Issues with financial support for children ...

[Shocked Suzie]

Basically how did you deal with it?

 

Did you just cope and not stress yourself out by asking for help/money?

 

Or did you ask so at least you asked, no matter what the outcome?

 

I've taken the path of I'm on my own and don't want to ask so I don't cause myself stress of being knocked back... But as he's still avoiding paying his legal child support I get so annoyed that it's just another responsibility he is walking away from!

 

SS x

[trippi1432]

Hi SS - Basically, when my first exH left our 3 year old daughter and myself, I had little choice in the matter. I lost 3 jobs as he took the car and left penniless at the end of the month with all the bills due (his sweet little pity himself note on the table said he left me some money, I guess I was supposed to sell the t-shirts he didn't take). I had to rely on family to get back on my feet, but CS did finally nail him about 8 months later. He'd have never done anything at all for his daughter if it wasn't enforced by the court.

 

As to my second exH - he offered to pay CS to help out and did for about 3 months. I had a court order but never filed it. Our son was a teen and we worked on his necessities by divvying up his needs for school...etc and paying our own bills. He couldn't afford the CS anyway and I didn't want to have to bother with court, I preferred not to deal with him at all to be honest.

 

I do admire men who truly do care for the relationship with their child, not the monetary aspect but the bond with their child. That alone, is worth more for a child's well-being than money could ever buy. Unfortunately, my first exH never cared for that bond...second exH works on his bond with his son at least.

 

Outside of just the CS stuff, there is a certain freedom when a woman can provide for herself and her kids.

[Shocked Suzie]

Thanks hun

 

Probably taking the right path then... Just leaves me so shocked that he offers nothing! I hope CS catch up with him soon, I've heard all sorts of stories of avoiding the CSA... Suppose not much else can be done in that area.

 

My son need braces and is "growing" ... Could happily punch my ex when I think how he is re my kids! ....answered my own question! The stress free path, stick with not asking...would be pointless anyway

 

Praying for karma

 

SS x

[amaysngrace]

I brought it to their attention when my ex didn't pay for months and months. Your case may not be a priority to them so let them know that it's a priority to you.

[trippi1432]

Thanks hun

 

Probably taking the right path then... Just leaves me so shocked that he offers nothing! I hope CS catch up with him soon, I've heard all sorts of stories of avoiding the CSA... Suppose not much else can be done in that area.

 

My son need braces and is "growing" ... Could happily punch my ex when I think how he is re my kids! ....answered my own question! The stress free path, stick with not asking...would be pointless anyway

 

Praying for karma

 

SS x

 

I'd talk to them at the CS office too....at least try to get the hearing done so it's documented. He should be paying half medical as well. When our daughter graduated from HS, we had to go to court to stop the CS....they won't just stop it. He had us in court that very month to have it stopped.

 

He also owed me for her past medical, including his 50% not covered by insurance on her braces. They ordered payments even though I told him that he would be better off getting a loan to pay it off. After missing a couple of payments, we were back in court and he paid it in full (he said he took my advice).

[trippi1432]

SS - I get ya where you are with your exH...similar situation here and I just knew with my exH, asking him anything equated to him crying poverty even though he wasn't paying anything and lived in her house.

 

I kid you not, the two of them (exH and his AP) literally asked me to go in on a set of bunkbeds for her house for our son and her son to share. Said they were asking her exH as well. You would think going in on a set four ways is a good thing right? Nope, they wanted me and her exH to pay for them.....split it between us...for their house. You'll have some WTF!! moments....believe me.

 

And no, our son slept on their couch for two years when he was there and not with me.

[RonaldS]

It's shocking to me that people won't pay support for their own kids. When my XW and I first separated, I paid what I thought was an appropriate amount, because we had not legally separated nor had we done a conciliation. So, I paid what I thought was enough. On top of that, I gave her about $15k to have in savings.

 

Then, when we finally went through the legal process, the court order for child support was about 45% of what I was already giving her. I was overpaying by a lot for 3 years! Oops.

 

But I didn't care, because they were my kids. I could not imagine skipping out on CS. That's pretty sh*tbaggy.

[Shocked Suzie]

I brought it to their attention when my ex didn't pay for months and months. Your case may not be a priority to them so let them know that it's a priority to you.

 

I call the CSA each month for an update, to be told they have a process that they need and are following "that's just great". In Australia there is a loophole, if you are self employed or run your own business you can offset heaps to make it look like your a lower income earner "sure that will be his next step".

