With women, the "spark" needs to be there, with men...not so much?

[Imajerk17]

iirc, putting together some of your stories, it sounds like women are physically attracted to you (like the way you look), but want some passion from you. They are looking for the red-blooded man who will make them feel desired.

 

You say that women offer you FWB--that's a tip off. They want to get you in bed and loosen you up.

 

You say that women show connection, even kiss you on a date, and then lose interest. I'm thinking it is because they gave it a good shot, and didn't feel the passion in return.

 

A younger woman boldly teases you about your age, and challenges you in a game. Clearly, she's looking for some feisty (but fun, not insulting) response.

 

Do you think you are maybe too controlled, and too careful? There's a passionate man in there. Let him out!

 

I pretty much agree. Although c'mon xxoo, just because the girl (the one who interacted w irc at the recent meetup) was a woman, doesn't mean she knows how to flirt

 

Anyway irc, this is just a hunch. I do wonder how much you talk with the woman about *topics* as opposed to teasing or making observations about *her* and then talking about *yourselves*. I mean, a conversation about sci-fi or hiking is nice, but if your conversation with the woman is (say) about all your favorite hiking trails and then to your favorite sci-fi movies, and it doesn't go deeper than that, then she is unlikely to feel chemistry/attraction/"spark"/butterflies with you. Much better if you are talking about the wild adventures you got into, first hiking, and then have it lead to other stories where you reveal a lot more about yourself.

Edited February 25, 2014 by Imajerk17

[Teraskas]

You honestly sound like my ideal guy, haha!

 

Plus I love European people as I love traveling and Europe is my favorite continent.

 

Seriously though. Girls like that^^^^ are the braindead ones in my honest opinion. ..

 

Only a moron would think that you have to go to college in order to be educated:lmao:

 

No decent and lovely man would go near a girl like that; truly decent men are not judgmental. .. this girls attitude is disgusting. A truly nice guy would be wayyy put off.

 

 

Any ways. I can't believe you're still single, you sound lovely.

 

Lol, much appreciated for the vote of confidence.

I plan to visit America one day, maybe the one I'm looking for is over there...although I have my doubts about it. :/

Exactly...I don't get it. Suppose that I do become a successful writer, why should I need a degree to be considered intelligent ?

Trust me, I've encountered several of these demanding types before when I was dating, and their opinion was all unanimously 'no' on wanting a second date. Wasn't exactly like they could bring a lot to the table to be honest, lol.

 

Yeah, I can't believe it either that I'm still single.

Guess I've encountered nothing but judgmental women, those who don't know what they want, those who just got out of a relationship, etc.

Seems to me that I'm cursed...no matter how much I no longer WANT to be single and have done countless things to be proactive and end my single status life keeps smacking me in the face with a big 'NOPE' sign.

[irc333]

I pretty much agree. Although c'mon xxoo, just because the girl (the one who interacted w irc at the recent meetup) was a woman, doesn't mean she knows how to flirt

 

Anyway irc, this is just a hunch. I do wonder how much you talk with the woman about *topics* as opposed to teasing or making observations about *her* and then talking about *yourselves*. I mean, a conversation about sci-fi or hiking is nice, but if your conversation with the woman is (say) about all your favorite hiking trails and then to your favorite sci-fi movies, and it doesn't go deeper than that, then she is unlikely to feel chemistry/attraction/"spark"/butterflies with you. Much better if you are talking about the wild adventures you got into, first hiking, and then have it lead to other stories where you reveal a lot more about yourself.

 

Sometimes it helps if you have a woman try to be more engaging. There was this one woman in the Meetup, probably mid 50s ....this was a Wine Fest Meetup....she had a female friend sitting next to her on the blanket and as I approached ...she goes, "Hey, IRC...please come sit with us! IRC is a nice guy!" (She kind of had a foreign accent).

 

Then she goes, "You ARE a nice guy, right?" and kind of kept addressing this on occasion. I said, "You wanna do a background check our something" jokingly.

 

Though older, she dove right in with the flirting. lol. Not really interested in women that much older, but she's a good friend...as with other friends I've made in the Meetup as well.

