To Laurynn I screwed up bad

[Damned]

Re: Actions speak louder than words

 

Posted by damned on Monday, 29 January 2001, at 10:19 a.m., in response to Actions speak louder than words, posted by Laurynn on Sunday, 28 January 2001, at 2:18 p.m.

 

THEY ARE HER WORDS EXACTLY IF i DON''T HEAR THAT TWICE A DAY i AM LUCKY.

 

I have lived our 7years of marriage as a one sided person ,

 

only thinking and doing what I wanted, also I could do what ever I wanted, yet I stopped her from doing everything she wanted because of my own insecurities. I have neglected to treat her with respect and a valued person.

 

I know she needs to trust me again for it to ever work, but I do things out of spite sometimes , and she says every time I do something like that it puts her back to square one. We seperated and I pursude another women and she found out about it . I also do things like not pay the bills just to get a reaction from her.

Do you have children?

YES

Has she ended her affair?

I am not sure , I think they are really good friends, she needs that.

Have you two ever been to marriage counselling?

yes, it didn't do any good. She knows what she wants and its up to me now to prove myself .

Have you ever considered going for counselling *yourself*? yes What are some of the specific problems she has with you?

I HAVE LIED, CHEATED, BEEN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE, INCONSIDERATE, SELFISH,IMMATURE,AND CONTROLLING oh an irresponsible.

 

She says she needs security, trust,commitment and someone she knows is gonna be there for her to share her life with ,

 

not just be in someones life . A MAN .

 

I think I am doing my best , I ask her to go out with me , but she won't , I go to our house everyday to see the kids ,

 

she just seems to have alot of anger, and I don't know how to reach her anymore ,

 

I don't know what i can do to make up for all the pain I caused her , should I just walk away? She says her love will never be the same for me . I don't want to hurt her anymore , but do still.

 

I also know we have a love for each other but all of our issues are getting in the way of that , how can I help her put the past down?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[WGirl]

the two of you go your separate ways. It sounds like you have both screwed up to the point that the relationship is not salvageable. The two of you going your own separate ways could be a good thing.

Re: Actions speak louder than words Posted by damned on Monday, 29 January 2001, at 10:19 a.m., in response to Actions speak louder than words, posted by Laurynn on Sunday, 28 January 2001, at 2:18 p.m. THEY ARE HER WORDS EXACTLY IF i DON''T HEAR THAT TWICE A DAY i AM LUCKY. I have lived our 7years of marriage as a one sided person , only thinking and doing what I wanted, also I could do what ever I wanted, yet I stopped her from doing everything she wanted because of my own insecurities. I have neglected to treat her with respect and a valued person. I know she needs to trust me again for it to ever work, but I do things out of spite sometimes , and she says every time I do something like that it puts her back to square one. We seperated and I pursude another women and she found out about it . I also do things like not pay the bills just to get a reaction from her. YES I am not sure , I think they are really good friends, she needs that. yes, it didn't do any good. She knows what she wants and its up to me now to prove myself . I HAVE LIED, CHEATED, BEEN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE, INCONSIDERATE, SELFISH,IMMATURE,AND CONTROLLING oh an irresponsible. She says she needs security, trust,commitment and someone she knows is gonna be there for her to share her life with , not just be in someones life . A MAN . I think I am doing my best , I ask her to go out with me , but she won't , I go to our house everyday to see the kids , she just seems to have alot of anger, and I don't know how to reach her anymore , I don't know what i can do to make up for all the pain I caused her , should I just walk away? She says her love will never be the same for me . I don't want to hurt her anymore , but do still. I also know we have a love for each other but all of our issues are getting in the way of that , how can I help her put the past down? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[Jenn]

I dont understand guys that do this. My ex did this to me all the time (for 4 years) and then when I broke up with him, he would always want me back, and stupid me, I'd always go back. AND when I did go back, it would be nice for the first week and then back to the same old crap.

 

I just lost respect for him and for the relationship. We broke up NYE and he is trying to get me back for the uptenth time. BUT he is showing me no change. Why should I go back to the same crap - I dont want to live the rest of my life like that - I have squillions of years left - and I dont want what he has to offer. There are hundreds of guys out there, there has to be something out there better than this.

 

you have to want to change, why do you treat her like this?

 

what possess you to do this to the person that you love??

 

I dont think that I will ever understand.

[fishbulb]

Re: Actions speak louder than words

Posted by damned on Monday, 29 January 2001, at 10:19 a.m., in response to Actions speak louder than words, posted by Laurynn on Sunday, 28 January 2001, at 2:18 p.m. THEY ARE HER WORDS EXACTLY IF i DON''T HEAR THAT TWICE A DAY i AM LUCKY. I have lived our 7years of marriage as a one sided person , only thinking and doing what I wanted, also I could do what ever I wanted, yet I stopped her from doing everything she wanted because of my own insecurities. I have neglected to treat her with respect and a valued person. I know she needs to trust me again for it to ever work, but I do things out of spite sometimes , and she says every time I do something like that it puts her back to square one. We seperated and I pursude another women and she found out about it . I also do things like not pay the bills just to get a reaction from her. YES I am not sure , I think they are really good friends, she needs that. yes, it didn't do any good. She knows what she wants and its up to me now to prove myself . I HAVE LIED, CHEATED, BEEN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE, INCONSIDERATE, SELFISH,IMMATURE,AND CONTROLLING oh an irresponsible. She says she needs security, trust,commitment and someone she knows is gonna be there for her to share her life with , not just be in someones life . A MAN . I think I am doing my best , I ask her to go out with me , but she won't , I go to our house everyday to see the kids , she just seems to have alot of anger, and I don't know how to reach her anymore , I don't know what i can do to make up for all the pain I caused her , should I just walk away? She says her love will never be the same for me . I don't want to hurt her anymore , but do still. I also know we have a love for each other but all of our issues are getting in the way of that , how can I help her put the past down? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fishbulb here. First of all, do not assume that the level of love is equal between you. The pain you have caused her has made her shut down emotionally, and with all you admit to, if you didn't have kids, you wouldn't be seeing her at all. If you love her, if you love your children, and,most importantly, if you love yourself and the person you know you are, rise to that challenge of trust, security, and commitment. If it takes counseling for you alone, then do that. Do it for your children. Do it for your marriage. But first of all, do it for yourself. You have to believe you deserve the best before you can deliver it.