Cannot believe what I have done. Should of listened! [updates]

[Michael 93]

I will not break NC again.

 

I cant. What can I gain? What more can I do? Buy her a gold car???

 

I have tried literally everything for this girl and it hasn't worked.

 

It is destroying me and I want to find happiness again. I WANT to. I wish I had never met her to be honest. I love her like crazy and the happy times we had are what keeps running through my mind. Its very very annoying because I know she dosent think the same. I just keep thinking, what a waste!!

 

Of effort, Time, Money, Love.

 

This love thing can be the best thing in the world. But it can also break you.

[legion113]

That wasn't a more positive goodbye unfortunately. You just put the final nail in the coffin about ever having a chance at getting her back...all your previous actions where the other nails. You drove her father away each time you continued to talk/beg cry etc...

What I got from her last words to you was "I'm am so disgusted with the way you're acting, you just made it so much easier for me to let you go, so thanks for that, now get a life already"

[herself]

Do you think that my ex wasn't my everything? I loved her more than I loved my own family, I did everything for her and , like you, I would give an arm and a leg for her. But when she doesn't appreciate all this things it's time to make a step back and just let her be and live with your losses.

 

I guess that you're weak as a person and you can't handle rejection that well, I strongly advise counselling.

 

Sorry I'm being hard on you, but now it's the perfect time to put on those big boy pants. Stay strong buddy.

 

I guess what you dont see is every single relationship that breaks up was blissfully happy and full of life and each partner who was dumped saw their ex as their everything.

She isnt coming back or changing her mind ever and shes telling u straight, you just arent hearing. So professional help will guide you, your own hope and strong belief you can bring back her love are killing you. No one here wants to kick you while your down. It is sad for all to see and everyone is rooting for you to let go, and start healing yourself. We cant make you do that. You got to buddy.

[Volthi10]

Since the break up I have tried everything as humanely possible to get her back. I have pleaded with her, sent her flowers (which she laughed at and gave away) , gave her little sentimental things (the first drink I bought her, favourite food with little notes and pictures, met up with her, poured my heart out. Non of this has had any impact at all, all she has done is tried to make the relationship look like a lot worse than it was. I think this is to make herself feel better. A couple of weeks after we split I was calling and texting her asking why? and if she cared. She was nasty all of the times we spoke and explained she dosent miss me, dosent care about me and dosent love/want to be with me anymore. some of the times we did meet up she explained she does care and that she would remain in contact and meet up from time to time, explaining she could help me. She never did that. Explained I wasn't getting it and we couldn't speak anymore because all I thought is that I could get her back.

 

I appreciate we are over and what can I do about that. The thing that is destroying me... is how little she cares? We spent so much time together and had some really special memories she even lived with me for half of the relationship. How can she care so little? I believe she may of emotionally detached herself a long time before we split but still, to be so close to someone and talk about marriage,children being the only one theyve ever truly loved, how can that change so soon.. Thats the bit that hurts me, knowing she has moved on so fast. She is even seeing another guy. We work for the same company and I had been informed she even booked valentines day off. Pretty obvious what that was for .

 

BE stronger than this, I know by personal experience how much it hurts to know that you try and try and try to show them you care and they don't give you the reaction you expect, and it trully hurts, but my friend you have to let it all out and accept the fact that she is gone, way gone. I had to let go of my ex and it was the hardest things to do, but I follwed advice people would tell me about focusing on the bad not the good and why the relationship is done. In your case think about the humiliation she has put you through, laughing in your face while you pour your heart out! You deserve better and a woman who will value your efforts. Stay strong and God bless!

[somecamel]

I will not break NC again.

 

I cant. What can I gain? What more can I do? Buy her a gold car???

 

I have tried literally everything for this girl and it hasn't worked.

 

It is destroying me and I want to find happiness again. I WANT to. I wish I had never met her to be honest. I love her like crazy and the happy times we had are what keeps running through my mind. Its very very annoying because I know she dosent think the same. I just keep thinking, what a waste!!

 

Of effort, Time, Money, Love.

 

This love thing can be the best thing in the world. But it can also break you.

 

 

You need to crash Michael, your so high on her still you can't get her out of your mind.

 

It's very easy for us to say to you you need to forget her and move on, the only person that can do that is you.

 

What do you need to do in your life so you can forget about her? Think big, use the opportunity to reinvent yourself into someone new, not for her!!! For you:)

[Michael 93]

I am trying so hard!

 

I really do appreciate all of your support. I am trying to make this go away. Its so difficult.

