Cannot believe what I have done. Should of listened! [updates]

[lvroflife]

TO the person you love, Just pretend you fell off the face of the EARTH!! Like you were never born

[TaraMaiden]

This thread is an excellent resource and includes answers to FAQs:

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366654-caliguy-no-contact-guide-updated

 

Read the No Contact Guide in my signature (link)

 

it was originally penned by....

 

A guy who worked in the same office as his ex, however, she too was in a different office.....

 

Just to be clear - it's the same thread, ok?

 

Thanks Minneloa

[Minneloa]

Just to be clear - it's the same thread, ok?

 

Thanks Minneloa

 

Sure thing, TM. Pure gold!

[Michael 93]

Read the No Contact Guide in my signature (link)

 

it was originally penned by....

 

A guy who worked in the same office as his ex, however, she too was in a different office.

Take it from the Horse's mouth - your two situations could be identical.

She dumped him - and by the time he left she was climbing the walls in frustration, because nothing she did, worked, and everything he did - DID.

 

But you HAVE to do it.

All of it.

100%, 100% of the time.

 

@taramaiden

 

hi tara thank you very much for that. That sounds extremely promising!!! That is what I want down to a T. Just the initial post I should follow or...?

[TaraMaiden]

Yeah, just the initial post... but the rest of the thread is a sobering wake-up call and a harsh lesson in reality.... Go ahead, in your own time, read the rest.

 

[deathandtaxes]

You need the pain, bro. Feel that ****. Experience it in your deepest core. Don't run away from it. Embrace it! Understand it. And eventually let that crap go.

 

 

The pain means you're alive. The pain means you have a heart. Don't forget. Now start the healing. Follow that NC. It basically protects you from yourself.

[TaraMaiden]

Yeah!!

 

OOOH RRRAAAHHH!!!

[Virgil876]

After reading the whole thread, it doesn't seem like OP listens to anybody at all...

[Radu]

Thank you for your reply.

 

I am trying my hardest not to dwell on it. Its just the fact that she thinks im the one to blame for everything when what she has done is equally as bad if not worse. I have always accepted responsibility with her and I feel so angered at the fact she has got out of this happy and with her own way.

 

What she has done is wrong and I really hope she realises!

 

No, you don't get it.

She does not believe that you ruined everything, she needs to believe that you ruined everything.

 

Her entire behaviour is centered around minimizing guilt :

- 'we can be friends' is to remove some of the guilt she feels over abandoning you by convincing herself that it's not so bad

- 'your fault !!!' is to again have you take some of the blame for the situation

 

Her behaviour is that of a selfish person, when love is about selflessness.

She wants to be able to look in the mirror and not feel guilt over her actions, that's why she needs you to take responsability for her.

That's also why she will never admit to being in the wrong, because how she views herself is of the utmost importance; this is also why she gets angry at you for contacting her, because you remind her of what she is ... and the feelings of guilt need to be dealt with, so they get projected [on you].

 

The moment you move on though, she will become interested in you again.

By moving on i mean, stop being a sniveling begger for her attention, and get another gf, have some fun, look better.

And i hope you will have the presence of mind to actually say no.

 

PS: The reason she looks happy is because she has the drop on you in the processing emotions department, and because she is trying to fall in love with this guy.

That's right, trying, it's a form of hysterical bonding, and future projection is probably what happens with him as well.

[herself]

The fact that she assaulted you should be an eye opener. Im sorry, you learned. They say you cant fall from the floor, so no where to go but up. Please delete your face book. You cant see ANYTHING right now.

Everyday will still be hard for awhile but if you delete her number & block her everywhere just to eliminate hope, it will help heal you faster.

Shes a class A jerk! Your better off.

[David87]

Well at least you will know what to do in the future. You just prolonged your pain but the good news the pain will fade away.

[Chi townD]

Are you happy now? Now, she's PHYSICALLY hit you!! Sorry, but no one deserves to have a hand placed on them in anger. NO ONE!

 

 

You stated that this wasn't even the girl you remember and even recognize, here's the deal. BELIEVE IT!!

 

 

It's been a few days, she sober now, did she even apologize for hitting you? My guess is "NOPE!" Because, SHE DOESN'T CARE!!!

 

 

You stated that you met up with her at the Club, I'm gonna take a scientific wild ass guess and say it was the SAME club her new guy is a bouncer at! That should have been ANOTHER clue!

 

 

When are you going to start to realize that she is absolutely horrible to you? When are you going to realize that you deserve a girl that won't berate you, cheat on you, embarrass you in public, belittle you and hit you? Does that sound like a girl worth holding on to? Don't you think you deserve more than that?

 

 

Hell, even her friend felt sorry for you (pitied you), she showed you more compassion that this bitch of an Ex showed you.

 

 

So, my question is. Are you going to start listening now? Because, just like I said in my last post on this thread, this train wreck finally crashed into crazy town. You ready to get off of it?

