Ex dumped me for being abusive

[madgirl1991]

Okay. I guess I need to work out what it is 'within me' then.

 

Maybe its the fear that I'll never find anyone who checks as many of my boxes as he did. Yep, pretty sure that's it.

 

Also, because the relationship had so much potential. I'm disappointed i ruined it with my stupid behaviour. I have never had a relationship, where there was this much potential, before. I have always settled for people I didn't really want in the past. This time, i really wanted him and he really wanted me too.

 

Until now. Sigh.

 

What do i do about the dinner? I made a big fuss about it..i can't not go now. Sigh. Even got a new outfit for it! I thought he might like it and it might swing him to like me again. Silly me...taking shortcuts.

[pickflicker]

What almond said. Also, just because your parents choose to persist, despite huge arguments, does not mean you should. You didn't fight with him because it's cultural, and if he's seen enough fighting and anger from an abusive mother, why should he set himself up for more?

 

Your parents might persist in their marriage. It doesn't mean that they are ultimately compatible. It just means that they made their choice. The point is, they made it together. Your ex made his choice, and it's different from yours. And if you love someone, you do not chase them down and browbeat them into submission. If you love someone, you let them go.

[almond]

Madgirl, I just took a quick look at your post history...is this the same guy that broke up with you earlier in the month for being abusive?

 

Please see your doctor, and ask for a referral to see a professional. It's not easy to figure out what is causing you to behave like this, but the help of someone qualified can really help you to get on a good path, before you've done more damage to yourself and others. It can be sorted out, but it will take time, determination and commitment. You seem to be able to commit to men easily, so please, commit to yourself now. We all deserve to be happy and healthy. Get yourself well, and then your future relationships will reflect this.

[madgirl1991]

Grrrr. I hate the answer I am hearing!!!! Not what I wanted at all!!!

 

But, if EVERYONE on this forum seems to be saying the same thing. yeah, i have a problem i guess.

 

sorry for repeatedly posting. Thank you almost, pit etc for your genuine advice.

 

Anger management AND counselling..woopeee! This is gonna suck for awhile lol.

[almond]

Ya it sucks, but we all have our own issues. It's how you deal with them that's important.

 

Accepting that you have a problem is probably the hardest part. If you've finally done that, then you should feel relieved!

 

If you seriously commit and follow through with treatment and working through your issues, you give yourself the opportunity to make your life better than it has ever been. Be excited for it!

 

And, take a break from dating until you're in a good place. Distractions like that are too much of a trigger for your current behaviour, and it will cloud your head and seriously impede your progress.

 

Make wise decisions and sacrifices for what's important, and you will be rewarded. Continue as you are, and you'll continue to struggle.

[ThatMan]

People handle their emotions in different ways. Some people deal with hardships by laying down on a couch to cry. Some people have a hobby or activity, such as hitting the bars, to deal with painful emotions. While other people lash out the moment they feel slighted.

 

When I briefly lived in New Orleans with a few friends we had a word for people like you: Beastie.

 

For whatever reason, you lashed out when feeling upset and uncomfortable. Shaming your man and calling him gay probably wasn't the first time you lashed out at someone and I doubt it will be the last. In fact, I would count on your future relationships to each involve mistreatment until the day begins when you can stand up and say, "It isn't okay to continue hurting people just because of my feelings."

 

What do you mean moving on from that to have fun, passionate, loving, exciting relationships sucks? You have your entire life ahead of you and I hope your poor attitude changes for the better. There is so much to look forward to rather than dread. You do have a choice in this. You can continue living exactly as you have, all the while pointing towards your parent's marriage as a role model, and latch your hooks into somebody else who is willing to put up with you. Or you can begin making those changes, continue working on yourself, and enjoy awesome relationships. Because unless your ex is one sick puppy struggling with his wounds from childhood abuse, he will walk away from your mistreatment and not return, and there's nothing you can do about that.

[Chi townD]

Grrrr. I hate the answer I am hearing!!!! Not what I wanted at all!!!

 

But, if EVERYONE on this forum seems to be saying the same thing. yeah, i have a problem i guess.

 

sorry for repeatedly posting. Thank you almost, pit etc for your genuine advice.

 

Anger management AND counselling..woopeee! This is gonna suck for awhile lol.

 

 

 

Hey, nothing wrong with seeking help to make you a better and more rounded person.

 

 

I think, personally, that your Ex has bigger issues than you. I believe that he never got a handle on being abused by his mother. Therefore, he's developed a BIG mistrust in women all together. And I also believe that he might not have had this address by a professional and if he has, then that professional therapist sucked.