 

By the way, the woman who keeps addressing my age, you'd have to be here, but when I would try to talk to her, she'd be very short and non-engaging with me.

 

We went out to eat afterwards, and she was texting almost the entire time while the rest of us were talking. She even bailed early after the food was serviced (she just had an appetizer).

 

She seemed to be lacking interest in socializing and left early.

[Teraskas]

That is her standards....there is no doubt the job market is hard for educators right now. Are you working at something else while you look for a teaching position or have you considered moving to a rural area that might need teachers? I like employed men because it shows they are self sufficient, even if they are street sweepers. I take things situation by situation.

 

You sound really great. There is probably some girl out there who would be very lucky to land you. Too bad you keep crossing paths but not connecting.

 

Back when I started 4 years ago, the market for educators wasn't too bad.

Naturally everything I choose for tends to get difficult, another personal curse of mine, lol.

Unfortunately, I already live in the rural area, and the schools in the neighbourhood have either recently accepted someone for the position I was interested in, or opted for someone with more experience. :/

The city itself only has around 3 schools for Secondary Education, and needless to say that not just graduees from my uni head there, but from all Antwerp Unis, so competition is ridiculously high for the limited amount of job openings.

At the moment I'm still working on that novel idea as well as going to the gym when possible.

 

Career wise, at the moment, I don't know what I should do.

I've always been interested in the field of software testing.

Ideally video game tester. So maybe I'm going back to college to start that career path. (But companies which produce 'big' video games in Belgium such as Call Of Duty, Battlefield, Killzone, etc. don't seem to exist around these parts. Instead, they rather focus on the Farmville style facebook games which do not interest me.)

 

But don't get me wrong, despite that news I'm still semi-employed.

Currently got a 6 month contract with a security company.

(Long story really, but to make it short: During my student years, I once applied for a student job there, they gave me a trial period and deemed my performance exemplary for someone with no experience or prior background in the sector.)

 

It's ironic really...I risk my life on practically a daily basis to defend and escort VIPs and HVTs (High Value Targets), yet I haven't found a woman who values me as a relationship-minded individual who could enrichen her life or would be willing to catch a bullet for me, heh.

Oh well, only time will tell, and I hope in the near future this single status will end.

 

I appreciate the very kind words, Ophelia.

Some days are harder than others when I see people happily together.

Speaking of which I already dread my cousin's wedding in April.

Singles table here I come !

[irc333]

Personally, I don't think she ever was interested...I think she's one of those types that if she finds out a guy's interested and she's not...she'll attempt to exploit it.

[Leigh 87]

No its just that we dont write somebody off right away because the world doesnt stop and the music plays in the background and only the two of us exist to each other whitin the first few minutes of meeting each other like some bad romantic comedy movie we relaize sometimes it takes awhile for feelings to develop and if theyres some attraction and chemsitry wel lgive it another shot at least...

 

Then again as men we werent told unrelasitc fantasies about our parnter like women were at an early age which some women never seem to give up hope for

 

 

 

Plenty of people have romantic chemistry which result in feelings from the get go.

 

What you are suggesting is, even if you only have platonic feelings towards them, to still give them a shot to see if romantic feelings can "develop".

 

The spark is when romance is just "there" without having to wait until the feelings develop at a snails pace.

[Leigh 87]

Lol, much appreciated for the vote of confidence.

I plan to visit America one day, maybe the one I'm looking for is over there...although I have my doubts about it. :/

Exactly...I don't get it. Suppose that I do become a successful writer, why should I need a degree to be considered intelligent ?

Trust me, I've encountered several of these demanding types before when I was dating, and their opinion was all unanimously 'no' on wanting a second date. Wasn't exactly like they could bring a lot to the table to be honest, lol.

 

Yeah, I can't believe it either that I'm still single.

Guess I've encountered nothing but judgmental women, those who don't know what they want, those who just got out of a relationship, etc.

Seems to me that I'm cursed...no matter how much I no longer WANT to be single and have done countless things to be proactive and end my single status life keeps smacking me in the face with a big 'NOPE' sign.

 

 

 

I am AUSTRALIAN. Although I have visited America...

