Is my ex just settling with me

[Winter blue]

You should never be with someone because the alternatives are scary. You should be with someone because, even though giving up some of your independence can be scary and having to always consider someone else's feelings can be inconvenient, you want to do it anyway.

 

 

^^ this.

[mike9876]

OMG. you so sound like my ex.

 

So you think your old relationship will never fall? come on, it failed 9 months ago when you broke up. And the only way to make it work now is if you treat it as a new one. Unfortunately for you it seems anything new will just scare you away.

 

We are trying to start over. I have my doubts but I'm putting 100 percent into making this work. We are trying to start over new

[Never Again]

I suggest you become familiar with the concept of the "fantasy bond".

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-experience/200812/the-fantasy-bond-substitute-truly-loving-relationship

 

Sounds pretty applicable.

[mike9876]

I suggest you become familiar with the concept of the "fantasy bond".

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-experience/200812/the-fantasy-bond-substitute-truly-loving-relationship

 

Sounds pretty applicable.

 

Interesting

[Never Again]

There are loads of articles on it, but it approaches the idea of those who are afraid of REALLY being in relationships or intimacy, and how they handle being in a couple.

 

Basically, that they live in an illusion of being with someone - going through many of the perceived motions, but with a lack of intimacy behind them.

 

Laziness and lack of any real interest can have the same effects, but the "fantasy bond" is a tendency that would manifest in relationship after relationship and is fixable.

 

Our situations are wildly different, but as someone who participated in a "fantasy bond" sort of situation for nearly two months towards the end of my relationship, I can see certain parallels. However, this only emphasizes your need of counseling.