 

I go through different emotions.

 

One minute I will be sad, next minute I will constantly remember good times, then bad times, then what she used to say to me, do with me.

 

Right now the thought is "she will be touching and loving him the way she did me"

 

Its horrible because we were so in love. And to think she could be sleeping with him, massaging him, doing everything she used to do with me makes me feel ill.

 

He has so much more going for him. Better Physique (pro Bodybuilder) Popular (Bouncer) Older male, He drives, Dads a Millionare.

 

And I just sit there and think to myself. There was a time we she had me and I couldnt give her any of that. Its heartbreaking.

[Chi townD]

He has so much more going for him. Better Physique (pro Bodybuilder) Popular (Bouncer) Older male, He drives, Dads a Millionare.

 

And I just sit there and think to myself. There was a time we she had me and I couldnt give her any of that. Its heartbreaking.

 

 

Okay, let's break this down about this douche rocket.

 

 

Better Physique- Umm read somewhere that you go to the same gym. Given the fact that you actually GO to a gym tells me that you're in somewhat good shape. And if he's a "Pro bodybuilder" then he's probably roiding which means his balls have shrunk.

 

 

Popular- Just because your a bouncer doesn't make you popular. Bouncers are usually dicks.

 

 

Older male- Older guy that will probably need Viagra well before you do. And if he's off cycle then he'll have a heavy drop in testosterone which means he's not screwing anyone.

 

 

He drives- So what! Like that's a HUGE accomplishment in life?

 

 

Dad's a Millionaire- Yep! His DAD is a millionaire. Not him. I mean, if Dad is Mr. Money Bags, then he could have afforded to send him to whatever University and set him up in life. But...he's a bouncer. Yeah! I totally see where he's utilizing 100% of his potential.

 

 

So, I can only speculate that he's a muscle head bouncer that comes from money but would rather skate through life then actually make something of himself. And probably STILL living at home with Daddy. Or Daddy got sick and tired of his ass and set him up in an apartment which Daddy paying for just to get him out of his hair.

 

 

Yeah, I can see where he is SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU! (that's sarcasm, BTW)

 

 

I already told you what you need to be doing to make positive changes in your life. So, I'm not going to write it again.

 

 

Here's the deal. You're telling us that you're going strict NC. Okay! Cool! Now you're listening.

 

 

But, your Ex knows how hung up you are on her. She knows that anytime she pulls on the leash, the dog will be on the other end. Well, now the dog is off the leash. She's going to come looking for the dog.

 

 

Sooner or later she will be contacting you again, especially when she realizes that she hasn't heard from you in a while. She'll go on Facebook, AND SHE BETTER DISCOVER THAT SHE'S BEEN BLOCKED!

 

 

Then, she may send you a text message. IGNORE IT!!!!!

 

 

She may try to call you. Let it go to voicemail!!!!

 

 

She may try to email you. DELETE IT!!!!!

 

 

If you have the urge to respond, STOP!!! Take a deep breath and post here instead. People will be here to walk you through the hard times.

[nightporter]

I feel for you man.

I went through a very similar thing (Check out my posts). I won't lie, it will take a long time before it gets easier. I've been NC for about six months, thought I was getting over it and then started dreaming about her this week and now I'm having all those all feelings all over again (I actually wrote a post about this today)

 

All can I say is that it does get easier. I completely understand what its like to know that she is seeing some other guy. Same thing happened to me and I still obsess over it. All you can do is try to sort your own life out. And do your best not to put her 'new life' up on some pedestal.

 

Here is my advice. Accept its over. The harder you try to get her back the further you will push her away. Women arent nostalgic creatures like us men, they rarely look back. Once a decision is made it is usually final. All the begging and pleading and promising to change will not make her want you, it will just make you look pathetic in her eyes and make her new man seem even more attractive. I'm sorry, but that's how it is.

 

Also delete her friends from facebook if you have to. Social media will drive you insane at a time like this. I promise you. seeing photos of her will do you NO good!!

 

You aren't alone. Like I said, your story sounds so similar to my own.

 

P.s

 

Dont obsess about how she can suddenly be so cold towards you. It's not that she doesnt care, it's just that she is smart enough to know that she needs to cut you off completely for your own good. My ex did the same thing. I couldn't get my head around it but eventually you will realise that it needs to be this way. There is no point in continuously discussing the ifs whys and buts....the fact is her feelings have changed towards you. There is nothing you can do. Again sorry for being blunt but you need to hear this.