 

I prefer Europe to the two as a place I most want to reside. Especially with our recently elected totally appalling prime minister who wants to turn our health scare system into the embarrassment that the US's is...

 

And yeah it is funny the people who reject you in dating who have little to offer themselves - this is where this spark comes into play!

These women could very easily feel this spark for a guy who has way LESS to offer than you do!

As a woman, I have BEEN in this position! I turned down a guy with a GREAT job who earned GREAT money and was crazy about me and showed it in the right love languages for me, for a guy who earns WAYYYY less than him and who doesn't show his love in the more obvious way the more wealthy guy did.

Oh. The more poor of the two also has a memory problem due to a stroke and only works park time, albeit he works darn hard, due to his minor disability.

 

I still chose the second guy due to the romantic spark I felt. I just didn't feel it with the first guy.

 

With the first, more affluent man, it filled me with me with dread to think that he could be the last man I ever slept with.

When I met my current guy, I immediately liked the idea of him turning out to be the one for me.

 

To me, the spark is synonymous with " something about them" that simply stands out from most other men, and that is also combined with an intense physical chemistry.

That is MY definition of the spark! As you can tell, the spark means different things for different people.

 

All in all though, you want a woman who is excited at the prospect of dating you!

You don't want someone to merely "keep seeing you" because she thinks you have a lot to offer...

You want them to feel excited about you on another level, greater than simply finding you "husband material".

[Teraskas]

I am AUSTRALIAN. Although I have visited America...

 

I prefer Europe to the two as a place I most want to reside. Especially with our recently elected totally appalling prime minister who wants to turn our health scare system into the embarrassment that the US's is...

 

And yeah it is funny the people who reject you in dating who have little to offer themselves - this is where this spark comes into play!

These women could very easily feel this spark for a guy who has way LESS to offer than you do!

As a woman, I have BEEN in this position! I turned down a guy with a GREAT job who earned GREAT money and was crazy about me and showed it in the right love languages for me, for a guy who earns WAYYYY less than him and who doesn't show his love in the more obvious way the more wealthy guy did.

Oh. The more poor of the two also has a memory problem due to a stroke and only works park time, albeit he works darn hard, due to his minor disability.

 

I still chose the second guy due to the romantic spark I felt. I just didn't feel it with the first guy.

 

With the first, more affluent man, it filled me with me with dread to think that he could be the last man I ever slept with.

When I met my current guy, I immediately liked the idea of him turning out to be the one for me.

 

To me, the spark is synonymous with " something about them" that simply stands out from most other men, and that is also combined with an intense physical chemistry.

That is MY definition of the spark! As you can tell, the spark means different things for different people.

 

All in all though, you want a woman who is excited at the prospect of dating you!

You don't want someone to merely "keep seeing you" because she thinks you have a lot to offer...

You want them to feel excited about you on another level, greater than simply finding you "husband material".

 

My apologies, I jumped to conclusions when I shouldn't have.

On that note: My two best friends are actually from Australia. ^^

I've heard that Australians tend to faint for foreigner's accents, though I'm not entirely sure if there's any truth to that rumour.

I hope to visit them someday, though I'm not really keen on the amount of insects and snakes that live there.

 

Funny you mention the memory issue subject, because I also have that.

Started about 2 years ago in summer when I suddenly had hayfever and a lung infection. :/

As a result it tampered with my long and short-term memory.

And naturally when I bring this up in conversations, people think I was a drug addict, le sigh.

 

Yeah, tell me about it.

Personally, I feel that no matter how hard I'm trying to be positive on dates / going out with women I just can't create a spark.

Usually to me, I feel there's a spark when we have a lot of interests, morals, ideals, etc. in common.

Yet this always happens on my end, and not on theirs.

As I said in a previous post somewhere, on my end, the door to commitment is more than open.

Yet I cannot find a woman who's willing to progress things beyond the 'friends' stage or even settle for a second date.

(Despite the fact that I don't WANT to initially be friends because I know I'll be deadlocked in this position.)

It's become frustrating to the point that I let out a deep sigh and start thinking things along the lines of 'Why bother, she probably has a boyfriend anyway, she's no doubt going to reject me because I don't live up to her standards, etc.'

