Caught wife cheating.

[tnmale41]

First off this is going to be a long thread,so i hope someone reads it and have some info to help me.

My wife and i have been through alot of tough times and have always been there for each other.But what i found out is so sicking that hell would be a vacation right now.

 

Before i get into details every story has two sides and im not blaming my wife for everything.Just most of it.Most guys will not admit its there fault also that there wife strayed away from home.I let our marriage go stale and am now paying the price for it.But for her to cheat behind my back was cold and painful.

 

I have been a stay at home dad since my daughter was born.I do not regret leaving my job to do so.Three and a half years and i have loved every minute of it.

So on with what i found out.The signs were there. So i had to find out.I waited for her to come home and i just asked.She was always on her phone texting someone and when i asked who she was texting.It was always her friend from work.So i asked if she was talking to a guy and she finally broke down and said she was.

 

I almost came unglued but the grown up in me said "no" wait and talk it through like adults. I asked if she had slept with him and she said no.But i found out that was a lie.I asked why she cheated and the answer i got shocked me.

 

She told me i was not giving her enough attention and that she was tired of being broke all the time.Never once did she ever talk to me before all this and say she was unhappy.We were fine up until i asked her about it.She told me she didn't know how to tell me because she didn't want to hurt me.And that she loved me but wasn't in love with me crap.

 

So after days of not sleeping,crying,being sick and puking.Not eating much i said enough and went into detective mode.Did some digging on facebook and seeing if she had added anyone new to her friends list.And sure enough there he was.I found out it was someone from her job.So i went to his facebook page and i almost fell out of my seat.

 

Come to find out he was married also.Oh it gets better read on.So i go to his wife's profile and see pics of them together and blah blah.So i had to stand up and walk away for a little bit.Clear my head.

 

So now im pissed and hurt and feeling are going crazy in my head because for some reason i still love my wife and want this to just go away.Telling myself this isn't happening to me.

So for the next step i had to get on her facebook and find out whats going on.The messages that they were sending each other made me want to puke.They were sending dirty pics to each other.Telling each other that they love each other.So i had to find out how long this was going on.

 

So i waited for my wife to get home.I told her i knew everything and (at first i thought i did but there was more to come) that i wanted to know how long it was going on.When she told me for four months i lost it.I knew something was going on when she was going to work at 5 am and didn't have to start till 7:30 am.And she took her phone with her everywhere,even the bathroom.

All that time we have been having sex and everything was fine.So she was lying to me the whole time.We had been making plans for the future and everything for her was a lie.

We moved to Tennessee to be closer to her dad and step mom.We spent thousands of dollars to make this move and be on the same property as them.

 

And because i was a stay at home dad they didn't like me and told me to leave.So the wife and i packed up and moved on.She stuck up for me and told them what they were doing was wrong.So we have been through it all and stuck it out.

 

So now with no family or friends here i am doing this alone.I will be going back to Florida at the end of the month.It hurts me and is tearing me apart that my child is the one that gets hurt in the end.

 

And now that i have to wait it has been tough because since i found out and it was out in the open, that i knew.My wife was been running off with him every chance she gets.She waits for our daughter to go to sleep and then leaves.Coming home with hickeys on her and acting like its ok to do it.

 

I asked her to at least respect me and not to call him when she is here and not to bring my daughter around him until i was gone.And she has done both and even kissing him and hugging him in front of her own child is so disrespectful.

 

I have no idea where to start and what to do its killing me.She is taking everything from me and never gave our marriage a second chance.She is giving me some money to move back to Florida but i have to find a job after being a stay at home dad for so long it going to be hard to do.I will make it somehow and will get back on my feet but shes leaving me with nothing but a kick in the ass and walking away way to easy.

 

But the worst thing i had to do was break it to his wife she had no idea what was going on.He wasn't even going to tell her.Once she found out and confronted him on it ha went home packed his stuff and left.What a coward never even gave her a reason why he was leaving.But don't worry i have been talking to her for awhile now and found out alot about this man.She has been putting up with his cheating ass for years.

