Caught wife cheating.

[Radu]

Depends.

 

First of all, by talking to all of them in your town you have just prevented her from hiring them, this is not a bad thing.

Do you have any family that can help you ?

And what country do you live in ?; in the English speaking world, UK>Canada>US when it comes to the rights of the fathers [uK is the worst].

 

Look up organizations that protect the rights of fathers, they will have relevant information for your country/state.

[george roy]

Ok so i have been on the phone talking to three different lawyers.All told me the same thing.And the only three lawyers in this small town that deal with divorce.

They said a divorce is a divorce.

All i can do is retain them to go any further.

That i might be able to get her for alimony.

That since she is the mother that she has the right to take my child.

I even told them i have been a stay at home dad for the past there and a half years.

I told them she has been cheating.

Whatever the laws are here are messed up.

They want 1500.00 for a retainer and i told them i dont work because i stay at home with my child.

I dont have that kind of money so am i screwed here or what.?

 

Get a loan.

 

Borrow from a relative.

 

Sell your blood.

 

Got stuff that's just yours ? Pawn or sell it.

 

Use the 'rainy day' money.

 

It may not seem like it now, but you'll need it.

 

Because you will be in for the fight of your life.

[Radu]

And for God's sake, involve the Police.

Get this **** documented.

 

You don't need to accuse her, say you are a concerned father who's wife took his child.

Remember the officer and his/her badge nr.

 

You should have done this when she left, because then it was hot and what she did was very close to kidnapping [could be interpreted as].

 

Talk to family again, any friends you have, etc ...

And look for a job asap, any job [but only after retaining a lawyer and asking for his opinion].

[Chi townD]

Dude, talk to your folks and see if they can help you. Sell something that you can part with, get this ball rolling. Also, do your research and find a bulldog lawyer! If that lawyer happens to be two towns over, then see about hiring him or her. A lot of divorce lawyers love talking their clients into a no mess divorce so all they have to do is file paperwork and collect a big fat check with little to no work. So, do your homework and find a bulldog.

 

 

You should have called the cops on her when that happened. That would have looked bad for her in family court.

 

 

I STRONGLY suggest to you that you carry a voice activated recorder on you at all times! This is to protect you. It wouldn't surprise me that she will try and goat you into an argument and then call the cops on you to remove you from the house stating that "she doesn't feel safe with you there." If you have a recording of you being calm, cool and collective, you can play it for the cops and they'll know she's full of sh*t. But, check with your wiretapping laws for your state. Some states have laws that say that you can't record someone without their permission. Therefore, anything that was said on tape is inadmissible in court.

 

 

However, if she calls you, LET ALL CALLS GO TO VOICEMAIL!!!! If she leaves a message, then she KNOWS she's being recorded in order to leave that message. You can use THOSE in court, so save them.

[kalimata]

Dude - why haven't you exposed the OM yet? Especially since he is married? Exposing to OM's wife will certainly put a crimp in their plans to meet up in the park.

 

Expose expose expose.

[tnmale41]

Dude - why haven't you exposed the OM yet? Especially since he is married? Exposing to OM's wife will certainly put a crimp in their plans to meet up in the park.

 

Expose expose expose.

 

Did that already.

[carhill]

It's been awhile since the OP posted but one tip I can add, in his circumstances, is to interview every attorney locally available, since it's a small town, and cover the most recommended ones nearby. By doing so, they are barred from representing his adversary. He's not bound to retain any of them, but sharing his 'stuff' with them disallows them from representing his adversary. We generally target all the 'bulldogs' known.

[tnmale41]

Ok so heres the update so far.So the cops have been called.They told me there was not much they could do without a court order.She said she isnt coming home till i leave.Thats what she said at first.So now she tells the cops that she is scared to come home because of me.Cops come back even though she has been gone over a week.In Tennessee they can serve you with a ten day eviction notice to get out.

 

So she had been bringing my daughter here during the day and picking her up at night.But she is scared to come home but she has no problem coming here for our child.

She wants me out so bad that she bought me a bus ticket to go back to florida.I told her i wasnt going anywhere.So she wasted 150.00 for nothing.

