Wife's "Friend", Kids Involved

[jn1975]

I stumbled across this forum from a Google search looking for answers for my current situation. I'm 38, wife is 31, been married for 5.5 years and have been together for 8 years. In March 2006, we met at a party when she was currently engaged to another man whom she claimed she never really loved, but was marrying to please her parents. We became "just friends" for a couple months, until our intimate conversations led to inappropriate touching. Although I knew that this was wrong at the time, I figured that I was single and it takes two to "tango". We eventually fell in love. I had to wait 2.5 years to marry her due to her family's resistance to warm up to me. She is Vietnamese and I am not. Nobody in her family is married to anyone outside of their race, and honor and respect belong in highest regard to her parents.

 

 

Please don't judge her family for being racist as different cultures bring different ways of thinking. I, myself, am half-Japanese.

 

 

For about 1.5 years after we started dating, she remained in contact with her ex, and lied to her family about her involvement with me. Although she said that she loved me and that I was the one that she wanted to be with, she couldn't live with dishonoring or disappointing her parents. The Vietnamese term for this is "hieu thao" which translates to filial piety.

 

 

In Feb 2007, she became pregnant with our first child. At the time, her being a devout Christian, and me being against abortion, we were faced with a hard decision. We decided to have the child. However, our plans afterward were for me to keep the kid, and she would go back to her family. I created a false acceptance letter to a University out of state that she would claim to be attending while she was pregnant. Meanwhile, she would be living with me in a different city, but same state.

 

 

After Dylan was born, we were torn on what to do. We had fallen more madly in love with each other over that time, and neither of us could say goodbye. She then enlisted the help of her older sister and spilled the beans about everything to her. With the help of her sister and her sister's "friend" (more on that later), with newborn in hand on Christmas, we introduced Dylan to her parents and told them everything. At that time, her dad basically had to accept the situation because he still loved his daughter and a child was in the picture. Believe me, this was never the way I wanted to start my relationship with her family.

 

 

Vivian's ex was still in the picture though. She has told me numerous times that feels bad for what he went through and could not break off all contact with him, even though he had managed to get me fired at work (another long story for another time).

 

 

In January of 2008, she mentioned to me that she had to run to the social security office to fill out some papers for her mom. She told me what time she would be there, but I was scheduled to work, so I couldn't come with her. Last minute, my work called and changed my start time, so I figured that I would surprise her and meet her there, then maybe pick up some lunch. To my dismay, she was sitting right next to her ex and rode with him to the office. When I said to her that we needed to talk (I hate public spectacles), she said no fairly loudly and that she was going to stay there with him. I asked if she would sit with me and let me take her home to which she replied that she came with him and that she is leaving with him.

 

 

Her ex wasted no time calling the cops on me. Before the police arrived, I pleaded with her once more to just come with me. I told her that we can come back to the office another day. She stood firm, the police came, and for the first time in my life, I was put in handcuffs and placed in the back of a police car! I was never taken to jail because I told the officers exactly what happened and they empathized with me and let me go. However, to this day, she still thinks what she did was right and has no remorse over what happened to me. That should have been the first clue right there!!

 

 

Shortly after that incident, Thao (her ex) borrowed a large sum of money from her parents claiming that he needed it to pay bills. Her parents were still sympathetic to his needs after what has happened and were friends with his parents. They loaned him the money. We later discovered that he used the money to go to Vegas! Remember filial piety? This was all it took for Viv to get him out of the picture once and for good. She just wouldn't have anyone taking advantage of her parents like that. All I could think at the time was that I hope she could love and honor me that way one day.

 

 

After that incident, everything was blissful. In November 2008, we had a beautiful wedding, albeit looking back at wedding photos, her entire family looks as if someone was holding them at gunpoint. We had a wonderful honeymoon in Vegas, and although we have had our fair share of marital bickering, we were happy, or so I thought.

 

 

We lived a normal life and had a wonderful son. In December 2009, she gave birth to our second son, Carter. We were still happier than ever, and I don't think that I could love any one person more! In November of 2012, she gave birth to our daughter Jessica! Our family was complete and we have a wonderful house together and financial security from my job.

 

 

In April of 2013, after her taking cosmetology classes, we decided to open up a hair salon. After being a stay-at-home mom for so long, she wanted to get out there and interact with adults on a daily basis. She also had the backing of her parents to watch the kids when we were both at work (I still worked full time). I completely understood and backed her 100%.

