I fell in love with my neighbor while studying abroad

[mamihlapinatapei]

I apologize in advance for the novel, guys!

 

So I studied abroad in England in the fall and accidentally fell in love with my neighbor, who is a local. Well, not in love-love, but I could see myself falling completely for him.

 

We started out as friends and some of his flatmates and my flatmates all got along really well and since all of us were in a similar situation where we didn't really know anyone, we all got really close in the four months that I was there. I did not move abroad with the mindset that I was going to find anyone. In fact, I mostly just had fun, traveled, partied and made out with a lot of European boys.

 

My neighbor was always there, though. We always went out together, he would come straight home after work and the gym and come hang out next door with me and my flatmates, we had family dinners every Sunday...I literally saw him every day. We would sometimes get drunk and make out, but things never went beyond this, and we were both really cool about it. It was never awkward and we never brought it up. Although the whole time, our friends would tease me telling me how they could tell he liked me, etc, and that we were bound to hook up before the trip was over.

 

I guess deep down, a part of me liked him to, but once again, I brushed it off with the mindset that I was only here for four months and we were really good friends and I didn't want to mess that up.

 

Come the last few weeks of December (I was set to fly back to the states January 10) and the hook up happened. He had asked me at the end of November to spend Christmas with his family because all of our study abroad friends were all flying back to states before then, or traveling with significant others, etc. This was really the first time that we had gotten to spend time one-on-one because we always hung out as a large group, but all our friends were leaving now.

 

So for the next three weeks, I literally spent every day with him. We had Christmas with his family, which was lovely, then we spent New Years together and the last leg of my trip together. We were together every day, mostly just the two of us, and he would spend the night with me every night. I guess it was then that both of us couldn't deny our feelings for each other any longer and we realized how much we had liked each other all along, and I was surprised at how physically attracted to him I was.

 

I hadn't felt this way about anyone in a long time...and I've been single for the past two and a half years, and also tend to be very nonchalant and come off as emotionally detached with boys, usually. I had a long, hard internal battle about whether to indulge completely or hold back knowing I would be gone in a few weeks. In the end, I just let myself fall, which I haven't done or wanted to in a long time. Things were just different with him. Everything was so easy and I didn't even have to try. He made me happy. I found myself dreading leaving because I was falling for him and I knew that I would have to cut it short.

 

We are both pretty level-headed and he's got the rest of his placement then another year of uni, then he says he wants to come travel America, whereas I just graduated college and I need to focus on myself and getting a job and moving, etc. Things are just too complicated for us to try anything right now and we both knew that all along.

 

Of course we agreed to be friends and keep in touch, but now that I'm back in the states and he's still there, we still talk all the time (3-4 times a week and we snapchat/tweet a lot as well). We're doing great as friends, but the romantic aspect of our relationship has all but disappeared. I think we had just begun the transition of being friends to lovers and that got cut short...we're also both stubborn and awkward about our feelings and we have the type of relationship where we can pick on each other all the time, and since we were friends first, we still do this...so I find it hard to be serious with him about my feelings, I guess.

 

But it really hurts me that we still talk all the time and I still have so many feelings for him, but I just don't know if things are ever going to happen for us. Of course I want to be friends with him...we've been friends this whole time, but I feel like having feelings for him and still keeping in touch with him just holds me back, or gives me hope for something that may or may not happen. In theory, I feel like it would be easy for me to let go of feelings for a guy that I only knew for four months, but for some reason, I just can't. I miss him so much and I think about him all the time, but we don't tell each other that.

 

At the same time, I don't want to be hung up on a guy that's on the other side of the planet...and he could meet someone else, he could change his mind about coming to America, etc...a lot can happen in a year and a half. I want to keep in touch and I want to be friends, but I just feel like it would be a lot easier to let go of my feelings for him if I just stop talking to him altogether.

 

I guess my question is...how do you stay friends with someone that you have feelings for without losing your sanity? Is it worth it to stay friends if it's just going to hurt you?

 

I would love to hear some feedback/advice/similar stories to this. Thanks.

[Polak]

First off, fantastic grammar! Reading novels is so much easier when everything is coherent and structured correctly...

 

You seem like you have "your head screwed on straight" as they say. Your priorities are down, and you have realistic expectations about things. That's great. I haven't been in your situation so I can't relate, but I understand your question.

 

I know this probably isn't the most important piece of this, but it stood out to me:

I miss him so much and I think about him all the time, but we don't tell each other that.

Why not? Just cause you guys are stubborn? I'm not sure whether you've considered a long distance relationship... I know it's a hard relationship to maintain to begin with, but as you know other people make it work. It's just a matter of whether you're really in love with this guy and want to work to keep the relationship going. If so, I would start by communicating your true feelings.

 

If you don't realistically see yourself being with him in the future because of the distance thing, I understand that too. And it helps that you have realistic expectations of possible scenarios (he could meet someone else, he could change his mind about visiting USA) during the timeframe you stated. I think the distance is the main thing that is holding this relationship back. Plenty of couples meet in college and remain together through graduation, finding jobs, moving, etc. but this massive distance makes everything that much harder and "complicated" as you mentioned.

 

In my opinion, it all comes down to how much you love this guy and how much you're willing to sacrifice to stay with him, and vice versa of course. (And I say "sacrifice" because all relationships contain some of that). From what you typed, sounds like the compatibility level is excellent and it could very well work wonderfully. But you both need to put in effort to keep things afloat, that's just how it works.

 

If it was me, I would pray about it. But I am aware that to some people, that isn't an option, so interpret it as you will. It all comes down to whether or not you're ready to maintain a relationship amidst your unfolding life! If you find it's the right thing to do, everything will fall into place over time, and obstacles won't seem so big after all. If you decide to go the other route, then no worries; there are plenty of opportunities for you down the road. Good luck.