 

Yesterday she comes to get our daughter and she was with him.She had the nerve to bring him here.So i called the cops again.All they told me was to call if he shows up again. And because i didnt get a tag number there wasnt much they could do.Even though i know his name.

So i get a phone call first thing this morning and it the stbxw and she tells me shes not paying the bills here anymore.All the bills are due now and she knows it.Ive been getting all the late notices in the mail and letting her know they are late.She had this planned for awhile.

 

So after i get off the phone with her.Not even ten minutes later landlady is bagging at the door.Says rents is past due.Come to find out we are two months behind.I told her to call the wife and ask her because she pays all the bills.About an hour later i get a knock at the door again and its the state sheriff.Serves me with a ten day eviction.

 

And the funny thing is my name is the only one on it.So shes been telling some major lies to the cops.And why the landlady is helping her i do not know.Something is fishy here and im the one being put out.

 

So i have no idea what to do now.Ive called my family to see if they can help and they do not have the money.I have posted some things up for sale to try and get some money together.I havent even got a call.I pawned the wedding rings but didnt get much for them.Pawned some of my tools.Had to get food and other stuff.She wont buy anything.Im calling some local churches to see if i can get some help.Ive asked some of my friends for help and they cant.Seems like all is going bad my way.

 

My sister in NY is willing to come get me and i can stay with her till i can get the money for a lawyer.But if i go im scared they might try to make it look like i abandoned my child.

I know i should have involved the cops from the start. Thats what i get for trying to save my marriage and being the nice guy.

Edited March 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs

[beach]

Get a job so you have money to divorce her and provide a life for yourself and your daughter.

[aliveagain]

My sister in NY is willing to come get me and i can stay with her till i can get the money for a lawyer.But if i go im scared they might try to make it look like i abandoned my child.

I know i should have involved the cops from the start. Thats what i get for trying to save my marriage and being the nice guy.

 

That's the problem, she left the marriage but only told you after she and her new boyfriend planned out how to get rid of you fast so they could build their new nest with money she's keeping from you. Your the enemy and they are united against you. Talk to a lawyer, if you can't afford one can social services appoint one for you, you may be able to garnish her wages as she is intentionally holding back payments on utilities and rent which affects your ability to care for your child, your untitled to half of everything she has.

Edited March 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[carhill]

OP, here's some specific advice:

 

Since you were the house-husband, I presume you were home during the day and handled household management.

 

Google the verbiage 'URLTA TN' and, if you reside in a covered county in TN, which include Anderson, Blount, Bradley, Davidson, Hamilton, Madison, Montgomery, Shelby, Sumner and Knox, read up on the URLTA procedures for those counties.

 

If in such a jurisdiction, you should have received, via a 'constructive receipt' pathway, a 30 day notice for non-payment of rent. That means you should have seen something in writing at least a month ago regarding the rent arrears. If a landlord doesn't follow proscribed procedure, they open themselves to administrative action and/or civil lawsuit.

 

If you do not reside in a URLTA county, you can still easily look up eviction procedures in your county. It took me about a minute to find the stuff I posted, based on information from government/judicial sites, but I'm a landlord so am used to dealing with it.

 

Secondly, go down to the family court division at your local county courthouse, or view their online resources, and ask/see if there are resources which can help you. Such would be self-help assistance by the court, filing fee waivers, referrals to lawyers, mediators, etc, etc. They deal with impoverished spouses all the time and know what to do. Any lawyer worth an interview can advise you on that matter during the free consultation. It's not rocket science.

[notbroken]

Your marriage is done. That's for sure.

 

Your wife doesn't make much money. You need a way to provide for yourself and your kid. Get a job asap. It will at least help get you on your feet. ANY job. ASAP.

[Chi townD]

Eviction notice with only your name on it? Is the renters agreement in your name or hers?

 

 

Dude, she's putting the screws to you and you need to come up with the money FAST!

[tnmale41]

Ok first off i want to thank everyone for the info i have gotten.