 

 

Vivian is a beautiful woman who looks a LOT younger than her age (asian thing). I'll admit that after the SS office incident, I've lost quite a bit of trust in her. However, we have iPhones, and I was always able to track her from then on using the "Find My iPhone" feature of the phone. Admittedly somewhat creepy, I just didn't want to be a sucker again who was being lied to.

 

 

From the start of the salon, Viv was getting phone numbers and propositions from random men multiple times a day. The problem was that she would accept them rather than humiliate them and refuse the number. She then would claim to throw the number away. A few months later, she started receiving Starbucks and lunch from random "customers". To this day, she continues to receive these gifts and accepts them. Her view is that if they want to give it to her, why not take it. The problem is that I know how she talks to men. It is a lot different from how she communicates with women. Although she doesn't realize it, she flirts with just about every man she meets!

 

 

I've told her on numerous occasions that I really don't like how she flirts with everyone. She always immediately dismisses my accusations and calls me jealous, and that I should be able to trust her around other men and that she knows what she is doing. I really wish that was the case.

 

 

Towards the end of last year, she had several men, all single, who would come by on a regular basis just to visit with her. They would come to the salon and stay for hours. The only reason I know this is because we have video surveillance at the salon. None of them lived anywhere nearby and would always come to the salon bearing some kind of gift, either food or drinks. Then one day, Mike came in for the first time.

 

 

Mike is a 53 year old married man who is a training manager for a Petsmart 15 miles away. We have been having difficulties hiring the right staff for our salon, and Mike emailed the store email address offering private 1-on-1 management training session to her to "help" her with the salon, not knowing that the email came to me. I then asked who this "Mike" was, and Viv responded that he was just a customer and that it was very nice of him to offer that. I then told her that I was not comfortable with her doing anything 1-on-1 with another man. At the time, she told me that she understood, and she wouldn't contact him about it.

 

 

Mike started coming by the salon a lot more often just to see Viv. One day, when I was at work, I tried to call her to see how her day went. To my astonishment, she turned off her phone. Viv was fully aware of the "Find My iPhone" app since I loaded it on her phone for her so that she could track me to her hearts content. I have nothing to hide, and I felt that such openness would further our marriage. With her phone turned off, I could only see her last know location, which was right outside the Petsmart where Mike works. I later questioned her about this. What hurt was that she went through a myriad of lies before eventually telling me that she did have a private meeting to discuss management with Mike.

 

 

Every red flag was going off in my head, because regardless of age or looks, such incidents like this coupled with deceit lead to affairs! I then pleaded with her that she stop seeing Mike and that I viewed him as a threat to us. She told me, once again, at that time that she would not do that again to me and apologized for doing that. She then said that the only reason she turned off her phone is because she knew that I would not approve of her doing this and that I was too controlling and didn't trust her.

 

 

I pay the cell bill for us and noticed a lot of text messages going to and from her phone in our account, but have been deleted from her phone. At that point, I did something I'm not particularly proud of, but what I thought was necessary at the time. I installed a spy app on her phone where I would be able to read all text messages sent and received. Although many people would view this act as distrustful and an invasion of privacy, I HAD to know if my wife was being faithful to me, and that she wasn't lying to me.

 

 

Right after New Years, I got off work early and was about to head down to the salon to see her. I glanced at the security cams in the salon only to find that Mike was there. Not only were they talking, but they were heavily flirting with each other! I'll admit that my viewpoint might be somewhat skewed in that I'm following her actions with a fine-toothed comb. However our cameras also have audio and I was able to listen to most of their conversation. I watched in horror when Mike walked in, and Viv greeted him with the warmest smile and hug, and said to him that she was waiting for him to show up all day. I then watched them exchange playful touches to each others face, arms and legs. If anyone were to see this video, not having any other information, they would thing that Mike and Viv were on a date!

 

 

That night, I went home and packed my bags and was preparing to leave. I was grief-stricken that not only did she lie about her involvement with Mike, but that her body language showed her true feelings towards him. I was uncontrollably crying and wondering how this could have happened to us when I thought we were happily married.

 

 

On my way to a hotel for the night, I texted Mike myself. I said to him "Congratulation. You managed to destroy our marriage of over 5 years with 3 young children just because you couldn't leave my wife alone." He then replied that they were just really good friends and that he never touched her and that everything they did was always in public. He then told me that I should do anything it takes to save the marriage and if that included him leaving the picture, he would do so. Although I was taken aback by this comment, I figured that if he was having an affair with Viv, he would not have said that to me. He said that he would immediately stop contact with her so that we could work things out.

