How long have you been single?

[notyouraveragebabe]

Ok, so I been single 1.5 years. I dated, but nothing serious. I want to be in a serious relationship again, but not meeting anyone special. I'm 28 and don't want to waste my time with men I don't see a future with. I don't ask for much; good job, educated, athletic, eat healthy, sweet, handsome, caring, have car, don't live with parents, and outgoing. I don't ask for anything I don't have. People would say I'm very attractive. I meet men, but I'm just not finding the "one". Am I just too picky?

 

Geez where are these guys?! I'm tired of looking. It's been 1.5 years, why is it taking so long?! How long have you guys been single? Good God, everyone is getting engaged, having kids, and doing couple things. Seeing pictures of engagements, & pregnancy on Facebook/Instagram makes me kind of sad.

[JDPT]

Roughly 9-10 months can't recall anymore. I chose to be single, taking care of what I've neglected during my past relationship which lasted 4.5 years. I'm glad I have all this time to take care of me and as mentioned address my priorities and not someone else's.

[Tayken]

Ok, so I been single 1.5 years. I dated, but nothing serious. I want to be in a serious relationship again, but not meeting anyone special. I'm 28 and don't want to waste my time with men I don't see a future with. I don't ask for much; good job, educated, athletic, eat healthy, sweet, handsome, caring, have car, don't live with parents, and outgoing. I don't ask for anything I don't have. People would say I'm very attractive. I meet men, but I'm just not finding the "one". Am I just too picky?

 

Geez where are these guys?! I'm tired of looking. It's been 1.5 years, why is it taking so long?! How long have you guys been single? Good God, everyone is getting engaged, having kids, and doing couple things. Seeing pictures of engagements, & pregnancy on Facebook/Instagram makes me kind of sad.

 

Wow...so it's all about keeping up with the Jones's then......everyone is wearing this, doing this, doing that.....I have to do it too?

 

I guess what you are not seeing is everything else that goes along with it...the fights, the arguments, and then the break ups......Guess that doesn't make it to Facebook/Instagram

 

 

I think you need to concentrate your energy on something else....I say this because by the sound of things, you are more like to get into a relationship just because everyone you know is hooked up.

 

Personally, as a guy....I wouldn't want anything to do with someone who thinks this way...bound to not end well

[DL2mer]

I haven't been in a serious relationship for two years. Just like you I have been avoiding getting involved with women I don't see having a future with. At times it's tough, but why waste your time with the wrong person when the right person could walk into your life at anytime.

[Tayken]

How long single? Just over 2yrs but dated like crazy and have no intentions of settling for less.

[JDPT]

And you may also want to keep in mind that not everyone is looking to get engaged, married, have kids and live that sort of life. Different people have different priorities. And if that's what you are looking for clearly you will eventually find it.

[Teraskas]

Reaching the 2 year mark on March 13th here. :/

Sure, I dated, but constantly encountered women only looking for friends, women who JUST got out of a relationship, women who prefer to play mind-games and all that stuff, despite me trying to find something serious.

I've been rejected, friendzoned, stood up, etc. countless times on dates.

Truth told I've lost count, lol.

 

My friends constantly look at me in a confused manner.

They simply don't get how someone like myself with outstanding personal qualities, morals and values struggles to find someone looking for a serious relationship.

 

Can't exactly say that my standards are outrageously high either.

- Has to be in the 18-30 region.

(I'm 22 and open minded about this range, whereas someone from the age of 26 turned me down lol.)

- Doesn't do drugs.

- Doesn't smoke.

- Doesn't have children but is open to having them in the future.

- Is actually OPEN to having a relationship rather than not having a clue what she's doing on a dating site or her direction in life in general, or JUST looking for friends.

- Is capable of wearing high heels

(Although this comes across as a foot fetish which it clearly isn't. Instead I formulate it as a woman having 'class' / looking classy.' )

- Can support me in difficult times. (I found out 2 years ago that I had cancer on the same day that I was dumped.

