Cannot believe what I have done. Should of listened! [updates]

[Michael 93]

Hi all. Just come on to give you a quick update and try and vent to stop me breaking NC. I am now 2 weeks into NC and going strong.

 

I feel hell of a lot better since the break up and find myself getting stronger as time passes however I do still think about her every day. Difficult not too. As you may know we work for the same company.

 

Today we had an external verifier come to view our organisation they had randomly selected 10 employees to talk to about the business. Loan behold who is selected!!? Me and my Ex!!! Typical..

I have been dreading the day coming for a about a week and it finally come today. She works in a different office and has to travel to my office for the meeting..I got into work and my manager said "Michael your time slot has been moved you are filling in for Alex she has called in sick" this made all sorts of emotions come to the surface and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her all day? Why do you think this could be?

 

I know I shouldn't which is why i vent on here but I really want to break NC and see how she is doing.

I have been having a great time recently partying and spending time with friends .. I even managed to have a fabulous night with a girl I've liked for a whIle which really really helped if you know what I mean!!!

 

Since then people have mentioned to me about my exes new boyfriend. Saying how depressed he seems on Facebook and his posts seem that of someone who is not happy right now. I've also come across him liking and commenting on other girls posts and pictures which makes it seem like him and my ex aren't that serious maybe??

 

I don't know if they are seeing each other anymore to be honest I have had no contact what so ever with my ex. No calls texts social media stories...nothingg.. I do still wonder if she thinks about me!?

 

I still miss her and today it's extremely challenging to not reach out to her. So I thought I should come to give an update. Hope everyone else is getting on ok..

 

Chi I await your response haha!!!

[Michael 93]

Really do not want to break NC!

[David87]

Hi all. Just come on to give you a quick update and try and vent to stop me breaking NC. I am now 2 weeks into NC and going strong.

 

I feel hell of a lot better since the break up and find myself getting stronger as time passes however I do still think about her every day. Difficult not too. As you may know we work for the same company.

 

Today we had an external verifier come to view our organisation they had randomly selected 10 employees to talk to about the business. Loan behold who is selected!!? Me and my Ex!!! Typical..

I have been dreading the day coming for a about a week and it finally come today. She works in a different office and has to travel to my office for the meeting..I got into work and my manager said "Michael your time slot has been moved you are filling in for Alex she has called in sick" this made all sorts of emotions come to the surface and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her all day? Why do you think this could be?

 

I know I shouldn't which is why i vent on here but I really want to break NC and see how she is doing.

I have been having a great time recently partying and spending time with friends .. I even managed to have a fabulous night with a girl I've liked for a whIle which really really helped if you know what I mean!!!

 

Since then people have mentioned to me about my exes new boyfriend. Saying how depressed he seems on Facebook and his posts seem that of someone who is not happy right now. I've also come across him liking and commenting on other girls posts and pictures which makes it seem like him and my ex aren't that serious maybe??

 

I don't know if they are seeing each other anymore to be honest I have had no contact what so ever with my ex. No calls texts social media stories...nothingg.. I do still wonder if she thinks about me!?

 

I still miss her and today it's extremely challenging to not reach out to her. So I thought I should come to give an update. Hope everyone else is getting on ok..

 

Chi I await your response haha!!!

 

Oh boy Michael93 is back. Dude think about her all you want, but don't break NC. Who cares what she posted on FB.... please tell your friends to stop telling you this kind of things because if you know this you already broke NC that's why you feel this way.

 

Edit: Read the thread again from the beginning, see what happened the last time you broke NC.

Edited March 19, 2014 by David87

[a708]

"Go and experience new people. Meet 10 new girls and then see if this flower is still so special"

[BC1980]

What do you think will happen if you break NC? Really think about the likely outcome, and tell me why again you want to break it.

[TaraMaiden]

Michael, going to pi$$ you off and divert your attention for a second.