 

Take comfort in the fact that her new life may not be as great as it seems on facebook. Facebook is edited life. It is everyones 'best bits'. They never show the bad stuff. In a years time she might be the one looking at your new life and thinking 'Man he is doing so well without me, and im stuck in some rubbish relationship with a douche. I messed up.'

 

All the best mate. Keep on going

[Michael 93]

Good to hear from you Chi.

 

And yes he is indeed a steroid user. A very big one. As a matter of fact he split up with his ex Girlfriend (Who was a 10 btw) and had his heart broken because he couldn't provide in the bedroom for over a year (shutdown on cycle)..

 

His dad has put him through university and hes completed a construction degree.

 

However he doesn't live with him, he lives in a bungalow (1 storey house for anyone who dosent know) with his Nan.

 

As for Facebook I have deleted it. I don't feel its the right place for me to be at the moment and thought id come off it for a while.

 

This is killing me man and the thought of them being together hurts. She is over me and there is nothing I can do about it.

 

Thanks again for listening

[Chi townD]

Considering that your using the word nan to describe grandmother only leads me to believe that you're either from Britain or Australia. My money is on British.

 

 

IF this is the case, then Dude! You are in an excellent spot to travel! Get away! Go see things! I mean, get your ass to London and jump the Eurostar and go to Paris for an extended weekend away! Hell, roundtrip is about 65 quid and it's only a few hours away. While at Paris, stay in Hostels. There about 15 Euro's a night and usually include a meal. Then, a little spending money and taking a lot of pictures to remember your trip. A Paris adventure really cheap.

 

 

I strongly believe in travel as part of the healing process. It gets you out of the norm to see different things. If your hanging around your place, then you tend to see things that remind you of her. "We used to eat there." or "We had a picnic in that park" or " We saw movies there." By traveling a little you get see new things that aren't associated with your Ex. And that gives you time to decompress and re-energize. And it's a great opportunity to stop a cute French girl and see if she could take your picture infront of the Eiffel Tower. Great ice breaker!

 

 

Now, I'm not saying do that right NOW! But plan and save for your trip! Talk a friend into going with you. Do your research and make reservations. Then, GO!!!

 

 

Just try it once. I'm betting that when you get back, you'll feel a little better. Hell, you might plan another trip. Maybe to Brussels or Amsterdam the next time. Or even bolder! Coming out to the states and staying for a week in Southern California learning to surf!

Edited February 28, 2014 by Chi townD

[Michael 93]

So me and my ex broke up around 2 months ago. She is now seeing someone else that showed an interest in her when we were together. This guy is older, much better physique and much better car, looks etc.

 

This girl was my life, would regularly tell me I was the one and she had never felt love until she met me. I was her beautiful baby and she would never ever leave me.

 

She broke up with me citing that I didn't appreciate her enough and didn't make her feel loved which in some ways I accept responsibility for.She wasnt an angel either and there were some things that I felt she took for granted. (moved her in to my home when parents kicked her out)

 

Since the split I have tried absolutely everything, sentimental gestures, flowers to the workplace, funny pictures, memories and non of this has worked. She has been horrible to me for most of the break up and its like I don't even know who she is anymore.

 

Her last two relationships lasted around the same period of time (1 year 4 months) and the same outcome occured, both of her previous partners were heartbroken.

 

I have tried myself to better myself since the split (focused on driving, taking care of appearance, new suit, getting stuck into work) this is to show her that I can change and I do want to be with her. She knows how much I love her.

 

We have since been in Limited contact over the last couple of days, we have spoke and had really nice conversations and made each other laugh, her new guy was mentioned a couple of times but nothing of any significance.

 

I decided to call her last night because I was having a bay day. She dosent answer. So i call again (have been last few days) and she answers with "what? I'm busy at the moment, I'm in bed....I said so why cant you talk? she said "because I'm with someone" Straight away I asked her if it was him and she said "yes".

 

She called me when he left and I explained I didn't think it was as serious as that. She said she sees him once a week and it dosent matter that he was here.

 

It absolutely destroyed me to know he was at her house, in the same spot I used to be in. Being with her brother and cuddling in her bed. Interacting with her parents, spending time with her.

 

We have since spoke and she said that it made things awkward for them and he felt "sorry" for me because he has been there before. We have argued I called her a heartbreaker and she said "ppl shouldnt fu** with me then, treat me right" we have argued and she said she cannot help me anymore.

 

I am devastated I wish I could see the light out of this mess. I dont know how to live my life anymore I just feel so empty without her. She knows how much I love her. Why is she doing this?

[somecamel]

You really did set yourself up for a fall here my friend.

