Odd Friendship Dynamic

[Tailor2000]

Friendship is not possible when one person is obsessed. You saying you want to "argue it out" is very worrisome.

 

This is the danger of forums and why my next post will be my last. But I mean argue it out on the forums. And Im presuming you know the definition of argue and not just the evocative heated violent aggression of which, reading between the lines, you seem to be suggesting.

 

You have intruded into her space

 

Rubbish. How can I intrude into someones space when you ask them a question once in a blue moon, say Hi and Bye and meet in a public place, and not even because you're going to the public place to be near them. Im getting sick of these accusations. I've invaded nothing and I know that, I've never behaved inappropriately, never led anybody on, never made any advances, any suggestions, just acknowledged I have a normal feeling which Im trying to get over and my analytical mind which is a blessing and a curse is trying to make sense of it all and logically asking, why can't I talk about this and diffuse the situation. And Im not talking about forcing myself on anybody. If someone doesn't want to talk, that's fine. But you can still try.

[Tailor2000]

Leave them alone! There are plenty of good healthy couples that you can establish a rewarding friendship with. You're only investing so much specualtion in this because you're interested in HER.

 

There's actually a few other reasons why I would like friendship with them which Im not going into here.

 

Just avoid her. A polite hi and bye when you run into her in social circles and that's it. She may seem off kilter when you change the dynamic for a little while, but in the long run she'll accept it and move on.

 

That's the way it's been though for several months, until she started acting weird around me. You said Im painting her into a corner by giving her unwanted attention, but Im not giving her attention full stop, at least nothing beyond a Hi and Bye or a quick question every now and again like I would ask of anybody else, I talk more to others. I don't see a problem in just keeping things friendly.

 

She's said she's busy when I asked for the help she promised, so Im not pursuing it, left it in her court to come to me if she wants. Im not chasing anything.

 

Bit worried that continuing down this path of Hi and Bye is just going to make things even worse and even more obvious! Which is why I've wanted to know from the horses mouth. There's no way you or anybody can tell what my behaviour has been like around this woman. I can say anything in this forum, but unless you actually see what's happening, all you have is my own speculation and the way I come across in words of which you read what you want into it.

 

Whatever happens could have a big chance of backfiring.

 

As a side note, just been reading up how to tell if someone has a crush. Smiles, touching, eye contact, close proximity. Those are all the things I wouldn't do! But she has done to me! On the other hand, those are all the things good friends might do. This whole "hints and signs business" is really confusing, because what is a sign for one person isn't for another.

 

I am warming to the idea of just leaving them alone. If she isn't acting weird because of sensing I like her, then, she is just being rude and therefore not friend material anyhow.

 

You are right though about obsessiveness. I don't believe it is just because I like her, but I like them. I identify many good qualities in them and I've really wanted to know them better over the past few years. You don't know how over that time, I've just longed to be able to have a normal conversation with them, not just her, the confidence to be able to go up to them and break the ice, to talk, and with others, and I've failed miserably. I've succeeded with some.

 

Im starting to think if a friendship is going to work, it's not going to work by me being obsessive, or analysing, trying to figure out what she's thinking, what I've done wrong, trying to change my behaviour, trying to do or say something different. It's just going to happen. If it doesn't it wasn't meant to be.

 

That's what I do, I analyse way too much. Sometimes it gives me an amazing insight. Other times, it just stops me from talking as Im worried about what Im saying.

 

It has just really upset me, and I've been left trying to wonder what to do. They actually inspire me, and it's less to do with her, as it is more to do with her husband and wanting what he has.

 

But. Enough of the analysis, the obsessiveness. I'll just carry on, be cordial and leave it at that.

 

Im out.