 

We live in a small town here in tn.There are no jobs right now.Most are seasonal here.I even went to mcdonalds.My stbxw drives 45 min to get to work.

 

I have no friends or family willing to help financially right now.

 

I have talked to so many lawyers lately i called two of then back the next day and forgot i called them already.I called everyone in this town.Two towns over and get the same result.I can not go any further with them without the money.One lawyer told me that since we havent been married for 5 years yet i would only get partial alimony. And as far as getting custody of my child that would be up to the judge.Adultery is grounds for a divorce but is up to the judge to decide what is in the best interest of the child. And up to the judge to award any type of alimony and how much.

 

I did talk to the lawyer about if i left the state because i have family willing to put me up untill i get on my feet.He said keep the records of eviction.And what proof i have from police reports. And what proof i have of her cheating.And when i get the money to hire said lawyer he would make sure they cant get me for abandoning my child because i was forced to do so.

 

So as of now i am putting all my things in storage here until i come back for it.The rent is cheap here 25 dollars a month for a 5x8. My sister is on her way to get me.I have three interviews next week for work.At least in a major city i can find work faster to get the money to get things rolling.The stbxw will not know where i am so if she files first they will have a hard time finding me.Not to say they wont but at least i will have the chance to get the money for my lawyer. Im going to try to work two jobs if i can to get the money faster.

 

I will also going after her for half of what she has.Im not holding back now and going to get what is mine.I hate the fact that she will have my daughter but if i take her with me im scared she will call the cops and say i abducted her.If i was here there would not be a problem, if i take her to another state i could get in trouble.I was told that by an officer here.

 

So i will be back to fight it out in court so wish me luck.

[Chi townD]

Get the money as fast as you can and file in TN. Where TN is still considered an at fault state. She might try to file in the state that you were married in if it's a no fault state.

 

 

You need to play hardball here because she has had the jump on you for about two months. She was setting you up so that you had NO CHOICE but to leave. Well, time to hit back.

 

 

If TN is still an at fault state, then chances are there might be an alienation of affection lawsuit still on the books. Hit this guy with the lawsuit. Him being serve with papers saying that he's getting sued will make is ass slam shut. If your WW and the OM work together, then get the lawyer to look into their employer's. You might be able to sue them. If the company is big enough, a lot of companies have a morality clause in there employee contracts. You might be able get a settlement from them for the demise of your marriage due to them breaking the morality clause and if they conducted their affair during company time. They might lose their jobs for causing a legal nightmare for the company, but OH WELL!!! Hell, you stated that you already have three interviews set up for employment, so what do you care? This was HER doing, NOT yours. However, the lawyer will advise you not to go after their work, because you might lose and they may not settle out. But, they could still lose their jobs and you may lose alimony. BUT! The option is there if you Really want to go after them full throttle.

 

 

Here's the thing. She thought this out and planned to screw you hard. Hell, she already lapsed the bills over two months so you wouldn't have a choice BUT to leave once she pulled the trigger. But, you screwed up her plans. She discovered that you went talking to a lawyer. That spooked her enough to move her timeline up before she was ready. She knew you had the goods on her and that's why she look worried and pacing the day she kidnapped your daughter.

 

 

By the way, you are entitled to half the money that's in joint accounts. What do those funds look like? See if you can access bank records and see what her spending habits where like for the past several months. Money spent on dinners out, money spent on hotel rooms is money taken away from the household and from the maintenance of your daughter. If you don't have access to those records, then a lawyer can get them. She might have been putting money away for a divorce. But, I'm thinking not. I think that she saved money enough to force you out; buy you a $150 one way bus ticket to Florida and when you were gone, she was going to get the bills caught up and move this guy in. That would be the least expensive route.

 

 

But, since you screwed up her plans and she had to move her timetables up, now she claiming that she's frighten of you and you went from a clueless husband that was being walked all over to an abusive monster that she had to get away from.

 

 

She will start rewriting you martial history. Telling lies that would only benefit her so I will say this again. STAY AWAY FROM HER!!! Save all texts and phone messages. Always carry a recorder on you. You wrote that she told you that she will NOT pay anymore of the bills. I HOPE TO GOD you saved that or recorded it! Judges don't look to kindly on breadwinners that deliberately sabotage the martial home and the home of your daughter.