[Michael 93]

@Chi townD

 

You are totally right man. And in answer to your question no she hasn't apologized.

 

All she has said is that I was totally out of order for what I had done. This girl was the love of my life and I cannot believe someone can change so drastically.

 

I had nothing to be happy about. Until I told her about trying to move on with a girl who used to message me, I saw a reaction with her and she bombarded my phone going crazy! Yes that may ease her guilt but to be honest what did I have to lose?? She made it perfectly clear that we had no opportunity to get back how we used to be so the chance to give her just a little bit of the pain I did seemed like a good option at the time. This has made me feel so much better to know she has to handle the thoughts that I did!!

 

I feel much better, I know I need to move on. I still miss her more than anything but what can i do?? I have thoughts from time to time imagining whether she thinks of me and misses me, and whether she is enjoying her time with this new guy. and that hurts a little. Knowing he will be with her like I used to be. Burns really....

 

And yes. It was the club that he worked at, infact his friend saw me and my ex together and text him! this resulted in him then bombarding my exes phone and upset her because she must obvs care about him! Waster! Kinda wished he was there!

 

Love is painful Chi unbelievably painful. Although u kill me every single time!! I appreciate your posts!

[David87]

You should star trusting this nice people here, because all they want is to give you good advice.

[Michael 93]

Those who have followed my story will know its been a rocky couple of months. I've been up and down up and down (much to the anger of Chi town D lol, had to shout you there buddy)

 

But last night myself and ex finally said our goodbyes. Today I feel weird, very weird. I have tried literally everything possible to get this girl back in my life. Nothing has hurt me more than this, It is actual physical pain.

 

We spoke last night (after running half a mile to a payphone!? Desperation or what!? ) We talked and again I explained I just wanted to talk to her and see how she was. (ready for the abuse from you LS members) WE spoke and I asked her if she managed to get the text picture message I sent her. I do a really good impression of Bane from Batman and I sent her a meme of Bane with one of our funny memories on there. She laughed and said yes I received it. We spoke and I explained how important she was to me and the special impact she had on my life, I told her if ever the day come she needed to talk I was always there. She said "i know Michael i know how much you care. We just both need to move forward now don't we, I have tried to be there for you but I cant do that anymore" I told her she was and will be very special to me and although a lot has happened since the split I cannot just forget. I said I really did think I was "the one" for you and she said "you was". Its been almost two months now though. I said I know it has and I am trying. I asked her if it was so easy to move on from me because she was interested in going into another relationship and she said "no but our relationship was over a long time before we split Michael, it just wasn't working" This does sound a lot worse than it was by the way. But it was a down to earth conversation and very adult.

 

I asked if she wanted someone else? She said its not about that "but me and him are in fact now seeing each other" I replied with okay then I hope he makes you happy (genuinely) I said goodbye and told her I would never forget her.

 

There is literally nothing else I can try to do to get this woman back. I miss her incredibly and the memories we have will never go away. I'm upset that shes seeing him now because the times we have spoke shes stated it isn't serious and she doesn't want him, when I've asked if he was just to get over me she has refused to answer and said "i didn't need to know". I know he will not let her go and she is going to be so happy and it hurts like hell because I wish I was the man to do that for her.

 

She knows how much I care and how hard I have tried. Now I am going to start a STRICT NC (believe me Chi) do you think that one day she will realise how much I loved her? Not sure where to go from here. In a pretty bad place at the moment.

 

Thanks to everyone for their support so far. I really appreciate it. God bless.

[David87]

Man o man, do you like pain or something? Why would you do such a thing?? Do I need to tell you how clingy and desperate you were?

 

You acted like the biggest doormat on the face of the earth... Sorry but you need to get a grip on reality. SHE IS GONE AND AIN'T COMING BACK.

 

I don't believe you when you say that you'll stick to NC . Sorry Michael you just shot yourself in the foot again.

[herself]

Im so mad to read this post. I dont want to judge anyone but you just keep going and going.

You just showed her she can slap you ans insult you, reject and shut you out, ignore your feelings and ask you 18,000 ways to STOP calling texting coming around and to LEAVE her aline, but that is okay, you KEEP coming back.

 

Guarenteed she ONLY spoke to you because she felt guilty.

Not in love, not missing you....GUILTY. You need to understans shes done.

You pledging your undying love, and that your always there for her, no matter how great you think that us, she DOESNT need you and shes said it in every way possible.

Giving her these speeches time & time again is like giving 5 dollars to a Billionaire.

They dont NEED it.

 

She is slowly weaning you off of her, she is having sex with another man & giving and getting attention to and from him. Swallow the truth. You just wont listen & each time you share this, folks here, just like her just pity you and keep trying to shake you awake.

 

Michael, you need to see a therapist. There's no doubt. Your hurting, and your actions toward yourself are cruel. You need some direction and perspective. Im not sure your able to let go without help as your love and happiness were based on someone else, you dont have it within you. This is obsessive and you will do it in your next relationship too if you dont address it and fix it.

