Author jrh1524 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) Some background. We had a date set up for Sunday. I had called her Thursday to finalize the plans and never heard back from her. I was in limbo until Saturday when I got her text message basically canceling the date. She said she would have a migraine for a week... I think she was lying/fading so that's why I said 'ok'. If I thought she was being honest I would have said 'sorry to hear that, get better'. If she really had a migraine AND had to cancel the date she should have called and I wouldn't be as peeved as I am. What my friends were getting at is sex or no, if a gal says 'let's take things slow' or 'we're moving too fast' you're about to get LJBF. If she was really in to me she wouldn't have wanted to put the breaks on and would have let things happen naturally. Edited February 25, 2014 by jrh1524 Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 What my friends were getting at is sex or no, if a gal says 'let's take things slow' or 'we're moving too fast' you're about to get LJBF. If she was really in to me she wouldn't have wanted to put the breaks on. And your friends are wrong. My last ex could barely control herself around me at the beginning. She asked to take things slow because she'd rushed things before and had to deal with the consequences. We were in a relationship less than a month after she said that. She's protecting herself because she doubts your motives, most likely, and if this is how you are...I can see why she would. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jrh1524 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 She was planning the fade out early and the 'let's take things slow' was the canary in the mine. Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Why are you so sure she's lying? Not every woman is ready to rip off her clothes and jump into bed with a near-stranger at the word "go". That doesn't automatically make them liars. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jrh1524 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 She was either lying or fading. No one should cancel the date via text, not offer a follow up, not apologize. Also she made me wait 3 days before canceling on me. She didn't return my text or call before she canceled. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 5th date coming up and no sex. She says she's been hurt in the past. Should I give it one more shot? So far there only been making out and breast fondling sucking. Friend says I'm about to be LJBF'ed. Friends don't let friends touch their breasts. You have nothing to worry about. It's YOUR friends who are just giving you a hard time and will blow it for you if you listen to them. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 She was planning the fade out early and the 'let's take things slow' was the canary in the mine. Can you elaborate on your and your friends dating and sexual experience? Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I would only continue if she was putting as much into the relationship as you are (and have been). That means as much initiating, as much planning dates, as much paying for dates/activities. Otherwise, she is just dragging this out to see how many resources she can extract from you in exchange for the prospect of sex. And laughing with her girlfriends about what a chump you are (though they probably use different terminology). If she is over 30, I wouldn't put up with it. If she is under 30, then maybe keep it up for a while longer (subject to the above). Also remember, just because she is not having sex with you does not mean she is not having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I wanted to let everyone know that she texted me Saturday and said she had a massive migraine and would not be available for a week. I texted back 'ok' on Monday and haven't heard back from her since. I think I should have been more cautious when I heard her "let's take it slow" comments. Translation: You are my back-burner guy. I'll be banging my drummer/bartender/biker convict F buddy for the next week, but I might let you buy me dinner next week. Link to post Share on other sites
antonio1149 Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 She was either lying or fading. No one should cancel the date via text, not offer a follow up, not apologize. Also she made me wait 3 days before canceling on me. She didn't return my text or call before she canceled. I agree with the others that there's nothing wrong, and in fact it's a smart move, for woman to not be having sex after a few dates. I usually advise women to wait two months if you're serious and want to ensure that he's not just looking for a good time. And even then, it's not a 100% guarantee. That said, I think you're right that she wasn't interested. In these situations, you never really know. Maybe she really likes you and is just protecting herself. Maybe she's not sure and truly just wants to take it slow as she gets to know you better. Or maybe she's not that interested and is doing the fade. The fact that you had some limited sexual contact could mean she was feeling some chemistry, or she could've been throwing you a bone, hoping it would be enough to keep you interested while she decides. All you can do if you're truly interested is hang in there and give her an opportunity to forge a stronger connection without becoming a doormat. I think you did the right thing by backing off. Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Yeah it's perfectly okay to not have sex after 5 dates. Even in their 30s there are some women who want to take things slow. I dated a woman who didn't have sex with me after 2 months (10 dates) because she wanted to take things slow and get to know me. When we finally did, she was an animal. But in OP's case, it sounds really fishy. A migraine lasting a week? Who lives like that? She is blowing you off, and keeping you on the hook. Wow, she must smell really delicious for you to keep waiting for her. Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 A migraine lasting a week? Not only that, but a migraine (that just started) that she predicts will last A WEEK into the future! This one is an easy call. Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Not only that, but a migraine (that just started) that she predicts will last A WEEK into the future! This one is an easy call. Eh. The OP's story changed. It changed from "she said she had a migraine and won't be available for a week" to "she said she'd have a migraine for a week". Link to post Share on other sites
Author jrh1524 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Share Posted February 26, 2014 Oh c'mon. How is that different? Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 In my experience the "i want to take it slow" means they're not over their ex. And that's okay, just respect their wishes and let them take the lead. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) And your friends are wrong. My last ex could barely control herself around me at the beginning. She asked to take things slow because she'd rushed things before and had to deal with the consequences. We were in a relationship less than a month after she said that. She's protecting herself because she doubts your motives, most likely, and if this is how you are...I can see why she would. His friends aren't wrong, but at the same time it doesn't necessarily mean they are right either when it comes to this situation. What they say applies to lots of women, but at the same time I agree with a number of comments from some of the women here. Personally from my experience I now get wary when a woman says I want to take it slow and just see how things go, as to her passion for me. If he is getting a great vibe of enthusiasm from her when they meet and there is escalating passion with each date then he should hang in therefor a while if he is really into her. I thought he should have replied with more than ok when she cancelled plans with her migraine, but at the same time I don't think he needs to call her the next day to ask how she is. Its a headache not food poisoning or a fall down stairs. The fact that she doesn't return some of his txts and blocks out the week from seeing him over a migraine is not a great sign, she's really into him either. Edited February 26, 2014 by ascendotum Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 "I want to take it slow" Translation: I've fvvcked so many guys before. I've been through my slvt phase but now I want a chump that will shower me with attention like a good dog but without the intimacy. more like... Translation: "this is a warning. If you act like the typical douchebag guy who needs to have sex with near strangers to prove they are interested in you, then look elsewhere" Looks like it worked... Link to post Share on other sites
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