 

 

See, that's why I HATE the family court system. Because if it were a man saying that to a woman, a family advocacy groups would get a judge to say, "Uh..no. You will maintain your household or you'll go to jail." But, you; as a man, have went to these places. To local churches for help and you got nothing. "Sorry, you have a penis, can't help you."

 

 

Time to fight back. But the most important thing to do is file in TN where it is an at fault state.

Edited March 4, 2014 by Chi townD

[tnmale41]

I never thought about going after them for that with there job.Im sure there is some kind of morality clause.

 

The company she works works for is a Japanese based company that built here in the US.They make all the seat adjusters for Nissan,Toyota ect.

So im sure they have lots of money.Plus they would look down on both of them for what they did.

 

They did meet at work and it went from there.

Next time i talk to the lawyer i will ask about that.

 

I did find out from the land lady because i went down to talk to her and find out what was going on.

 

That my wife has worked something out with the owner so she doesn't get evicted.But the landlady didn't even know what was going on till i told her.

 

So the land lady told me she was going to call the owner back herself.And that she is going to file eviction papers on the stbxw because in our rental agreement if the cops have come out here two or more times.Its grounds for eviction.

 

So looks like her plans are going to change now.Rent is cheap here 400.00 for a 2/1 and everything else around is much more.But they will now have two incomes so they can afford it.So they wont be here long.

 

So her plans are not going to go as planned.Her friend is already getting tired of her crap now too.She was supposed to be babysitting my daughter when they work.But now she is not going to do it so its daycare then.More money they will have to come off from.

 

Shes not even staying at her friends house i believe they are staying in a hotel.My daughter spilled the beans on that one too.

 

So it looks like Karma is already starting to take its course.

 

And as far as bank accounts we do not have any she screwed that up too. Borrowed money from bank without telling me.She couldn't pay that back so she cant even open a bank account until she pays.She uses a prepaid card for direct deposit for her pay check.

 

She has done it before also.She will do it to him also.Like i said i give it 6 months before he runs for the hills.Ive put up with it for way to long.So it his problem now. lol

 

The stbxw doesnt even cook.Clean or anything for this house.I have done it all.Now with her working and having to do most of the work here it will get to her.She is lazy and does not want to do anything but sit on her butt when she comes home.

 

Anyway it will all crumble around her and when my lawyer tears her a new one she will know whats its like to be hurt.

 

Im saving everything as far as phone calls,texts in a log so i will have it all recorded.Any written agreements so when i go to court i will have it all.

 

So now its just getting the money for the lawyer and taking what little bit she does have and trying to get my daughter in the process.

[Mr.Milked]

"She has done it before also.She will do it to him also.Like i said i give it 6 months before he runs for the hills.Ive put up with it for way to long.So it his problem now. lol

 

The stbxw doesnt even cook.Clean or anything for this house.I have done it all.Now with her working and having to do most of the work here it will get to her.She is lazy and does not want to do anything but sit on her butt when she comes home."

 

Man, that reads like you needed an upgrade anyhow. If the woman can't make you a samwhich, what's the point?

[Chi townD]

Wow, yeah. She tried to stick it to you. Calling the owner of the building and working out a deal to get you out? Now, if I'm reading it correctly, she's getting the eviction papers served to her? Sounds like your landlady was pretty reasonable once she learned the truth!

 

 

Love to be a fly on the wall when the cops show up to where she's at to serve her papers! Hell, she's probably cooling her heels waiting for you to get thrown out so she can move them in. Well, you just threw a monkey wrench into that plan!

 

 

So, she's going to get pissed. She's going to call you, LET IT GO TO VOICEMAIL! Let her fly off the handle and hang herself with her own words. Save the messages!

 

 

Now is the time to start working on you! I hope you are actively looking for work. I would try my best to get employment and keep that place you got there (with just YOU on the lease this time) because 2 bedroom for 400? Damn good deal!

