Author iceisles Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale HAhHAHAHAHHAAHAHHHA HA AA Aah HA AHAA AAHAH AAHA HA I will take this as a 'yes'. Honestly, I don't think many people would apologize in this situation if they didn't mean it. If she didn't want anything to do with me, I would have just been ignored. Link to post Share on other sites
ntovrhm Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 At the very least, you didn't scare her off enough so that she was afraid of you. It shows she feels uncomfortable with how she blew you off, and wanted to explain a little more. It is good that she did this, but make sure you follow your own advice and stay away for a while. Good luck with it, and TAKE IT EASY this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 Originally posted by ntovrhm At the very least, you didn't scare her off enough so that she was afraid of you. It shows she feels uncomfortable with how she blew you off, and wanted to explain a little more. It is good that she did this, but make sure you follow your own advice and stay away for a while. Good luck with it, and TAKE IT EASY this time. Yeah, at least she apparently felt bad about being short with me. I am basically doing passive NC for at least another 3 weeks or so - that is, no initiating on my part but responding any time she may call or write me. To be honest, I'm still not very happy with her because she never thanked me for thinking about her Aunt and has not told me how she's doing despite me expressing genuine concern. However, with her saying "I'm dealing with a lot right now", I will give her the benefit of the doubt that being friendly or even polite may not be high on her agenda. This is going to be a real touchy situation for awhile, so the best I can do is hang way back at a safe distance. I have a good female friend that is keeping me in line with this now, because I think I really need someone to tame my aggressiveness and give me a serious reality check now and then. I wasn't afraid to ask for help because I want to do this right and I know that I could have been granted a rare reprieve here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 I thought about it last night and asked myself, "What am I doing?". She should be chasing me. If she can't see how much I have to offer, then I want nothing to do with her. I know there is someone out there who will appreciate me and make a decent effort to talk, etc. On the waiver wire she goes, and I could care less if I never hear from her again. Next! Link to post Share on other sites
Bronzepen Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles I thought about it last night and asked myself, "What am I doing?". She should be chasing me. If she can't see how much I have to offer, then I want nothing to do with her. I know there is someone out there who will appreciate me and make a decent effort to talk, etc. On the waiver wire she goes, and I could care less if I never hear from her again. Next! Good for you Iceisles. You realized you were putting all this effort into her and she was just not into it. BTW- your probably are going to hear from her because she will still call you when she needs someone to talk too. I would advise against this only because I think your interest was was beyond friendship. It's OK to talk to her when she calls but don't let it consume all your time. You're gonna be alright. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 I hope she doesn't call. If she doesn't want to talk about getting together or to apologize for blowing me off, I don't wanna hear it. I'm no Orlando Bloom, but there has to be someone out there for me. I'd rather stay single than deal with people who just aren't into me. Link to post Share on other sites
Bronzepen Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles I hope she doesn't call. If she doesn't want to talk about getting together or to apologize for blowing me off, I don't wanna hear it. I'm no Orlando Bloom, but there has to be someone out there for me. I'd rather stay single than deal with people who just aren't into me. Not trying to be mean here but that is the whole point in any relationship. Both parties have to be into each other to have a relationship. She doesn't need to apologize to you. She tried letting you down easy but you fell hard because you invested so much into her. Don't be bitter Iceisles, it will only make you old. You will find someone. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Ice, You know I'm glad you decided to do that....I met someone over the weekend and even though I had my restraining order hearing yesterday, even though I've had to work late every day this week, even though I have ALL sorts of crap to do for work, (and this hilarious debate about porn to attend tonight at 8pm) - I still make time to talk to my crush every day for at least an hour. Even though my *Dad* (not my aunt, my beloved and very much adored FATHER) is very sick and having surgery on the 17th, my crush is coming here to be with ME so I have a shoulder to cry on if anything happens.... Anyways, alls I'm saying with all this is - I'm really into him, and he is really into me - so we are both making an equally huge effort to spend as much time talking/hanging out as we possibly can. I always get surprised with love....it always explodes surprisingly into my face when I least want/expect it....so be patient I'm sure it will happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by Bronzepen She tried letting you down easy but you fell hard because you invested so much into her. I do not take hints - ever. I expect people to be honest with me like I am with them. Everytime someone wants to play games, I will throw the cards back in their face and ask for the truth straight up. Do I pay the price for it sometimes? Sure. But I do feel good knowing that I didn't take whatever crap they were trying to pull over on me. Letting someone down "easy" is significantly worse than the truth, IMO. Just because that method is utilized a lot doesn't mean that it's the appropriate way to handle a lack of interest. Link to post Share on other sites
kanga Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 I certainly appreciate and understand your honesty. But there are not many people who are that way. It's fine if you want to be honest and open. But you can't expect it from everyone else around you. You can't control what others are doing. So while you expect no bull, you should still learn and understand the tactics of others who don't operate under that system. It's just one lesson that I've learned from past interactions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by kanga But there are not many people who are that way. That's why I have to find someone who is. I know girls like this exist - my last ex always just said what was on her mind, and things were great as long we were able to talk about things. I recognize a lot of people operate using the "let 'em down easy" method, but I will never agree with it. I'd sooner cut ties with someone as soon as they start playing games rather than get caught up in the frequently frustrating "Hmm, I wonder what she's thinking?" situation. Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles That's why I have to find someone who is. I know girls like this exist - my last ex always just said what was on her mind, and things were great as long we were able to talk about things. I recognize a lot of people operate using the "let 'em down easy" method, but I will never agree with it. I'd sooner cut ties with someone as soon as they start playing games rather than get caught up in the frequently frustrating "Hmm, I wonder what she's thinking?" situation. Man, I was reading this thread when she called and you started in with all that misplaced hope and I was quietly hoping that somehow you'd get the message, and see that there is something wrong for you about her. Whatever it is Ice, I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME TO YOUR SENSES. She doesn't have it for you, forget about her, she's not worth your time. I know you're there already, but in the future. Look at these things as objectively as possible. Then look again. Just my $ .03. as always, MA Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by MassiveAtom Man, I was reading this thread when she called and you started in with all that misplaced hope and I was quietly hoping that somehow you'd get the message, and see that there is something wrong for you about her. Whatever it is Ice, I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME TO YOUR SENSES. She doesn't have it for you, forget about her, she's not worth your time. I know you're there already, but in the future. Look at these things as objectively as possible. Then look again. Just my $ .03. as always, MA This is pretty simple, really. Ready to date or not, if she saw me in her future at some point, she would be trying to preserve that by e-mailing, IMing, or calling now and then. She obviously doesn't care if I get away, so that's exactly what I'm doing. I just wish she would have had the audacity to tell me that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 In the past, I would have sent her an e-mail telling her how I didn't appreciate being blown off, particularly after how nice I have been to her. But I will just let it slide for two reasons: 1) I have found such letters never yield the results I look for and just irritate the other person and 2) It officially burns any bridges that I have crossed, almost guaranteeing that she won't look for me again down the line after she's thought things over. Perhaps just dropping out of sight is my first practical use of maturity and experience in some time. Link to post Share on other sites
kanga Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles I have found such letters never yield the results I look for and just irritate the other person This is so true. And this is also why I often write the letters or the emails, but then I never send them. It's cathartic to write down those thoughts you have. But actually expressing them do nothing but make a situation worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by kanga This is so true. And this is also why I often write the letters or the emails, but then I never send them. It's cathartic to write down those thoughts you have. But actually expressing them do nothing but make a situation worse. I frequently write letters that never leave the "draft" folder in my e-mail. I do feel better afterwards, and I have realized that sending it would only add fuel to an existing fire. I think many times we want to vent to the other person and get "in their face" with how we feel. We want them to know how they hurt us, and how we feel like we were wronged. However, if they really cared about all that, you wouldn't have needed to write such an emotional letter to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles In the past, I would have sent her an e-mail telling her how I didn't appreciate being blown off, particularly after how nice I have been to her. Girls don't like "nice". Haven't you figured that out yet? NICE = BORING Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Girls don't like "nice". Haven't you figured that out yet? NICE = BORING Trust me, those letters were anything but nice. I gave it to them good. I was the antithesis of nice. Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 You know guys, in my marriage, I was nice, open, honest, forgiving, warm, compassionate, kind, loving, gentle and miserable. Which made me sad, angry, needy, argumentative, unfriendly, cold, and inconsiderate. Why?, because I stopped being what I was for a woman. What was I? A man. Looking back, emotionally, I actually started to become a woman. And only a homosexual woman would want that.And then when you add in the kids, and the woman's inability to let go of her psychotic need to control, I became Mom #2. Why did I do that? I listened to what she said, and not what she was saying. Why did I do THAT? I was no longer "a MAN" I've since had my spine reimplanted, and have undergone numerous procedures to "Man up" so to speak. It's working.. And there's a good deal more to do. This biggest is to learn to just shut my yap! ICE, My first post to you was about this very thing. I know very well from this hellacious experience that when you're "NICE" to a woman, they get bored, they stop loving you as much, they tend to hold everything you do against you. Maybe there's a few million on the planet that don't but there are sure as hell a precious few that live in America. It's as if they set you up for what they want to do all along, and that's get rid of you, BUT when they're chasing you they can't reject you. NICE=Easy=dominated=gone. I would humbly suggest again, my friend, that in the future you guage "her" interest in you by what she does, NOT by what she says. It's a tricky task for sure, but if you really look closely you'll see the dark murky pits that you WILL fall into. Maybe then you can at least try to avoid them. Shutting my yap now. as always, MA Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 Thanks, MA. She wasn't doing much of anything, so that was pretty clear. What's funny is I hear so many women say, "I just can't seem to find a nice guy", and many times when they do, they toss him out like yesterday's paper. Often, they choose someone who may not be a total jerk, but is nowhere near the "nice" end of the scale. If being nice won't get me someone, then I guess I'll be single for a long time. I refuse to turn into a jerk or suppress my compassionate nature just to appease someone else. There are tons of women out there - are you saying that there aren't any who like guys like me? Your walking doormat, Ice Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by MassiveAtom You know guys, in my marriage, I was nice, open, honest, forgiving, warm, compassionate, kind, loving, gentle and miserable. Which made me sad, angry, needy, argumentative, unfriendly, cold, and inconsiderate. Why?, because I stopped being what I was for a woman. I've since had my spine reimplanted, and have undergone numerous procedures to "Man up" so to speak. It's working.. MASSIVEATOM, man you are a breath of fresh air, virtually speaking. Women are supposed to be forgiving, warm, compassionate, kiind, loving and gentle. Men are supposed to be the opposite. Women SAY they want a nice, warm, kind, gentle and loving man but the do not respond emotionally to that kind of man. Those men become FRIENDS. You want a woman to stick around you better be a man in the true sense of the word. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale You want a woman to stick around you better be a man in the true sense of the word. Should I walk around adjusting my crotch, have an ego the size of Jupiter, and call women "babes" and "chicks"? Link to post Share on other sites
dub03 Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 I think you should definetly do it. I've done this exact thing a couple times with girls, and sometimes they have legitmately been busy... others they simply were not interested, which was fine, because now I knew where I stood, and could pursue someone else. Goodluck Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by dub03 I think you should definetly do it. I've done this exact thing a couple times with girls, and sometimes they have legitmately been busy... others they simply were not interested, which was fine, because now I knew where I stood, and could pursue someone else. Goodluck It's already been sent. No reply, of course. She's a pro at skirting issues of substance. If I wanted to tick her off, I could say something like, "Since you didn't reply, I will assume that you are interested in me." I'm sure that would light a nice fire. Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles Should I walk around adjusting my crotch, have an ego the size of Jupiter, and call women "babes" and "chicks"? Newsflash buddy, It's your Solar-sized ego that got you into this situation just now. Adjust your crotch if you want to but most women would think you're just unclean. Women mostly want a Gentleman. Self-reliant, secure, stable, Self-controlled, Gentleman. Unless they're groupies, have medications for their "problems" and so forth. Oh, have you noticed? they all "love to laugh" (how tired) So that gentleman better be at least a little funny sometimes. Now I'm NOT saying that's all they all want, I'd be a moron if I did, BUt there are core qualities that "the good ones" look for. Set your ego aside Mr, I'm not going to change, and BE THAT. Be it for you. I call most of my female friends, Babe, honey, sweetheart, you name it. Am I a gentleman in their eyes? You bet. Do I flirt? You bet! Do I seem safe? Sort of. Do they think I'm easily attainable now that they ALL know I'm getting divorced? They've told me "Oh we know your type, Tall beautiful, gorgeous" which means, "We think we could never have you, therefore we are really interested in you" just goofy. Have I noticed other guys at the office wondering why women always talk me up? yep. Do I wonder why? Nope, I know why. Man UP Ice. as always, MA Link to post Share on other sites
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