 

Sorry to be harsh, but last night was just a fix for you, not closure.

You will need to speak with her again and force contact & she will be kind out of guilt but with the same intention & that is to continue to phase you out until you finally get the hint.

 

Good luck Mike. I hope u seek counseling for you.

[BC1980]

So you put yourself through more pain for what exactly? What did any of this accomplish? You think you are okay now because you are on the high of yesterday's contact. Reality will set in, and you will find another reason to contact her "one last time."

[Michael 93]

I am looking into counselling. I do feel I need it as this is mentally draining me. I realise I am not doing myself any favours with the things I am doing.

 

Do you really think i didnt know I was going to get criticism? Of course I did. But I am lost and stuck in a place where I dont know how to be happy.

 

This girl was my life and at if you understood just how happy we were at one point this is why I have found it so hard to let her go.

 

I just want her to realise how much she means to me. I am hurting badly and I just didnt know what else to do.

 

Feel like im letting everyone down. Including myself.

 

Thanks for your views all.

[somecamel]

I am looking into counselling. I do feel I need it as this is mentally draining me. I realise I am not doing myself any favours with the things I am doing.

 

Do you really think i didnt know I was going to get criticism? Of course I did. But I am lost and stuck in a place where I dont know how to be happy.

 

This girl was my life and at if you understood just how happy we were at one point this is why I have found it so hard to let her go.

 

I just want her to realise how much she means to me. I am hurting badly and I just didnt know what else to do.

 

Feel like im letting everyone down. Including myself.

 

Thanks for your views all.

 

Hi Michael,

 

My advice to you is to go and see your doctor and ask for some anti-depressants to help you through this. You're a sensitive guy and you really are only punishing yourself.

 

No shame in asking for help, i did and they have really helped me.

[David87]

I am looking into counselling. I do feel I need it as this is mentally draining me. I realise I am not doing myself any favours with the things I am doing.

 

Do you really think i didnt know I was going to get criticism? Of course I did. But I am lost and stuck in a place where I dont know how to be happy.

 

This girl was my life and at if you understood just how happy we were at one point this is why I have found it so hard to let her go.

 

I just want her to realise how much she means to me. I am hurting badly and I just didnt know what else to do.

 

Feel like im letting everyone down. Including myself.

 

Thanks for your views all.

 

Do you think that my ex wasn't my everything? I loved her more than I loved my own family, I did everything for her and , like you, I would give an arm and a leg for her. But when she doesn't appreciate all this things it's time to make a step back and just let her be and live with your losses.

 

I guess that you're weak as a person and you can't handle rejection that well, I strongly advise counselling.

 

Sorry I'm being hard on you, but now it's the perfect time to put on those big boy pants. Stay strong buddy.

Edited February 28, 2014 by David87

[Michael 93]

@somecamel

 

Hey Man,

 

Thank you for the reply.

 

I am looking into it as it has been requested a couple of times. I just worry about the need to have to use them as it makes the situation a whole lot more real.

 

I am very sensitive. I'm known for having a big heart. I feel this is only going to break me over and over again and I hate that. Being so loving has destroyed me!! I wont change though, That is who I am and I need to stick to my core.

 

This has been physically and mentally traumatizing for me. I wish it wasnt this hard.

 

Hope you are well..

Michael

[Michael 93]

Do you think that my ex wasn't my everything? I loved her more than I loved my own family, I did everything for her and , like you, I would give an arm and a leg for her. But when she doesn't appreciate all this things it's time to make a step back and just let her be and live with your losses.

 

I guess that you're weak as a person and you can't handle rejection that well, I strongly advise counselling.

 

Sorry I'm being hard on you, but now it's the perfect time to put on those big boy pants. Stay strong buddy.

 

I am not taking this as being hard on me David. I am taking the criticism and opinion. It is extremely difficult for me right now and I am in a desperate need to move forward. I have to get past this. It is imperative.

[David87]

I am not taking this as being hard on me David. I am taking the criticism and opinion. It is extremely difficult for me right now and I am in a desperate need to move forward. I have to get past this. It is imperative.

 

Just make a promise to us all that you'll NEVER BREAK NC AGAIN.

[Itspointless]

I am looking into counselling. I do feel I need it as this is mentally draining me. I realise I am not doing myself any favours with the things I am doing.

 

Do you really think i didnt know I was going to get criticism? Of course I did. But I am lost and stuck in a place where I dont know how to be happy.

 

This girl was my life and at if you understood just how happy we were at one point this is why I have found it so hard to let her go.

 

I just want her to realise how much she means to me. I am hurting badly and I just didnt know what else to do.

 

Feel like im letting everyone down. Including myself.

 

Thanks for your views all.

Yeah the happiness, it is gone for you, for me and probably a lot of other people here. But you know, you are the only one that can take care of you. Counseling is a really good idea. You let nobody down, but it time to take care of yourself. Happiness will come back in one way or another.