moving2fast Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Hi, I was wondering if anyone on this forum could offer advice on how to keep a relationship going when one person is starting recovery for sex addiction. I am in therapy now, and have a supportive bf. We are going through a spat and so his trust in me has waned significantly. I am not able to join any local group sessions because I'm not really in that much control and due to my gender. My therapist said that there are group meetings for love addicts but doesn't really feel that would be the best route for a few reasons. My bf is starting to suspect I'm out carrying on and I don't know how to assure him otherwise. We spend most time together ( work and afterwards ) but I do not go out socially with him at times due to self esteem issues on my part. I just would like to hear how others in similar positions are able to manage. How can I ease things up? I tried posting in another thread but no one was really familiar with what was going on/ made it seem like my bf should bail because of my behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 I have some experience with this dynamic. First of all find a 12 step support group and seek a good sponsor as an adjunct to therapy. What are your triggers? Sex addiction can be very subtle. Identify those triggers with your therapist. In terms of the issues with your BF did you cheat on him? Regardless, your recovery can't be about his insecurity and you "proving" your self to him .It really needs to be about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moving2fast Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 You are absolutely right about my recovery needing to be for myself and not about proving myself to him. I did cheat on him. I really don't like going through this cycle. I don't like obsessing over sex, thinking about it all the time. I don't like seeking this feeling that never fills me. It just gets so risky and after I'm so down. At the moment, I haven't had luck with joining anything, but I'm looking and talking things through with my therapist. I am easily triggered by so many things( sounds and tones of voices, things I happen to glance at, everything gets twisted into something and it builds up in me), I'm having to excuse myself from work constantly during the day and sadly not able to at times and the urge gets too strong. Worse yet if I don't get noticed by my bf in a sexual way, I fear I will start hooking up with people from before and strangers. I don't want to go back to all of that and the way I cope with it is all too dangerous as well. Thank you for replying, I've made a lot of changes and its really hard. Link to post Share on other sites
crebel81 Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Hey Moving I have been through what you have been through over the last year or so...it is tough and frustrating, but ultimately, you are doing the right thing by going to therapy. As we both know, sex does not fill the void we are looking for...feel free to pm me Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts