Cannot believe what I have done. Should of listened! [updates]

[Michael 93]

Oh Lord that was difficult to read LOL

 

I felt the emphasis on those replies even from the UK lol!!

 

Indeed no sugar coating there!!

 

I'm actually sitting here bewildered as to what I have been doing!? Im not crawling around whining after her anymore..I just think its because she has almost "teased" me..

 

She has no intention of meeting up and going out.

 

Believe me I have this conversation with my parent every night! "son, why do you even want her back after what she has done"

 

Funny thing is I dont have an answer for that question!? I wish I did..

 

What the hell have I been doing!!?

[Michael 93]

Oh Mann..

 

Just read over the whole thread..

 

What an absolute idiot I have been..

 

Believe me I'm not as hooked on this girl anymore and I was purely trying to give you an idea of where I am at, at this current time.

 

Damn Simon that was some painful reading man!!

 

I have since met girls/ seeing girls..

 

Is it normal to not feel the spark? I don't want to hurt anyone?

 

I have taken you advice Chi and believe me I am trying my best to improve my life. I also take great joy in assisting other.

[ahthepain]

This sounds so similar to my ex.

 

The last time I saw her 1 month post BU she finally said she was sorry when I broke down infront of her. Her excuse for breaking up was she has never been alone and needed to be single and not in any relationship for "months if not years". 3 Weeks after breakup she starting dating a guy she met 3 days prior on a mobile dating app.

 

It's only been 4 days since I last saw her but I have done NC since then I can tell you I feel better even after these 4 days. I loved her with all my heart and we were together for 3 years, but You WILL get over this.

 

I find it helps me to move on when I think of her or memories - I straight away think of what she did - So in your case - She laughed at your lovely gestures, she was cold hearted. She is NOT a nice person. Remember that. I thought the world of my ex, but no honest, loving person would do that and the same for your ex.

 

As time goes on you feel you think about her less day by day. Go complete NC and be happy knowing that in the future, most probably years she will realise she let go of a guy who did truely care about her because she didn't have it in her to stick with you, as you did with her.

 

Good luck dude

[Michael 93]

@atthepain

 

Thanks for your insight man much appreciated!

 

I just find it hard to see the motives underneath the actions.. But the rest of LS can..

 

When she contacts me/sees me I automatically think there is a reason for her re initiating conversation. Its as if things haven't changed you know?

 

And I've been stupid enough to completely block out the things she has done so far since the split "rose tinted glasses so to say"

 

What I actually need to realize is she doesn't deserve my time anymore.. If things are that bad with her new boyfriend then why is she telling me about it? Saying she feels comfortable speaking to me.. Sick of one minute hot one minute cold

 

But what i've been blatantly missing is the fact this women doesn't even deserve to be in control of my thoughts emotions anymore. She lost that right when she left.

 

What Im saying is Im not hooked on this women anymore, its just threw me off with the things happening recently.

 

I feel such an idiot reading over the thread. The only reason I keep it here is incase it could be possibly helping someone else.

[Simon Phoenix]

Oh Mann..

 

Just read over the whole thread..

 

What an absolute idiot I have been..

 

Believe me I'm not as hooked on this girl anymore and I was purely trying to give you an idea of where I am at, at this current time.

 

Damn Simon that was some painful reading man!!

 

I have since met girls/ seeing girls..

 

Is it normal to not feel the spark? I don't want to hurt anyone?

 

I have taken you advice Chi and believe me I am trying my best to improve my life. I also take great joy in assisting other.

 

If you are still trying to interact with your ex, then you aren't doing what you need to do to fully improve your life. I mean, this is page 11 and you still are making stupid, rookie mistakes. That's why I was harsh and that's why other people were as well.

 

Meeting girls is all fine and good, but it's not going to do you a lick of good until you stop trying to suck around the old one. You started this thread in February. It's now May. It's past the time for making the same stupid mistakes. It's time you took your recovery seriously. We all want you to get past this, but you have to want to do it yourself and you have to be committed to fully doing it. You have to stop cutting corners and being a sucker. I'm not sure what kind of pleasure you get from banging your head against a brick wall, but apparently it's quite a bit because you keep backsliding into the weak, crappy behavior. Please listen to what people are saying and actually execute the game plan.

 

Honestly, if you actually try the "light contact" garbage that you were contemplating on page 9 you deserve every bit of misery that comes as a result. You are nowhere in the planet of being able to do that and, at this point, you would be a bigger detractor to your recovery than she would be. Even if she does try to contact you, you don't have to be the mindless sap that answers it.

Edited May 2, 2014 by Simon Phoenix

[Michael 93]

Hi all, just wanted to come on and vent rather than do anything you have all advised me against..

