Mom says I'm not Grown Up

[napy666]

How am I not grown up? My mom and I got into a fight because I didn't want to fax some paperwork and right away my mom gets mad and compares me to my cousin "See thats why Denise is getting married, she does stuff she needs to do, she's grown up and you should be too, you're going to be 27 years old!"

 

I hate it when my mom compares me to other people. I think I am grown up but then again I don't think I am, I don't have a college education, job, or driver's license or my own place so I must not be grown up.

[MidwestUSA]

Well, you can't get your own place without a job. A college education helps with getting a job, and a car might help with both. What are you waiting for?

[MidwestUSA]

I don't wear napys. My usrrname napy are my initials for my name. And I have tried getting all of that keep failing at it so I gave up.

 

If you have given up, do your parents have some sort of provision to take care of you the rest of your life? What happens when they're gone? Do they approve of you 'giving up'? Why have you settled for this?

[napy666]

If you have given up, do your parents have some sort of provision to take care of you the rest of your life? What happens when they're gone? Do they approve of you 'giving up'? Why have you settled for this?

 

They know my situation and I have settled for it because I have tried it so much. I have applied to a ton of jobs not got one or any interviews, and same with driver's license tried passing the written test about 20-30 times, and the driving test about 2-4 times all failed.

 

And college is a waste of time and money.

[pickflicker]

How am I not grown up? My mom and I got into a fight because I didn't want to fax some paperwork and right away my mom gets mad and compares me to my cousin "See thats why Denise is getting married, she does stuff she needs to do, she's grown up and you should be too, you're going to be 27 years old!"

 

I hate it when my mom compares me to other people. I think I am grown up but then again I don't think I am, I don't have a college education, job, or driver's license or my own place so I must not be grown up.

 

napy, I'm sorry, but she's right. You don't know independence until you have moved out of home, scraped by on a mediocre income, and bettered yourself through higher education.

 

At 27, my child would either be getting an education or working a full time job, if they wanted to continue to live at home.

[pickflicker]

They know my situation and I have settled for it because I have tried it so much. I have applied to a ton of jobs not got one or any interviews, and same with driver's license tried passing the written test about 20-30 times, and the driving test about 2-4 times all failed.

 

And college is a waste of time and money.

 

You don't know the value of money, you don't have a job.

 

The driver's licence sort of depends on where you live. In a city with excellent and regular public transport, owning a car can be more of a burden than a blessing.

[mrs rubble]

If you don't have a job ,a car or college to go to how come you couldn't fax the damn paperwork!!! I can understand your mothers frustration.

It's very, very easy to fax paperwork. Why didn't you? Do you not know how to? or how to ask for help in learning to? Or do you just have a bad attitude?

There could be some big clues here as to why you don't have a job or an education.

[pickflicker]

You don't know the value of money, you don't have a job.

 

The driver's licence sort of depends on where you live. In a city with excellent and regular public transport, owning a car can be more of a burden than a blessing.

 

Just one more to this, you're unlikely to get a job these days without some formal qualification.

[snowflakes88]

Your mom is 100% correct. As people have been telling you here for years, you spend way too much time worrying about dating and not nearly enough about actually doing something with your life.

[Hornylildevil]

May I suggest the military? As a former Marine, I would suggest the Corps but with these stupid, endless wars I wouldn't recommend the Corps or the army and I was in the infantry. At least National Guard. Just do SOMETHING! This HAS to be effecting your self-esteem, right?

[napy666]

I don't wanna do anything I have given up.

[almond]

I don't wanna do anything I have given up.

 

Your life is what you make it. No one can help you with that attitude.

 

At the moment, your mother is right...and if you keep on like this, it will stay that way.

 

You reap what you sow. Sort yourself out - it will take hard work and determination. Do this or face the consequences of your life choices. Your decision, your future.

[pickflicker]

I don't wanna do anything I have given up.

 

Sounds pretty defeatist to me. If you want to live your life, it starts by getting some independence. Most of us will work a job we don't like, probably more than one. You have to do it the same as everyone else. You're 27, but emotionally, mentally, you sound about 15.

 

You're standing in the precipice of 30 with no life experience. It doesn't get easier from here, only harder - unless you fix this now.

 

Go get a job. If you can't get paid work, volunteer. If you hate it, suck it up. Welcome to real life.

[Els]

If you want to be 'grown up', you have to move out.

 

No other way around it, sorry.