 

The CSA have told me once his owing gets to a certain level then they can enforce him to pay via assets... They are waiting for him to do a tax return for 2012/13 as well.

 

It's all very slack and shouldn't be allowed! There is only one lots here who miss out and that's the children.

 

Meanwhile he swans in and out of their lives for maximum of 5hrs a week like he's some great guy!

 

SS x

[Shocked Suzie]

SS - I get ya where you are with your exH...similar situation here and I just knew with my exH, asking him anything equated to him crying poverty even though he wasn't paying anything and lived in her house.

 

I kid you not, the two of them (exH and his AP) literally asked me to go in on a set of bunkbeds for her house for our son and her son to share. Said they were asking her exH as well. You would think going in on a set four ways is a good thing right? Nope, they wanted me and her exH to pay for them.....split it between us...for their house. You'll have some WTF!! moments....believe me.

 

And no, our son slept on their couch for two years when he was there and not with me.

 

 

That's unreal!!! Seriously makes my blood boil!!

 

I cannot understand why people feel the need to not support their children, not only financially but just as importantly emotionally! Seriously the couch, real nice!

 

 

SS x

[Shocked Suzie]

It's shocking to me that people won't pay support for their own kids. When my XW and I first separated, I paid what I thought was an appropriate amount, because we had not legally separated nor had we done a conciliation. So, I paid what I thought was enough. On top of that, I gave her about $15k to have in savings.

 

Then, when we finally went through the legal process, the court order for child support was about 45% of what I was already giving her. I was overpaying by a lot for 3 years! Oops.

 

But I didn't care, because they were my kids. I could not imagine skipping out on CS. That's pretty sh*tbaggy.

 

 

It's unreal hey!

 

My ex without doubt would only consider paying CS... Anything more than that would be like getting blood out of a stone.... He's moaned twice to my kids about buying takeaways for them when he used to see them both ... That was while not paying child support.

 

Good for you for supporting your kids

 

SS x

[trippi1432]

I call the CSA each month for an update, to be told they have a process that they need and are following "that's just great". In Australia there is a loophole, if you are self employed or run your own business you can offset heaps to make it look like your a lower income earner "sure that will be his next step".

 

The CSA have told me once his owing gets to a certain level then they can enforce him to pay via assets... They are waiting for him to do a tax return for 2012/13 as well.

 

It's all very slack and shouldn't be allowed! There is only one lots here who miss out and that's the children.

 

Meanwhile he swans in and out of their lives for maximum of 5hrs a week like he's some great guy!

 

SS x

 

I totally get this....and it's so frustrating. My first exH and I were married and living in one state in the US before we split up. Because of the circumstances he left us in, I had to move to another state (my home state actually). I went through our local Social Services agency to try and get him under an order. Due to changing states, I was informed that I could not get an attorney until I established residency (1 year).

 

Social Services Intrastate services are extremely slow and was the only service available for assistance since I went to work right away once I moved in with family. Well, over 3 months later, I found out from a mutual friend that he was staying with some friends in another city in my state (he was running from the girl he had been messing around with for 2 years because he knocked her up). My mother was the one who told me to take out a warrant on him for CS. I never knew you could that, but I went to the magistrate's office of the local court in my town and inquired and since he was in my state, he was in my jurisdiction even though he wasn't technically living there.

 

I called my friend he was staying with (married couple and we all went to HS together) to confirm he was there. I never let on that I knew anything other than he was nearby and visiting. He called me that night saying he wanted to be a family again, that he missed us....etc. So I asked him if he meant his daughter and I or were we going to throw in the OW and that kid too. I honestly admit, in five years, it was the first time he ever actually sounded angry. The next day he called again asking if I had taken out a warrant on him.....Umm, yeah, but I'm sort of busy and can't take your call now...see ya in court. He was very humble.

 

Had I not found that loophole, I don't think CS would have ever happened. They have closed that loophole in my state now, but every state is different in the US. I don't know about AU, but have you talked to your magistrate to see what can be done and if you can take out a summons to show cause? I'm not familiar with the laws there....look for the loopholes so you can get your case on a docket.

Edited February 24, 2014 by trippi1432
typo

[Shocked Suzie]

My mother was the one who told me to take out a warrant on him for CS. I never knew you could that, but I went to the magistrate's office of the local court in my town and inquired and since he was in my state, he was in my jurisdiction even though he wasn't technically living there.