 

Obviously most people who have read my thread are aware my ex girlfriend left me for someone she had met whilst with me..although both of them swore blindly nothing had happened while we were together. Purely because he wouldn't mess around with someone in a relationship they have both pretty much said the same thing..

 

However since rumours have been going around that it is a possibility they were seeing each other while we were together. I haven't flipped or anything and I'm not going to contact either of them right now. However I am incredibly angry if this is the case.

 

I really could use some advice on how to deal with this. I am not an idiot who can have the p*** took out of him. I really feel so miffed about the situation.. thought I would come on here before anything.

 

Thanks..

[organizedchaos]

Hi all, just wanted to come on and vent rather than do anything you have all advised me against..

 

Obviously most people who have read my thread are aware my ex girlfriend left me for someone she had met whilst with me..although both of them swore blindly nothing had happened while we were together. Purely because he wouldn't mess around with someone in a relationship they have both pretty much said the same thing..

 

However since rumours have been going around that it is a possibility they were seeing each other while we were together. I haven't flipped or anything and I'm not going to contact either of them right now. However I am incredibly angry if this is the case.

 

I really could use some advice on how to deal with this. I am not an idiot who can have the p*** took out of him. I really feel so miffed about the situation.. thought I would come on here before anything.

 

Thanks..

 

Seek professional help. Seriously. You need therapy.

[Valen]

I guess the advice to move on hasn't sink in yet. Here is something that might help. Watch the video:

 

[Michael 93]

Seek professional help. Seriously. You need therapy.

 

Jeez man. Only wanted to vent my frustrations elsewhere so I could get it off my chest.

[organizedchaos]

Jeez man. Only wanted to vent my frustrations elsewhere so I could get it off my chest.

 

We're on page 11 here and months later. You need therapy. I'm not being a jerk about this. You asked for advice on how to deal with this bc you are clearly still angry. I gave it to you. You're welcome.

[Simon Phoenix]

Hi all, just wanted to come on and vent rather than do anything you have all advised me against..

 

Obviously most people who have read my thread are aware my ex girlfriend left me for someone she had met whilst with me..although both of them swore blindly nothing had happened while we were together. Purely because he wouldn't mess around with someone in a relationship they have both pretty much said the same thing..

 

However since rumours have been going around that it is a possibility they were seeing each other while we were together. I haven't flipped or anything and I'm not going to contact either of them right now. However I am incredibly angry if this is the case.

 

I really could use some advice on how to deal with this. I am not an idiot who can have the p*** took out of him. I really feel so miffed about the situation.. thought I would come on here before anything.

 

Thanks..

 

Don't contact, use this info as motivation to do what you should have been doing for months and not speak with her. Use this as motivation to move forward -- you don't want to be with someone who, at best, was emotionally cheating on you toward the end of your relationship. Contacting either one of them would be obscenely stupid.

[Michael 93]

Don't contact, use this info as motivation to do what you should have been doing for months and not speak with her. Use this as motivation to move forward -- you don't want to be with someone who, at best, was emotionally cheating on you toward the end of your relationship. Contacting either one of them would be obscenely stupid.

 

Thank you man. Anger phase has kind of passed over. I appreciate that considering how angry you have been at my other posts.

 

Wouldn't of made it through this easier if it wasn't for all of you guys here. You and Chi especially..

 

Kind of going into the over thinking state at the moment. Just distancing and spending a hell of more time with my friends.

[GemmaUK]

Wow!

 

This thread is unreal!

 

It doesn't matter if she cheated. It's in the past. Your relationship is over.

You need to stop thinking about it.

 

All of these folk on here have taken time out to give you all this advice and you don't seem to be listening.

[Chi townD]

Don't contact, use this info as motivation to do what you should have been doing for months and not speak with her. Use this as motivation to move forward -- you don't want to be with someone who, at best, was emotionally cheating on you toward the end of your relationship. Contacting either one of them would be obscenely stupid.

 

Simon said it best! They're trying to tell you that nothing happened until AFTER she dumped you. Well, that's bullsh*t and you know it. They were cheating on you.

 

You don't have to have sex in order to cheat on someone. She had an emotional affair. She became emotionally invested in this other guy. She took time to see him and hang out with him rather than with you. She became so invested that she made the choice to take this affair even further and in order to do that, she need to drop you. And what happened the night she dropped you? She IMMEDIATELY ran to this other dude. THE SAME NIGHT!!!! No mourning the loss of you. No mourning the loss of the relationship...none of it. Do you know why? Because she had already established a relationship with this other douche rocket! So, she was cheating on you.

 

So, finally! Are you ready to start NC? Are you ready to REALLY make an effort into making positive changes?

