FaithInTheDark Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 Hi, I had a friend I was extremely close with,he dropped out of my life for no reason and it hurt a lot. I made countless attempts to reach out and got nothing bad. Months past and I finally feel over it. Well I ran into at a show I was playing at at a bar. I kept my distance and he seemed thrown off I was thru chasing him. He made snide remarks all night which we used to do but after what he put me thru his jokes weren't cute. After a few drinks I did make some insulting comments but man he deserved it. More words were exchanged and I'm sure I started it but he called me fat infront of everyone , he was trying to be cruel and I almost started crying. I told him to leave me alone but he kept pushing so I lost my temper and made a bit of a scene , I laid out everything on him and he looked shocked. He left the bar and that was it. I've been reflecting on the fight and ran into a friend today that told me she saw the old friend and he's been going around telling people I punched him in the face ha ha ha but I didn't lay a finger on him. Apart of me wants to message him and call him out on the lie but I'm thinking it's best to just leave it be. I think he should be called out for the lie but not sure if it's worth more drama. Any thoughts Link to post Share on other sites
Lei Ping Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Hi, I had a friend I was extremely close with,he dropped out of my life for no reason and it hurt a lot. I made countless attempts to reach out and got nothing bad. Months past and I finally feel over it. Well I ran into at a show I was playing at at a bar. I kept my distance and he seemed thrown off I was thru chasing him. He made snide remarks all night which we used to do but after what he put me thru his jokes weren't cute. After a few drinks I did make some insulting comments but man he deserved it. More words were exchanged and I'm sure I started it but he called me fat infront of everyone , he was trying to be cruel and I almost started crying. I told him to leave me alone but he kept pushing so I lost my temper and made a bit of a scene , I laid out everything on him and he looked shocked. He left the bar and that was it. I've been reflecting on the fight and ran into a friend today that told me she saw the old friend and he's been going around telling people I punched him in the face ha ha ha but I didn't lay a finger on him. Apart of me wants to message him and call him out on the lie but I'm thinking it's best to just leave it be. I think he should be called out for the lie but not sure if it's worth more drama. Any thoughts Let People think that you punched him in the face. He's not making himself look any less clownish by telling folks that. Sit back and have a good LOL! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Yup, sounds like an abuse cycle. I would stay clear if I were you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FaithInTheDark Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 You guys are right I'm gonna try to be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 It's a good thing you're over it because the guy is a tool. Even though you put this on a friendship topic, I get from your post that whether you're male or female, you had romantic interest (because you said you were done chasing him). If so, I say go celebrate because can you imagine if you married that and then found out later he was an irresponsible abusive jerk? Bullet dodged! Do not engage further with him in any manner. He will keep shooting himself in the foot making himself look bad. He doesn't need your help to do that. Block him so he can't text/phone/email. You are done and better off for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FaithInTheDark Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 We had hooked up a few times during our friendship. And I admit by the end I was falling for him. I never loved anyone like him but our friendship was pretty close. I prob got too attached but just never in a million years thought he'd treat me like that. He's still in my fb, I want him to see how well I'm doing without him, and with that fat insult it's encouraged me to get fit. Although seeing him online is a visual Que. to ask him about the lie but he's hurt be so much it'll just perpetuate the hurt more and he's taking enough from me Link to post Share on other sites
latergater Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) We had hooked up a few times during our friendship. And I admit by the end I was falling for him. I never loved anyone like him but our friendship was pretty close. I prob got too attached but just never in a million years thought he'd treat me like that. He's still in my fb, I want him to see how well I'm doing without him, and with that fat insult it's encouraged me to get fit. Although seeing him online is a visual Que. to ask him about the lie but he's hurt be so much it'll just perpetuate the hurt more and he's taking enough from me What a freakin a hole. I cannot stand people who use hurtful words or put others down because they are so pathetic and counterproductive, they lack the basic skills that are necessary to act like an adult. Maybe he grew up in a burlap bag like in the movie Austin powers and lacks social skills! Burlap bag boy ...Use your words! That's what you should have said. Let