Now when women ask for something personal about myself, I try not to bring it up anymore because I get labeled as 'broken', etc whereas they run for the hills.)

 

I've honestly given up at this point.

It feels near impossible to find someone who won't judge you based on 'lack of experience because of age' or 'academic achievements'.

It's as if I'm constantly getting judged on not having achieved anything rather than my relationship-minded qualities.

Oh, and also forgot to mention that all these women seemed to prefer the types who just got out of prison.

[Targetlock]

never been in a serious relationship, been almost 4 years since i've been on a date

[notyouraveragebabe]

Roughly 9-10 months can't recall anymore. I chose to be single, taking care of what I've neglected during my past relationship which lasted 4.5 years. I'm glad I have all this time to take care of me and as mentioned address my priorities and not someone else's.

 

I was in a 10 year relationship. Focusing on yourself is good. That's what I have been doing. I'm just so ready to meet someone new and fall in love again. Also, being a relationship for 10 years did take a lot of time from myself. So I know I should enjoy being single and take this time to love myself.

[Tayken]

I was in a 10 year relationship. Focusing on yourself is good. That's what I have been doing. I'm just so ready to meet someone new and fall in love again. Also, being a relationship for 10 years did take a lot of time from myself. So I know I should enjoy being single and take this time to love myself.

 

Ah...there you go...... BINGO

[notyouraveragebabe]

Wow...so it's all about keeping up with the Jones's then......everyone is wearing this, doing this, doing that.....I have to do it too?

 

I guess what you are not seeing is everything else that goes along with it...the fights, the arguments, and then the break ups......Guess that doesn't make it to Facebook/Instagram

 

 

I think you need to concentrate your energy on something else....I say this because by the sound of things, you are more like to get into a relationship just because everyone you know is hooked up.

 

Personally, as a guy....I wouldn't want anything to do with someone who thinks this way...bound to not end well

 

I'm not trying to keep up with anyone. I do what I want. Say what I want. I just want to be happy in a relationship, but you're right-people don't post the fights. My friends are always a bad time when they get into fights with their loved ones, and I don't have any worries. I'm sipping my liquor and having a good time, meanwhile my friends are on their phones fighting. I guess there are upsides to being single, but when I see everyone coupled up- it makes me think WTF why can't I be love too?!

[notyouraveragebabe]

Wow...so it's all about keeping up with the Jones's then......everyone is wearing this, doing this, doing that.....I have to do it too?

 

I guess what you are not seeing is everything else that goes along with it...the fights, the arguments, and then the break ups......Guess that doesn't make it to Facebook/Instagram

 

 

I think you need to concentrate your energy on something else....I say this because by the sound of things, you are more like to get into a relationship just because everyone you know is hooked up.

 

Personally, as a guy....I wouldn't want anything to do with someone who thinks this way...bound to not end well

 

I'm not trying to keep up with anyone. I do what I want. Say what I want. I just want to be happy in a relationship, but you're right-people don't post the fights. My friends are always a bad time when they get into fights with their loved ones, and I don't have any worries. I'm sipping my liquor and having a good time, meanwhile my friends are on their phones fighting. I guess there are upsides to being single, but when I see everyone coupled up- it makes me think WTF I want to be loved too?!

[TheyCallMeOx]

I've been single for 4-5 months. I plan on being single for another year.

[Scales]

Ok, so I been single 1.5 years. I dated, but nothing serious. I want to be in a serious relationship again, but not meeting anyone special. I'm 28 and don't want to waste my time with men I don't see a future with. I don't ask for much; good job, educated, athletic, eat healthy, sweet, handsome, caring, have car, don't live with parents, and outgoing. I don't ask for anything I don't have. People would say I'm very attractive. I meet men, but I'm just not finding the "one". Am I just too picky?

 

Geez where are these guys?! I'm tired of looking. It's been 1.5 years, why is it taking so long?! How long have you guys been single? Good God, everyone is getting engaged, having kids, and doing couple things. Seeing pictures of engagements, & pregnancy on Facebook/Instagram makes me kind of sad.