 

So in the end someone will cheat again and it will end soon enough.I don't want to see my wife get hurt but all i can do is sit back and watch this sinking ship go down.But part of me hopes they make it so they cannot hurt anyone else ever again.

 

So i don't know if i should get a lawyer or where to even start.I want to give it some time to see what happens but the longer i wait the longer it will take to heal.This is all to fresh and have no idea where to turn.If someone has any advice let me know.Thanks for reading.

Edited March 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Tripz]

Not exactly the same thing in my case, but there are similarities. First thing, forget the notion that you will get any answers. You probably don't even want to know, but if your wife is like mine has been, "her relationship" with the other man is off limits for discussion. Some days I regret filing for divorce simply to make her squirm in her sin longer. I control the money, so I could have just let this thing run it's course. I don't think my wife would ever have filed (no money), but even if she had, she wouldn't have a clue how to proceed. She was lucky the first 40 days I was too numb and in shock to really think things through well. She's getting out of this marriage pretty easy and without any financial responsibilities.

 

So in your case, you might be able to really take her to the cleaners, especially if she's the one that has been making the money. For her sin alone, I'd ruin her in court, if I was you. Absolutely...But...I'm in a really vengeful, pissy mood today, too.

[d0nnivain]

Yes you should get a lawyer in Tenn the state where you live now. As a stay at home dad you may be entitled to custody & alimony. Talk to a lawyer before you move back to Florida. Changing states may hurt your custody battle.

 

 

I'm sorry that this happened to you.

 

 

It was good that you told the other guy's wife. At least you now have someone to talk to commiserate with.

 

 

Hang in there. Focus on your daughter & getting yourself a job.

 

 

Good luck.

[tnmale41]

I did contact a lawyer today after i posted and i can do alot to hurt her.I could crush her in court and get custody of my daughter.I just do not want to hurt my child.I mean either way i lose.And my daughter gets hurt with me or without me.

I just do not know if it would help or hurt me.And where i will be staying when i go back is not good for my daughter.My family smokes and i do not want my daughter around that.Walking away and just letting her think she is winning is the other option.Because i know that both of them cheated and it will not take long for one of them to do the same thing again.Its all new and exciting for them now but that will wear off some enough.

He hasn't had the chance to know what my wife is really like.She is lazy and does nothing to help.Yes she makes all the money but i do everything here and do not ask for help from her.But she comes home and throws her stuff around like a teenager. And i clean up after her every time. I've had to deal with it this long.Now its his problem. From what his wife says he is the same way and always looking for attention.With my daughter here he wont get as much as he thinks. They don't have kids so he will be walking into this blind.My daughter can be a handful sometimes and is difficult to handle.

I really just want to let karma do its work but i do not want to she my daughter hurt either. I always put her first and hate to know she will be around him. I think i will talk to the lawyer again and see what other options i have.Thanks for the replies.

[bubbaganoosh]

I did contact a lawyer today after i posted and i can do alot to hurt her.I could crush her in court and get custody of my daughter.I just do not want to hurt my child.I mean either way i lose.And my daughter gets hurt with me or without me.

I just do not know if it would help or hurt me.And where i will be staying when i go back is not good for my daughter.My family smokes and i do not want my daughter around that.

 

 

Your family smokes and you don't want your daughter around that.

 

Your wife cheats and brings another man around your kid so I guess that's cool huh?

 

Friend some advice to you. You better wise the hell up real quick and take that defeatist attitude out in the garbage.

 

If you think for one minuet that your wife is going to play fair with you in a divorce then you deserve what you get. This ain't a game and she isn't going to play one.

 

Give her half a chance and she's going to put you on a spit over a open fire and BBQ your ass in a heart beat.