him call you names ...he's just reaching in order to hurt you. And he sucks. My advice? Hire a hitman and be done with him, with your new hot body and your amazing confidence, post some amazing photos of you on Facebook and have all of your friends comment on how hot you look. Or, send a "you suck and you're going to hell" voodoo doll. Leave in front of his place or send to his office. What a little ****. Edited February 25, 2014 by latergater 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FaithInTheDark Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) after all of this I think he has always been really shady , he is just good at hiding it , and i loved him so much, my feelings overshadowed his issues, although he was nice to me at the time. he never once took any ownership to what he did to me. ive seen him screw over other people and he never saw any wrong doing on his part. like you had said not growing up with any basic adult decency. I now see he really has nothing on me. he couldnt come up with anything solid. the only thing he knew that would really hurt me is taking a attack on my vulnerability ie my weight. i stripped his ego infront of all our friends, with legit remarks. One thing that set off the argument was me saying to him " i wish you the best, I am over it all" his response was " oh good, because that was getting to be too much" I took that as my constant reaching out coming from caring, and love , he took that as a weakness and being clingy. he really has hit rock bottom, telling people I punched him in the face. I not sure if he wants sympathy and trying to make me look like a bad person, or hoping the rumor will get back to me and make me angry. but yes, i appreciate your support on keeping him on my facebook , his insult really hit home and im very determined to never allow anyone make me out to be less of a person because im over weight. I will post my pics on facebook with my new body and message thanks him for the insult. it will happen. thanks guys. Edited February 25, 2014 by FaithInTheDark 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Good for you!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Your goal is to get to where you don't CARE what he thinks about how well you're doing now. You are lucky he revealed his true self. Sorry it hurts so much. The sooner you get all reminders of him away from you the better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FaithInTheDark Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 I know, I shouldn't care about anything to do with him but I admit I do. I need to remind myself about his negative qualities . .. I'm trying very hard to move on but it's not happening as quick as I want. I don't know why I'm running the memories we had together and the argument...I've been having dreams about him all week. I'm a idiot. Lol Thanks for the support. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Believe me, I've been there. And yes, lots of guys are good at manipulating and then eventually show their other side. And women too for that matter. You need to muster some discipline and actively work on stopping caring what he thinks, and you hit the nail on the head when you said you need to remember the negative things. Here's what I did when I had a particularly difficult time with a guy who wouldn't even stop coming around even though he supposedly didn't want me. Every time I caught myself daydreaming or thinking about something I missed about him, I would stop and MAKE myself think of two bad things about him for every one nice thing. Your brain gets in a rut when you're hopeful about it turning into something, and you just have to reroute it by force sometimes! Over time, that did work for me until I was seeing him more realistically. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 He's still in my fb, I want him to see how well I'm doing without him, and with that fat insult it's encouraged me to get fit. I agree with peraph: "Your goal is to get to where you don't CARE what he thinks about how well you're doing now." This is not for him, this is the best thing for you. Recognize that you are best served by separating as completely as possible from him, right? And your though process into affecting him now, "getting him to see.." how you are doing and "showing him" are all things that keep you connected with him - to your detriment. You must break the links - even the seemingly one-way Facebook connection. This is for your own good. Don't live your life to "show him"; this is looking back. Let go of that connection, and look forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Socialskydiver Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I been through a similar situation, people change. I'm glad I ended that relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FaithInTheDark Posted March 24, 2014 Author Share Posted March 24, 2014 hey guys,its been a month and its safe to say i am over the old friend, i think about him alot less and feel free about it all. i thank you guys alot for helping me. i have no hard feelings about him, no hurt like before. i honestly wish the best for him and i small part of me will love the good guy he used to be. but im happy i have no desire to be his friend and i forgive him for all the hurt. cheers Link to post Share on other sites
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