 

The thread title - it's wrong man, just wrong!!

 

"Should HAVE...." That's 'have', not 'of'....!!

 

What does the 'of' mean anyway??

Nothing! Nothing at all!

 

Have makes sense, of doesn't!!

 

(There, I feel better now. How 'bout you? )

[Grumpybutfun]

Dude, I'm a fixture on this site! I'm always here trying to help!

 

 

You wrote this:

 

 

 

Knowing he is in my spot in her home, where we used to be so happy is the bit thats killing me. Im trying to get out and do things and better myself but this is like my worst nightmare.

 

 

Here's the rub, if you would have stayed NC, you would have never have know all of this. Are you starting to see why NC is so important?

 

 

Look, I hate writing this out because it's long, but I'm going to tell you my story and hopefully you might draw some inspiration and motivation from it.

 

 

Years ago I was dating this girl and I was madly in love with her. So much so that I put a down payment on a ring. I was going to ask her to marry me.

 

 

But, I discovered that she was cheating on me. I confronted her with it and I was fully expecting her to cry and apologize and a little begging and pleading. I couldn't be more wrong. She blasted into me. Called me a loser and that I was satisfied with skating through life, never going to college, working dead end jobs for the rest of my life. Then, she said that she was going with someone that actually had a future. And that was the last time I talked to her.

 

 

I was a basket case. I was a young kid living in a studio apartment that I could barely afford working a crappy job. I became depressed, a hermit and my friends were really concerned that I might do something stupid.

 

 

So, one Friday morning, my best friend broke into my place before I was up to go to work. He grabbed my phone and called my boss saying that I was really sick and he was taking me to the doctor's. He then packed an overnight back with a couple of pairs of clothes and he literally kidnapped me. I found myself at the train station and we were on a train bound for St. Louis. We checked into a hotel and we start to see the sites. I never been to St. Louis, so this was a new experience for me. I leaned up against the Arch, we saw a Cardinals baseball game, we toured the brewery and drank a lot of beer at the end. Then, at night, we hit the clubs and I even danced with a few girls.

 

 

It was a great weekend away and on the train a realize what it was all about. My friend wanted to show me that there was more to life than my Ex. That trip was needed to get me to decompress and re-energize. I became motivated to prove my Ex was wrong about me.

 

 

When, I got back home, I apply to any University that would take me. I finally got one to take a chance on me. In high school, I had descent grades, but I was not getting into Harvard that's for sure. The University put me on a probationary period to see if I could handle the coursework. But, I knocked it out of the park. Probation was off because after my first semester, I had a 3.78 GPA. I found that I liked school and the challenge of it. So, I went a lot! I got my undergrad degree, then I went to graduate school. Got that done and started in my career. But, for the first year of school. It was all about proving my Ex wrong. But, after time, it became about me. My Ex didn't even know I was in school. She wasn't studying, I was. She wasn't the one writing the papers, I was. She wasn't the one taking the tests, I was. So, it became about me and MY future.

 

 

I did well in my career and was good at it. I was happy. And after that trip to St. Louis, I got the bug to travel. To see what's out there. Grabbing some friends to go with me. At first, due to funds, the trips were around the country. I went whitewater rafting in West Virginia. Deep sea fishing in Key West, Dog sledding in Minnesota. Then, later in life, I started traveling outside the country. England, France, Spain, Brazil, Germany....I've probably been to no less than 20 different countries. And you get to see things that most people only see in magazines. To see different cultures and meet new people. That's how I met my wife and she is kind and loving and is easily 10 times better than my Ex ever was! And thank God she understands my need for travel. Sometimes she comes with me, sometimes she doesn't. It depends what I'm doing. My last trip was to cycle the Camino de Santiago and she didn't go with me. She didn't think that riding a bike through Spain was her idea of fun. But, our next trip was just to chill out at a hotel in Santa Monica in Southern California. She went on that one, LOL!