 

 

The next day, I went to the salon to reconcile once again with my wife. Although what she did was wrong, I thought about my children and the repercussions a divorce would have on their lives. My parents have been married for 47 years, and I was always raised with the values that marriage is for life. I truly believed that we could work through our differences as long as both parties are willing to try.

 

 

After this incident, everyday seemed to be filled with joy. Perhaps that was my own perception since I noticed that all text messages from Mike had stopped. However, I discovered that she would often sit outside of camera range for long periods of time. She claimed that she was just visiting with a friend at the nail salon next door, however I felt uneasy about the situation. She told me that I'm too controlling and that she feels like she is in a cage, and that I just wanted to guard her 24/7. She kept telling me that I needed to trust her with other people and that she knew what she was doing.

 

 

When I asked her to just have friends who were women, at least until I can rebuild my trust in her and our marriage, she stated that she like having men as friends because they treat her better and that women are all bitches! She then later admitted that when she is friends with men, she is in control of the friendship. This is somewhat true since she now has a barrage of men that visit her. If she ever told them to jump, they all would say "How high?" It doesn't take a psychotherapist to know deep down what all these men want from Viv. In fact, she admitted to me that several of them have wanted to take it to the next level, but she said that she stopped them. I again told Viv that I was uncomfortable with her being friends with all these potential threats to our marriage. She says they are only a threat is she lets them be a threat, completely oblivious to my feeling of the situation, and attacking me for trying to control her too much.

 

 

One morning, I when Viv was in the shower, I picked up her phone and looked at the browser history. I was shocked to find titles to emails saying "Missing you" and "Can't wait to see you". The real problem was, to this point, Viv only had one email account on Gmail. These emails resided on a Hotmail account. Not wanting to blow up about the situation prematurely, I asked her if she was hiding anything from me. She then said no, and that I was being too jealous again. Three days later, I then asked her again, to which she still said no. I then told her what I saw, and she finally admitted to having a secret email account to communicate with another man. She said the emails were totally innocent and that I had nothing to worry about. I then asked her why the secret email address behind my back. She stated that she knew I wouldn't be able to accept her talking to a "friend" since I was too jealous, so she did this because she didn't see anything wrong with her friendship with this person. I asked her who it was and what the password to the email account was. She refused to give me either. I demanded it right there, to which she said that she would text me that information later and that she was late to work.

 

 

I never received that text message, so I installed a keylogger on her phone and waited for her to log into her account. What I found was shocking. I found emails being exchanged in extreme sexual nature between her and Mike! When I found this out, I was in shock and was physically nauseous! I immediately left work and headed down to the salon and found her with Mike sitting on a bench right outside our salon. I walked right up to them, they looked at me, then continued talking to each other as if nothing happened. I thought about beating the living **** out of Mike right there, but didn't want to end up in handcuffs or a lawsuit over this. I turned and walked away.

 

 

Viv chased me out the door and told me that she has someone she wanted me to me, oblivious to the fact that I read her emails. I just kept on walking because I didn't want to make a scene in public. I decided not to pack up my things that night, but rather ask her what these emails meant. She claimed that she was just fooling around and joking. However Mike's emails to her, towards the end, ended with him saying "I love you". She said that she can't control how people feel about her and that if she doesn't feel the same, that's the only thing that mattered. She said that I was too controlling and wouldn't let her have any male friends. You know what... she's right, for this very reason!!

 

 

I suggested that we get marriage counseling since this has grown bigger than either of us could handle. She agreed to go. I also said that for our marriage to survive, she had to immediately stop all communications with Mike. She agreed.

 

 

A couple days later, I caught her logging into another Hotmail account that belonged to Mike. I silently read the email correspondences that took place after she said that she would stop communicating with him. She wrote him that she misses him so much and that she can't wait to see him again, but that she needs 30 days to figure things out. I assumed that the 30 days was for our marriage, however, even though they are not seeing each other, they are emailing each other all day. I now realize that they are just creating a longing for each other. During this time, Viv is further resenting me on a daily basis for stopping her from seeing her "friend". I also read an email from Viv to Mike tonight where she was asking to have dinner with him. It is inevitable that this time-out is only building sexual tension due to the constant communication, and physical intimacy will immediately follow after they see each other again.

 

 

Our counseling session is tomorrow, but Viv now says that she doesn't want to go because she thinks the therapist is just going to "brainwash" her into doing things my way. I fear that if I end up going to the session alone, our marriage is over.

