AnneT1985 Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Hi y'all I'm wondering what your thoughts are on buck and doe/stag and doe/stag and hen etc parties. They are relatively uncommon in my area but my coworker recently had one and had an ad in the newspaper for it. For those who are not familiar, I believe they are a type of fundraiser party for a couple's wedding where there is admission/tickets sold, inexpensive alcohol, games and from what I know of my coworkers the bridal party helps pay for it and puts it on. Anyone who has experience...if I am wrong please correct me. Apparently people who do these do not have engagement parties (where I am from people don't have engagement parties either though). Do y'all think these are fine or totally unreasonable? I know a number of people who find them extremely tacky and greedy- others who say they are fun. My personal opinion is to each's own, and I might even attend if feesible, but I do not believe there should be any expectation on anyone, including the bridal party, to attend or to raise money, as everyone has different morals when it comes to any type of fundraising and should be the sole responsibility of the bride and groom and any help people are offering of their own will is bonus. What do y'all think though? Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 In the UK a Stag/Hen party is the same as a bachelor/bachelorette party. It is organised by the best man/maid of honour and friends attend. There is no fundraising involved... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Anything that involves fundraising for your wedding is awful, tacky & to be avoided at all costs. To put an ad in the paper is the height of rudeness. Did people the couple didn't know actually come & give them money? I'd like their names so I can hit them up too. How ridiculous. If you can't afford the wedding you want, wait longer to get married & save for it or have the wedding you can actually afford. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 They're very common in my area, actually. Nobody views them as offensive or tacky because it's not unusual at all here; not everyone has them but nobody bats an eye. Many, many people attend them too, even without knowing the couple. It's like a big party where you pay a cover charge. However, I have discovered that they are very regional. People in the city where I lived after moving away from my hometown were horrified by the idea. I think you'd just need to assess how commonplace they are in your current area and let that be your guide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnneT1985 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 Did people the couple didn't know actually come & give them money? Good question because I think that is often the point. However from what I know it was all people she knew but a lot of whom were not invited to the wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnneT1985 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 I also know this coworker had a big falling out with her bridesmaid because her bridesmaid could not get time off work to attend and refused to buy a ticket to show support, sell them to her friends and family or solicit businesses for donations of items to raffle at this event. I find that expectation way too much after she bought a shower and wedding gift, dress etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Kingston100 Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 They didn't used to be a thing in my area (South Western Ontario) but more and more people are doing them now and have been for the last few years. Personally, if I were asked to solicit for donations or contribute financially as a bridesmaid or family member I would be offended. I don't object to the idea all together, because they can be fun. But I don't think the couple should have any expectations beyond people showing up. I do find it tacky though that I am constantly getting invites to these events by facebook friends, usually high school classmates that I haven't seen in over a decade. My basic feeling about that is, I know the couple has no interest in catching up with me and I know they have no intention of inviting me to their wedding. So asking me to come and shell out money to "celebrate their day" is insulting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnneT1985 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) They're very common in my area, actually. Nobody views them as offensive or tacky because it's not unusual at all here; not everyone has them but nobody bats an eye. Many, many people attend them too, even without knowing the couple. It's like a big party where you pay a cover charge. However, I have discovered that they are very regional. People in the city where I lived after moving away from my hometown were horrified by the idea. I think you'd just need to assess how commonplace they are in your current area and let that be your guide. Where I'm from they aren't too common but do happen, but are rather controversial. And from talking to a few people it might not even help raise money for the wedding as is the intention, because they gave less as a gift after attending. Edited March 12, 2014 by AnneT1985 Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I have to agree with you. I feel any kind of "wedding fund raiser" is absurd and, yes, tacky. Have the wedding you can afford, not the wedding you want, but can't afford without leeching off your friends/family. My parents generously gave us a monetary gift to be used toward our wedding and we received that with gratitude. But asking for money, particularly from friends and non-immediate family, is cringe-worthy in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnneT1985 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 In my example above and in another post I've read people freak out on their wedding party for not paying for, selling tickets to and attending these events. If you're going to fundraise...whatever but really, to lose a friendship over it because you want a wedding that's out of your budget seems very off in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts