Callerid4945 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Help! I have recently started dating someone I consider a friend. We have known each other for more than 10 years but have always just been friends until recently. We hooked up one night and have been spending a lot of time together including a weekend getaway. We have many mutual friends and have been long time members of the same crowd. Both of us have reached a certain age where we are starting to think more seriously about our futures. Both of us have many friends getting married settling down and starting families. We are in our late 20s and we are both about a year out of not too great relationships. My question is - since we started to hook up - things seem unnaturally serious. In worried I might be putting too much thought into something great just because of the whole friendship thing. How do I tell if it's just a lusty hookup, something we are feeling pressured into because of our friends, or something really serious? Because now he is calling me every day and saying that he is "very serious". Introduced me to his family too - although I'm not too hung up on that because they basically knew who I was before. Is he really serious? Or is he just letting his emotions get the best of him?? And obviously I am feeling really serious about him even though I'm worried this is just an illusion. Please tell me - is it possible to have a REAL relationship after all of this??
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Yes of course you have already been friends for 10 years. Ultimately, the relationship with your spouse should be that of best friends. You guys have a terrific head start if anything!! Your both feeling so strongly because you already had an emotional and intellectual connection. Now you have introduced the physical aspect and things intensified as they should. Your heart ran ahead of your brain and now you need time to catch up. Its normal and these feelings are new. Take a couple days to decompress. Concentrate on work or friends tomorrow. Try not to over think things too much, let it come to you naturally. Many people feel they risk the friendship. And that is valid. But I say if you feel it might be the real thing then you risk a whole lot more pulling back. 1
Raena Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I agree with the above poster... being friends first is ideal. You already know you enjoy each others company and in the end what you'll want is a best friend anyway. Relax and go with it. If it feels right, it probably is!
newmoon Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I'm in a somewhat similar situation with a friend I've known for 3 years. we're both about 6-8 months out of previous relationships and have started to date, but he is also VERY serious (we're even older than you guys). we haven't slept together yet but he wants me to be moving very fast and I don't want that. my opinion is that the guy (and some girls I would assume) believe you can fast-track the relationship based on the friendship you already have, but DON'T!! just like any new bf you have to take the time to get to know him as a boyfriend/partner because the way a guy is with you as a friend and the way he talks to you or treats you as a friend can be remarkably different than how he is in a relationship as a partner. I realize how little I actually know about my friend now that we are dating. so take your time and slow him down; go at a pace more suited to a 'new' relationship and get to know him like you would any guy. the friendship is gone either way so start building something else based off the friendship you shared. 1
deathandtaxes Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I best some of your friends are saying 'What took them so long????' Relax. Don't overthink it. Enjoy. You have such a strong base from which to start a relationship.
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