 

 

So, here I am, the loser that was never going anywhere with a career making good money, a wife, owning my own home in the suburbs and doing well for myself. I don't know if my Ex ever found out what I ended up doing with my life. But, if she ever entered into my home and went to my Den, she would see pictures on my wall with me on the Summit of Mount Fuji, pic of me and Big Ben, pic of me standing in the Gobe desert, Me and the Eiffel Tower, Pic of me in Tokyo. At Octoberfest in German, Me in Rio, me and the Compostella de Santiago.....she would know I live a full life. And she was the one that missed out on it all.

 

 

Did I ever find out what happened to my Ex? Sort of, the last I heard is that she stayed with the guy she was cheating on me with. He was going to University the same time I was (different schools though) and he had to transfer to the "University of I'm pregnant and you need to get a job" Last I heard, Mr. Going places in life was an ambulance driver.

 

 

So, the point of all of that is the BEST revenge you can get is to lead a DAMN good life.

 

 

Hopefully, this helps.

 

Micheal, seems you might need to read this post again. NC, concentrate on you.

G

Chi, this should be required reading for every person who ever got their heart broken. I want to like this a trillion times.

G

Edited March 19, 2014 by Grumpybutfun

[Michael 93]

Damn Tara!!!

 

You got me! However, I do understand what you are saying and believe me I feel so illiterate. Its the joys of writing on your phone whilst at work!!

 

However that did divert my attention for a slight period! Made me laugh....

 

The problem is, she is due to be attending this office today to have a meeting. I believe she may of called a sickky yesterday in order to avoid the situation but today she wont be able to do that. The meeting is imperative.

 

I do miss her and I keep thinking about it all, she has hurt me I miss the times we had. sometimes I wish she would understand that.

 

I aim to not see her at all today!

 

I am feeling rather ill anyway and my manager has advised me to go home sooo

[Michael 93]

What do you think will happen if you break NC? Really think about the likely outcome, and tell me why again you want to break it.

 

 

@BC1980

 

I really do not know....

Its not as if i'm going crazy to break it. Its just I miss her a bit more these last couple days and I'm not sure why?

Feel quite silly now even mentioning it to be honest because I know its not going to change anything ...

 

I think about the good times we had still. I just wonder if she does..

[Chi townD]

 

 

Since then people have mentioned to me about my exes new boyfriend. Saying how depressed he seems on Facebook and his posts seem that of someone who is not happy right now. I've also come across him liking and commenting on other girls posts and pictures which makes it seem like him and my ex aren't that serious maybe??

 

 

 

 

 

This means that you're not in true NC. You don't have to directly talk to someone to break NC. Getting information on them or finding out things through social media; this means that you're still involved in their lives. You're keeping track of what's going on and with your last sentence, it tells me that you're curious as to what's going on. Therefore, you have the urge to break NC to discover if they're broken up or on a break or...whatever. Your brain is desperate for answers.

 

 

Now, you can tell me," stop right there! People TOLD ME, I didn't ask!" and you would be right! But, you also had the power to say, "WHOA! Stop! Respectfully, I'd rather not hear anything about them if you don't mind."

 

 

If she's coming to your office, then you give her a wide berth. Avoid her as much as you can. If she approaches you, keep calm, answer any questions with one or two word answers just don't be an asshat about it. Act like you don't have a care in the world.

 

 

But, I will say this. You sound a lot stronger which is really good! You just got to fine tune a few things and you'll be in a better position to heal.

 

 

Oh, and by the way, what happened to France! I thought that was still a thing! I wanted to hear all about it!

[Zahara]

The problem is, she is due to be attending this office today to have a meeting. I believe she may of called a sickky yesterday in order to avoid the situation but today she wont be able to do that. The meeting is imperative.

 

There it is again!

[Michael 93]

Over analysing

[mangetout]

Michael where is your self worth?? You need to start upping your self esteem! You need to start thinking about yourself FIRST. If you think of her, stop that thought right in its tracks. Stop putting her on a pedestal.

