?

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I want happiness for my exes. I really do. I got past the point of "I hope they fail in everything they do." BUT, at the same time, I want to be more successful than them. I want to be able to look them up in a few years and say to myself, "hmmm......I'm more successful than you and your boy, I'm happier, my wife is hotter and better than you, DAMN what a mistake you've made."

 

That's good but none of that matters, life isn't a competition is it? You can have nothing and feel happier than someone with everything.

[lakerman34]

That's good but none of that matters, life isn't a competition is it? You can have nothing and feel happier than someone with everything.

 

That is true, but the drive to be better I think is healing, as well. I look at my ex, and see where she is and see where I am, and I truly feel sorry for her, I wish better for her, BUT at the same time, I realize that she couldn't keep up with me. She probably could never keep up with me. Not worth my time.

[STM206]

So I was looking through my profile and realized that I still have our relationship milestones up (in a relationship, 1st year anniversary, Etc), I thought they would've vanished after I changed my relationship status.

 

Part of me wants to delete them but they ARE memories of what we did have. I know I'm still hurt and upset over this now, but I wonder, would I appreciate leaving them up in the years to come? I know once I delete them, he'll be aware of it at some point when he decides to cruise his profile.

 

What would you guys suggest I do?

[STM206]

By the way, this song probably speaks for so many of us!

 

[StringsAttached]

I used to do this thing where everything I did online and on social media was to appease my ex. Even on Youtube I would like videos that might get her to change her mind. Looking back now it was hilarious.

 

Trust me it's pointless. It stops you from healing and just makes the internet a chore rather than it being fun.

 

If you want him want him back then don't delete it but you're coping. You're trying to get over him. So...

[Musing]

If they are hurting you and holding you back, then take them down.

I kind of regret deleting posts and messages one of my past ex's sent me. He was such a jerk but had great taste in the music I like, so when I went to check out new music I realized I had gotten rid of them all in a fit of emotion

 

If you'd like to keep these for your memories sake and they are not hurting your healing process, there is nothing saying you can't keep them. But if you look at them and weep, either stop looking and pretend they don't exist or totally get rid of them. At the end of the day, it's just facebook. What happened in your life still would've happened regardless if it is recorded on there or not.

[Never Again]

Personally?

 

I'd deactivate Facebook for a week or two until I forgot about them...or at least didn't care enough to spend any time on them.

 

The problem is, now that you've seen them, you won't UNSEE them. They'll be in your head. If you continue thinking of digital milestones, you're better off getting rid of them.

 

There's no real point to keeping them. But the effort of looking them up and deleting them could cause some additional pain...but you've already done the first part from the sounds of it.

[STM206]

Valid points! At night I'm usually indifferent, or just don't really "obsess" as much. I think it's more if I should do it first before he does it. That would probably hurt a little but then again, with these exes, can we really be surprised by anything they decide to do? Not really.

[mea_M]

Delete them unless they are still very important to you.

 

Mea:)

[STM206]

They're important in the sense that they're our memories, but I can't tell if it's because I was...

 

A.) dumped and have that tiny shimmer of hope that he still cares on some level

 

B.) because I'll regret it down the road

 

C.) he'll remove them first and they'll be another knife in the chest