 

The more you push the more hurt you're going to get, you don't need to know anything about her life so please stop making contact with her.

 

I can imagine that it has destroyed you knowing she is now with him, I've been there as well and it's awful.

 

When she was being nice she was trying to get you into the friend zone, nothing more.

 

You seem to have been making great progress now you have to start again.

 

Be strong and move on

[Chi townD]

Dude, how many times do I have to rip into you? Seriously?!?!

 

 

Think back to all the times you broke NC, and then I want you to think back to how breaking NC ended for you. Each time getting worse and worse. You call her once, didn't answer. Called back and she answered annoyed. How does it feel knowing that she was annoyed because you interrupted an intimate moment?

 

 

Seriously dude. STOP CONTACTING HER!!

 

 

You stated in a post that you're trying to make positive changes in you life TO SHOW HER YOU CHANGED!!! Dude, you make positive changes for you and you alone! That is to help you heal. To gain back your self respect and self esteem.

 

 

Dude, there are MILLIONS of girls in this world that would LOVE to go out with you especially with the positive changes you've been making and you are still hung up on ONE girl that treats you with such disrespect. Boggles the mind.

 

 

You have so much to offer a girl if you just give it time. Give yourself time to heal and work on yourself. And when that girl comes along, she's going to think that your Ex was an idiot for letting you go and would be half tempted to send her a thank you card!

 

 

This girl isn't "the one". She is so far from that. But, I PROMISE you that the RIGHT girl, "the one" is out there. She is going to blow your mind and be the girl that wouldn't even consider doing to you what your Ex has done to you. She's out there and she waiting for you to find her. I honestly and truly believe that. But, you're never going to find her if your still so hung up on some bitch that's going to treat you like sh*t.

 

 

Are you going to let go this time? Are you ready to REALLY stay in NC and move on with your life? There's a big ass world outside your door and when you finally look at it, you'll realize that your Ex wasn't your entire world.

[Michael 93]

Whatup Chi,

 

Man I wasn't expecting you this time.

 

Terrible. Honestly its just absolutely eating me alive. Its not getting any easier at all. When we spoke the last few days we have been civilized and had good conversations. I felt better knowing that we were on better terms, but i should have listened and realised this is only hurting me at the same time of making her feel better.

 

We have since argued and I told her what I think and that she has broke 3 peoples hearts in a row now. She just said "ppl shudnt fu** with me** like wth man seriously!?

 

Knowing he is in my spot in her home, where we used to be so happy is the bit thats killing me. Im trying to get out and do things and better myself but this is like my worst nightmare.

 

How do I get over her being with him. where i used to be.

 

Swear Im acting so feminine. Its disgraceful. I just loved her man you know?

 

@Chi townD

[Chi townD]

Whatup Chi,

 

Man I wasn't expecting you this time.

 

Terrible. Honestly its just absolutely eating me alive. Its not getting any easier at all. When we spoke the last few days we have been civilized and had good conversations. I felt better knowing that we were on better terms, but i should have listened and realised this is only hurting me at the same time of making her feel better.

 

We have since argued and I told her what I think and that she has broke 3 peoples hearts in a row now. She just said "ppl shudnt fu** with me** like wth man seriously!?

 

Knowing he is in my spot in her home, where we used to be so happy is the bit thats killing me. Im trying to get out and do things and better myself but this is like my worst nightmare.

 

How do I get over her being with him. where i used to be.

 

Swear Im acting so feminine. Its disgraceful. I just loved her man you know?

 

@Chi townD

 

 

Dude, I'm a fixture on this site! I'm always here trying to help!

 

 

You wrote this:

 

 

 

Knowing he is in my spot in her home, where we used to be so happy is the bit thats killing me. Im trying to get out and do things and better myself but this is like my worst nightmare.

 

 

Here's the rub, if you would have stayed NC, you would have never have know all of this. Are you starting to see why NC is so important?

 

 

Look, I hate writing this out because it's long, but I'm going to tell you my story and hopefully you might draw some inspiration and motivation from it.

 

 

Years ago I was dating this girl and I was madly in love with her. So much so that I put a down payment on a ring. I was going to ask her to marry me.

 

 

But, I discovered that she was cheating on me. I confronted her with it and I was fully expecting her to cry and apologize and a little begging and pleading. I couldn't be more wrong. She blasted into me. Called me a loser and that I was satisfied with skating through life, never going to college, working dead end jobs for the rest of my life. Then, she said that she was going with someone that actually had a future. And that was the last time I talked to her.