[Michael 93]

I know.. I know. I need a bit of self respect. And breaking No Contact isn't really enabling me to restore that is it!

 

I know that now and I haven't contacted her. Helped me to come and Vent on here, which is great.

 

I feel as though I am still slightly obsessing over it. Analyzing every thing that's happened during/after relationship. I do try to avoid it but I'm finding very very difficult. I constantly try and remind myself "she is NOT good for me, someone who can leave so easily doesn't deserve me"

 

One time that really gets me, is going to her house to tell her how much I love her, me and her family had a really good relationship and I spent a lot of time at there house. I remember knocking her door and her lil bro running up to the window with a smile. Her mom answered and said " Hi Michael, Sorry but she doesn't want to speak to you, I'm sorry, how are you though are you ok? I don't know whats happened but its not good blah blah blah" All the time knowing another man had been round there a couple of days before! It angers me so bad!! having a cup of tea with the family.. Its thoughts like this that keeps entering my mind and believe me there are plenty of scenarios like it!!!

 

I have taken Chi's advice on board and I am living my life to the best I can, which has really helped me come this far.

 

But Is it normal to still have these thoughts I mean man!? I just want this to be over!

[mangetout]

I know.. I know. I need a bit of self respect. And breaking No Contact isn't really enabling me to restore that is it!

 

I know that now and I haven't contacted her. Helped me to come and Vent on here, which is great.

 

I feel as though I am still slightly obsessing over it. Analyzing every thing that's happened during/after relationship. I do try to avoid it but I'm finding very very difficult. I constantly try and remind myself "she is NOT good for me, someone who can leave so easily doesn't deserve me"

 

One time that really gets me, is going to her house to tell her how much I love her, me and her family had a really good relationship and I spent a lot of time at there house. I remember knocking her door and her lil bro running up to the window with a smile. Her mom answered and said " Hi Michael, Sorry but she doesn't want to speak to you, I'm sorry, how are you though are you ok? I don't know whats happened but its not good blah blah blah" All the time knowing another man had been round there a couple of days before! It angers me so bad!! having a cup of tea with the family.. Its thoughts like this that keeps entering my mind and believe me there are plenty of scenarios like it!!!

 

I have taken Chi's advice on board and I am living my life to the best I can, which has really helped me come this far.

 

But Is it normal to still have these thoughts I mean man!? I just want this to be over!

 

 

 

Yes Michael its very normal as you both were once very close. I get them all the time.

 

I could be okay one minute and then I am suddenly flooded with a memory of my ex..I can suddenly smell him, feel him. It brings me to tears and I can be anywhere when this happens to me

 

But then this inner voice kicks in and tells me to STOP. You have to STOP those thoughts in its track.You have to practise this till you master it. Its not just about getting hobbies or going to the gym. You have to retrain your thought pattern.

 

Accept the truth that she no longer loves you.Accept the rejection. You cant make her love you. Focus on the truth. She left because she is wrong for you. Why do you want to be with someone who is wrong for you? Do you think you deserve to be treated wrong?

 

Stop living a lie and stop holding onto dreams of getting back with her. You need to deal with this in order to move on. See her in the real light and focus on this

 

Stay strong and focus on getting your mojo back! Come on Micahel there are many of us on LS doing NC. Its a long slow process but the trick is not to add to the pain. you are adding to the pain by over analysing and not accepting the break up.

Edited March 20, 2014 by mangetout

[Chi townD]

Dude, no one can turn off their feelings like a light switch. It's going to take time. You're going to have a lot of ups and downs. If you re-read my post, I said my first year in University was to prove my Ex wrong about me. Therefore, you can take away that my Ex was on my mind for that first year!

 

 

It took me a year to wake up and make my life about myself!

 

 

You just need to give it time and ride out the waves. It's not easy. It's damn hard, but there is an endpoint.