 

I don't see what you're asking for to be too much as long as you can be a little flexible on some of them. Its bordering on picky, but you live in CA so i'd say its normal. You may also say 1.5 years but, lets be honest, how many guys have you rejected during that time period? Its not like you don't have chances, but like you said they just aren't the "right" ones. It may have to do with standard.

 

I wouldn't worry about yourself. Judging on your previous picture, I would say you are super cute. I would definitely talk to you in a Starbucks. so maybe this is about putting yourself in a variety of environments to give more of the guys you are looking to meet an opportunity to meet you. If you buckle down into the same routine nothing will change, so try to branch out a little if you can. I know its hard when all your friends are getting married and nobody seems to have time to do "single people" stuff anymore.

[notyouraveragebabe]

I would say men are going to disagree with my post. I don't think I am asking for a lot.

 

1. Have a good job- is that really hard?

2. Work-out-eat healthy- take care of yourself, it's your body. I don't want my future husband to have a stroke at 50 and bed ridden at 51.

3. Education- Geez go to college. Do something with your life. I want a guy with goals and who is ambitious.

4. Handsome- I don't want a guy with no teeth.

5. Sweet- buy me some flowers, tell me I'm pretty, open my door.

6. Car- if you have a job then you would have a car.

 

This might be a good lesson for some of you guys. It's not that hard.

[Tayken]

I would say men are going to disagree with my post. I don't think I am asking for a lot.

 

1. Have a good job- is that really hard?

2. Work-out-eat healthy- take care of yourself, it's your body. I don't want my future husband to have a stroke at 50 and bed ridden at 51.

3. Education- Geez go to college. Do something with your life. I want a guy with goals and who is ambitious.

4. Handsome- I don't want a guy with no teeth.

5. Sweet- buy me some flowers, tell me I'm pretty, open my door.

6. Car- if you have a job then you would have a car.

 

This might be a good lesson for some of you guys. It's not that hard.

 

 

Er.....I don't know what kind of "guys" you met in the past that disagrees with your list? I mean your list is not even a 1/4 of what I have to offer in a relationship.

 

However, I am not too sure about "buy me flowers", "open my door" and "tell me am pretty"...does that mean you are going to do all those things also...or it's beneath you cos you are a woman?

 

Just curious

[somedude81]

I would say men are going to disagree with my post. I don't think I am asking for a lot.

 

1. Have a good job- is that really hard?

2. Work-out-eat healthy- take care of yourself, it's your body. I don't want my future husband to have a stroke at 50 and bed ridden at 51.

3. Education- Geez go to college. Do something with your life. I want a guy with goals and who is ambitious.

4. Handsome- I don't want a guy with no teeth.

5. Sweet- buy me some flowers, tell me I'm pretty, open my door.

6. Car- if you have a job then you would have a car.

 

This might be a good lesson for some of you guys. It's not that hard.

Yes you are asking for a lot.

 

Not many men have a good job, have a nice body and are handsome.

 

I also have the strong feeling that you are looking for more than don't be ill, and have all your teeth.

 

What do you consider to be a good job?

 

In the 1.5 years that you've been single, how many guys have you rejected or stopped dating because they weren't good enough for you?

[Tayken]

Personally....I am as athletic as the come, even more so now in my 40s, have a job for life, post graduate educated, chivalry is still alive, worldly, well traveled, smart dresser, smells good, pearly whites (non smoker / drinker), owns a car, and sexual (yes I say so myself)

[TheBladeRunner]

Single last 6 months by choice, not even dating now but did it like a fiend the first year post separation and divorce. Not really looking or interested right now, but if the right opportunity presented herself I wouldn't say no.

 

OP, as far as your "wants".....if that's what you want, that's what you want. You may adjust your requirements over time, who knows, but that is up to you. I bailed on dating and relationships because I have requirements too. It's a lot of work these days it seems when looking for a needle in a haystack.