 

You contacted an attorney. Hire him, listen to what he has to say and do what he tells you to do. That's why you pay out of the ass for lawyers. Get you monies worth. If he says you can cause damage then fine because if you think that she's not going to do the same thing to you, then you are crazy.

 

Your the primary parent so you'll get custody. Your wife will have to pay child support and also alimony.

 

Put the shoe on the other foot and you would be doing the same thing.

 

Look. She already showed you her true colors. She cheated on you and didn't bat an eyelash and doesn't give a damn how you feel about it so stop feeling sorry for her or you'll be roasted until your well done.

[tnmale41]

I know you are right and i do not have alot of time here.She thinks she is taking back to florida at the end of the month.The problem with hiring a lawyer is im a stay at home dad with no money.How can i hire a lawyer with no money.I know she is up to no good and i know she will burn me if she gets the chance.I just do not know what to do.

[Lost soulmate]

Search the laws in your state. In Florida I believe the one who makes the money pays attorneys fees.

[tnmale41]

so after tonight i have decided to take her to the cleaner.She went to her friends house came home waited for our daughter to go to sleep. Didn't even say one word to me and left to go be with him.I am so done with her crap.Calling the lawyer to see what i can do about payment plans or whatever i cant do this anymore.She is going to pay for this one way or another.

[Lost soulmate]

I have read a little bit on the laws in TN. Adultery is grounds for divorce. Get all the proof you can find. Print out text messages or facebook chats. Keep log of her activities, especially when it comes to your child. Attorneys fess can be granted as alimony in your state. Find a good lawyer. When reality hits her, she might try to come back to you. In your heart you will probably want to try to work things out. Dont fall for it. Go through with divorce, look out for you and your child. If any reconciliation is possible, do it after. I feel for you. Going through something similar but without children. Good luck

[uhboy]

dude, sorry you have to go through this. I am in the midst of divorcing my wife after her infidelity as well -- feels awful....she's having fun while dumping you, and you have to sit there and try to make sense out of nonsense, and we have 3 very young kids. Like you, I realize I contributed some to the dissatisfaction to the marriage, but you hope that your spouse respects you enough to come forth and attempt counseling or something before she runs off and has an affair. I tried to reconcile, but she basically chose a path with him rather than return to me.

 

Anyway, hang in there. Divorce is no fun, but the way she is treating you will make any sort of life with her hell. It can never go back to the way it was. Stick with the process, don't dwell on the past, and keeping looking forward. Its hard, but its necessary, and you will regain confidence and happiness with each step forward.

[BetrayedH]

Any money she makes is marital money. You are allowed to spend it.

 

Stay where you are. Pay the attorney his retainer. Borrow it if you must. File for divorce. Do everything your attorney says.

[cozycottagelg]

Do not let her take your child.

 

This could possibly ruin you financially..but that is a very small price to pay if it means keeping a relationship with your child.

 

She messed up..not you.

[george roy]

Not exactly the same thing in my case, but there are similarities. First thing, forget the notion that you will get any answers. You probably don't even want to know, but if your wife is like mine has been, "her relationship" with the other man is off limits for discussion. Some days I regret filing for divorce simply to make her squirm in her sin longer. I control the money, so I could have just let this thing run it's course. I don't think my wife would ever have filed (no money), but even if she had, she wouldn't have a clue how to proceed. She was lucky the first 40 days I was too numb and in shock to really think things through well. She's getting out of this marriage pretty easy and without any financial responsibilities.

 

So in your case, you might be able to really take her to the cleaners, especially if she's the one that has been making the money. For her sin alone, I'd ruin her in court, if I was you. Absolutely...But...I'm in a really vengeful, pissy mood today, too.

 

+1

 

Sounds exactly like my situation.

 

Tnmale41,

 

It's time to get off the sidelines and get in the game.

 

File first.

 

Keep a journal of everything YOU do with the kids.

 

Ok to scribble down that STBXW was 'gone' or 'out'. Especially when it was time she could spend with the kid(s).