[Michael 93]

I see man. Yeah I am carrying on..

 

I will try to avoid the thought process as much as possible.

 

I have some bad news though.. What I'm about to tell you is 100% factual. I can see how this may look....

 

I've had a really crazy day at work today and been in constant contact with my colleague over at her office. We have been calling each other internally on the work phone. I urgently needed to talk to him and called 2369 to get through. It rang a few times and who picks up!! my ex "hello Jo's phone" happily and chirpily!! She would of saw that it was me calling as my name would come up on the phone dash.. I am absolutely mortified!! Turns out his number is 2359 not 69!!!!

 

I immediately put the phone down without saying a word. Feel like the biggest idiot walking!!! OH MY god!!!

 

Does this mean I am back to square one?!? Absolutely unbelieveable

[Chi townD]

So, why would she answer it as, "Hello, Jo's phone!" if it was HER phone you called? Unless her name is Jo.

 

 

No, it doesn't mean you're back to square one, it means you made a dumbass, boneheaded move.

 

 

You would have been back to square one if you interacted with her. And chances are she wasn't even paying attention as to where the incoming call is coming from. Hell, I never do, I just pick up the phone.

 

 

If she knew it was you, chances are she would have called you back asking what you wanted. Great opportunity to get an ego boost from you.

 

 

Just write it off as a mistake and carry on.

[Michael 93]

The lady who's number it was works in her office and she answered her call.

 

I made the mistake of calling that number and it turned out it was her colleagues number who works in her office. Out of all the numbers it was one from that office. She would of saw my name on the caller ID

 

Kind of seeing the funny side to it! As if it was her that picked up..I suppose these things are sent to try us!!

 

Next time I'm having the internal directory next to me..

[Michael 93]

Hi All,

 

Me and my ex broke up 4 months ago. She initiated the split. Since then she has found someone else.

We remained in contact for pretty much most of the time since the break up.

 

 

The thing that I require advice on is just how to deal with the hot/cold treatment, mixed messages. Me and my ex were very much in love had a great relationship she still tells me to this day she has never felt the same way about anyone else.

 

I was pretty much surviving on hope, the break up destroyed me and I found it incredibly hard to let go. But after weeks and weeks of trying and pleading my love for her I eventually did, I initiated NC and explained to her my reasons for doing so, in a short text explaining I wish her the best but its time for me to finally let her go. I blocked her number and eventually started to move on with my life.

 

 

Around 2 weeks later a letter comes to my house addressed to her, I opened it and it was a parking ticket. I decided to give her a call and ask what she wanted me to do with it.. She was shocked to hear from me and asked if she could come and pick it up. She come to my house and we ended up talking for like an hour. She told me how she still misses me, thinks about me. And how this new guy is a total idiot and horrible to her, hardly shows her any love/appreciation and isn't a patch on me. We spoke about our relationship and how she missed certain things and she then began to tell me how hurt she was when I cut off contact and that shes overheard me on conversations to colleagues saying I didn't want to see her and it hit her hard.

 

She explained she has tried to cut it off with this guy but has never been able to fully see it out because he makes things awkward. We agreed we would talk and she would message/see me from time to time..

 

I went to work over in her office yesterday. We had agreed to lunch as it is her birthday tomorrow and I wanted to pass on a card. As we were out she was on the phone to this new guy planning her birthday weekend and where they were going to be going. It really stung me to hear this and as soon as the phone was down she asked are you ok? Are you sure your ok? She explained he hardly ever phones her at all and that it was just strictly to arrange there plans. She loved the card and gave me a big hug saying she would call me on the night after gym.

 

She did that and we had a long conversation, I explained my feelings and basically told her how much she still means to me.. She just kept saying I wish things was different and I cant do anything right now. Just chill out and stop pressuring things and go with the flow. I've told you I will see you and talk to you.. I asked what she wanted out of this and why she still wants to speak.