[Tayken]

I'm not trying to keep up with anyone. I do what I want. Say what I want. I just want to be happy in a relationship, but you're right-people don't post the fights. My friends are always a bad time when they get into fights with their loved ones, and I don't have any worries. I'm sipping my liquor and having a good time, meanwhile my friends are on their phones fighting. I guess there are upsides to being single, but when I see everyone coupled up- it makes me think WTF why can't I be love too?!

 

Of course am right.....the point I make is one that people don't want to hear or see.....however, it's there aren't you can't be oblivious to it.

 

Rose tinted glasses off and all that

[HomanWater]

I see laundry list of requirements. That's a turn off.

 

I also don't see what do YOU have to offer? Ie. why should a guy be interested in you over other girls?

[Scales]

Well that was certainly interesting....to get back on topic now. I really don't think her list to be too much. Maybe on the picky side sure, but there have been MUCH worse lists that have popped up from other LS members. Being in shape: people in their 20s to 30s is almost mandatory now if you want to play ball. Being slightly overweight for guys used to be fine but its getting less and less tolerable. Guys have always had a body standard for girls too, so I don't feel this is over reaching. This is easily the worst time to be obese if you want to date though, so I do feel bad for people who are massively overweight. I'm also 28 and I like to work out. A lot of people in my age group do 5 yrs +/- even. Its getting to be the norm, at least in America.

 

Unfortunately, the closer you slip to 30, the more of the guys who fit your mold will be married already. Your value dips and you are afraid of being alone or even worse: settling. I think you can totally meet someone though still without having to compromise. You might just end up having to put in a little more effort than you think you should have to, but it will go a long way. trust me.

[newmoon]

you're asking for a lot, because ime guys in your age group are probably not going to be as put-together as their female counterparts, they just aren't. at least not the ones who are single and dateable. every guy (and girl) thinks they are a great catch, but there is a big difference between a f/t job at the local gas station and a f/t job as a lawyer, or having a car that runs and having a 2014 model car, so just having the basics in place doesn't make you a good catch, because your basics might not be enough for some women.

 

 

anyway, I've been single 5ish months now. and even when I drop my standards the guys are no better or worse than when I keep my standards high. so just wait it out until someone worthwhile comes along. whenever you drop your standards too low you just won't feel good about the guy or yourself. and don't look at other couples, pictures, etc. - you have no idea how unhappy those people might actually be. people fake their happiness and put on a good front quite a lot.

[Tayken]

I see laundry list of requirements. That's a turn off.

 

I also don't see what do YOU have to offer? Ie. why should a guy be interested in you over other girls?

 

 

Ah...but that is just crazy talk, people don't want to hear that though....as far as they are concerned, by default they are hot $h1t.....and like someone else on here likes to say, "you should be head over heels in love"...just because

 

I am yet to hear something substantial / earth shattering that they have to offer...with emphasis on earth shattering

[kodakgirl]

I'm 26, sound quite similar to you, and have been single for...aghhh.... over 3 years. There have been a few months in there where I wasn't interested in dating at all, because I was going to be moving, and a couple were I was dating this one fellow I adored who eventually had to call it off due to timing. I am very picky-- my list of basic requirements is pretty similar to yours, though he doesn't have to have a car (I'm in a big city where it isn't needed), tallness doesn't affect attractiveness to me at all (I'm short), and I DO require optimism and a great attitude. I'm also not asking for anything I don't have. It's just so hard to find a man who offers that back, and is single, and likes me back. I have (also part of the reason I don't feel my standards are TOO high-- I do get these fellows sometimes), but often timing and/or distance have been major factors in it not working out.

 

I don't think there's any problem with having high standards, if you are on the same level, but I feel it's important to accept it is going to make things more difficult. You will probably be waiting longer than if you compromised on some of your points. If you can be happy single and stay optimistic, maybe for a while, I'd say don't settle for less. If you really do want a partner sooner rather than later... there are plenty of good, caring men you could have a meaningful relationship with, who just aren't going to tick off every point.