[maiden of rohan]

I'm afraid your mom is right.

 

You haven't grown up because you've allowed yourself to give up. Getting a job is hard right now-trust me, I know. I'm stuck trying to find work, and I have a college education. It's hard, and it's hard to keep at it. I do understand, and there's days when I feel so frustrated I could quit. But, I don't. I aspire to have my own place, and my own independence. So I log on everyday, and send off my resumes.

 

What do you aspire to? Why have you thrown in the towel? Life is hard, and full of hurdles to navigate over, around, under. Is college, even a community college, out of the question? In 10 years time, do you still want to be where you're at now? Living off your folks, with no end in sight? Or do you want to be in your own place, with your own income, and your own independence?

 

There comes a time in everyone's life where they'll feel like packing it all in, and just sitting, bow-legged, waiting for change to come that won't because they're doing nothing to force it. Your life is what YOU make it, and if I had your attitude, I'd be out on my rear, with my things strewn around me.

 

Consider college, and look into volunteer work. You hate your mom's comparisons because you KNOW you don't stack up at this minute. So change that. It's up to you.

[Lixxy]

There's no such thing as a "grown up" anyway.

 

Your mother sounds like she's hoping that by demeaning you by comparing you unfavorably to someone else, she can pressure you into perhaps leaving home and fending for yourself.

 

If you're actively looking for employment, but getting no hope, you're doing your bit. You don't deserve to be demeaned for that.

College education only gets you so far in life, so I don't blame you one bit for not wanting it. I know plenty of highly qualified people who are either out of work, still living with their parents, very long-term unemployed, or working a job which has NOTHING to do with their credentials. Oh, and they have to pay back their nice hefty loans.

 

 

 

Your worth as a person should NOT be dependent on if you have a job, car, qualifications... whatever.

Your worth as a person should depend on what YOU - as a person - are like. Anyone can lose their job, fail college, or whatever, that doesn't change who they are but it ends up hurting them so much because they see themselves as failures. For as long as you believe you're a failure, and listen to your mothers damning comparisons, you will likely continue to feel like this way, like wanting to give up.

[Grumpybutfun]

I don't wanna do anything I have given up.

 

Tell your parents to stop enabling your lazy, defeatist self. You would be kicked to the curb at Casa Grumps. You sound like a tantrum making child....life is hard for everyone, people fail, they get back up and they try things. You are squandering this one life which makes me sick....go to St. Jude's hospital sometime and walk around their wards and listen to those kids and their dreams even though they have little time on this earth sometimes. They have a sincere desire to live and you are wasting your life.

Tell your mom she is part of your problem and you need to be kicked out if you don't go to school or get a job. Your parents aren't there to hold you back as an adult. When you get hungry enough you will find a job. If you can't find one where you live, move.

Grow up,

Grumps

[Shepp]

So if you cant get a job, why aren't you making your own job?

[Shepp]

Even if you haven't got a job, college degree, drivers license you can still pack out your CV and life, with experiences - theres nothing stopping you from that, if you've got plenty of time and your being financially supported.

 

• Start a business - anyone can do that!!
  
• Start a sports group for disadvantaged kids
  
• Run a marathon or climb a mountain for charity
  
• Go do charity work in a school in Africa or a money rehabilitation center in the rainforest.
  
• Take up hobbies, pack out your time with them.
  
• Learn new skills that open doors to work opportunities like smithing or photography
  
• Do volunteer work to gain experience
  
• See if you can get funding to start a charity
  
• Write - blog and contact magazines with articles you've written to see if you could work for them or freelance
  
• Apply for apprenticeships
  
• Join the army reserves
  

Just use your life for a purpose, don't just sit back while it slips away.

[mammasita]

And college is a waste of time and money.

I think this is a HUGE issue.

 

College is NOT a waste of time and money. Maybe college is not for you, and sure, its not the route for many people, but to make that blanket statement........I'm with your mom. You're still a child.

[Lixxy]

I think this is a HUGE issue.

 

College is NOT a waste of time and money. Maybe college is not for you, and sure, its not the route for many people, but to make that blanket statement........I'm with your mom. You're still a child.

 

 

She's not a child, though. She's, what? 26? That is an adult.

 

Whether or not she meets certain bs criteria like college, car ownersip or employment is irrelevant. She is not "still a child". You seem to want to demean her by calling her a child purely because you don't agree with her on college, which is childish on your part.