I just feel that despite what I do...it's never good enough for women, lol.

Edited February 25, 2014 by Teraskas

[Tayken]

My apologies, I jumped to conclusions when I shouldn't have.

On that note: My two best friends are actually from Australia. ^^

I've heard that Australians tend to faint for foreigner's accents, though I'm not entirely sure if there's any truth to that rumour.

I hope to visit them someday, though I'm not really keen on the amount of insects and snakes that live there.

 

Funny you mention the memory issue subject, because I also have that.

Started about 2 years ago in summer when I suddenly had hayfever and a lung infection. :/

As a result it tampered with my long and short-term memory.

And naturally when I bring this up in conversations, people think I was a drug addict, le sigh.

 

Yeah, tell me about it.

Personally, I feel that no matter how hard I'm trying to be positive on dates / going out with women I just can't create a spark.

Usually to me, I feel there's a spark when we have a lot of interests, morals, ideals, etc. in common.

Yet this always happens on my end, and not on theirs.

As I said in a previous post somewhere, on my end, the door to commitment is more than open.

Yet I cannot find a woman who's willing to progress things beyond the 'friends' stage or even settle for a second date.

(Despite the fact that I don't WANT to initially be friends because I know I'll be deadlocked in this position.)

It's become frustrating to the point that I let out a deep sigh and start thinking things along the lines of 'Why bother, she probably has a boyfriend anyway, she's no doubt going to reject me because I don't live up to her standards, etc.'

I just feel that despite what I do...it's never good enough for women, lol.

 

 

That is complete and utter BOLLOCKS (my way of saying rubbish). The "Sheilas" are nice, but gawd do most of them like to drink and party...they are also nomads in the sense that once they land in Europe working the pubs, they just keep moving around working under the table How do I know this? I grew up seeing it and know lots of them...this is how I ended up spending 6 months each in Aus and NZ

 

I am AUSTRALIAN. Although I have visited America...I prefer Europe to the two as a place I most want to reside.

 

And let me guess...Like fellow Aussies before you (Kylie & Danny Minogue, Natalie Imbruglia, Isla Fisher etc), London England will be your first choice?

 

Yes go ahead and call be a bloody POM.....you won't be the first or last to do that

 

All in all though, you want a woman who is excited at the prospect of dating you!

You don't want someone to merely "keep seeing you" because she thinks you have a lot to offer...

You want them to feel excited about you on another level, greater than simply finding you "husband material".

 

I can't believe am doing this....but I actually concur with what you are saying here Sheila...bloody hell mate. This calls for a Dingo burger

 

However....I still don't buy into your ubiquitous "head over heels" comments

[Leigh 87]

That is complete and utter BOLLOCKS (my way of saying rubbish). The "Sheilas" are nice, but gawd do most of them like to drink and party...they are also nomads in the sense that once they land in Europe working the pubs, they just keep moving around working under the table How do I know this? I grew up seeing it and know lots of them...this is how I ended up spending 6 months each in Aus and NZ

 

 

 

And let me guess...Like fellow Aussies before you (Kylie & Danny Minogue, Natalie Imbruglia, Isla Fisher etc), London England will be your first choice?

 

Yes go ahead and call be a bloody POM.....you won't be the first or last to do that

 

 

 

I can't believe am doing this....but I actually concur with what you are saying here Sheila...bloody hell mate. This calls for a Dingo burger

 

However....I still don't buy into your ubiquitous "head over heels" comments

 

 

 

 

There isn't a chance in hell I would live in London. Sydney and thereabouts is bloody expensive enough thanks plus we have better weather and nicer food.

 

Plus I am from Tasmania which was constantly overcast. No more of that thanks.

 

And my boyfriend was actually head over heels for me, as was my friends boyfriend for her. They were utterly excited and felt we were the first "special" girl they had met. They didn't get excited about their prior girls in the way they did with us.

 

Plenty of guys do meet "that girl" that they fall for and fall madly in love with.

 

Not every couple starts "lukewarm" about one another. Some people really are smitten from date one. It is nor uncommon, yet it is admittedly more common among attractive people (which I am not, but to my boyfriend I was).