 

 

I was a basket case. I was a young kid living in a studio apartment that I could barely afford working a crappy job. I became depressed, a hermit and my friends were really concerned that I might do something stupid.

 

 

So, one Friday morning, my best friend broke into my place before I was up to go to work. He grabbed my phone and called my boss saying that I was really sick and he was taking me to the doctor's. He then packed an overnight back with a couple of pairs of clothes and he literally kidnapped me. I found myself at the train station and we were on a train bound for St. Louis. We checked into a hotel and we start to see the sites. I never been to St. Louis, so this was a new experience for me. I leaned up against the Arch, we saw a Cardinals baseball game, we toured the brewery and drank a lot of beer at the end. Then, at night, we hit the clubs and I even danced with a few girls.

 

 

It was a great weekend away and on the train a realize what it was all about. My friend wanted to show me that there was more to life than my Ex. That trip was needed to get me to decompress and re-energize. I became motivated to prove my Ex was wrong about me.

 

 

When, I got back home, I apply to any University that would take me. I finally got one to take a chance on me. In high school, I had descent grades, but I was not getting into Harvard that's for sure. The University put me on a probationary period to see if I could handle the coursework. But, I knocked it out of the park. Probation was off because after my first semester, I had a 3.78 GPA. I found that I liked school and the challenge of it. So, I went a lot! I got my undergrad degree, then I went to graduate school. Got that done and started in my career. But, for the first year of school. It was all about proving my Ex wrong. But, after time, it became about me. My Ex didn't even know I was in school. She wasn't studying, I was. She wasn't the one writing the papers, I was. She wasn't the one taking the tests, I was. So, it became about me and MY future.

 

 

I did well in my career and was good at it. I was happy. And after that trip to St. Louis, I got the bug to travel. To see what's out there. Grabbing some friends to go with me. At first, due to funds, the trips were around the country. I went whitewater rafting in West Virginia. Deep sea fishing in Key West, Dog sledding in Minnesota. Then, later in life, I started traveling outside the country. England, France, Spain, Brazil, Germany....I've probably been to no less than 20 different countries. And you get to see things that most people only see in magazines. To see different cultures and meet new people. That's how I met my wife and she is kind and loving and is easily 10 times better than my Ex ever was! And thank God she understands my need for travel. Sometimes she comes with me, sometimes she doesn't. It depends what I'm doing. My last trip was to cycle the Camino de Santiago and she didn't go with me. She didn't think that riding a bike through Spain was her idea of fun. But, our next trip was just to chill out at a hotel in Santa Monica in Southern California. She went on that one, LOL!

 

 

So, here I am, the loser that was never going anywhere with a career making good money, a wife, owning my own home in the suburbs and doing well for myself. I don't know if my Ex ever found out what I ended up doing with my life. But, if she ever entered into my home and went to my Den, she would see pictures on my wall with me on the Summit of Mount Fuji, pic of me and Big Ben, pic of me standing in the Gobe desert, Me and the Eiffel Tower, Pic of me in Tokyo. At Octoberfest in German, Me in Rio, me and the Compostella de Santiago.....she would know I live a full life. And she was the one that missed out on it all.

 

 

Did I ever find out what happened to my Ex? Sort of, the last I heard is that she stayed with the guy she was cheating on me with. He was going to University the same time I was (different schools though) and he had to transfer to the "University of I'm pregnant and you need to get a job" Last I heard, Mr. Going places in life was an ambulance driver.

 

 

So, the point of all of that is the BEST revenge you can get is to lead a DAMN good life.

 

 

Hopefully, this helps.

[Zahara]

Why is she doing this?

 

She's not doing it to you. You are. This is all you at this point.

[Musing]

Dude, I'm a fixture on this site! I'm always here trying to help!

 

 

You wrote this:

 

 

 

Knowing he is in my spot in her home, where we used to be so happy is the bit thats killing me. Im trying to get out and do things and better myself but this is like my worst nightmare.

 

 

Here's the rub, if you would have stayed NC, you would have never have know all of this. Are you starting to see why NC is so important?

 

 

Look, I hate writing this out because it's long, but I'm going to tell you my story and hopefully you might draw some inspiration and motivation from it.

 

 

Years ago I was dating this girl and I was madly in love with her. So much so that I put a down payment on a ring. I was going to ask her to marry me.

 

 

But, I discovered that she was cheating on me. I confronted her with it and I was fully expecting her to cry and apologize and a little begging and pleading. I couldn't be more wrong. She blasted into me. Called me a loser and that I was satisfied with skating through life, never going to college, working dead end jobs for the rest of my life. Then, she said that she was going with someone that actually had a future. And that was the last time I talked to her.

