man_in_the_box Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 No, but not everybody has the luxury or patience to get that deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 If it's a no, it means it will never happen. I am not so sure about the whole "first 10 mins within meeting" rule...and the whole it will NEVER happen is going out on a limb there. Usually people who base things off on initial sparks usually have a sizable turnaround when it comes to dating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 10 minutes is way too high. It's a few seconds usually before he says hi. Most women base things off initial sparks. Just the way it is. Now you're just splitting hairs, dude. Quit trying to just fill space on a message board. Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliaSong Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 The better looking more confident and overall more successful people can afford the search for the spark. Others can't regardless of gender. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 The better looking more confident and overall more successful people can afford the search for the spark. Others can't regardless of gender. Chances are, they aren't successful in relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliaSong Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Chances are, they aren't successful in relationships. What is your reasoning behind that idea? I think successful, beautiful, charismatic, balanced, career minded, talented, wealthy people can have more success in relationships as those who aren't. Just common sense logistically and mathematically due to probs and stats. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Chances are, they aren't successful in relationships. What? I disagree. I think nearly all my friends felt spark for their husbands when they started dating them seriously. These are now well established marriages with kids. We don't marry based on spark alone. Character and compatibility are also necessary. But a marriage without sexual attraction is not good! Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 What? I disagree. I think nearly all my friends felt spark for their husbands when they started dating them seriously. These are now well established marriages with kids. We don't marry based on spark alone. Character and compatibility are also necessary. But a marriage without sexual attraction is not good! Okay, so may be I'm off base here, but I had recently discovered that I had a mutual "sparks" with women that never turned into anything either. I was leading up to this, that being said I found it to be all moot. I recall a vivid situation where I met a woman online, we had the same brand of humor an the chemistry online lead to even on the phone. Usually most situations when meeting in person, it quickly drops off, but the transition from online to the real world meeting "ramped up" extensively until the end of the night. I was thinking, "So THIS is the chemistry people have been speaking of!" She even called ME just as I drove into the driveway to chat some more , i was a great date and I asked her out again. When I went to make plans with her again, she answered the phone...she had this really unfriendly, rather apathetic tone in her voice and said she was busy with yardwork that day. She never offered an alternative date. She went from hot to cold very shortly. I couldn't understand it. Most dates I went on with women , we could both tell there was no "chemistry" there based on awkward or tedious conversations or lack of personality on her part or personality that simply didn't click. Based upon those comparisons, I KNEW this date was different from most dates and I could swear up and down she would be wanting to see me again, only she flaked out instead. That's why I had concluded its rather moot. So I'm all about basing attraction which is based on becoming familiar with the person than the initial spark. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 I'm reaching the point where I'm just seeing if there's an interest on the woman's part than my own. Recently, I had this woman flirting with me big time at a Meetup and I really made little effort to pursue her. Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliaSong Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I'm reaching the point where I'm just seeing if there's an interest on the woman's part than my own. Recently, I had this woman flirting with me big time at a Meetup and I really made little effort to pursue her. Why? Your game playing could have costed you flirting with and dating a great person. Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 This concept also gets oversimplified by only considering sexual attraction or the lack thereof - it's too black and white. I bet for many lasting couples it lies somewhere in between, in varying degrees. Some people need a little, some people require a lot, some are content with what they have, others are dissatisfied. It's much more complex and relies a lot on the person in question. It never helps to extrapolate your own expectations and desires on other people's love lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 Why? Your game playing could have costed you flirting with and dating a great person. I don't play games. Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 "The spark" is semi bs in that i beleive its true for an average or medicore looking man to attract a women there has to be some indescribable intangible for a women to be attracted to him becasue most women arent physically attracted at first glance too many men aside from the top few % of good looking men For a good looking dude hes given more leeway and time for that spark to develop because he can create some attraction right away,my good lookign friend has women fall head over heels for him right away and are willing to sleep with him early on is it because he has superhuman ability create a "spark" early on or because hes good looking? im going with the latter. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 OP, tip: While it is entirely possible that the apparent flirting from the lady at the party could have been ersatz 'spark', like that from a game player or married person, as examples, it does bring up another relevant component, that being timing. If she felt something at that meeting/interaction, and you didn't immediately respond, poof, gone. Logical? Nope. Real? Yep. Timing is everything. No risk, no reward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 That puts you at a serious disadvantage. Women will go to the top of mountains and yell at the top of their longs no games but they secretly like them but won't admit it publicly. LOL...according to female poster Ophelia Song, she would say otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Scales Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Can we please just stop calling it "the spark". This is clearly an invented term that women use to spread ambiguity about their own desires. Its absolutely ridiculous. When you tell someone there just wasn't chemistry or a "spark" you are really just covering up the