[Tayken]

There isn't a chance in hell I would live in London. Sydney and thereabouts is bloody expensive enough thanks plus we have better weather and nicer food.

 

Plus I am from Tasmania which was constantly overcast. No more of that thanks.

 

And my boyfriend was actually head over heels for me, as was my friends boyfriend for her. They were utterly excited and felt we were the first "special" girl they had met. They didn't get excited about their prior girls in the way they did with us.

 

Plenty of guys do meet "that girl" that they fall for and fall madly in love with.

 

Not every couple starts "lukewarm" about one another. Some people really are smitten from date one. It is nor uncommon, yet it is admittedly more common among attractive people (which I am not, but to my boyfriend I was).

 

Ah...A Tassie lass....I can see these guys feeling this way. I mean with a population of just over half a million, with half of those people living in greater Hobart precint

 

How is Salamanca market these days?

 

You do live in one of the lovely parts of the world mind you..I'll give you that

[Leigh 87]

Ah...A Tassie lass....I can see these guys feeling this way. I mean with a population of just over half a million, with half of those people living in greater Hobart precint

 

How is Salamanca market these days?

 

You do live in one of the lovely parts of the world mind you..I'll give you that

 

 

I moved to the mainland. screw staying on an Island for my entire life.

 

Norway was prettier than Tassie.

 

Plus I lived overseas before relocating to mainland Aus.

 

My "head over heels" boyfriend met me on the mainland:lmao:

 

We are honestly just both very considerate people who couldn't manage to find a partner who was half as nice as we were. Plus we were physically attracted and had chemistry.

 

So yeah, a spark to me is: physical attraction, chemistry, and that something "special" that sets someone apart from the "others" you have dated.

 

My version of what constitutes as a spark is vastly different from many others.

[Leigh 87]

My apologies, I jumped to conclusions when I shouldn't have.

On that note: My two best friends are actually from Australia. ^^

I've heard that Australians tend to faint for foreigner's accents, though I'm not entirely sure if there's any truth to that rumour.

I hope to visit them someday, though I'm not really keen on the amount of insects and snakes that live there.

 

Funny you mention the memory issue subject, because I also have that.

Started about 2 years ago in summer when I suddenly had hayfever and a lung infection. :/

As a result it tampered with my long and short-term memory.

And naturally when I bring this up in conversations, people think I was a drug addict, le sigh.

 

Yeah, tell me about it.

Personally, I feel that no matter how hard I'm trying to be positive on dates / going out with women I just can't create a spark.

Usually to me, I feel there's a spark when we have a lot of interests, morals, ideals, etc. in common.

Yet this always happens on my end, and not on theirs.

As I said in a previous post somewhere, on my end, the door to commitment is more than open.

Yet I cannot find a woman who's willing to progress things beyond the 'friends' stage or even settle for a second date.

(Despite the fact that I don't WANT to initially be friends because I know I'll be deadlocked in this position.)

It's become frustrating to the point that I let out a deep sigh and start thinking things along the lines of 'Why bother, she probably has a boyfriend anyway, she's no doubt going to reject me because I don't live up to her standards, etc.'

I just feel that despite what I do...it's never good enough for women, lol.

 

 

My boyfriend had a stroke when he was 19. Sorry to hear about your injury that triggered your memory loss.

 

I don't mind his short term memory loss issue. It makes him more special haha, honest.

 

 

I didn't notice it until the end of our first date. After 6 hours together.

 

I bought a pie. Then walked with it for an hour or so, and then got the pie out again...

 

He was like " a pie, where did you get that from?!?! "

 

:lmao::lmao:

 

He tends to repeat stories and also ask you things a few times in a row, over a day long period.

[hotpotato]

Yeah, chances are she already has orbiters she's willing to take on after she dumps the boyfriend.

 

When a "Friend of the family" becomes the new boyfriend.

 

Every guy who has dumped me has had another woman waiting on the wings. This goes both ways.

 

The internet makes it easier to find a replacement.

[somedude81]

If you were dating a girl for 6 months and one day out of the blue she said she couldnt see a future cause there wasnt enough of a spark? what does she mean?

I read it that she has a relationship time frame and expected to perhaps be falling in love with me at that stage in but didnt feel it, have i read it right?

