alphamale Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles Who says I fell hard the first time? WE say you fell hard. I mean you go out with this chick one time and then you are on LS starting threads with 200+ replies on them about this chick. WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 27, 2005 Author Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale WE say you fell hard. I mean you go out with this chick one time and then you are on LS starting threads with 200+ replies on them about this chick. WTF? As always, you're exaggerating. It just passed 175. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles Maybe she's just like that? Maybe her personality really IS family first. As long as I've known her, she visits family whenever she can. It is very, very important to her. She said that one thing she couldn't stand about her ex is that he never wanted to go to family events, etc. Is she playing games? Maybe. But I don't think she's meaning to play with my head - I just think it's her M.O. to do this push/pull thing so that I don't get too close to her too fast. Just a theory. Otter, I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. My thoughts are with you and your family. Family first my brown butt. I see my parents at least 5 times a week. I talk on the phone with my Mom every day, to check up on my daddy. of course i don't keep anyone but creepy people at arm's length. everyone else is welcome into my life. so maybe it is just her. Anyways, maybe you should call her and "have a talk" about what the expectations are in the relationship?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 27, 2005 Author Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Anyways, maybe you should call her and "have a talk" about what the expectations are in the relationship?? I tried this via e-mail and didn't get a reply. She's apparently not comfortable talking about big topics yet. I think the best thing I can do is lay off the relationship stuff for now. She knows I like her. If she's not happy with that or the direction things are going, she'll have to say something eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles As always, you're exaggerating. It just passed 175. I know the feeling of Falling hard because you put in so much effort Ice. I'm dealing with it right now. It doesn't feel good, and doesn't make it any easier to have your arse handed to you People, just a little lighter on Ice. MA Link to post Share on other sites
Hund1976 Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 You need to go out to the seediest bar in town and find a good ole' fashioned drunken skank you can and take home with you. That will get your mind off this girl. Whenever I get rejected by a girl I always try to go out and at least mingle with some other girls, it'll get your mind off the one that dissed you and increase your self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
tigerskye Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 iceisles- stop over thinking your relationships or the girls. Just let things go as they may! Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by tigerskye stop over thinking your relationships or the girls. Just let things go as they may! Sage advice tiger. Ice, Don't try to figure a woman out. You wil drive yourself batty! I know it seems possible. It isn't. And it's not worth doing either. Say you 've got her all figured out. What does that get you? think about it. You're going back for more? You're holding out hope that she'll be anything more than a friend? WHA?!?? :::grabbing a beer:::: ::::taking a swig:::: Listen Ice. Try this, since you're dead-set on making yourself miserable. The very next time you talk with this "lady" listen carefully and pick the perfect flirt. Get her talking about clothes, ask her about the fit. and such . lead into it. and then figure out a way to suggest she remove and article of clothing. You can come up with some good scenarios, but you gotta have SOMETHING beside heavy talks. When you fire off that first flirt, if she giggles, keep going. If it's dead silent. Hang up the phone and throw her number away. (which you should've done a long time ago) Lighten up the conversation, make her laugh and feel good, flirt alittle. I mean double entendre kinda stuff here. No outright provocative remarks, but littl e , "Oh, did I just say that?" kind of things. Get her laughing and anything can happen. Just make sure she's laughing with you , and not AT you. Link to post Share on other sites
debs Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 *smacking* my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ICE! Let her alone! If there is anything that may come of this I am sorry but you will definatley drive her off appearing like an obsessive-compulsive! Do something else, talk to us but leave the poor woman alone! Let he make the next move if it happens! Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 27, 2005 Author Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by debs Let he make the next move if it happens! It just happened. She said she wants to go to the game with me and that she is looking forward to it. Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 Don't those start in April? Oh this is what they call the future put option. Congrats! You hounded this woman so much that she gave you a date MONTHS away, With plenty of time to back out, for a myriad reasons, I'd be willing to bet on one very plausible one. AND you allowed her to send you to LoveShack after ONE date, and a bill full of phone calls. You really are handling this with a great deal of self respect. Sorry guy, This one is too sad for me to watch right now. Lord knows I have enough of my own. Best of luck, Hope it all works out for ya. Better get some running in, you'll need a strong heart to survive what's coming. like never before, MA Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 28, 2005 Author Share Posted January 28, 2005 I guess I'm the only one who believes. Ice Out Link to post Share on other sites
