Mom says I'm not Grown Up

[anne1707]

As CC12 says plus in the meantime, do your share of chores round the house without your mother having to ask all the time.

 

You want things to be different? Well get off your backside watching TV all day and DO something.

[underwater2010]

Here is a thought for you....don't like doing chores or following the house rules, then it is time to grow up.

 

 

Get yourself a job. McDonalds, Taco Bell, Gas Station....whatever...just get one.

 

 

You don't have to have a car in order to do so. Consider yourself lucky. In my house if you are 18+, you either are in college or earning a living out on your own.

 

 

She has obviously babied you...in fact I would say spoiled you rotten. Be grateful that she is providing a roof over your head and food for your stomach. Take the time to show her you are grateful for doing stuff around the house without being asked.

[napy666]

I do, do chores without being asked but she still likes telling me what to do and I have applied to those jobs no luck.

[almond]

Her house, her rules. Besides, none of that sounds unreasonable.

 

Either accept the situation and stop complaining about it, or work hard towards changing it (becoming independent).

 

Doing nothing will get you nothing.

[somedude81]

Why are you still living with your mom at 26? Do you have some plan to eventually move out?

[Chubbi]

She's worried about you. And guys prefer women who got something going for themselves, not living at home with no job and no education

[DaisyLeigh1967]

I don't wanna be on college debt and besides that the field I wanna do writing and journalism is competitive and hard to find work. Plus no degree is worth having even the basic one's like associates or bachelors won't get you work. I have tried finding work in writing and photography too. Too many people doing it. And no I don't wanna go to college I tried I didn't like how you had to take general ed classes just like regular school screw that. I have tried the website and YouTube thing. I got google Adsense but that doesn't help' I got a paypal donate button no one donates money. I can charge people but they won't pay even if it was 99 cents! I do have other things I'd like to so but it requires schooling etc and I don't wanna do it. I have applied to retail but everything requires experience! I don't want to volunteer it doesn't pay you. And I can't work anyway i got disabilities issues I.e. Anxiety and depression that prevents me from working. I tried to get s.s.i. But that's hard too. I tried getting my license to drive but taking that test over 40 times? Screw it! I am just done with it all I really am. I'm sick of people who drink, smoke, and do drugs or that are in jail can get their life together but yet I work hard and can't get nothing.

 

 

Grow up. Seriously. I mean that as nicely as I can. I understand being frustrated. I really do. But you will not have that dream job just land in your lap. You actually have to work for what you want. Even if it means a menial job or general ed classes.

 

As a side note, it is "I don't want to", not "I don't wanna". That sounds like a whiny child.

 

People with disabilities work. I suffer from anxiety and depression and I work full time, have two children on the Autism Spectrum and another child as well. I am not perfect at all. I am quite the opposite. But you do what you have to do. But my sons will be working or going to school. They will not be lying on my couch, doing nothing and whining. Even now, they do chores around the house and yard.

 

What would you do if your parents just said work or get out? You would have to stop the whining and find something. Even a fast food job or call center is better than being a couch potato, being supported by your parents when you are nearly 30.

 

Just for the record, my mom, who died in 2013 of cancer, worked her last year before retirement, while doing chemo and radiation, among other things. So in my book, no one has an excuse to do absolutely nothing and letting others pay your way.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

I really don't get my mom. She goes and complains about EVERYTHING.

 

Yeah I get mad and do talk back to her. Refusing to do chores or do anything. But she's the one that gets on my nerves too. She always has her smarty pants remarks like

 

"Don't forget to feed the animals and take our the trash" or "I don't wanna hear you bitch but I want you to do this or that" or "Wow your up early you must want something" or "why don't you go out and look for work, your cousin, friend, family, has a job, place of their own, degree, boyfriend etc. why don't you?" "why don't you go out and do something you're 26" "when I retire at 62 I don't want you here and don't think I won't kick you out because I will"

 

OR even if I say I will go out to the mall or go out in general right away my mom says "Oh you want a ride? I don't mind giving you a ride" then hours later or the next day "you see I go and do something for you and you treat me like crap" or "why don't you go out you don't do anything but stay in your room" "you need to go out you're 26 you're already acting like an old lady"

 

Well I would go out and live my life BUT I don't have a car or license to do so and plus my mom would again COMPLAIN about having those things.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I could just shut up and do everything she says and yet it's still not good enough for her. I just don't know anymore but her and I keep butting heads.

