Should i get divorced?

[lizzyQ]

So... we met in 2004, in school, grade 12.

Then got married in 2010.

 

Now for almost a year... I've been unhappy...

Wit a lot of different things, but I think, if it's possible... maybe I have outgrown him? Maybe the things I wanted when I was younger, isn't enough anymore?

 

I want depth... but I get friendship...

I want a man, not another woman in the house...

There's a lot of things that just doesn't work anymore...

 

And I don't want him to change... Only to make me happy, because no one will ever make anyone truly happy or be happy when you're too busy being someone else... I have told him the things I want and don't want... It just doesn't change... He says he wants things to be better... But it doesn't get better... it's like empty promises... or too much to live up to...

 

Things like, fixing a flat tyre for me, without me begging... Fixing my tale light, without me asking... Looking after me, as in my safety... When i met him, he was 79kg's... He's now 125kg's... I have told him his weight is becoming a problem for me as im 55kg's.. and still, he wants the same sex life as before? I've shown him how uncomfortable it is, when he's this fat... and he even agreed, and said he'll start to do something... i feel bad that i feel the way i do... i don't want to touch him, i don't want any intimacy what so ever... and all he's complaining about is the sex life... How can he want a perfect sex life, when our marriage is falling into pieces?

 

There was a time i wanted him to show me more love, more affection... tell me im beautiful... i begged him... but it never came... so i've changed. I stopped worrying.. And one day, he realized, i've changed... and now... he's the one fighting because im not holding him... etc... Honestly... i have no desire to hold him, to have sex with him, to be intimate with him...

 

It feels as if i waked up one day, and realized... this life, this man... i want more, i want depth... i want a WHOLE different man... one who has more safeness... who's manly... who's tough, a man where i know, this is my husband, he'll have my back... currently i run to dad every time.. coz i know, he'll sort me... and it's not the way it is supposed to be... is it?

 

I think we have had a friendship all along... When i see woman posting on social networks, "My hubby is the best", "So inlove with my husband", "Thanks for everything you've done for me" this is things i can't relate to...

 

We never ever had a holiday or breakaway for just us 2... Coz it's not fun he says... even our honeymoon... we had friends with us... it's like im not enough... When weekends come, it's all about having a bbq... hanging out with friends, having them over... alcohol... getting drunk.. While im over that... i want more... i want a home... not a house anymore... you know? Like i said... depth... i want to feel content...

 

In 2011 we found out, hubby can't make babies... yes, there's stuff we could try... the doctor said, hubby should go on a diet, look at his fitness, his sugar levels need some attention, he has to stop smoking, stop drinking... i've cried.. i thought... this is it.. my life is over... until today... he didn't try one thing. not one. i've asked him plenty of times before... thing is, there was a time, that i would've stayed if he couldn't but knowing he has tried everything from his side... but now... i don't even know if i want a baby with him anymore... and if there's one thing i want... it is to be a mommy. If you know me... you'll know nothing means more to me, than the dream of being a mommy and having a family... With that said, im thinking of going on birth control.. Coz i can't imagine a miracle happens, i get pregnant, and im unhappy... what kind of a mommy would i be if i let something happen like that...

 

Hubby loves me... he wants to try... but by try, he means intimacy and holding hands... I love him too... i just don't think i love him the right way anymore. The love i should have for a husband...

 

The list goes on and on really...

 

I think this is enough for now...

The reason for this?

To get some things off my chest...

I want to know... am i a bad person? For wanting the divorce?

 

The thing about whether to get divorced or not... is that i gonna hurt him.. and the wonder if he'll be ok... since i know, he's not a strong person... and selling the house, finding new places to stay, telling the parents, friends and family... this is the things im thinking off...

 

Thanks for taking the time... to read through my message...

 

love hugs...

Lizzy..

[TaraMaiden]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: When one partner tries and tries and tries, then finally admits defeat and gives up - only then, does the other sense it's time to do something.

And by then - it's too late.

 

Too little, too late.

 

He cares, but not enough. He got you, then gave up trying.

He did just enough to woo you, then began to take everything for granted.

 

Oh look, I may get slammed for this, but just do it.

Go.

leave.

 

He existed without you before he met you, he can do it again.

Hell, it might be just what he needs.

but don't stay out of pity for him, and fear for HIS future.

The future you have to focus on, is yours.

 

if you've come this far with no result, he will now give you results.

Until he knows you'll stay.

Then, I suspect he will revert.

 

Call it a day.

[Lost soulmate]

LizzyQ,

A mans point of view, you are too far gone in how you feel. I'd like to say keep trying but I think the more he would try, the more you will be pushed away. He did take things for granted, I agree with that, but I think women take things for granted too. You only have one life and you should be as happy as you can in it. I hate to bring up wedding vows, but things like this are directly in them, "for better or for worse". I just wish people would think about the worse before accepting them. My wife developed an illness while we were married, one that would not allow her to have children. I always wanted children but I took what life gave me. Funny thing is, she ended up leaving me.

[Eggplant]

I don't see anything really terrible going on here... You seem to have an otherwise stable marriage with your first love, something most women can only dream about. In a long-term marriage, you have to both do hard work to keep fulfilling each other. You complain about him not giving you enough "content," but the big glaring thing on your part is that you've stopped wanting to have much sex. Find a way to be attracted to him, blubber and all. Do it out of love. He may in turn be motivated to start giving more "content."