 

 

Is our marriage salvageable? Am I just being too controlling? Should I stay in the marriage and tolerate this "friendship" for the sake of my children?

 

 

To anyone who read this post in its entirety, thank you for your time and patience. It was important for me to lay all the cards on the table, both good and bad, to truly receive helpful advice.

 

 

Jim

[BetrayedH]

It's not a friendship. You're the one that has been brainwashed - actually in this situation it's more commonly referred to as gaslighting.

[Timmos]

My wife also had a good male friend. When I said that it made me uncomfortable, she said I lacked trust and security. As soon as my back was turned, she brought him into our bedroom.

 

Your wife's behavior is completely unacceptable. I was in the same position and I wish to Christ I would have taken much harder stances early on. Do NOT let her convince you that you are being too controlling, or that this is all your fault.

 

You need to find a way to stop this. Now.

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

You and your wife are both prolific liars. The stuff you guys did to hide the pregnancy from her family was truly astounding. I don't think I've ever heard anything quite like it. I know that's not what this is all about now, but just "WOW."

 

Stop tracking your wife and spying on her. She's not worth the effort and it hasn't made a bit of difference. She still has been able to cheat with this guy.

 

No matter what you do, you can't control her. You can only control yourself.

 

What can I say about her? She cheats on her fiance, she calls the cops on the father of her child and is completely willing to let him get arrested, she flirts constantly with other men and lies about it, has an affair under your nose and continues to lie about it, and shows not much interest in stopping it? She likes using the potential for sex to keep guys coming around and giving her attention and gifts?

 

One thing I found odd about the way you've felt about it, after all that happened with the cops, with other guys, with Mike, you said something like when she and Mike supposedly ended the contact that "every day was filled with joy." I can't relate, I still would have been pretty disgusted that she did all of that stuff in the first place. What it tells me is that you may be a little short on self-esteem or self-respect?

 

What do you think her reaction would be if you filed for divorce and let your and her family know why you were filing?

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

Just went back and noticed you're 38 and you're wife is 31. You're too old to be playing these high school games, having to track her, having to worry about her using secret emails to screw around with other guys. Just let her know you're done with all this type of stuff, she can either be with you or not, but you have no intention of wasting any more of your life dealing with her bull. Tell her next time you catch her will be the last. And mean it.

[harrybrown]

Have her sign an agreement that you get the kids and she pays you child support and alimony.

 

 

File for divorce. Send her to Mike. You need to start the 180 now.

 

Read about it here on LS.

[Timmos]

My wife made a fake Facebook account, just so she could talk to her "friend" and I wouldn't find out.

 

Trust me, I wish I would have know about this forum, much, much earlier. Looking back at all the Red Flags that I shrugged off because I believed I should just 'trust my wife,' I feel like a damned fool.

 

You are going to need to be harsh and stern. She is going to be angry and resentful, but that's par for the course. Put your foot down, and like Mickey said, MEAN IT.

[No Limit]

I know people say that love makes one blind, but look at your own post, the very beginning of it. How is that the foundation of a stable relationship or marriage?

She's cheated on her ex with you, now she's cheating with others on you and no, none of her behavior indicates that this marriage can be saved. She has no intent on giving up her affairs/ONSs and repeatedly attempts to just drag you by her side like a pet dog, and despite all this you seem to gladly follow.

 

Affair partners rarely work out, and you two are no exception. Personally I believe you won't have a happy future with her. If there will be a future, that is - who knows, maybe someday she'll spill the beans to you too and run off with one of her OM.

 

You've married a serial cheater. Unless you accept sharing her, there's nothing to be saved.

[Timmos]

Also, get copies of those emails. They are highly inappropriate and in no way 'innocent.'

 

It might be interesting to see what her father would say about them.

[aliveagain]

First thing you need to do is talk to a lawyer, you have son's you need to protect. This girl has no respect for boundaries and acts like someone looking to trade up. You need to expose Mike to his wife, be prepared to show his wife proof. She needs to be brought up to speed on his relationship with your wife. Seems the only man she has any respect for is her father and he didn't like you. Do you think he is influencing her against you?

 

Your wife needs validation from men, why isn't yours good enough? Your issue is not with other men but with your cheating wife. There would be no issue if your wife didn't allow it. She needs professional help and any type of reconciliation has to include independent counselling for her, she needs to get to the root of her need for validation from other men. If she is not willing to do what you need to feel safe, file because there will always be other men in your marriage. Being married to someone that is openly dating is way worse than divorce. Expose her.