 

Hide the journal. Hide it well. This is now your second most important thing in your life, next to the kid(s).

 

Cancel joint credit cards. Or at a minimum, take your name off of them.

 

You'll need some money for your war chest. Move it to another bank. With only your name on the account. Do NOT do any online banking with this account.

And password protect it (meaning that every time you go to the bank, you'll have to verbally give them a password that only YOU know). Make it something that the STBXW would never, ever guess.

 

This is the time for YOU to shine for the children.

 

Do not convey any of your intentions to the STBXW. At all.

[Yasuandio]

TIP:

 

Facebook prints out kinda weird. While you have the chance, take screen photograph shots of each page - try to get the date/time stamp from corner of page. Or - take a corresponding second shot of the corner of page (time/date stamp) to go with each photo.

 

DO IT NOW.

 

At any moment, it can be erased - FB does NOT save. It constantly evolves.

 

If she knows you've been on there time is of the essense. GET THOSE SCREEN SHOTS and print offs before it is too late!!!!! Yas

[tnmale41]

I cannot get screenshots of it.I did copy and paste most of what i could.With facebook chat when you copy and paste it there is no time stamps on it just the conversation.She found out i was on there and changed the password.

[Chi townD]

so after tonight i have decided to take her to the cleaner.She went to her friends house came home waited for our daughter to go to sleep. Didn't even say one word to me and left to go be with him.I am so done with her crap.Calling the lawyer to see what i can do about payment plans or whatever i cant do this anymore.She is going to pay for this one way or another.

 

There ya go! That's the spirit!

 

You keep on writing that you don't want to hurt your daughter, you don't want to hurt your daughter....blah...blah...

 

YOU AREN'T THE ONE HURTING YOUR DAUGHTER!!!! Your wife and her selfish behavior is! Do NOT take the blame for that!

 

You're wife is gone, I mean, REALLY gone! She can't even wait for your daughter to fully go to sleep before she's out the door! What kind of mother is that!

 

You need to look out for you and your daughter. Right now, you are the ONLY constant thing in her life. So, you need to be the shoulder to lean on for her!

 

Talk to the lawyer and blow up this selfish bitches fantasy world out of the water!

[Yasuandio]

I cannot get screenshots of it.I did copy and paste most of what i could.With facebook chat when you copy and paste it there is no time stamps on it just the conversation.She found out i was on there and changed the password.

 

Snapping a screenshot with IPhone or any Smartphone will date/time stamp.

 

Good for her. New password means more to hide. If you are not separated yet, take the "family-owned" laptops to computer forensic when she's not around. Or have them come to house. Seriously worth the dough. Pay cash. Say nothing. Access data from a divice outside the premises.

 

Once separated - you can no longer do this. Better get while the goings good. All they do is stick a key into your computer - and walls - everything, including demotions are there. Forensics may have a way to preserve theeold FB pages. That makes it easier on you.

 

Your scrapbook stuff will not hold water on cross-examination, and probably will not be admitted. Once you altered the evidence from the computer - it's no good. Of, course, you can understand why. Anyone can put anything together with cut and paste. The fact you would admit to such a "project" will cast doubt on other "techy" data YOU have collected.

 

Get the professional. I hope you ran extra copies. If not, the forensics can probably pull memory of printer tasks from you computer. Yas

Edited February 21, 2014 by Yasuandio

[george roy]

... Good for her. New password means more to hide. If you are not separated yet, take the "family-owned" laptops to computer forensic when she's not around. Or have them come to house. Seriously worth the dough. Pay cash. Say nothing. Access data from a divice outside the premises.

 

Yaz,

 

Good advice.

 

Where does one find such a service ?

 

How do you 'google' it ?

 

And how long does it take them to perform the service ?

 

[tnmale41]

First off my wife does everything on her phone.She doesn't use my computer at home.And her laptop is from her job and i can not access it.We do not have any bank accounts. She controls all the money.Since i caught her she has changed passwords on everything.She does not make alot of money.