 

I'll look into this today, i'd be surprised if there is such a thing though as i now after talking to others know so many woman that are in the same boat as me sadly...fingers crossed i can do the same!

 

As always thanks x

[trippi1432]

Fingers crossed...the worst that come from inquiring is being told No. You'll never know if you don't inquire. Pose is as a Just Cause..do not even discuss that you have a case elsewhere with "the system".

[Shocked Suzie]

Fingers crossed...the worst that come from inquiring is being told No. You'll never know if you don't inquire. Pose is as a Just Cause..do not even discuss that you have a case elsewhere with "the system".

 

 

 

 

Just had a quick read through and there is such a thing. Although as i read it its only if im unable to support the children myself...which i can, although that doesn't seem fair...so will read some more and enquire. It also states what I'm already doing re CSA, I'll give them a call today and see if there is any change.

 

...better not hold my breath lol

 

SS x

[trippi1432]

I'd still make the inquiry as to whether or not you can make a summons in court on him. I was in the same boat at that time, I could support us with a minimum wage job as long as I stayed at my family's home.

 

I think because of that, the fact that I worked and didn't get public assistance and because my case was intrastate (having to go after him in another state), the "system" wasn't in any rush to get my case in court and before a judge to get an order.

 

I'd also ask the CSA agency what the protocol is for their organization. For moms who do work and can just support their kids, what priority are they given for getting on the docket to have a case heard for court ordered Child Support. Tell them you need to be able to determine if you need to save up for a lawyer if the priority is very low to none. You are just looking at what to expect here to be honest. I don't know how it is there, but when I was having to go through our SS and CSA, unless they were giving me money to help support my child, the priority was very low. Until that state-mandated support amount hit a certain $$ level, it wasn't a very high priority. And since I worked, I got nothing from the state to help support my child....had I not found that loophole, I probably would have never got him under a CS order without an attorney which was impossible to afford in my situation.

 

Good luck, keeping fingers crossed for you. xx

[Shocked Suzie]

Ok Will call about before work..thx heaps

 

SS x

[Tripz]

I'm really not sure what people are thinking when they don't pay for their children. It makes me think there should be laws against marriage and having children until you pass some kind of test. I know, crazy, but it just breaks my heart knowing so many innocent children are dragged through hell and back over parents that never should have been ones.

 

Almost the first thing my ex and I discussed was support of some sort. Even though I was unbelievably hurt by her and in a certain state of shock, I wasn't going to wait for the damn state to tell me what I knew my duty to be. So I quickly did a budget based on our combined incomes and came up with a total. It's exactly 1/2 of my net, after I pay my mortgage. Everyone I talk to says I should have gone with child support only and not allowed spousal support. Well, my son is with her 1/2 of the time and I want my son to have the same or very similar lifestyle while he's there. I DO NOT want him to start to see "mom's" place as less than mine, even though she's only in a small apt. I have the ability to make more money if I need to, not her. Plus, it's only money...so friggin what. It comes, it goes, but what it left is how my son grows up. If he sees his father doing everything in his power to help support his mom, then I think the investment will be worth it. It's only for the next 4 1/2 years and that will go quickly enough.

 

I know that's probably just how I look at it, but I'm able to live with that arrangement and sleep well at night. My lawyer also told me that it's right in there with what he thinks the court would mandate anyway. I just feel better knowing I made that obligation on my own.

 

I wish everyone's ex, would step up to the plate and do what's truly right for their children. THEY are the legacy left to this world.

[Shocked Suzie]

If only everyone was like this, mine has only himself in sight.... Even stopped paying the mortgage and we had to sell. He's not the man I thought he was! Never thought he'd turn his back so much that it would effect my children in so many ways... It breaks my heart

 

Throw what he likes at me... But the kids !?!?

 

Xx

[Shocked Suzie]

Ok so there has been a 3rd party acknowledge the CSA, if nothing happens by mid next week then they have hit another dead end

 

I can take him to court, there are conditions he has to have assets which he has a 2nd car and joint owner of a house.

 

Getting the forms filled ready for next week

 

Thanks Trippi xxxx

Edited February 25, 2014 by Shocked Suzie

[trippi1432]

Woot!! :bunny:

 

Best of luck Hun!!