Getting Married in 6 months and feeling like a LOSER

[conehead]

I'm getting married in 6 months. I mentioned to my fiance that I dont know who to get as my bridesmaid because I have no friends. He seemed surprised and said 'Really? You dont have any friends?.' I've mentioned to him a few times I have no friends and he's always joked that its okay, that he's my best friend.

 

But then just today he mentioned how he's going to have over 6 groomsmen....at which point I stopped him and said that might be too much because I will have at most 2 bridesmaid. He seemed irritated that I have trouble finding people to be bridesmaid. I made a semi-excuse that its expensive to have bridesmaid because I will need to get their dresses, shoes, flowers, hair and makeup, and gifts, etc....at which point he agreed that we will only have 2 BMs and 2 groomsmen.

 

But I can tell he's not all that excited about that, like he feels ashamed we won't have a big bridal party since we are having a big wedding.

 

I can't help feeling like a loser. I have my sister who I HOPE can be my MOH, but I'm stressing out right now because I have no idea who's going to be my other bridesmaid. The few close friends I had live far away....I'm inviting them to my wedding and I'm not even sure they will come.

 

Anyone ever been in similar situation? How do you deal with having no friends when that big day is coming? The fact that my fiance is so popular with so many friends make me feel like an extra loser.....he probably wonders whats wrong with me that I have trouble having friends.

[lollipopspot]

Since you're having a big wedding, I assume that you have a lot of family coming? Or is it mostly his family and friends who are coming? Are there any more of your family members who could be in your wedding party?

[Emilia]

In a way I have. When I met my ex husband in the UK he had a well established friends and family circle here while I had no-one because just moved here from another country. Not something that bothered me. I've always been an introvert so have fewer close female friends than many women do. I don't know what's wrong with that? It's something that's part of me, I'm selective with friendships. Not ashamed of it, quite the reverse.

[Els]

The first thing that struck me was - you're getting married and he has no idea how many female friends you have? How long were you together, didn't you share your lives much with each other?

 

The second thing is that IMO the nitty gritty details of a wedding aren't a huge deal - your marriage is. People attend dozens of weddings in their lifetime and it is unlikely that anyone except you will remember yours. So, don't stress over the details like how many bridesmaids you'll have. Same goes to your fiance.

[mammasita]

When I was engaged in 2012, I wasn't going to have bridesmaids. My ex was only going to have his father as his best man.

 

I have friends but didn't want to have a bridal party. We were going the non-traditional route anyway since I wanted to wear a red wedding dress. Kinda sad that it didnt work out for the simple fact that I can't wear that dress. Glad I didn't marry my ex (bullet dodged - thank goodness he dumped me LOL)

 

Why can't he compromise and tone it down a bit for your sake?

[d0nnivain]

You aren't required to have equal numbers of attendants. I'm sure your sister will be your MOH. Ask her sooner rather than later.

 

 

Do your FI have sisters? Can you ask them?

 

 

Other than what state law requires for the marriage to be valid, there are no obligations. Do what makes you happy.

 

 

After your wedding, try doing things that will enable you to make new friends if you feel lonely.

[Eggplant]

Enlist your cousins or your fiancé's sisters.

[Phoe]

I feel the same.

 

Marriage is still a few years out for me, but my boyfriend and I talked about bridesmaids and groomsmen.

 

 

I have one best friend who I want as my maid of honor. Otherwise, I have no other female friends that are close enough to be in my wedding. All my other friends are male.

 

 

The boyfriend wants 5 groomsmen. -___-

 

 

We're both only children so there are no sisters to enlist either.

 

 

We would be having a small wedding anyway, so WHYYY do I need to try to find 4 more women? *sigh*

[conehead]

I see girls with life-long friends they love to bits, and I envy them.

 

I did have a local girl who was my friend, but for reasons about 2 months ago she basically stopped being my friend. She was my first and only real good friend since I moved back home, and I always saw her as one of my future bridesmaid.....but now she is basically ignoring me without explaining why, and its making me feel pretty sad about it.

 

She seemed like a really nice girl the 4 years I knew her, so it just saddens me that she can just ignore me like this. I admit I made a joke that she's turning 30 (I'm older than her), and I didn't think she'd take it so hard, but she basically started to ignore me after that joke. I apologized to her, but still, she's ignoring me .

 

I have one or two coworkers I'm close with at work and I eat lunch with them everyday, but I dont hang out with them outside of work, so while I thought about ask them, I decided it's best not to. I figured it will risk them feeling awkward about it, and I don't want that to ruin our good relations at work. I'll probably invite them to my wedding, but no more than that.

 

I'm thinking about asking 3 good friends who live far away. I talk to them only in awhile on fb, but we were close once. I already fb all of them to just tell them that I'm getting married in 6 months just to have them save the date. But I havent asked them to be my BM yet, and I'm not sure how to ask them. I don't need them to do anything, just wear a dress and stand next to me during the ceremony. But it will be a bit tricky to get the dress for them to fit since they live far away....and I don't even know if they are even coming to my wedding as I'm still waiting to find out

[d0nnivain]

You ask people to be your BMs months before you even send out invitations, let alone after they RSVP. It takes months to order BM dresses.

 

 

My BMs were on opposite coasts -- California & NYC. I went to Amazon.com of all places, pick a color & let them get the dresses they wanted. They don't have to be matchy matchy.

 

 

Again there is no requirement that the number of groomsmen has to be equal to the number of bridesmaids.

[CherryT]

Stop thinking you're a loser. You're not. You and your fiancé need to talk about realistically how many people you want in your bridal party.

 

I understand your frustrations. I have 5 BM's. 4 of which live out of the country! I moved countries to be with my fiancé and although 2 of the 4 girls and I have drifted, we have known each other since we were kids and they will always be one of my good friends. I asked them weeks after I got engaged. I thought they wouldn't say yes, because of all the responsibilities of being a BM. But to my surprise, they were so so happy. And even though we have drifted and our lives have taken us to different places, we still wanted to be a part of each others lives. If they had said no, I would've only had 3 BM where my fiancé would have had 6. He understands that all his groomsmen live in the same city. And he knew that if my BM's said no, that he would have to adjust.

 

You shouldn't feel ashamed.

[pteromom]

The first thing that struck me was - you're getting married and he has no idea how many female friends you have? How long were you together, didn't you share your lives much with each other?

 

This.

 

And the second thing was him getting frustrated and annoyed with YOU for not having more friends. What is the most important thing here - that he gets to have a flock of groomsmen, or that your wedding is a happy occasion for both of you?