 

 

I was a basket case. I was a young kid living in a studio apartment that I could barely afford working a crappy job. I became depressed, a hermit and my friends were really concerned that I might do something stupid.

 

 

So, one Friday morning, my best friend broke into my place before I was up to go to work. He grabbed my phone and called my boss saying that I was really sick and he was taking me to the doctor's. He then packed an overnight back with a couple of pairs of clothes and he literally kidnapped me. I found myself at the train station and we were on a train bound for St. Louis. We checked into a hotel and we start to see the sites. I never been to St. Louis, so this was a new experience for me. I leaned up against the Arch, we saw a Cardinals baseball game, we toured the brewery and drank a lot of beer at the end. Then, at night, we hit the clubs and I even danced with a few girls.

 

 

It was a great weekend away and on the train a realize what it was all about. My friend wanted to show me that there was more to life than my Ex. That trip was needed to get me to decompress and re-energize. I became motivated to prove my Ex was wrong about me.

 

 

When, I got back home, I apply to any University that would take me. I finally got one to take a chance on me. In high school, I had descent grades, but I was not getting into Harvard that's for sure. The University put me on a probationary period to see if I could handle the coursework. But, I knocked it out of the park. Probation was off because after my first semester, I had a 3.78 GPA. I found that I liked school and the challenge of it. So, I went a lot! I got my undergrad degree, then I went to graduate school. Got that done and started in my career. But, for the first year of school. It was all about proving my Ex wrong. But, after time, it became about me. My Ex didn't even know I was in school. She wasn't studying, I was. She wasn't the one writing the papers, I was. She wasn't the one taking the tests, I was. So, it became about me and MY future.

 

 

I did well in my career and was good at it. I was happy. And after that trip to St. Louis, I got the bug to travel. To see what's out there. Grabbing some friends to go with me. At first, due to funds, the trips were around the country. I went whitewater rafting in West Virginia. Deep sea fishing in Key West, Dog sledding in Minnesota. Then, later in life, I started traveling outside the country. England, France, Spain, Brazil, Germany....I've probably been to no less than 20 different countries. And you get to see things that most people only see in magazines. To see different cultures and meet new people. That's how I met my wife and she is kind and loving and is easily 10 times better than my Ex ever was! And thank God she understands my need for travel. Sometimes she comes with me, sometimes she doesn't. It depends what I'm doing. My last trip was to cycle the Camino de Santiago and she didn't go with me. She didn't think that riding a bike through Spain was her idea of fun. But, our next trip was just to chill out at a hotel in Santa Monica in Southern California. She went on that one, LOL!

 

 

So, here I am, the loser that was never going anywhere with a career making good money, a wife, owning my own home in the suburbs and doing well for myself. I don't know if my Ex ever found out what I ended up doing with my life. But, if she ever entered into my home and went to my Den, she would see pictures on my wall with me on the Summit of Mount Fuji, pic of me and Big Ben, pic of me standing in the Gobe desert, Me and the Eiffel Tower, Pic of me in Tokyo. At Octoberfest in German, Me in Rio, me and the Compostella de Santiago.....she would know I live a full life. And she was the one that missed out on it all.

 

 

Did I ever find out what happened to my Ex? Sort of, the last I heard is that she stayed with the guy she was cheating on me with. He was going to University the same time I was (different schools though) and he had to transfer to the "University of I'm pregnant and you need to get a job" Last I heard, Mr. Going places in life was an ambulance driver.

 

 

So, the point of all of that is the BEST revenge you can get is to lead a DAMN good life.

 

 

Hopefully, this helps.

 

This is not my thread but I just have to interject to say this:

 

Chi, this is truly inspiring. I feel right now I have no drive but I wish I could get myself motivated to do what you did. Really awesome story and a good example to follow.

 

Michael, seriously I hope you listen to Chi. He always has good advice and this is the reason!

You need to cut ties with your ex and let her live her life and importantly, so you can live YOURS. Right now it is all about her because you are forcing her to be present in your life. Once you stop contacting her it will be difficult at first but you will feel so much better in the end.

 

NC isn't to hurt you but to protect you. It is a band aid and one day when your wound is healed you will realize you don't need to be "NC" anymore - but by then you won't even feel the need to reach out to her because she will be someone of your past.

