Want to lay it all out there - good idea or not?

[gwennebe]

You think way too much about this stuff. Maybe that is why you are turning woman off. Just chill and girls will fall in your lap. I just fell for a nice guy. We went on our second date last night I don't know why other than the fact I just like him. It's either there or it's not.

[iceisles]

Originally posted by gwennebe

You think way too much about this stuff.

 

I'm just making conversation. And I don't turn women off - I've had four girlfriends, and I've even been chased by a few (even though I wasn't interested). What comes under the microscope here is my execution of the fundamentals of courting someone. As has been pointed out, I screw up here and there, so if I think about something a lot, I have reason to. If someone never alters their behavior or plan of attack, they are destined to keep encountering the same pitfalls.

[gwennebe]

I think I'm just a big romantic at heart. I just live and let live. lol.

[gwennebe]

It's all about timing.

[Bronzepen]

Originally posted by iceisles

This seems to be the most popular phrase on this site. Moving on is great when you have other things lined up, such as backup plans.

 

 

No it doesn't have to do with having backup plans or having things lined up.

 

It just means, forget about it. Don't dwell on it or see what you could have done diffrently, because not every woman is the same.

 

 

But moving on past something that may be your only opportunity at the moment is significantly more difficult.

 

 

Only opportunity? Significantly more difficult? These are barriers that you have created yourself.

 

It may be the only opportunity to you at the moment but it doesn't mean it's always going to be that way nor is it difficult to walk away from.

 

It looks difficult to you because this girl showed "interest" so you thought you had a good chance but now you know that "interest" doesn't mean a thing.

 

Bottom line. If a girl is in to you then she would go out with you.

[kanga]

Originally posted by iceisles

It's like I see guys who are verbally (or sadly sometimes physically) abusive to their girlfriends, yet they stay because somehow they still love that person.

 

And those are incredibly unhealthy relationships. Women who are abused (men too, they can also be abused) and keep returning to the relationships have their own emotional issues to deal with. Emotionally stable people do not stay in such situations. There's nothing to be envious of there.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by kanga

And those are incredibly unhealthy relationships. Women who are abused (men too, they can also be abused) and keep returning to the relationships have their own emotional issues to deal with. Emotionally stable people do not stay in such situations. There's nothing to be envious of there.

 

Word.

 

I didn't stay with my ex because I loved him. I stayed with him for other very f*cked up reasons, but I stopped loving him when he thought it was ok to spit on me.

 

Gwennabe is right - I just fell for my crush HARDCORE. No explanation. He's not the hottest guy out there, or the most intelligent, or some rock star. He's just navyman, he just is something I want all to myself. muahahahahaaaaaa.

 

And when we talk on the phone it is always a minimum of 30 min. A 5 min. phonecall is what my friends get.

[iceisles]

If she ever tries to show an interest down the road and I'm taken, I'm going to tell her that she didn't do enough to show that she was into me. I gave her every chance to reciprocate and she declined. I am not totally convinced that she doesn't like me some, but I am definitely fine with moving on. There will be other people. I guess I just need encouragement to know that there are girls out there who really do appreciate honesty and truly value relationships.

[gwennebe]

I guess I just need encouragement to know that there are girls out there who really do appreciate honesty and truly value relationships.

 

 

All girls want this. We just want to like you at the same time. You will be ok dont' worry about her anymore she isn't worth it.

 

Chin up.

[iceisles]

Originally posted by gwennebe

All girls want this. We just want to like you at the same time. You will be ok dont' worry about her anymore she isn't worth it.

 

Chin up.

 

I talk a lot, but I'm honestly not worrying about it. I've been here many times before, so it's familiar territory. If anything, I regret not handling this better, but I guess I have to take what I learned into my next venture. With any luck, I'll get this right before they issue me an AARP card.

[tigerskye]

You will truely have to get to know the person. But if a girl says she will call you by a day. Don't sit by the phone and expect her to call that exact moment you want her too...because she probadly wont. Let her call! If you feel you need to call her, give it a couple of days then call her! Sometimes people get busy with life and don't remember to call back. I know I have done it....but then sometime people just want to talk to the other. Just remember you cannot pressure someone into being with you! They have to come to you!

[iceisles]

Ok, she just e-mailed me and wanted to ask what date the baseball game is so she can have her classes covered. What the heck is going on here? I guess I should reply and tell her and see the deal is. Everytime I think I am dead in the water, she comes back.

[kanga]

Write back. Give her the date. Maybe say another friendly line or two. Be friendly. Don't ask for an explanation of what's going.

 

And then push send.

 

And wait for her to contact you again. If she does, OK. If she doesn't, OK too. Just keep calm and play it cool.

[iceisles]

Originally posted by kanga

Write back. Give her the date. Maybe say another friendly line or two. Be friendly. Don't ask for an explanation of what's going.

 

And then push send.

 

And wait for her to contact you again. If she does, OK. If she doesn't, OK too. Just keep calm and play it cool.

 

I wrote back with the date and just said that I hope she's having a good day. Nothing big. That was so totally out of the blue, though.

[kanga]

Good for you.

 

It may seem out of the blue, but it's not.

[blind_otter]

Why do I think this girl is playing games?

 

Like oh yeah her aunt is sick... .....but my father is terminally ill, and having surgery against the wishes of his cardiologist on the 17th. and I still talk to my crush every day, partly because he listens to me talk about how great my dad is...he's even going to meet him this weekend.

 

I mean, what's with this push pull thing? It shouldn't be this difficult.

[Bronzepen]

Originally posted by iceisles

I wrote back with the date and just said that I hope she's having a good day. Nothing big. That was so totally out of the blue, though.

 

 

She probably thinks your just friends now. Or feels bad about letting you down and want's to show you that even though there can't be anything between you two, you can be friends.

 

 

Is this what you want, to be just friends?

 

Do you mind just going to ball games and doing stuff with her even though there is a very little chance of anything else happening?

 

If the answer is yes then go to the game and be just a friend.

 

If the anser is no then you should write her back and tell her that you don't feel friendship is an option for you. Wish her luck and end it.

[iceisles]

Originally posted by Bronzepen

She probably thinks your just friends now. Or feels bad about letting you down and want's to show you that even though there can't be anything between you two, you can be friends.

 

Is this what you want, to be just friends?

 

Do you mind just going to ball games and doing stuff with her even though there is a very little chance of anything else happening?

 

If the answer is yes then go to the game and be just a friend.

 

If the anser is no then you should write her back and tell her that you don't feel friendship is an option for you. Wish her luck and end it.

 

She doesn't think that. She knows I like her and that any future get-together will be under romantic pretenses. If she felt bad about letting me down, there are easier ways to convey that than catching a baseball game with me. Until the point where she says that she just wants to be friends, I will consider myself alive in the hunt.

[iceisles]

Originally posted by blind_otter

Why do I think this girl is playing games?

 

Like oh yeah her aunt is sick... .....but my father is terminally ill, and having surgery against the wishes of his cardiologist on the 17th. and I still talk to my crush every day, partly because he listens to me talk about how great my dad is...he's even going to meet him this weekend.

 

I mean, what's with this push pull thing? It shouldn't be this difficult.

 

Maybe she's just like that? Maybe her personality really IS family first. As long as I've known her, she visits family whenever she can. It is very, very important to her. She said that one thing she couldn't stand about her ex is that he never wanted to go to family events, etc. Is she playing games? Maybe. But I don't think she's meaning to play with my head - I just think it's her M.O. to do this push/pull thing so that I don't get too close to her too fast. Just a theory.

 

Otter, I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[kanga]

Originally posted by iceisles

She doesn't think that. She knows I like her and that any future get-together will be under romantic pretenses. ....

 

Did you tell her that? Did you say, "I like you. All interactions are with romantic pretenses."? If not, then you have no idea what she is actually thinking.

 

I've told my guy of interest I like him. He's said the same to me. Yet that doesn't make us an item or even exactly certain that we want to be one. (Well, I'm certain I do. But that's another issue involving me, so we'll put that aside.)

 

I guess I'm quite worried about the attitude that you have toward this. But what can we do? We can offer all the advice in the world. You'll do what you'll do.

[Bronzepen]

Originally posted by iceisles

She doesn't think that. She knows I like her and that any future get-together will be under romantic pretenses. If she felt bad about letting me down, there are easier ways to convey that than catching a baseball game with me. Until the point where she says that she just wants to be friends, I will consider myself alive in the hunt.

 

 

Better make sure your both on the same page.

 

Remember the last thing she said to you concerning a relationship was that it was the last thing she needed.

 

You said OK and even apologized for pestering her. She didn't even read your email of apology. "I'll check it later." was her response then she had to go because of HW.

 

I don't want you to fall hard again Iceisles.

[iceisles]

Originally posted by kanga

Did you tell her that?

 

Yes, I did. I said that I will be happy to see her when she is ready to date again. Plain and simple. Thanks for your concern, but I'll be fine. I don't get nearly as rattled with rejection as I used to. It comes with the territory.

[iceisles]

Originally posted by Bronzepen

I don't want you to fall hard again Iceisles.

 

Who says I fell hard the first time? This is nothing compared to having two of my exes cheat on me. Failing during the courting process is a walk in the park compared to that. You can be assured that we are on the same page. Keep in mind that the game is in April - maybe she thinks she will be ok with dating again at that time.

[Bronzepen]

Originally posted by iceisles

Who says I fell hard the first time? This is nothing compared to having two of my exes cheat on me. Failing during the courting process is a walk in the park compared to that. You can be assured that we are on the same page. Keep in mind that the game is in April - maybe she thinks she will be ok with dating again at that time.

 

 

It's not a question of measure but just hurting.

 

You fell hard because you invested so much on this one girl and so far you have nothing to show for it.

 

I really am rootin for you but there is too many maybe's and if's.

 

It's OK to be optimistic but don't be naive.

 

I do hope I am wrong and you two hit it off.

 

Have fun at the game in April.

[iceisles]

Originally posted by Bronzepen

It's not a question of measure but just hurting.

 

You fell hard because you invested so much on this one girl and so far you have nothing to show for it.

 

I really am rootin for you but there is too many maybe's and if's.

 

It's OK to be optimistic but don't be naive.

 

I do hope I am wrong and you two hit it off.

 

Have fun at the game in April.

 

Thanks, I appreciate that. I wouldn't say I have nothing to show for it, because she is still showing interest (on some level). If our first date didn't go well, I would say that I was being really naive`. And I guess I have a little naivete` propagated by optimism, but I do believe you have to be confident to be successful. I know a lot of you think I will be devastated if this doesn't work out, but I won't be. What you are sensing is enthusiasm that is well founded in the reality that this may not work out. I know my methods have come under scrutiny, but I don't think anyone can question my passion.