My family will back me up through this but they cannot help me financially.

I have called the lawyer back and have an appointment Monday to talk to him.

So i am going to do whatever he tells me and go from there.

There is no way im going to let my wife hurt my child anymore than she already has.The last straw was when i found out she meet him at a park with my child there and was kissing and hugging on him in front of my daughter.

She will pay and i will take what little we do have.She doesn't deserve to be a mother and be happy. I'm not running im going to stand my ground and do whats right.

I will be back with an update soon.

[Yasuandio]

Yaz,

 

Good advice.

 

Where does one find such a service ?

 

How do you 'google' it ?

 

And how long does it take them to perform the service ?

 

 

Someone here just did it in the last week, and found everything - shocking. I will look thru the posts, for you. Meanwhile - I'd call the usual services, as if u were getting stuff of your kid's computer - to save all the drama till you get to your source person.

 

Start with Geek Squad for recomendations. Google in your area computer experts - call. I understand it can be done fast from my own attorney - as my husband's attorney wanted to do this to my computer. They just stick a drive key in it from how it was explained to me.

 

I get back to u when I find who did last week. Meanwhile, start calling. Even a computer person at Best Buys or Radio Shack can give you a lead. But google and phone book are the place I would start looking.

 

EDIT: I just went thru all the posts I was reading, can't find it. Might be within the body of the thread, or on another page. Here's another idea:

 

Start a thread called: How Do U Catch a Cheating Spouse with a Forensic Computer Examination?

 

That thread will get you some help you need, and hopefully the person I recall will reach out to you.

Edited February 22, 2014 by Yasuandio
Edit: Another Idea.

[george roy]

Someone here just did it in the last week, and found everything - shocking. I will look thru the posts, for you. Meanwhile - I'd call the usual services, as if u were getting stuff of your kid's computer - to save all the drama till you get to your source person.

 

Start with Geek Squad for recomendations. Google in your area computer experts - call. I understand it can be done fast from my own attorney - as my husband's attorney wanted to do this to my computer. They just stick a drive key in it from how it was explained to me.

 

I get back to u when I find who did last week. Meanwhile, start calling. Even a computer person at Best Buys or Radio Shack can give you a lead. But google and phone book are the place I would start looking.

 

EDIT: I just went thru all the posts I was reading, can't find it. Might be within the body of the thread, or on another page. Here's another idea:

 

Start a thread called: How Do U Catch a Cheating Spouse with a Forensic Computer Examination?

 

That thread will get you some help you need, and hopefully the person I recall will reach out to you.

 

Sounds good, Yaz.

[Yasuandio]

Sounds good, Yaz.

 

Hon, I searched the entire LS site. It is not here. I must have read it on another forum. So sorry. You can do this - good ole' Yellow Pages! Yas

[Darl]

1) Do not move to Florida. See a lawyer first. Get a lawyer who believes in you and shows you sympathy; this does not mean a limp lawyer but a lawyer with a steel backbone who understands what has happened. This will take money to retain a lawyer but usually the first consultatiion is free.

 

2) Get a job.

 

3) The issue will be the custody of your child. Fight. Do not give up fighting. This is about the future emotional and physical health of your child. Stay fighting. Do not give an inch to your wife, who will say terrible things about you. Your child needs you--you're the father.

[No Limit]

Best of luck. You're on the right track.

[tnmale41]

Ok so wife went out with her friend for her birthday and i know she invited him to go along.She came home to drop my daughter off before she had to go back to get ready to go out.She had the nerve to tell me i have to be out by next week.The only reason i can think of is she wants him here because he has no place to stay. Im not going anywhere and i hope she calls the cops and tells them she wants me out so she can explain why. That would be a good one. I just wish i could follow them but with only one vehicle it wont happen. I really dont want the cops involved but if she takes that route im going to kick back and laugh as she tells them why. Getting popcorn ready for this one.