need advise Posted January 30, 2001 Share Posted January 30, 2001 I've been dating this man for the past 3 months he always remembers our anniversary day. however, he never gives any details such as sweet notes or a rose. On the other hand, i never forget to give him a nice card for our anniversary. Also, he is more out going with his co-workers than he is with me. we used to be such good friends and i don't want him to exclude me as "GIRLFRIEND" what can i do? he is nice but i feel like somrthing is missing. please help me with some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
unnamed Posted January 30, 2001 Share Posted January 30, 2001 I find that rather insulting (I've had it happen, and done it myself) to the person. Instead, confront him about it. Tell him you like surprises, notes, flowers, etc.. Have you talked to him about his past? Perhaps he was in a painful relationship that had something to do with giving; suppose that he gave another woman his all, and she used him? Consider that. Also, some men are afraid of what you will think. Flowers are not original, and thus he might believe that you think he is cheap. As for the lack of comfort around you, it seems, maybe he is afraid to open up. With acquaintances, you need not open up to them. On the other hand, in a serious relationship, revealing information is generally a given. Again, perhaps he is afraid to tell you something, afraid you might discover something about him? All in all, talk to him, it can do no wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted January 30, 2001 Share Posted January 30, 2001 I'm confused...you've only ben dating for 3 months and he "always remembers your anniversary"??? What..the 1-week or 1-month anniversary?? If so, that's your problem right there! Maybe he's getting scared off because you've only been going out for 3 months and you're already making a big deal!! Wait till your 6-month or 1 year anniv. before you wish him a happy anniversary or get him a card again, meanwhile...push the subject wayyy out of your mind and instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 30, 2001 Share Posted January 30, 2001 This is all stuff you should be communicating with him. I think it's really nice and thoughtful of him to remember these anniversaries. It shows that he's thinking about the two of you a lot. I also think it is WRONG for you to wonder why you're not getting notes and roses...you really don't have them coming at this point. To even think about why somebody is not doing something you want them to is way, way wrong, especially at this early point in the relationship. To the extent you can give up on some of these expectations is the extent you'll find happiness in life. He sounds like the kind of guy who'll go way out on your first year anniversary if things get that far. Meanwhile, be very happy because most guys don't remember these lesser anniversaries and there are some guys who just aren't note or card people. Chances are he's had experiences in the past where he did give a lady notes, cards and roses early on in the relationship and it turned her off. It seems like his strategy now is working well because he has really gotten your interest. As far as him being more out-going with his co-workers, I assume you know this because you are also a co-worker and you observe this. He is absolutely correct to be more subdued with you in the work setting. He doesn't want to even show a slight hint that seeing you may affect his work output. However, he should be very outgoing with you around friends outside the work setting. If he's not, ask him why he isn't and tell him why you'd like that to resume. Simple as that. Stop putting so many demands on the poor old guy, stop analyzing things so much, and enjoy yourself more. Link to post Share on other sites
Laurynn Posted January 30, 2001 Share Posted January 30, 2001 Let me get this straight. You've been dating this man for 3 months, and he *does* remember your anniversary dates...but you're upset because he doesn't go all out and give you a card or rose on these dates? Sorry but that's just crazy. I can see making something out of a 6 month anniversary...or 1 year...but monthly, when it's only been 3 months? Geez, just be happy that at least the guy REMEMBERS!! Just be happy that you have a man that obviously cares enough to remember. What's 3 months anyway? That's not a long time at all. Certainly not enough time to make such a big deal about anniversaries, I don't think. Laurynn Link to post Share on other sites
Beesting Posted January 30, 2001 Share Posted January 30, 2001 Yeah, I think that's your problem right there. Celebrating your anniversary every month can be a bit of a bore, you know? By celebrating it on the 6-month or 1-year mark, you can make it really special. My SO and I always go away for the weekend on our anniversary, and we definately couldn't do that every month! Guys get scared off by that kind of intensity. They like things to be low-key until the "I love you"s pop out, and even then you've gotta tone it down! I'm confused...you've only ben dating for 3 months and he "always remembers your anniversary"??? What..the 1-week or 1-month anniversary?? If so, that's your problem right there! Maybe he's getting scared off because you've only been going out for 3 months and you're already making a big deal!! Wait till your 6-month or 1 year anniv. before you wish him a happy anniversary or get him a card again, meanwhile...push the subject wayyy out of your mind and instead. Link to post Share on other sites
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