Wow.

 

Something very similar happened to me.

 

My GF of 6 months one day out of the blue told me that her feelings have platued and that she didn't think she would ever love me. She told me that she felt she should have been in love with me by that point.

 

I read a very eye opening post about the stages of a relationship in a different forum.

1)Interest and Attraction...this is where two people initially see or meet each other and decide they both want to get to know each other better.

 

2)Infatuation and Falling in Love...this is the stage where you become blinded by your emotions and often times behave like a love sick puppy dog. The attention and mushiness of the other person makes you feel really great about yourself and you begin to fall "in love"...this is all about how YOU feel about yourself because of the other person. IT is NOT love. It is that thing that reduces you to a slobbering fool who speaks in "baby talk".

 

3) The Comfort Zone...this is where you start to relax, and move out of the infatuation stage into something more "real". This is also the time where feelings begin to deepen towards the other person while experiencing a reduced feeling of being "in love". After being in this stage for awhile many people make the mistake of thinking the relationship is in trouble because they aren't still infatuated. In reality, the relationship is beginning to grow into Mature Love. So many people bail at this point and never actually reach the "Love" stage.

 

4) Mature Love...this is the real deal, folks. You have reached the point of having a genuinely mature relationship, that, if you have chosen the right partner, is a beautiful thing.

 

Reaching Stage 4 doesn't mean the fun is all over, though. You can and will go from stage to stage at different times throughout the relationship. You can even learn to do things that will make you and your partner feel infatuated and falling in love all over again.

 

Most relationships are either made or broken during the Comfort Zone.

It sounds like both of our relationships fell apart in stage 3 because our girls bailed.

[Tayken]

I moved to the mainland. screw staying on an Island for my entire life.

 

Norway was prettier than Tassie.

 

Plus I lived overseas before relocating to mainland Aus.

 

My "head over heels" boyfriend met me on the mainland:lmao:

 

We are honestly just both very considerate people who couldn't manage to find a partner who was half as nice as we were. Plus we were physically attracted and had chemistry.

 

So yeah, a spark to me is: physical attraction, chemistry, and that something "special" that sets someone apart from the "others" you have dated.

My version of what constitutes as a spark is vastly different from many others.

 

I think this is one understatement we can all agree on ...yes I went there

 

Every guy who has dumped me has had another woman waiting on the wings.

 

Hmmm....<inner voice to Tayken>....Tayken steady up, get yourself together, don't go there......I know you are tempted to say something.....let it go , OK inner voice

[xxoo]

Wow.

 

Something very similar happened to me.

 

My GF of 6 months one day out of the blue told me that her feelings have platued and that she didn't think she would ever love me. She told me that she felt she should have been in love with me by that point.

 

I read a very eye opening post about the stages of a relationship in a different forum.

It sounds like both of our relationships fell apart in stage 3 because our girls bailed.

 

Those early stages of infatuation are blinding, and not truly based on reality. It is more a fantasy version of your partner you "love" than the real partner. When that wears off, very often people realize they aren't in love after all.

 

But the infatuation phase is still important. My h and I have gone through several infatuation phases together, and it keeps love feeling strong. I can't imagine being married this long to someone ive ever felt head over heels about.

[RedRobin]

The answer may be this question, asked at the end of the first date: "could you see yourself having sex with this person?"

 

The man probably would answer yes to that question far more often than the woman, this he is willing to try a second date.

 

Yes, mystery solved!! lol

[mrnova66]

If you were dating a girl for 6 months and one day out of the blue she said she couldnt see a future cause there wasnt enough of a spark? what does she mean?

I read it that she has a relationship time frame and expected to perhaps be falling in love with me at that stage in but didnt feel it, have i read it right?

That mean all she was doing was playing games until the next loser comes around. I see this in most women. this is why I do not waste my time in the screw up dating world. Here is how it works. After Mr.Loser(drunk,drug addict,jail bird) done had his fun. The woman is asking where are all the good guys at. then she decides to date a good guy, but when the first loser comes around she will dump the good guy like a hot potato. Does she care about the good guys feelings? She could careless. It is all about her and what she can get her hands on. Then of course society blames the good guy for being used.