[flight E]

I think you need to first of all forgive urself for going this far for nothing. Know that it's not strange, you not the weakest human being on earth, most guys have done what you did at one time in their lives for a girl they truly love. Even most giving you advise now. So don't beat yourself over it but realise that even you will not be attracted to a girl that behaves as you have been behaving. Let this girl go. She slapped you. Insulted you, belittled you. There can be no going back after that. When you heal you will feel bad that you will see that you can't love someone like her not to talk of love. Move on from this girl. Every contact you make with her is wrong to you as a human being. It reduces you and the more you get to hate yourself for it the harder it will be to heal.

 

Now please do this for yourself. Get one up on her if you can handle it and won't mess up again. It should make you regain some esteem. The next time she calls, Tell her you never want to hear from her again and hang up. Do that only if you can handle it. It will make you feel a tad better about you and will help you heal.

[David87]

Try thinking she's dead. It doesn't matter what she did in the past, the fact is that your relationship is over. You are desperate and for what?? For a girl that doesn't give a cr*p about you and your feelings. Just STOP what your doing.

 

NC NC NC NC NC NC NC.

[Michael 93]

I think you need to first of all forgive urself for going this far for nothing. Know that it's not strange, you not the weakest human being on earth, most guys have done what you did at one time in their lives for a girl they truly love. Even most giving you advise now. So don't beat yourself over it but realise that even you will not be attracted to a girl that behaves as you have been behaving. Let this girl go. She slapped you. Insulted you, belittled you. There can be no going back after that. When you heal you will feel bad that you will see that you can't love someone like her not to talk of love. Move on from this girl. Every contact you make with her is wrong to you as a human being. It reduces you and the more you get to hate yourself for it the harder it will be to heal.

 

Now please do this for yourself. Get one up on her if you can handle it and won't mess up again. It should make you regain some esteem. The next time she calls, Tell her you never want to hear from her again and hang up. Do that only if you can handle it. It will make you feel a tad better about you and will help you heal.

 

 

@flight E

 

Thank you. That's incredibly nice of you.

 

I do feel very very silly and i take on board all criticism from the LS readers. Some of it was hard to take as I felt this is the only place I could really turn to anymore.

 

I have been NC for a week now, like I said I wasn't as hooked as previously and I feel a lot better in myself. I'm not even planning on answering the phone, I doubt she will call anyway, she said she will stay in contact but hasn't, I don't want her too anyway so you know. Last time we spoke I told her I need to let her go so maybe she got the hint.

 

I just need to try implement more positive changes in my life..

 

I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone else. It is so challenging but your post has seriously pushed me that little bit further, Thank you. I hope you arent too far from happiness either.

 

@David87

 

Thanks Man. Believe me I'M ON IT. Any more parking fines come through they shall be posted straight back to the sender LOL.

Thanks for your support through this..

[Michael 93]

Hi All,

 

Just a quick update. After taking literally ALL of your frustrations and advice on board I am currently in NC with my ex. Still hurting every day but I'm hoping that with time this will eventually pass.

 

I am much better and slowly rebuilding, even though I still get quite down most days. My Ex broke NC yesterday due to it being my 21st (waheyy ) ,did not go well at all

 

The thing that I have learned to understand since the split is I was very very dependent on my ex girlfriend for my own happiness, I understand that this automatically creates a negative balance within the relationship. Your girlfriend should fit into your life and compliment the happiness you already have. I have understood that now and I also understand that It creates a lot of pressure on your partner if this is the case. This is the main reason why I believe I'm taking the break up so hard, purely because she was so crucial in making me happy. That is not good!

 

I am trying my best to move forward and implement positive changes in my life, what I want to understand is has anyone else ever been in that similar situation and what did they do to regain there confidence and happiness?

 

Also would like to say thank you to everyone who has helped me so far, without you guys I would not have gotten where I am today. Just feel the need to vent and try and get my head around this little blip.

 

Thanks

[ahthepain]

Hey dude,

 

I am the same. Six weeks post BU. I depended on my ex to be happy for everything. And she atleast use to with me, although that probably changed towards the end.

 

I had a serious car accident last week and all I could think about was my ex after. I wanted to contact her and get the comfort she would have given me during our relatinoship that noone else at this moment in time can replace. My friend texted her to say I was in hospital after a car crash and she didn't even reply ... (Well she did the next day saying a friend had told her that I was OK, but still ...).

 

When bad things happen i feel extra down because I dont have my ex to pick me up, but I know that the dependency will slowly drop and I will feel better in myself.

[Michael 93]

@ahthepain

 

Hey man sorry to hear. I hope all is well now! You are totally right though,

 

It is more daunting when something negative or positive happens because you are unable to share your story with them..