[Mr.Milked]

Good advice there. Guys, if your cheating ho wants you to leave, tell her to get out. PERIOD! Keep the house, condo or apartment and let her pick up her life and leave.

[Yasuandio]

Sorry I called u bad name last week. I knew you it was critical to get a Police Report that night, party or no party), I lost my temper. There is no good excuse. I do the best I can with The crazy bi-polar illness. Again, I sincerely apologize.

 

It doesn't matter, the events still happened, the truth is the truth. It comes out in the end.

 

I had a money raising idea. Not exactly kosher - but these are desparate times. No formal separation, yet.

 

Is your name on the car title? If so, and you have access to the title, at least try. To get some quick cash from Title Loans. You gotta do what ya gotta do.

 

I'll try to think of other ideas. I'm pretty cagie. Yas

Edited March 5, 2014 by Yasuandio

[tnmale41]

Yas, Its ok don't worry about it.Everything is in her name.Has been and she knew what she was doing.

 

Neither one of us will be in this place.Confirmed today they are staying at a hotel.Burning more money because they have to go out to eat for there meals.

 

So she is burning through all her money.Same with him.She just paid the rent and has no idea that shes getting evicted.LoL

[Chi townD]

How did you find out that she paid the rent? I'm wondering if what she did was even legal? Sounds like you got and eviction notice for non-payment of the rent. But, she paid the owner under the table? That doesn't sound right. And if your landlady talked to the owner. Then you need to find out if he/she collected money that was owed and not for next months rent.

[Yasuandio]

Does she have a Paypal account that you can access? There has to be money somewhere. There has to be plastic somewhere. Do u have any plastic? It doesn't matter whose name is on it, it is in your possession. AmEx has large balances you charge on Time and Travel depending on how long you had cards. If you have any plastic, I would try to run each one thru your attorney's office.

 

Could you handle Pro Se? It is not too hard. The form practically is filled out for you. Carhill can help. May do a Pro Se Emergency Hearing.

 

Other idea -- Freelance Paralegal from Craigslist or a cheap temporary attorney to file and get "emergency hearing for temporary support." There are tons of them on Craigslist. Then, appear by yourself, tell judge she took all the $$. The prices I saw were 100-300. Of course, you will not stay with this attorney - and any court papers can be amended. Y

Edited March 6, 2014 by Yasuandio

[beach]

You don't HAVE to have an attorney to get the divorce filed - and ask for support money.

 

Get the forms - some courts have them available online.

 

Fill them out! If you need help with that go to the courthouse and see someone at the help desk.

 

Request to see the judge - and ask for a court order to be issued.

 

You can ask for the court fee to be waived if you can prove you don't have income. They may or may not waive it.

 

But get started so that it begins to move forward.

[tnmale41]

Ok heres an update to what has been going on.

 

I am now in Syracuse NY.And getting ready to start my new job on Monday.And have another interview for part time Wednesday.

 

Good news is i talked to my lawyer and yes i have retained one.He let me put 500.00 down and letting me make monthly payments.

 

I got the money by selling every piece of jewelry i ever gave my stbxw.

 

She has no idea i have a lawyer yet.And come to find out she burned through all her tax return so i know she will have trouble finding one.

 

She has posted so much on facebook i have more evidence then i need.

My lawyer told me i didn't need anymore than i have but i want it all.

 

So she has moved him up in the apt.But i talked to the landlady and she will not take me off the lease untill i call her.There is a reason wait for it.

 

So i made sure i posted on facebook that i was taking a trip to new york and would be back in a month.So now my buddy from Florida used to be a PI found out what was going on and offered his help.

 

Who was i to say no so now he is going up next week to get pictures of them coming and going from the apt.

 

So i do plan on going back up but it will be to see her face when i show up with the cops to see them serve her papers.

 

Also my lawyer is not playing nice he is going after her company also.So looks like they will lose there jobs also.

 

I have not even put in a change of address either.So all my mail is still going there.

 

She has here family posting crap on facebook to get me pissed but im going to say nothing.

 

Looks like things are going my way after all.