[napy666]

I don't wanna be on college debt and besides that the field I wanna do writing and journalism is competitive and hard to find work. Plus no degree is worth having even the basic one's like associates or bachelors won't get you work. I have tried finding work in writing and photography too. Too many people doing it. And no I don't wanna go to college I tried I didn't like how you had to take general ed classes just like regular school screw that. I have tried the website and YouTube thing. I got google Adsense but that doesn't help' I got a paypal donate button no one donates money. I can charge people but they won't pay even if it was 99 cents! I do have other things I'd like to so but it requires schooling etc and I don't wanna do it. I have applied to retail but everything requires experience! I don't want to volunteer it doesn't pay you. And I can't work anyway i got disabilities issues I.e. Anxiety and depression that prevents me from working. I tried to get s.s.i. But that's hard too. I tried getting my license to drive but taking that test over 40 times? Screw it! I am just done with it all I really am. I'm sick of people who drink, smoke, and do drugs or that are in jail can get their life together but yet I work hard and can't get nothing.

[Keenly]

She's not a child, though. She's, what? 26? That is an adult.

 

Whether or not she meets certain bs criteria like college, car ownersip or employment is irrelevant. She is not "still a child". You seem to want to demean her by calling her a child purely because you don't agree with her on college, which is childish on your part.

 

None of that stuff is irrelevant.

 

Being self sufficient, responsible, and independent are the fundamental differences between an adult and a child.

 

There should be some pride here. You shouldn't be bumming around your moms at this point in life.

 

I also see that no matter what answer you are given, you have a convienenet excuse as to why you can't do it.

 

Just stop being lazy and do it. No ones going to do the hard part of life for you, and your mom isn't going to be around forever.

Edited February 24, 2014 by Keenly

[Lixxy]

None of that stuff is irrelevant.

 

Being self sufficient, responsible, and independent are the fundamental differences between an adult and a child.

 

There should be some pride here. You shouldn't be bumming around your moms at this point in life.

 

I also see that no matter what answer you are given, you have a convienenet excuse as to why you can't do it.

 

Just stop being lazy and do it. No ones going to do the hard part of life for you, and your mom isn't going to be around forever.

 

We don't know her circumstances. We only know tiny details about it, when there's a bigger picture going on here.

 

But people looooooove to juice themselves up when it comes to talking to people in situations like this, for some reason, I guess they like to play Mummy - "grow up!", "stop bumming around!"; "put your big girl panties on!" is a big favorite in people of this ilk.

 

Yeah, great, we get it. People think she's a child / needs to grow up / stop being lazy... great, stellar, amazing, whatever... That isn't helpful. It isn't productive. It isn't advice. It's just patronizing.

 

Shepp had some great advice, but if OP is suffering from depression, (which certainly seems apparent with the very demotivated responses she's posting), something is going to need to be done about that. Otherwise, it's like telling a depressed person to "snap out of it", "what are you doing?? Get on with your life!" Yeah. It's not gonna happen...

 

The issue shouldn't be whether the OP is a "child", or a "grown up". That is petty, defeating, and beside the point. The real issue is actually getting herself to a point where she CAN be self-sufficient.

 

 

Napy - My advice to you is to get help for your mental health first and foremost: seek help for your anxiety and depression. Perhaps try to find a good counsellor or therapist who can help you find ways to motivate and inspire yourself, and maybe even find ways to make money through self-employment. There are a lot of great resources out there for people looking to set up their own business.

 

Maybe you could start small perhaps by selling things from home. When I was out of work a while ago I got by by buying and selling things over eBay. Maybe you could try something like that just to get your confidence up a little. It's a vicious cycle ENOUGH when you're struggling to find work - that alone is enough to make many people horribly depressed - let alone when you have someone actually pushing you down by comparing you unfavourably to others. I feel for you and I hope you find a way out of this soon. Things don't need to stay the same way forever hun.

[d0nnivain]

You post similar complaints periodically but the solution to your problems hasn't changed.

 

 

While you are not working you should be studying your driver's manual daily so that you can finally pass the written test. When your mom or other friends have time, you should be practicing for your road test.

 

 

Armed with a drivers' license you should be able to get a job.

 

 

At this point, at 27 with limited experience, you may need to take what you can get: fast food, deli / 7-11, child care, graveyard shifts etc. Don't say you can't find one. You simply aren't trying hard enough (at least you weren't the last time I replied to one of your threads on this subject)