real reason you are rejecting that person. Those reasons are often shallow, sexual, or selfish and people feel like they have to hide them away so nobody can see. The truth about "the spark" is that it equals attraction. Men's attraction is sexually based while women's is often more broad. Make no mistake, women are testing you from the moment they meet you. Is this guy safe? is he more of a friend? would my friends like him? is what he just said offensive? Will he call me if I sleep with him? Is he boring in bed? The key point I want to make here is that for men, the spark is already provided often by either the woman's looks or her personality. For women, they are waiting for the spark to be CREATED by the man. She is waiting for you to impress her, to leave her wanting more of you, and pass her filters. So many guys are passive, shy, boring, or unsure of themselves so they get the "no spark" speech. You can create a spark by creating an interaction with a woman that is different than anything else she has experienced with other guys. It is not about what you do, but how you do it. You have to be memorable while not tripping any alarms. Simply put: Guys must create the spark by separating themselves from other men in an attractive way through their behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Can we please just stop calling it "the spark". This is clearly an invented term that women use to spread ambiguity about their own desires. Just because men can't relate to it doesn't mean there is anything ambiguous about it. It's called spark because it feels like that. When spark is present, we light up in a certain way that makes us want to be close to this guy, want to touch him, want to kiss him. And if it is absent, then as much as we might like a guy, we probably feel disinterested in touching and kissing. He could be a great guy, and have an attractive appearance, but if I feel no urge to be kissed by him, what is the point in dating? It doesn't have to be a huge amt of sexual attraction. Just a spark. Just enough to get us thinking about how nice it would be to kiss him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 The answer may be this question, asked at the end of the first date: "could you see yourself having sex with this person?" The man probably would answer yes to that question far more often than the woman, this he is willing to try a second date. I was gonna say something similar. In my experience I do think lots of men may be more willing to give the woman a second shot if they are attracted to her and at least think sex could be a possibility. For me, if we go out and have a good time, I'm not super excited or super into you, but no horrible dealbreakers pop up I will give it another go around. If however, I had a bad time or you said/did things to make me realize there is no future here, then I won't bother to waste my time. Feeling sparks is nice, however as I've grown I realize sparks don't mean it will work out, likewise, it is possible that feelings/attraction may increase if at the beginning it's not bad but just now particularly awesome, so I go with that now. But if after the second or third date I don't feel, as xxoo mentioned, that excitement, desire to be close to a man, touch him, kiss him, etc, then it's just friendly and not a romantic option. Link to post Share on other sites
DemetersHarvest Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Something I've noticed, esp. with online dating...men are willing to attempt to give it a 2nd shot at a woman if things go well, if she's cute, they cut up, laugh, have a good time together, etc. But with a woman...they'd have that same experience with a man on a first meet n greet/date, however, she's less likely to say, "He's a pretty good guy, I'll attempt to get to know him better by going out with him again". Women tend not to believe in getting familiar with a man, as men are willing to give the lady quite a few go arounds with her on multiple dates. True..yes...no? Are men more willing to give a lady a 2nd or more so time around than a woman? I often here with women, that within minutes she just KNOWS it's "there" or not, with men...it really doesn't matter much. Not in my experience, on both counts. Au contraire! At least for me. I am way more open-minded, and willing to dig deeper, even if the guy is not my type right away. You never know what you may discover. But this is a learned experience for me. I had the best relationships with people who are not considered too attractive by most standards. Those men really grew on me, and we formed really deep and long-term bonds. That's why my mind is wide open. Yet, I find myself still empty-handed. Link to post Share on other sites
DemetersHarvest Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Sure anything is possible, but I find that this applies to mostly women, not men. Could it be because you tend to not date men? Link to post Share on other sites
DemetersHarvest Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 And lastly, I wanna know who those women are who get inundated with piles of responses on a regular basis. I have several friends who were or are online, and it's not their experience, either. They're not ugly, or fat, or stupid, just normal, nice-looking women. Is it possible that men tend to get drawn to those types who tend to not make for good outcomes, while overlooking those that don't compare as well, based on looks? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I need a spark, and I feel really non masculine admitting it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I need a spark, and I feel really non masculine admitting it Next time I go on a date (god knows when that'll be), I'll be bringing a set of starter cables and a battery. The Sparks will really be flying off then. P.S. I like your signature. Good to know there's someone else who also lives by that philosophy. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I need a spark, and I feel really non masculine admitting it In that case....ask and ye shall receive. SPARK 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scales Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Nobody has yet to define exactly how one creates "sparks" for them. Just getting the feeling of wanting physical affection from a man isn't really enough. How do those feelings come about exactly? What makes that different from "physical attraction". What makes you want to kiss a man besides him being just hot? Serious question because for me as a man I can define what creates a "spark" quite easily. Is she kind of short with a nice smile, outgoing personality, connects with me on a few key interests, good sense of humor, doesn't dress like shes homeless, and/or not too overweight? Boom, Spark made. Doesn't even have to be all of those. Funny thing is that many men meet those requirements only too be rejected quite often by women. Using the word "spark" is an ambiguous way to cover up your own desires. I can easily identify what I am attracted to in a woman without having to consolidate it into one word. Link to post Share on other sites
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