Am I nuts or is she

[ktya]

Ok will try to keep it short. I was in a relationship with this girl for nearly 4 years. It wasn't a great relationship, she turned into someone completely different after she moved in and it was hard to unwind as her daughter had no involvement from bio dad and started calling me dad. She ended it and I was happy about it. This was November.

 

We had a bunch of great ex sex thoughout the holidays and I didn't mind as I only planned on casually dating for a while. She then wanted me back something fierce and while I took the time to think about it told her that I couldn't even contemplate that until I saw her living in her own place (she moved out of my house to her dads, we fought about domestic issues- there was only so many times I came home from work to run the dishwasher back to back 4 times in a row to get caught up that I could stand). This came to a head when I lined up some dates, she told me if I went on a single date I would be writing off any chance at a future relationship with her. I chose the date; she was still living at her dads and not independent yet and I wasn't about to limit my options after 4 years of hoping for things to change.

 

We had many discussions and I agreed to continue being dad to her daughter, wonderful little girl.

 

Well fast forward to today. She met a guy a week after I declined to cancel my date. That was four weeks ago. She is already moving in with the guy, switched the kids school (again, it was switched when she left here), says she is 100% sure she is going to marry the guy.

 

I have been storing literally 3 tonnes of her stuff here at my house and in the understanding of this I basically hooked up a moving truck to take the first 2 tons of it to her new boyfriend's house. I didn't mind helping out so she could transition into independence but with her flying at warp speed into a serious relationship with another dude I just want the crap out, its been 3 months.

 

I had deposited money to the kids bank account so she could buy herself some treats. Kid was here when she was moving her stuff into the truck, I learned that she never told the kid about the money (and shes been broke a lot lately). I've tried to maintain a relationship with the kid as best as I can, but since she's met this guy his every breath takes priority over everything else, I cant even speak to the kid on the phone when I booked her a hotel room as promised for five minutes.

 

Apparently she now has her daughter in a shared bedroom with this guy's kid. The daughter is 9 and his daughter is 5.

 

Im thinking that this behavior is very concerning for me with regards to the daughter. She met this guy a month ago and the kids are already sharing a bedroom. They are moving in within a month of her first meeting him. Switching schools. She is not moving out on her own first after leaving here and going straight from her dads place into this guys house.

 

I have no reason to believe that this guy is a bad guy, maybe a bit of a putz for falling into this mess. There's no jealousy on my part at all, he can have her for all I care, I'm dating two perfect 10s with real jobs (my ex sat around on disability slept all day and stayed awake all night and while calling herself a stay at home mom the house was a gong show) so my concern is only for the daughter and nothing to do with her moving on.

 

Obviously as I'm not a bio dad to this kid my options are limited to talking to my ex about it, calling CPS or doing nothing or some combination thereof. My ex's family is pretty trailer park so while I'd hope that they would get involved and give optics they are more happy that she's finally getting the f**k out of their house after 3 months of waffling than anything else.

 

This kid called me dad for 4 years. When she was over she started recounting my current dating situation complete with names and everything (crazy! I never spoke a word of this to the kid she does not need to know these things) and I found out about the stolen money. I am very concerned that my ex is jumping into stuff so fast and dragging the kid along with her crazy train.

 

Its a free country and all and she could be banging the whole city for all I care, just shacking up with your kid and intertwining your lives so fast I think is setting a horrific example (ie. girls cant live on their own they need a man to live with and make them happy) and is basically wandering with kid in tow naked into this relationship (she has no foundation, did not come from an equal position where she had her own place).

 

Am I nuts to be so concerned for this kid? Its difficult because on one hand she is not my biological kid but on the other hand I've been dad to her for age 5-9, taught her to read, taught her to bank, a whack of stuff.

 

Any thoughts peoples?

[Keenly]

You've bonded with this kid so its understandable to have concerns for her.

 

 

However you have no legal rights in a situation like this, and you may have to understand there is a very real and likely possibility that this insane woman will do a kind of " daddy trade " and will insist on removing you from her life entirely.

 

 

You need to brace yourself for that very likely possibility.

[ktya]

But you agree with me that this behavior is insane?

[Keenly]

But you agree with me that this behavior is insane?

 

Her poor new boyfriend.

[ktya]

Her poor new boyfriend.

 

 

That's precisely how I feel about him.

[amaysngrace]

Maybe this works out for everyone. His daughter gets a mom, her daughter gets a dad and the two girls each get a sister.

 

Stop giving the kid money though. She isn't your responsibility and it's not even going to the kid anyway.

 

If she misses you then see if your ex will let you take her somewhere like the zoo or a museum or something and buy the kid lunch.

 

I think it's great that you bonded so well with her daughter. You're going to be a great Daddy someday.