johndoe13 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 You sound like a good guy. Well good guy is what may be the problem. My girlfriend is not as bad as yours; she cooks for me, but she does do some selfish things. I bought a house with a girlfriend (my bad it's money_whatever) but girlfriend is still on a test...I will not get married or have kids until I feel that we are both at a very happy place for a while (6 months happy). It sounds like you are not happy and that she is not trying or enjoing your company. She unfortunately seems like a spoiled brat. When she had something she doesn'T give a sht and is she doesn't she'll manipulate people into getting it. Well you have to show her that you can still leave and won't take **** from her just because you are married. If I were you I would set a timeline and what you want before a certain date. Then when you have laid what will make you have sit-down and talk to her that you want this resolved (in a nice way & and don't threaten her). See if she is willing to change. Then measure the progress and rectify her behaviour. If that does not change leave and find a women that helps you and keeps you happy (not miserable) or see a therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 How old are you both? How did you meet? Link to post Share on other sites
johndoe13 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 By the way I think that you have TO become selfish yourself: - Don't get her pregnant! - Go to the gym and start eating well - Start connecting with friends. - Start looking good for yourself - Start a mindset that you will be more than fine on your own and that you will be ok if you loose her. - Ask yourself why you are so afraid of losing that person - Remember everyday that you have 1 less day to live and that life is short... - Think of how you want to be treated and ask yourself if that is the case. - Start doing things and talking with people that make you feel good - Do an action plan, start small! Change her behaviour by NOT TAKING HER **** anymore - Communicate with her in a non confrontational way if she does it again that you are NOT happy with certain things she can change. You will know if she gets the message or wants to change. But ULTIMATELY the result of how you live your life IS BASED ON WHAT YOU ACCEPT AND DON'T ACCEPT. These are things that I am telling myself. . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 in 5 years you never saw this behavior before? selfishness isn't something that just appears overnight in people, and I'm sure if you look back you'd have seen instances that pointed to this becoming an eventual problem. certain behaviors can be 'hidden' but not for such a long period of time. it's probably more than just this one thing that's leading to dissatisfaction with her/the marriage. people rarely morph into some other persona without some problem their experiencing, whether work, family, kids, etc. so there is something that is likely bothering her despite the efforts you are making. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thegameoflife Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 Wow! You know, I had a lot of sympathy for you...but that statement about most women being selfish...well, maybe there's a reason why your wife no longer feels that invested in your marriage? If you truly believe what you said, then she'll be picking up on your resentment and lack of respect... I'm not being sexist, most men are this way too. The older generations are much different. The younger generations are even worse than mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thegameoflife Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 By the way I think that you have TO become selfish yourself: - Don't get her pregnant! - Go to the gym and start eating well - Start connecting with friends. - Start looking good for yourself - Start a mindset that you will be more than fine on your own and that you will be ok if you loose her. - Ask yourself why you are so afraid of losing that person - Remember everyday that you have 1 less day to live and that life is short... - Think of how you want to be treated and ask yourself if that is the case. - Start doing things and talking with people that make you feel good - Do an action plan, start small! Change her behaviour by NOT TAKING HER **** anymore - Communicate with her in a non confrontational way if she does it again that you are NOT happy with certain things she can change. You will know if she gets the message or wants to change. But ULTIMATELY the result of how you live your life IS BASED ON WHAT YOU ACCEPT AND DON'T ACCEPT. These are things that I am telling myself. . I don't think it's selfish to want to be treated well. I've refused to cater to her demands many times. The result is she gets upset, and eventually comes back and apologizes. After an a hour or so, she starts her crap again. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 I've refused to cater to her demands many times. The result is she gets upset, and eventually comes back and apologizes. After an a hour or so, she starts her crap again. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. You can't keep complaining about if you choose not to do anything about it. It's a comfortable pattern and a pattern that you have shown her works to her benefit. Nothing changes until you do something about it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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