[miguelcervantes]

Your wife always seems to be at least one or two steps ahead of you which means you will always be playing catch-up with the situation. You need to get in control of your life and stop finding out about things too late.

 

Your wife is a flirt and a cheat. She cheated on her first fiancé with you and now is about to (or quite possible has already done) cheat on you with Mike. Not entirely sure what the attraction to Mike is but maybe you can fill us in on this. He is older but not necessarily more successful, attractive etc.

 

You have two kids in addition to yourself that you need to protect. You need to be able to walk away from this marriage - pure and simple - even if you want to reconcile later. You need to be truly ready to lose her in order to win her back (or not).

 

Gather all the evidence you can and store it somewhere safe. Lawyer up and find out your rights with regard to divorce, finances, and most importantly, custody of your kids. Start doing something called the 180 which will help you heal yourself. Maker her understand that you will not tolerate this behaviour and will not be in a marriage where she also flirts with other men and has boyfriends. What is going to hurt you the most is her ability to blatantly lie or trickle truth you.

 

Get going with this and do not falter in your approach, or you will pay a more hefty price further down.

 

Best of luck.

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

Imagine this: 30 years from now, you go to visit your now 36-year-old son, now married with a few kids of his own, and you can see he's monitoring his wife on a video camera. You ask why and he tells you a story similar to your own. What advice do you give your son?

[Chi townD]

Well, of course Mike was going to text you back and tell you nothing happened and work it out with your wife. He's a 53 year old MARRIED man! He wanted you back with your wife and working on your marriage so you don't screw up his!

 

Dude, going to the social security office? Am I wrong to assume that your wife is foreigner?

 

Dude, you set her up. Safety and security of a marriage and home. Support while she was going through school (possibly paying for it) and then starting up her business. Now that she has everything to stand up on her own two feet, you're not a priority anymore.

 

I mean, the night you went to the hotel, you never mentioned if she tried to stop you, or drove around for hours trying to find you, or calling everyone and their mothers to see if they've seen you, or left 50 voicemail messages for you and the phone was ringing off the hook all night long. It was YOU who went to the Salon the next day to patch things up! Sounds like she didn't give a damn if you were there or not!

 

You have to ask yourself, who exactly IS in this marriage?

[Buckeye2]

DNA your kids. You can buy a kit and WalMart or online. Take a cheek swab and mail it off.

[lolablue17]

First thing first.

 

STEP ONE

1. Copy and save all evidence.

2. call mike immediatly and tell him you are going to send his wife & bosses the incriminating stuff to them. you "may" change your mind, depending on his behaviour (ZERO contact, even not one mail, meeting, even not just a "goodbye" text).

3. go to a lawyer immediatly, arrange your case, and tell him to make all divorce papers.

4. go to your wife and hand her the papers.

 

Then, and only then, you're in control. you will be gaining back you power, your self respect, your dignity. no more pleading, no more asking her for favors.

 

STEP 2

 

From then you have 2 options.

 

1. reconciling if she is full of remorse, and agree to do what ever it takes to have you back.

2. divorce.

 

although I think she will be searching for men affection for ever, and she cant be changed, I advice you consider staying, and be full aware that you might divorce her in the future, but then your children will grow up and it would be easier.

[bubbaganoosh]

Your running in circles with her. She's a married woman with three kids acting like a single woman and in so many words telling you that she's going to do what she wants to do with who ever she wants to do it with and for you to accept it and guess what friend. Your doing it.

 

It's no bad enough that she has no boundaries but she has absolutely no respect for you because you wont do anything except turn the other cheek and hope it goes away without bringing the hammer down on her behavior.

 

Enough of the nice guy business. You have to let her know in a way that she gets it though her selfish skull that her actions are not what you expect from your wife and you need to let her know that you will no longer put up with her flirting with other men.

 

If it was me, I would tell her that if these other guys are so damn important to her then pack up and go with them. If you still want her to be your wife then you better clip her wings and tell her that anymore of her piss poor behavior wont be tolerated and if she doesn't like it, then send her back to her parents.

 

Your problem is that this started a long time ago and you let it grow like a tumor on your marriage.

 

If she gives you any crap about it, then you let her know that it's time that she starts thinking about something other than her selfish ass. Stop being the nice guy and for once take charge of the situation because so far your losing. If she says you controlling, look her in the eye and say "damn straight I am because you can't behave and I'll continue until you learn how" and if she wants to leave let her.