MJTig Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 OK, this is in response to stuff near the first half of the thread, just want to defend girls a bit. Tired of "nice guys get screwed and girls only want bad guys". I like nice guys. Dated all nice guys. Seriously dating one now. Its the smothering I don't like. Nice does not equal doormat. You can be nice but have your own life and let things flow. When you say all that stuff about praying and wanting her to come to you if she needs it- it becomes another thing you expect or want from her, and she already had people tugging on her from all angles. You said yourself that were annoyed that she didn't say thank you for being so nice... well, I understand it would have been nice and polite. But being angry that she didn't get all mushy back is a little selfish. Did you say all those nice things so she will like you more? Probably not, so stop getting angry. At times she may not know what she wants yet, so pushing her to tell you is the same as a girl pushing a guy about the status of the relationship... and there are plenty of books, sitcom scenes and jokes about that situation. Granted if she constantly dicks you over, call it out and then let it go. Don't bounce the ball when its in her court, as someone so eloquently said upthread. About "playing games" : I hate it too. The reason some girls aren't blunt is because some guys act so needy that you don't want to hurt their feelings because they will lay the guilt trip on you and you automatically become a bitch. Damn if do, Damned if don't if it an outcome that the guy isn't happy with. (Not saying this is you, but its a reason why it happens). Call it selfish too-- but its just as selfish as guys deciding a relationship is over and disappearing because they don't want to own up on it- making you break up with them after days of "WTF?" Both do it. Glad you're taking it as a lesson. You sound like a great guy, and I echo the advice of just letting the flow go and show interest but let it be give and take. A very lucky girl is out there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
MJTig Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 After reading the rest of the thread, In addition- I agree- CHILL. Family first is not a personality trait and quite bluntly you have no right to want time over them yet. Just let things go along without trying to figure out the motivation behind every move. It will cause a lot less headache for you. You said girls chased after you when you weren't interested- yea, LOL, happens to everyone- but maybe it was because you weren't caling them and asking them to evaluate the relationship after one date. You were probably cool and relaxed about it because you weren't worried about the outcome. And what do you mean, you are the only one who believes... believes what???? Shutting up now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 28, 2005 Author Share Posted January 28, 2005 Man, I am getting hammered. Someone come scrape me off the pavement! Link to post Share on other sites
MJTig Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 Well you wanted advice, we're giving you advice. *scrapes you off* Like I said, the only thing I think you need to do is relax and let the relationship develop into what could end up being exactly what you want - its not gonna go 0 to 60 in a date or two. Thats all. You'll be fine, and I in no way think you are a horrible guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 28, 2005 Author Share Posted January 28, 2005 I will take it slow. The ball has been in her court for awhile, so we'll see what she does with it. In the meantine, I am looking to meet other people, but lately it's been a slow, sometime laborious process. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 like i said before, and hell, it's BEEN said before by so many people - love usually falls into your lap like a nuclear-hot cup of coffee when you least expect it. So stop expecting it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 28, 2005 Author Share Posted January 28, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter like i said before, and hell, it's BEEN said before by so many people - love usually falls into your lap like a nuclear-hot cup of coffee when you least expect it. That's a bunch of crap. It only appears that way because so much time passes that something will inevitably come through. But I have told my friends this. It does seem to make them feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 No way dude. I was totally NOT looking to date anyone exclusively and had a small harem of men to fill my calendar with and talk on the phone to. Then I meet josh and suddenly I am totally into just him and I don't care about any of the other boys....it makes no sense. I don't WANT to have this nervous butterfly feeling in my stomach. BUt I do..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 28, 2005 Author Share Posted January 28, 2005 There may be some truth to it. But you also have to try a little. Just not with crazy effort like me. Link to post Share on other sites
kanga Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 Anyone know of any studies that have revealed whether this is true? My theory is that when you are on the hunt, you just act so much differently than your normal self. And what I've discovered is that being my true self has been much more successful than whatever I was pretending to be. My best relationships have come from being with guys who totally appreciate my quirks and moments of dorkiness. And when I'm trying hard -- determined that I'll find that someone -- I tend to suppress those personality attributes. That's my not-quite-scientific theory to explain why I think it happens when you're not expecting it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 28, 2005 Author Share Posted January 28, 2005 I'd say that's pretty accurate, Kanga. Just trying just changes the very dynamic of who we are. The more you try, the more suppression there is of your true self. Link to post Share on other sites
MJTig Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter No way dude. I was totally NOT looking to date anyone exclusively and had a small harem of men to fill my calendar with and talk on the phone to. Then I meet josh and suddenly I am totally into just him and I don't care about any of the other boys....it makes no sense. I don't WANT to have this nervous butterfly feeling in my stomach. BUt I do..... Exactly. The man I have been dating for four years now, and who I know is the One, I never thought he would be more than a fling... we had our issues and worked through them, and now so much stronger for it. So yeah- it blindsides you. I look back and chuckle thinking how I never though he would be the one I would love this much. Originally posted by Kanga And when I'm trying hard -- determined that I'll find that someone -- I tend to suppress those personality attributes. Oh yeah I have noticed that in myself too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iceisles Posted January 31, 2005 Author Share Posted January 31, 2005 She sent me a long e-mail to apologize for being so busy and said "I guess we can get together for Valentine's Day". I told her, "Thanks, but I've changed my mind." If that's as enthused as she's going to get, I don't want to go. Accept halfhearted offers? I think not. Link to post Share on other sites
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