[Teraskas]

My boyfriend had a stroke when he was 19. Sorry to hear about your injury that triggered your memory loss.

 

I don't mind his short term memory loss issue. It makes him more special haha, honest.

 

 

I didn't notice it until the end of our first date. After 6 hours together.

 

I bought a pie. Then walked with it for an hour or so, and then got the pie out again...

 

He was like " a pie, where did you get that from?!?! "

 

:lmao::lmao:

 

He tends to repeat stories and also ask you things a few times in a row, over a day long period.

 

Yeah, I know the feeling. :/

It's practically stating to become a daily occurrence.

I often ask my mom 'What's for dinner ?' / 'What's on TV tonight ?' or similar lines and an hour later I've already forgotten what the answer to that was. xD

 

Omg, the repeating stories and asking things a few times in a row is so familiar, lol.

Oh well, hopefully in the near future I'll be able to find a girl who thinks that's cute, or can live with it rather than judging me as has happened countless times in the past.

[irc333]

Try 9 years...there was a woman on POF that I had talked to online, locally, that was "separated".... the reason they were divorcing because she never had an attraction to him from the beginning.

 

They married only because their friends were getting married...and in a small town...its just something people did.

 

I guess she was able to tolerate seeing him naked though. lol

 

 

Wow.

 

Something very similar happened to me.

 

My GF of 6 months one day out of the blue told me that her feelings have platued and that she didn't think she would ever love me. She told me that she felt she should have been in love with me by that point.

 

I read a very eye opening post about the stages of a relationship in a different forum.

It sounds like both of our relationships fell apart in stage 3 because our girls bailed.

[xxoo]

Try 9 years...there was a woman on POF that I had talked to online, locally, that was "separated".... the reason they were divorcing because she never had an attraction to him from the beginning.

 

They married only because their friends were getting married...and in a small town...its just something people did.

 

I guess she was able to tolerate seeing him naked though. lol

 

Attraction isn't always about physical appearance. That what men misunderstand about "spark". He could have been physically attractive, but if the "spark" isn't there, she might feel the same way toward him that she would a brother or cousin.

 

Some of the men I've felt "spark" with have been on the less physically attractive side! And then I can be talking to a "hot" guy and feel....nothing. It's a combination of things for most women, not as simple as looks.

[irc333]

 

Some of the men I've felt "spark" with have been on the less physically attractive side! And then I can be talking to a "hot" guy and feel....nothing. It's a combination of things for most women, not as simple as looks.

 

 

Yeah, men are more visual creatures...with women its combination of things....not to get too demeaning or anything, but to draw an analogy...is that why prostitutes are mostly female?

 

This is why Hugh Hefner has his favorite 3 bunnies? There must be something other than looks that attracts them.

 

It's not often you'd hear of a man being able to able to keep is lunch down when seeing a female version of Hugh Hefner. lol

[pickflicker]

"Spark" for me, can be boiled down to sexual attraction. I know when I first meet someone, whether I want to have sex with them or not. If that's not there, I can't manufacture it.

 

Current example - been on 2 dates with a guy. Perfectly nice, a gentleman, proactive in contacting me, but I'm not sexually attracted to him at all. That wouldn't be such a big deal, except for the fact that we also have nothing in common. And since I don't know how long it would take to have that 'spark' with him that would change his mind, I have to make it clear that this is friends only, because it's not fair on him. I gave it 2 shots, I'm just not feeling it.

[irc333]

"Spark" for me, can be boiled down to sexual attraction. I know when I first meet someone, whether I want to have sex with them or not. If that's not there, I can't manufacture it.

 

Current example - been on 2 dates with a guy. Perfectly nice, a gentleman, proactive in contacting me, but I'm not sexually attracted to him at all. That wouldn't be such a big deal, except for the fact that we also have nothing in common. And since I don't know how long it would take to have that 'spark' with him that would change his mind, I have to make it clear that this is friends only, because it's not fair on him. I gave it 2 shots, I'm just not feeling it.

 

Well, at least you gave him two shots, some men are lucky to even get a response. Some women won't even give the "3-D" world a shot. lol