[Itspointless]

Work on your self-esteem man. You should not allow people to make you go this far. You are now her punch-back. You keep swinging back to receive a new punch again and again. Why compliment her attraction as it is just gravity and a cord that holds you there?

 

You know I once heard a psychologist say to his students while working with personal case-studies of those students that it is not hard to change your behaviour it all, you just have to put in practice the new behaviour. The matter of fact is that you do not want to do it and that is where the trouble starts, people always make excuses to justify the things they are used to.

 

People can give you the best advices but as long as you do not want to heal you will be swinging back. Another matter of fact is that both choices at this moment will hurt, but only one option will lead to less hurt. Cut loose that cord! You will fall on the ground, but eventually you will be able to walk away.

[Michael 93]

@Chi townD

 

Thank you so much. You have no idea how greatful I am. I'm in the middle of the UK now gaining continous support from a great person. God bless you Chi I really do appreciate it man.

 

This is going to be a long road. I don't know what's round the corner but thank you. God bless.

 

If you are comfortable please pm me your email address I would love to get more insight on travel. I am going to plan a trip to France next payday.

 

Thank you

[Boxerhd]

Reading this makes me realize that people are inherently selfish. Both of us want what's best for us. We're acting the same way. Were both cold and don't care about eachother. Our wants are different. That's why it will never work. Especially while we act this way.

At one point our wants met and we both wanted eachother but now that I look back at it we didn't want what's best for eachother. We got into habit and didn't remind eachother why we want eachother. Mostly my fault in my case but at least I can admit that.

It's about time people stopped doing what everyone does in the beginning of each relationship because if you don't learn this, you'll be destined for failure. You need to learn to love him/her for real and not when it's convinient for you. The other person may learn this the easy way, the hard way, or never, if they haven't already. Either way you have learned it already.

I refuse to be selfish. If my wants take over me, I don't love her I just want her. In my situation I think that caused the split. I'm not a liar I know how I feel and that's she's the one. She may not be the one who I end up with but she's the one who taught me how to really love someone.

Stop being selfish give her what she wants it's not too late. She may not deserve it but everyone deserves happiness and if you have the power to give it to her, you're already a better person and you're on the way to be happier than you've ever thought you could be.

Think about it, if she was the best you've ever had, how great will the next one be?? And now you have the tools to make the next time around last!

[legion113]

Boy, what you are doing(keep contacting her, in a sappy manner no less) is really starting to get irritating, and I don't even know you. I can't even imagine what she thinks of you at this point. You just made it so EASY for her to not even think of getting back with you.

[Chi townD]

Chi, this is truly inspiring. I feel right now I have no drive but I wish I could get myself motivated to do what you did. Really awesome story and a good example to follow.

 

 

 

Thanks! See, this is why I hang around here! To try and inspire people. I want to see folks heal and move on. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to read about success stories!

 

 

But, that was my story. Traveling was and is my thing. I mean; when I climbed Mount Fuji, how many people in the world can say that they looked DOWN at the clouds! I still have my burn stick. At the bottom of the mountain at station one, you can buy a walking stick. And they burn a brand with a Japanese symbol into your walking stick at each aid station you pass on the climb indicating that you passed that particular station. How many people in the U.S. can say that they have a Burn Stick for climbing Mount Fuji in their home! Man, life is one big adventure and I can't get enough of it.

 

 

But, travel is my thing and it makes ME happy. YOU have to find out what makes YOU happy. If you're a tech guy, then motivate yourself to build a Mancave full of tech stuff that even Steve Jobs would be jealous of!

 

 

Goes for women too! If you always want to sing onstage but was always afraid to try, then make it happen! Take some voice lessons and audition for your local community theater group. Then, be on center stage singing to your community!

 

 

If you're a gear head, then motivate yourself to rebuild a classic car from the ground up and have the sweetest ride in town!

 

 

If that's what makes YOU happy. We are all in charge of our own happiness. It's hard at first, I'm not going to lie. It's hard to stay motivated when you're depressed. But, what I did is everyday when I got home from classes or work I would sit down and research my next trip for at least 30 minutes. I would look to see what there is to do when I get there and I would write down a list of places that I want to go, "OH! I definitely want to see that!" or "Damn! That's looks sooo good! Definitely going to eat there!"

 

 

You have to find your passion and motivation and push through the depression. I PROMISE you, the first time you achieve a goal that you set that will contribute to your happiness, you're gonna want to do it again.

 

 

Just like this loser that visited St. Louis for the first time. Since then, this loser that was never going anywhere in life has been around the globe and back.