 

I was so used to telling my partner the things that were changing and evolving with my life and she would always show me support whether it be negative or positive. And obviously when things happen now. E.g promotions/birthdays/family things Its upsetting knowing shes not around to talk to. I totally understand where you are coming from there.

 

How are you feeling anyway? Do you feel as though you are still as reliant on her to make you happy?

[Michael 93]

I think she is just as confused as I am...

 

Constantly changing the goalposts, one minute shes over the moon, next she hates this new guys guts..

 

But you know what.. It's not my problem anymore. That's not for me to worry about.

 

The problem is, she has strung me along with Bull**** from the off, and that's because I've allowed it to happen!. All the stories about him being an idiot and not being a patch on me. It was all a load of rubbish, and she waits until my birthday to wish me an happy day and tell me things are now progressing and they are dedicating more time to each other "as he has changed, things change don't they".

 

I have a sneaky feeling this is because the new lady I am spending time with put a picture of us together celebrating my birthday on Facebook.

 

I feel a lot happier and the advice all of you guys have given me has been brilliant. I am starting to enjoy my life a lot more now, Just really Pi%%sed off about her trying to ruin my birthday.

[Chi townD]

I think she is just as confused as I am...

 

Constantly changing the goalposts, one minute shes over the moon, next she hates this new guys guts..

 

But you know what.. It's not my problem anymore. That's not for me to worry about.

 

The problem is, she has strung me along with Bull**** from the off, and that's because I've allowed it to happen!. All the stories about him being an idiot and not being a patch on me. It was all a load of rubbish, and she waits until my birthday to wish me an happy day and tell me things are now progressing and they are dedicating more time to each other "as he has changed, things change don't they".

 

I have a sneaky feeling this is because the new lady I am spending time with put a picture of us together celebrating my birthday on Facebook.

 

I feel a lot happier and the advice all of you guys have given me has been brilliant. I am starting to enjoy my life a lot more now, Just really Pi%%sed off about her trying to ruin my birthday.

 

 

Please tell me you didn't respond to that birthday text!

 

 

What I would love to read from you is, "Okay folks! 2 weeks into NC and I mean no contact! On Saturday, a couple of friends and I went on a 5k mud run for charity. It was GREAT! I ran my ass off, busted my ass on a couple of obstacles and I was wet and muddy from head to toe, but it was a great time for a good cause. And the beer at the end was nice and cold! " THAT'S WHAT I WOULD LOVE TO READ!!!!

[Michael 93]

Please tell me you didn't respond to that birthday text!

 

 

What I would love to read from you is, "Okay folks! 2 weeks into NC and I mean no contact! On Saturday, a couple of friends and I went on a 5k mud run for charity. It was GREAT! I ran my ass off, busted my ass on a couple of obstacles and I was wet and muddy from head to toe, but it was a great time for a good cause. And the beer at the end was nice and cold! " THAT'S WHAT I WOULD LOVE TO READ!!!!

 

Waddup chi. Nahhh man was a bit more eventful than that lol. But I took your advice from a post a long time ago and took that girl who appreciates me on my arm and went out and had a good time with her and my friends.

 

Don't even remember getting home lol!

 

Still trying to plan that trip away. I haven't yet been to Paris. It is on my list.

 

Feel a lot better. I think she's aware of this new girl now. Last time we spoke she made a point of asking if "she's nice" cheeky I felt.

 

Hope all is well with you

[Michael 93]

@Chi townD

 

I have been meaning for your input on something though. This is going to sound extremely coincidental but the girl I happen to be now seeing actually has a past with my exes new boyfriend. I only just uncovered this information and I can see how messed up it seems ...

 

I'm not sure now whether to cut this off or not as I can see how its going to look. I like her and I enjoy spending time with her but it looks extremely childish so I'm a bit unsure as to what to do...

 

Thoughts??

[Simon Phoenix]

@Chi townD

 

I have been meaning for your input on something though. This is going to sound extremely coincidental but the girl I happen to be now seeing actually has a past with my exes new boyfriend. I only just uncovered this information and I can see how messed up it seems ...

 

I'm not sure now whether to cut this off or not as I can see how its going to look. I like her and I enjoy spending time with her but it looks extremely childish so I'm a bit unsure as to what to do...

 

Thoughts??

 

If you like her, who cares? Stop worrying about how your ex perceives you. Your ex is not part of your life anymore, so stop catering to her. My only reservation about this is the fact that you probably aren't ready to be dating anyone, not the fact that this girl had a fling with your ex's new guy.

 

You need to be concentrating on how you feel about it, not on how your ex or her new guy might feel.