Wife's "Friend", Kids Involved

[Just_AGuy]

Thanks for all the helpful advice. We went to our first counseling session today. She basically told the therapist that she is not willing to change because she thinks that I'm too controlling, and doing so would give me too much control over her. She also stated that she is not in contact with Mike, however she exchanged 37 loving emails with him. There's not much more I can do to save this marriage if she's not willing to budge and put some effort in.

 

I'm in complete agony and disbelief that I am going to have to divorce my wife, the woman I vowed to love and cherish through sickness and in health. I keep asking myself if there is another way without me perpetually getting emotionally abused for the rest of my life.

 

Here you go. She told you that she is not willing to change. She could just say that she doesn't care about you. Anyway. When people's actions are not going along with what they say then you look what they do. Because what they do is actually what they mean. You did want to "sort things out and be happy family". Look what she did. You see? It does not matter what she says, it's matter what she does. And for me picture is clear. I'd say cancel councelling because it will not work (councelling is for people who want to change and make things work) and save yourself some money. Some marriages are not meant to be saved. I know you say you care about kids. But admit you can't change the other person.

[BHsigh]

Thanks for all the helpful advice. We went to our first counseling session today. She basically told the therapist that she is not willing to change because she thinks that I'm too controlling, and doing so would give me too much control over her. She also stated that she is not in contact with Mike, however she exchanged 37 loving emails with him. There's not much more I can do to save this marriage if she's not willing to budge and put some effort in.

 

I'm in complete agony and disbelief that I am going to have to divorce my wife, the woman I vowed to love and cherish through sickness and in health. I keep asking myself if there is another way without me perpetually getting emotionally abused for the rest of my life.

 

I heard the same lines as I was fighting to find out the truth about if she was having an affair or not, "you're being controlling" "I don't need to change I have self respect" "I can't believe you went through my phone" blah blah blah. Of course this all changed when I found undisputable evidence.

 

Your wife just did you a favor, at least she's being honest now, you don't have to agonize any more about whether she will pull any of this again or not, she straight up told you that she will.

 

You need to file for divorce and have her move out ASAP, you can always cancel the divorce if she comes around, but you need to put your foot down and show her that you will not allow her to walk all over you.

[aliveagain]

Thanks for all the helpful advice. We went to our first counseling session today. She basically told the therapist that she is not willing to change because she thinks that I'm too controlling, and doing so would give me too much control over her. She also stated that she is not in contact with Mike, however she exchanged 37 loving emails with him. There's not much more I can do to save this marriage if she's not willing to budge and put some effort in.

 

I'm in complete agony and disbelief that I am going to have to divorce my wife, the woman I vowed to love and cherish through sickness and in health. I keep asking myself if there is another way without me perpetually getting emotionally abused for the rest of my life.

 

She has put you on notice that you are not enough to keep her entertained for the rest of her life. There will always be another Mike. This has nothing to do with control, it's about her need for validation from other men. The fact that she is lying to you and your therapist about contact should tell you she will do whatever it takes to keep other men in her life. She has shown you who she is, believe her. Lawyer up, do what you need to do to protect your children, secure your legal rights as their father. Divorce is your best option, they take time and you can stop it anytime up to the final decree, assuming she pulls her head out of her a$$. She has backed you into a corner, now is not the time to wimp out. If the marriage is over it's best you know now rather than waste years with more of her abuse. Start the process, she has clearly left the marriage.