[xAkulax]

Your wife is cheating on you. divorce!!!!!!!!!

[jn1975]

DNA your kids. You can buy a kit and WalMart or online. Take a cheek swab and mail it off.

 

I though about doing this but I really love those kids and the statute of limitations for contesting paternity has past.

[jn1975]

She's a married woman with three kids acting like a single woman

 

I often tell her this exact statement. She said when she married me, she had a lot more freedom to do what she wanted. I'm just trying to cage her. I told her that our boundaries in our marriage are not walls of a cage. She said she doesn't see anything wrong with it.

 

A little more insight to her influence... Viv's sister has a male best friend who I know loves her sister. He loves Trinh from the bottom of his heart and has exchanged sexual emails with each other. They spend birthdays and holidays alone together and he calls her "baby". The problem is that he has known Trinh well before the husband ever entered the picture. He has grown so far into the friend zone, he is now a friend of the entire family. He also didn't have the courage to make the leap from friend to lover since he is also quite a bit older and Caucasian.

 

There was one time that her husband finally got fed up with her actions and pleaded with her and her parents to stop or else. Well, she didn't stop and the "or else" never happened.

 

Both Viv and Trinh didn't have a father in their life for most of their childhoods. I think they want to attach to innocent "seeming" father figures. Unfortunately, these father figures see the situation differently.

 

Viv wasn't this way when I married her. From the day I met her, I told her to not ever become her sister. She now thinks that I was trying to brainwash her the whole time and if her sister can do it, she can do it.

[jn1975]

The problem is also that for the next 18 years, we will have to be amicable to each other after divorce for the kids sake and shared custody. I know that each time I see her, I will be reminded of the wounds that took place.

[kalimata]

Your wife is disrespecting you. Show her you have balls. File for D and don't look back.

 

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this type of sleaze?

[janedoe67]

It's fine for everyone to say you should do this or do that. I have learned that many people do so out of the pain of their own experience, and because they won't suffer any of the heartache & consequences themselves. It is clear that you really do love your wife. It is equally clear that you have stepped way over your boundaries in this marriage. Would anyone allow their spouses to put tracking software, spyware, and logging devices on their personal phone? The ends do not always justify the means. There is hope for your marriage. There is possibility for change. There are good counselors that can help you through this. In addition to counseling, I want to recommend a book by Dr. James Dobson called Love Must Be Tough: New Hope For Marriages in Crisis.

Good luck. My heart goes out to you.

 

After my infidelity I most certainly allowed and knew that my h had monitoring on my computer and such. It is called rebuilding trust.

[jn1975]

Thanks for all the helpful advice. We went to our first counseling session today. She basically told the therapist that she is not willing to change because she thinks that I'm too controlling, and doing so would give me too much control over her. She also stated that she is not in contact with Mike, however she exchanged 37 loving emails with him. There's not much more I can do to save this marriage if she's not willing to budge and put some effort in.

 

I'm in complete agony and disbelief that I am going to have to divorce my wife, the woman I vowed to love and cherish through sickness and in health. I keep asking myself if there is another way without me perpetually getting emotionally abused for the rest of my life.

[Just_AGuy]

I was abusing my willpower to read everything to the end. I must say to you - you're the problem. And you deserve what you got. I know I am a "Mr. Nice Guy", but I wouldn't put up with even 20 % of bull**** you wrote about thrown at me. Run from that woman like from deadly disease. There is no chance of any reconcilliation. Any honest therapist who is not after your money (if there are such exist) would tell you that. This woman has destroyed your life and will make you even more damage. I don't have therapy diploma but i can tell that your wife is whore, bitch and a very bad person. The whole story is sooo unbelievable that it deserves soap opera being made. Except for the fact that there is not so much people who can watch past episode 3 because it's so mind blowing. But... in the end it's you who was "asking for it". All decisions you made lead you to this.

[Just_AGuy]

It is equally clear that you have stepped way over your boundaries in this marriage. Would anyone allow their spouses to put tracking software, spyware, and logging devices on their personal phone? The ends do not always justify the means.

 

I dont see much wrong to putting spy in the phone to your wife or husband. I wouldn't mind if my wife would do that. Why? Because I do not have anything to hide. Trust. Isn't it a foundation of marriage? Wife or Husband they are the closest person you should have. Secrets destroy marriages. So my answer to your question : No I wouldn't mind my wife spying on me.