Yesterday's IC discussion

[longjourney]

We spoke about my relationships prior to my WH. My IC says she believes I am more likely to forgive my WH and be likely to "put my head in the sand" because of my previous boyfriend experiences.

 

 

I was in a long term relationship with a guy right before my WH. We lived together. By most peoples standards this was NOT a healthy relationship. He was DEFINITELY verbally abusive and at points there was some shoving, though no out and out hitting or anything like that. I stayed with him FOR YEARS.

 

 

My IC said she KNOWS this is contributing to me contemplating staying with my WH. She is proud of me for starting the D papers, but she is wondering how "programmed" I am to ignore due to my self esteem and fear of being alone and being a single mother, especially since my working ability is limited. She said it is the perfect storm for denial and rug sweeping. She also points to the fact that I "knew" for about two years during the A that something was going on, my WH denied, said I was nuts and it continued. The OW's BH asked me after D Day why I didn't put an end to it sooner or why I didn't contact him? It could have been a much shorter LTA. The truth, I was afraid of my WH's reaction. I didn't want him angry at me, much like I was in my previous relationship. Throw my previous relationship in with the fact that BOTH my parents are WS's, how can anyone think that I am seeing ANYTHING rationally.

 

 

So my question is how do you even attempt R when there is much more then a WS fog going on after DDay. The BS is also not seeing/thinking clearly.

 

 

I mean I have read SO many times that the BS says they knew they wanted to R, because they "love" their WS, but do we love ourselves? Is that the MAIN difference in BS who "chose" to R and those who don't?

[scatterd]

I am glad you are getting help. I think this is one reason why some stay.Keep Working on learning to love yourself. I hope your future

will be filled with happiness.

[jnel921]

IC is important as it helps you recognize your weaknesses and strength. Once you can identify you can start making changes. Don't be afraid to make decisions that will improve your life. You can't see that now because you are still in a fog.

 

Your WH had a LTA and lied to you, called you crazy when you knew better but turned a blind eye. You didn't want to upset him? Doesn't make sense.

 

Once you learn to love yourself more you will realize you are not by yourself but with yourself.

 

There are deal breakers when it comes to R. I think your WH has broken them and you.