rumbleseat Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 This thread is intended to get a female perspective. If you are/were M, was there a difference in sexual desire between you and your H? If you had no desire, why do you think that is? If you had desire, but not for him, why? If you did have desire for him, why is that? What was he doing or not doing to fan the flames so to speak. Was there ever a time that you had sex when you didn't want to? If so, why? Was there eve a time that you felt pressured into having sex or being intimate when you didn't want to? If so, what did this do to your sex drive? Did it chnage the way you felt about your spouse? If you had a problem in this area, what did you do to make a change?
janedoe67 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 If you are/were M, was there a difference in sexual desire between you and your H? Yes. I very much wanted regular and frequent sex and affection, and he did not have much of a need for it If you had no desire, why do you think that is? I had desire and need (in the emotional sense), except for a very brief period when I was undergoing treatment for a health issue If you had desire, but not for him, why? I had lost a great deal of respect for him because I did not feel secure as a family, secure practically, or cared for by him If you did have desire for him, why is that? I loved him and was his wife, and my primary love language is touch What was he doing or not doing to fan the flames so to speak. He did not have to fan the flames because they were already there. He just needed to acknowledge the fire Was there ever a time that you had sex when you didn't want to? If so, why? Not long before we decided to end our marriage he initiated sex, and I felt that I should comply because I had complained about no se for so long. I cried afterward and felt horrible Was there eve a time that you felt pressured into having sex or being intimate when you didn't want to? I never felt pressured to have sex. I frequently felt pressured not to ask for it If so, what did this do to your sex drive? I still had a drive; I was just extremely lonely, frustrated, and hurt Did it change the way you felt about your spouse? Most definitely If you had a problem in this area, what did you do to make a change? I read books, I tired to be good enough to earn desire, I cried, I begged, I got angry, I made some destructive choices, I prayed 2
Author rumbleseat Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Thanks for the answers. I appreciate them and I'm hoping more women will reply. If you are still married, was this something you were able to find asolution to that made you both happy?
SweetandHappy Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 First, I will say that I am married now, and it is much different now than it was with my ex This thread is intended to get a female perspective. If you are/were M, was there a difference in sexual desire between you and your H? It is/was about the same with both of themIf you had no desire, why do you think that is? I had no desire for my ex after years of being verbally abused, the horrible words and actions slowly killed off my love bit by bit.If you had desire, but not for him, why? If you did have desire for him, why is that? What was he doing or not doing to fan the flames so to speak. I have a wonderful sex life with my current husband now. Was there ever a time that you had sex when you didn't want to? Yes.If so, why?I thought that I could sort of "will" myself into making him happy and as a result it would make him a better husband. It didn't work. He was happy but his attitude didn't change ... I was miserable. Was there eve a time that you felt pressured into having sex or being intimate when you didn't want to? Yes, and I didn't give in. As a result, I was told I should become a nun and lots of other colorful things.If so, what did this do to your sex drive? made things worseDid it chnage the way you felt about your spouse?Again, it killed off any love there a little at a time. If you had a problem in this area, what did you do to make a change?I got divorced and eventually married another man. My current husband respects me, treats me well, and we have a magnificent sex life. We have a lot of sex, and he tells me he has never been happier. 1
Daisy2013 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 This thread is intended to get a female perspective. If you are/were M, was there a difference in sexual desire between you and your H? If you had no desire, why do you think that is? If you had desire, but not for him, why? If you did have desire for him, why is that? What was he doing or not doing to fan the flames so to speak. Initially, we were fine sexually, I think. No complaints. But after 16 years of M, I have lost all desire to have sex with him. He has never been emotionally available to me. He has never made me feel like a priority to him, I gave up trying. I shut down. I met somebody else 2 years ago who set my heart and soul on fire. My desire was for him, although we did not have sex. My H never tried to fan the flames as he never "heard" me and never worked to make me feel "one with him." My story is too much to go into here. Was there ever a time that you had sex when you didn't want to? If so, why? Yes, I continued to have sex as I was dying inside and felt so empty. Sometimes, I'd cry after. Was there eve a time that you felt pressured into having sex or being intimate when you didn't want to? If so, what did this do to your sex drive? Did it chnage the way you felt about your spouse? No, not pressured or forced. If you had a problem in this area, what did you do to make a change?. I tried to talk and explain without blame, just saying how I felt. He got angry so I never tried again. We are just now existing and he doesn't ask for sex anymore much. Nothing will be fixed because I'm unable to talk to him. If this continues, it is only a matter of time before one of us has the courage to D. We've already brought it up. If he would only talk with me..... My ex-AP knew me more intimately in 2 years than my H does after 16. I felt safe to talk, he wanted me to talk. H doesn't.
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