 

She explained that she couldn't disregard me as she has never had a relationship like the one we had. Shes never been able to get along and talk to anyone the same, and that she was head over heels for me, and that I make her happy..

 

Her feelings with this new guy seems to be hot and cold. but what shes told me about the way he acts he is a total idiot.

 

She has agreed we will stay in contact and I don't plan on contacting her first. I do still want to be with this girl. and I'm not really sure how to go about it. I plan on giving it space now.

 

But what if she contacts me?

[Michael 93]

I should also add that whilst we were speaking last night she told me that she cant give me what I want right now...

 

I replied with "I'm really sorry for this, I know I cant hold onto you anymore"

 

She said "Michael please don't, I know this was going to come I didn't want it to be like this"

 

I know she still has feelings for me. I just know, I wouldnt be fighting for a lost cause. She also knows how much I care about her.

 

I want to try anything possible to get this girl back, When/if she contacts me what do you think is best way to approach it??

 

Thanks

[FredJones80]

She told me how she still misses me, thinks about me. And how this new guy is a total idiot and horrible to her, hardly shows her any love/appreciation and isn't a patch on me.

 

If I was you I'd feel like second best.

 

She had you, she gave you up, she got with someone else and realised what she had with you was good and now she wants it back.

 

Can't have your cake and eat it...

[Chi townD]

*facepalm*

 

 

Really dude? Okay, I have a solution for you. You need to get to Chicago. When you're here, I know this great Tattoo Artist and he can tattoo the word "Chump" across your forehead. He does really nice work. I think you'll be impressed!

 

 

Dude, after all the time I spent writing motivational posts to you; telling you MY story to show you that you can turn things around for yourself and have an awesome life, now you're telling me that your still in contact with her. Never really stopped.

 

 

Okay, let me break it down to you. She doesn't want you back, but she doesn't want to lose you either (thus, making it impossible to move on with your own life and finding your own happiness). She's using you. I don't believe a word out of her mouth. She's content to be with this guy because if she wasn't then she would have thrown him to the curb a long time ago! How do I know this? Because she had no problem doing it to you!!!!

 

 

Maybe this guy doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve or isn't open with his emotions or makes it a point to complement her often. But, you do. Therefore, she has the best of both worlds at the moment. She has this other dude to take care of her physical needs and now she has you to take care of her emotional needs. Life is pretty f*ckin grant for her at the moment!

 

 

So, how did it feel sitting there while she had the gall to take his call at lunch with you and to hear her make plans for a romantic getaway weekend where she's going to screw his brains out? Did it feel nice? Did you feel special and wanted?

 

 

Yet, she's back filling you up with some threads of false hope thinking that she still has romantic feelings for you and she doesn't want to really be with this other dude (yeah..right) but she just doesn't know how to bring herself to end it! BS on that!!!! Because she did it to you!!

 

 

If you want my advice, I suggest you go back to your original thread and re-read everything I wrote for you!!!!!!!

[Michael 93]

@Chi townD

 

Hey man, I can seriously understand how this looks.. As if i haven't moved an inch since your last advice to me!

 

But I can seriously assure you I have improved so much.. And I feel much much better. I don't feel as dependent on her anymore.

 

I totally take on board what you are saying and yes you are right man...

 

But what if she calls? or texts me?

 

I just don't understand what way to go now?

[johnson_j]

Having been in the same situation, let me tell you how this story ends. Pick the one that you want:

 

 

1) You continue to be a doormat for her and provide her emotional support while the other man has her attention and is providing the sexual part. Sooner or later she will just let you know and you're back to square one.

 

 

2) You tell her to pound sand and wish her nothing but the best with new guy. Doesn't sound like it's long for the world with him either, once their relationship finally collapses she will be calling you like crazy and then YOU can decide what you want.

 

 

(I know, I've taken both roads with different girls - #2 feels much better)