klandes Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 I've been with my boyfriend on and off for the past 2 years, and now we're serious and commited to this relationship. We've been through some ****, but it just seems to keep coming at us, and now it might be my fault - A new guy roommate moved in with me and my friend Sarah, therefore my BF is flipping out. What gets to me is that he knew all along that the ads were for either sex since it's so hard to find someone aroud here, and he never seemed bothered or made any comments towards it. Now that he's met the guy for barely 5 minutes (cause he could not handle it and had to leave the apt) is totally against it, and he's making it to be a problem with no solution whatsoever. Ok i'll be honest, the "roomie" is not bad looking, he's the tall dark and hansome type is what it is, but i'm just not attracted to him, i don't see myself with him in any way whatsoever, he's also younger (20!) and we're all 23 and past that stage. I'm just sounding like a broken record right now, since i spend all my hours on the phone telling this to my BF - who just doesn't get it! I understand he's concerned, and if i were in his place, i'd be even more jealous. He's even threatening me in moving in with a chick just to get back at me. I tell him, we'd be over if he did so. Just for the sole reason that he's a dude, and guys would wanna fck anything with a hole. I know my limits, and even if this guy tried anything, it would not happen. I feel he's bringing this as an excuse to end our relationship, i don't see the big issue - he's lived with girl roommates before, (not while he was with me) but he has in the past and even hooked up with a couple.. so i do have my reasons to not trust him when it comes to living arrangements. HELP, I'm lost at words, i don't know what else to tell him and how to make him understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 Hate to say this.. BUT.. You are really making a double standard here.. It should be okay (in your mind.. and honestly in mine as well IF you're not down for anything out of line happening) for you to have a male roomie that's hot.. but again IF he isn't about having anything happen either.. oh hell.. uh.. yeah crappy place to be.. but I'm trying to be "objective" BUT You're telling your BF that he had better not have a female roomie thats hot.. Can't have it all ways here sister.. AND do I think you have a reason to NOT trust him IF he did have a female roomie that was hot based on what he did BEFORE he met you.. NO I don't.. I wouldn't want my BF (or my suga daddy Mr. Tanbark) LOL (Sorry inside joke thingy kinda ) to have a female roomie they were attracted to like that.. and I know for real my BF wouldn't be allllllllllllllllllllllll about me having a male roomie.. so yeah... Wish you luck here girl Link to post Share on other sites
ThornBrush Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 Your situation, my friend, is quite hilarious. I fail to see how you do not see his view point. If your BF is OK with your cohabitation with the opposite sex then its Ok, but if he is not then you should go out of your way to accomodate his wishes. sometimes it might mean being a bitch to the others involved bu throwing this new guy out- even though he has not done anything. get your priorities right. You say u have a prob if your BF did that, but you are confident of yourself- in that case the girl that your BF would have hypothetically lived with might also be of the same confidence level as you. Tell you a secret from a guys perspective- guys dont like their lovers to be in a vulnerable situation. PERIOD Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 I had sympathy for him till I read that he was freaking out about this and you were consoling him nightly... he acts that chumpy, I think he deserves it. To me, it is simple. A good woman or a woman in love (they are not the same thing) does not put herself into situations where anything is reasonably likely to happen, and does not embrace situations that even smack of shadiness. This is how he should have handled it. You tell him about the roomate. He tells you, calmly, that its not appropriate. Not because he's jealous or insecure, but because its just not right and because it is indicative of a woman who is keeping him around and seeing what she can get away with. You say pound sand and take the roomate (and no male roommate is going to live with girls unless he thinks they are worth trying to hook up with or is utterly sexless himself). B/F calmly dumps you. That's what should have happened. Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 *********He's even threatening me in moving in with a chick just to get back at me. I tell him, we'd be over if he did so. Just for the sole reason that he's a dude, and guys would wanna fck anything with a hole. I know my limits, and even if this guy tried anything, it would not happen.******** Well, it's obvious that after two years you don't trust him, nor does he trust you. I'm a guy and I don't want to fck anything with a hole. You have a distorted view of men and it's funny how you believe men can be like this and women cannot. Well, maybe since he has done it before, feels that you might too. Who knows... The only thing you can tell him is that the guy is a roommate, he either accept it or not and then do not talk about the subject again. If he loves you and cares enough, he will eventually accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
ttjames Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 Since it's already done. I'd say tell him the roommate is gay or has a girlfriend. Pick the guy apart and tell your b/f eveything that's bad about the roomy. Stinky, bad habits, annoying, etc.. etc.. If he still has issues with it, then tell him he has two choices. Live with it or not. It's stupid, but I can relate. I wouldn't want my girl living with some tall dark and handsome hunk. It's too threating. I'm assuming this is a college roommate, so people will drink, things happen, blah blah blah. But my girl was really good at reassuring me, plus I trusted her. guys dont like their lovers to be in a vulnerable situation. PERIOD Link to post Share on other sites
HurtRuphen Posted January 23, 2005 Share Posted January 23, 2005 "I tell him, we'd be over if he did so. Just for the sole reason that he's a dude, and guys would wanna fck anything with a hole." so then it's ok for your new "guy" roommate to wanna fck anything with a hole.?? Your boyfriend know this and you know this, so the double standard is ok for you but not him. Your own words here. Hurt Link to post Share on other sites
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