[Chi townD]

@Chi townD

 

Thank you so much. You have no idea how greatful I am. I'm in the middle of the UK now gaining continous support from a great person. God bless you Chi I really do appreciate it man.

 

This is going to be a long road. I don't know what's round the corner but thank you. God bless.

 

If you are comfortable please pm me your email address I would love to get more insight on travel. I am going to plan a trip to France next payday.

 

Thank you

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry dude, can't PM you because you don't have enough posts. But, I can help you out.

 

 

Normally, when I plan for a trip, I usually plan a year out. But, I understand that there's just some times you just need to get away and, like, right now!

 

 

So, you have to do the research for the cheapest way possible especially for a spur of the moment trip. The hard part to following through and committing yourself to get up of the couch and go! Not to be scared to do it.

 

 

So, you want to go to France! Great!!! AWESOME!!! I'm JEALOUS!!! Here's what you need to do. Get your passport and pack for a few days.

 

 

You stated you are in England so jump the train and get to London. Once your in London go see the folks (or book your tickets in advance) with Eurostar. I believe Eurostar is having a special for getaway weekends from London to Paris for 89 quid roundtrip through April. Now, I've been to France and southern France is okay. But, the rest is boring as hell with the exception of Paris. Plus, Paris is more tolerant of foreigners. So, Travel done!!

 

 

I don't know how old you are but if you're under 30 to 35. You can probably book a reservation at a Hostel in Paris. Two hostels I saw that are in the middle of Paris that has good reviews are:

 

 

Vintage Hostel, walking distance from the metro. So, you can just walk there from the train. Single rooms are 68 Euro a night and dormitory is 35 Euro a night. I suggest dishing out the extra money for the single room because you don't want to take a chance with someone stealing whatever stuff you don't put into storage in the luggage room. Breakfast is included.

 

 

The other hostel is Perfect Hostel, Not far from the Moulin Rouge. Single is 52 Euro's and Double room (two people) is 28 Euro's and triple room is 26 Euro. Breakfast is included.

 

 

accommodations done!!!

 

 

The reason I made it a point to tell you that breakfast is included is because that's one meal you don't have to pay for. And EAT BREAKFAST!!! Actually, stuff yourself! Eat a lot! So, when lunchtime rolls around, you may not be really hungry and can get away with a snack. Then, all you're paying for is dinner and a snack for your sustenance for the day. A snack, 3 Euro's. Dinner maybe 10 Euro's.

 

 

Meal plan, done!!!!!

 

 

Then, the rest is spending money. Money to get into the Louvre or the Eiffel Tower. Money if you need to take a couple of cabs or buses. Money to get into the Clubs and have a drink or two.

 

 

What's really important is to take a lot of pictures to remember the trip. AND it's a GREAT ice breaker to ask some cute French girl if she could take your picture in front of the Tower or the Louvre or Notre Dame. That's what happened to me (AND this was long before, I met my wife). I asked a VERY cute girl if she could take my picture in front of that ugly ass glass pyramid infront of the Louvre and she thought it was cute and endearing that I was struggling to speak in French. Also, because I discovered that she was actually Australian! But, it was an ice breaker and she love the fact that I was an American (this was back when people still liked Americans) and that we could talk easily to each other.

 

 

So, Let's add up this trip.

 

 

Travel- 89 pounds

room 2 nights- 104 Euro's or 86 pounds

food- 13 Euro's a day or 10.77 pounds times two is 21.54

 

 

So, total cost of trip minus spending money is 196.54 in British Pounds.

 

 

VERY doable for a last minute trip. But, if you're trying to stay in one of the two Hostels I mentioned, then I would book it RIGHT NOW! If you talk a friend into going with you, then you can book the double room at Perfect for 28 Euro verses the 52 for a single to save even more money.

 

 

IF you do end up going I want to hear all about it!!!!!

[LostAlways]

You need to show her that you can move on. It's not fair for what she did and why can't she see how much you care about her? These thoughts will drive you crazy and make you end up contacting her. The memories and the sadness is unbearable but you need to stick through it. You're tearing the band-aid off constantly and then end up getting hurt as the result.

 

Don't be friends with her, don't remind her that you're there for her, don't show her interest, don't show her how depressed you are. Do not hurt yourself again. Once you can stick through NC, she will realize how much you cared. If she wanted you back she would let you know. Do yourself a favor don't hurt yourself again by checking on her. Focus on you now.

[mtnbiker3000]

Came onto this post kinda late... OP - it is painfully obvious this goes way beyond your ex. You clearly have issues which need to be addressed. See my sig below and start diggin'