littlelaxer Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 ok so my ex and i have been broken up for close to 4 months........anyways i went the first two months with doing NC and he would try and contact me, but i just wasnt feelin it so i would let that junk go. Anyway after the two months he eventually got in contact with me. Then he started to call me often, text me often, come and visit me at work ask when i was workin and come in. I was like wahts goin on here? this is to much intrest in an "ex". And if he was tryin to be friends no one really tries that hard, right? So i was like i cant take this, i dont want to be his friend and i dont want to be that person on the side line. So i called him and told him that i couldnt be frinds with him. THat i thought i could handle it, but i coulnt. HTat i was fine before he started to show allll this sudden intrest in my life and that i just couldnt take it. He was like well cant we wait a couple weeks or a month and see where we stand.....uhhh i dont think so! Anywys i thought i was pretty clear but the next day hes online and is NEVER online so i just brush that off.....a couple days later he comes in my work again.....im like uhh ok what ya doin here, i work in the mall so its a public place but come on. He even sent me a text like a few mins after 12 on new years. I was like geez So i called him jan 1st and was like listen u are drivin me crazy hes like how. I said did u have to come in my work. hes like well i didnt know u were workin......right. so i was like listen if u dont want anything to do with me just tell me. He said, i dont want anything to do with you. I was like fine then just leave me alone. ANd he has. Except he pops online for these long periods of times now. ANd he doent have any buddies i knwo this cause he is never EVER on. There is no point cause he has no friends on his list and he basically made it to talk to me when he got on the computer at work a looonng time ago. So hes been on for the past two fridays, and the 7th was my bday and he was on all that day on and off. Commin in and out of idle. And last friday. I sign on today and hes on again. He was on since 12 this morning and was goin in and out of idle all afternoon till i came out of away. and he IMs me. He asks if im still mad at him. And i said no. ANd he asks if i still am content with not being friends. I said no im fine. I didnt really knwo what to say. He said iscared him when i called him last. And i said well did u uderstand why i was like that?? and he was like kinda. THen he just signs off. im thinkin he got kicked off or soemthing i dont knwo. He hasnt been back. The converstaion was a little longer then that. Its good to see with the IMs when the person types becuase i could see he would take a while to type somethig and then earse it all and type again. What my question is why does he want to be my friend so bad? i gave him a clear chance at just goin away forever but he keeps trying to be friends. Why? Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 It's called an obsession! You have made it clear to him that you would prefer to remain in the NC mode as he went a bit overboard when he felt he had the chance to contact and see you. If you feel that way you need to be the initiator and stop the contact with him. When he texts, Ims, calls, or comes to see you....ignore him! It is up to you to take the lead on this. Why are you so concerned with him being online all the time. Maybe he has changed a bit since you broke up and likes being online.....does it matter? Link to post Share on other sites
Author littlelaxer Posted January 19, 2005 Author Share Posted January 19, 2005 its hard to ignore all of this because i do want to be with him. and its hard to understand what he wants because even after i say that i dont want to be friends with him, and i ask him if he wants anything to do with me and he replies no and i tell him to leave me alone he eventually comes around. It just drives me crazy. About him being online i notice that because it is very strange that he is on. I start NC and im doing good and then BAM he does something. Maybe by him disrupting my NC is a good thing, am i right?? cause if he didnt care or anything he would just leave me alone. ???? Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 By his actions he obviously wants something from you, whether it be friendship, sex or a relationship. I am confused as to finding out that you also want to be with him. Why the no contact then and why are you telling him that you don't want him as a friend. Relationships/friendships are based on communication. He is only telling you that he wants nothing from you because you are letting him know that you don't want to be his friend. Do you expect him to cry out "cause I love you and want to be with you" when you tell him to basically "fudge" off first? Be mature, let him know that you think of him too, let him know why you have been pushing the NC and see where he stands. Then make a clear decision. Link to post Share on other sites
iceisles Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 What if being friends is a step towards wanting to work on the relationship again? It doesn't sound like he as any ulterior motives. If he was scared, apprehensive, or timid (all possible), then this slow re-entry into her life would be expected. I think it's a good thing that he's talking to her again, but she does need to figure out exactly what he's looking for. I believe if someone makes an effort, at least give them the benefit of the doubt before passing judgment. He's sticking around, but why? It seems he is being friendly, so he's not in the "axe to grind" category. I think this a good thing, but the cards must be played carefully. She could be hurt if all he wants is a friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
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