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Posted

I don't know if time limits work. Reason being, by the time you reach your "limit", you've invested X amount of additional time in him and are even MORE attached.

 

Its never going to get easier to break up than it will be if you break up right now. IMO, if he promised to tell his wife 4 months ago, you should have held him to that promise.

 

Id get out

  • 4 weeks later...
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Posted

The invitro worked, wife is preggo. I got the call this morning. I stopped contact today. My heart is broken... I don't know how to do this. Praying hard - I just don't want to feel the pain:(

Posted

So you knew he and his wife were trying to get pregnant? Invitro is expensive - very expensive. A man not in love with his wife doesn't spend that kind of money. Additionally, it is a very intense procedure and most OB doctors have the husband very involved with the procedure. This isn't a 'whoops, she's pregnant'...this is a very planned out process.

 

I am glad you are NC. He isn't the man for you.

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Posted
The invitro worked, wife is preggo. I got the call this morning. I stopped contact today. My heart is broken... I don't know how to do this. Praying hard - I just don't want to feel the pain:(

 

I know you're hurting..Take care of you now and surround yourself with good friends and family to help you through this.

 

NC now, even if it kills you inside, there really is no point of ever speaking to him again.

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Posted

So I really suck at NC! It wasn't even 24 hours. He called in the middle of the night (I was sleeping) & I answered it. I feel very weak because I couldn't hang up, I listened to him for 2 hours: "we'll work thru this and doesn't change anything and I love only you" & on & on.

I have so much respect for everyone who goes NC, I'm not sure I can.

 

Jellybean - yes I knew about the invitro, they were in the process when our A started, so I knew this could happen. He always said he did it for her because they have no kids & that it wouldn't change anything. I know it does.

 

So I guess I'll start again today with NC and see how long I can last.

Posted

Tell him not to call you anymore, let alone in the middle of the night!

 

So what if he says he loves you and wants to continue the A. Has it ever occurred to him that you don't want to have an A with him anymore because he is going to be a father and his wife is pregnant?

 

I really hope you find that strength to walk away and do everything you can to shut him out of your life. If you don't, sadly I'm afraid you'll end up continuing your A with him and become someone you really don't want to be. Get counseling if you can't cope and do this on your own. This is your life and if you don't want to be the OW anymore do all that you can to make sure you're not.

  • Like 1
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Posted

Thanks whichwayisup, as hard as it is I know I'm doing the right thing for me.

I was thinking about my conversation with him the other night and it actually made me mad, which is helping me stay somewhat strong. He had the nerve to try to make ME feel guilty for not trusting him - HA! His words "I can't believe you don't trust me enough to believe this will work out", kind of humorous, but it worked at first. I'm sure he's not the only man to pull that crap.

I know I won't be great at NC and walking away, but I'll keep trying until I am.

Posted
The invitro worked, wife is preggo. I got the call this morning. I stopped contact today. My heart is broken... I don't know how to do this. Praying hard - I just don't want to feel the pain:(

 

 

Oh bad luck, this is a real turn for the worse!

 

 

Has he told you he's not having sex with his wife any more, and if so do you believe him? I remember a poster who was told her MM was not having sex with his wife, and when she got pregnant it was explained as from IVF, but that turned out not to be the case.

 

 

It would be pretty bad if he'd invented that his wife was having IVF when they were really trying to get pregnant in the usual way.

 

 

Irrespective of whether or not the IVF is true or not it does sound like you've been manipulated at the very least.

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Posted

I'm pretty sure it's IVF because they were in the process when we met and before the A started. But... you never know. Thanks Bootsie.

  • 1 month later...
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Posted

I'm sick to my stomach. I just today found out what a huge lie my MM has been giving me for all these months. I am so naïve! I've been in the affair since October and I tried to go NC back in March and was unsuccessful. He lives in another country so it was easy for him to lie...

The lie: First, he told me back in March or April that his wife (who "knew he was filing for divorce"), had gotten pregnant through IVF that had been in the process for a while. Then a couple of weeks later he said she was 4 months ... but that she had JUST told him about it, that he didn't even know that she had the egg implanted. (Oh, it gets better). Apparently she had the baby this past Friday! And he was calling me and texting me over the weekend and today just like normal. Who does that??!! He didn't tell me and doesn't know yet that I know! Someone decided to take screen shots of his wife's facebook page and send to me anonymously (I'm guessing the wife had something to do with it). The posts go back to September.... BEFORE the affair started! So he has known this whole time that his wife was pregnant, while lying to me!!

I'm devastated, hurt, sick, furious... every emotion, I just don't know how to get past it... and I need to quickly because I have a daughter who needs me to be able to function. I want to scream at him!!! I believed all his lies.. he's leaving, we'll be together, he'll marry me, he loves me, needs me, blah, blah, blah ...

I feel like an idiot! And my heart is breaking.

Posted

Wow, that is bad. What will you do with this knowledge?

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Posted

I have no idea, Goodbye, other than it's finally, definitely over. Is it sad that it's not the baby that makes it over, it's the months and months of lies?

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Posted

I never said I was innocent, I know I'm not, I'm just very hurt. But thanks Beach for making me feel worse.

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Posted

Ok, the thing that sticks out to me is that you acknowledge you need to focus on your child. What steps have you taken to do that? I know that looking long and hard at the time my wallowing was taking from my kids woke me right up. I knew I was damaging them so I started to fake it until I made it. I wouldn't allow myself to lock myself away and cry. I would act brave and slowly I became brave. I got way in to yoga to help me focus and relieve stress. Find your center and your strength, even if you have to force it for a bit. Wallowing can become a way of life and slow your healing.

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