 

I know I could easily just leave and go stay in a hotel or at the park and be a bum/hobo but then my mom will again COMPLAIN "No you don't have to leave just stay" blah blah blah.

 

 

You have a lot of nerve talking smack about the person who is feeding you and providing you a roof over your ADULT head.

 

Don't like it? Get a job, move out and pay your own way. Then you won't have to listen to anyone being a "smarty pants". You are lucky she doesn't toss you out.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

But you also cannot enable them. If a parent has provided all the support (financial, emotional, etc etc), to try and get a child to stand on their own two feet, and they don't try to use those resources to help themselves, what do you do then?

 

It's a problem facing my sister-in-law's parents right now. Their youngest son is extremely intelligent (Asperger's sufferer) , but refuses to contribute to the house, stopped going to school and was kicked out, does not want to work (stopped going), and recently ran away from home for a month. They've done everything. Does it not get to a point where they have to consider what is best for everyone? He can't sit around being a drain on their finances and their life, because he is thoroughly unmotivated. They can't make him go to therapy. They can't force-feed him the meds (they've tried). He's 18. Where do you draw the line? Do they just leave him to treat them as a bank account and a place to live? Or do they get a say in how your own life turns out?

 

My parents adore me. But there is no way they would have tolerated this behaviour. I would have been asked to leave. And they would have done that, precisely because they do love me. They can't be my enabler. They are only my supporter.

 

So if and when the OP wants to go to a doctor, then advice can be properly tailored to her. But if she refuses to do even that, her options are limited.

 

Exactly! Too many people think they are entitled to others footing their bills and putting up with their crap.

 

This is why in the news lately, there is an 18 year old girl suing her parents for money so she can live out of their home, but they foot her bills. Such BS. I hope the judge laughs her out of court and reprimands the attorney for a frivilous lawsuit.

[mrs rubble]

Is there somewhere else you can go just for timeout? Do you have a favourite aunt or cousin or friend you admire and could ask to mentor you for a bit? Or perhaps visit a life coach?

It sounds to me that you're stuck in a rut and need some inspiration or refreshment from some time away.

[Tayla]

I think the topic title says it all. May i say in this case, momma is ever so right.

[Chu]

Your problem sounds like lack of motivation/passion for life itself. Which is most likely a symptom of depression/anxiety. Its also exasperated by the inactivity (the cycle of depression, the symptoms compound the problems) and your "I will just fail anyway" outlook is simply a complete void of hope for yourself and your life. No wonder you quit trying. How could anyone try things that are tough to do if they truely believe that in the end they will not see any positive life changes from them? That it is all "a waste of time"?

 

Most people don't necessarily like getting up early for work daily, or doing chores etc (some do!). But doing these things contribute to their self esteem and pride in themselves. They find ways to enjoy lifes challenges when they realize they have no choice but to barrel through. These people have passion (working and being good at something contrbutes to their ego and builds hope for their life and dreams.) for their life. They believe their efforts are worth it because they are looking ahead, not expecting that "this will just end up failing, again".

 

With that being said, you've identified your problem as being depression/anxiety. So that could become your job for now - treat it! You begin by seeing a doctor and telling them you need help if you are going to overcome it. I suggest therapy rather then pills but doctors probably know better then me ^_^;

 

Use your time to read about your depression symptoms online and ways that others have treated it. Be honest with yourself and when people (or yourself) criticize you, simply respond with "that is not helpful to me right now.".

 

You do have to accept that this kind of mental illness brings forth extra challenges for you, but if it is getting in the way of your life to this extent then you owe it to yourself to do everything you can to one day be able to experience hope, dreams and a general passion for living like everyone else does. Believe that everything will naturally fall into place if you target the real problem head on.

 

The greatest reward I got from 10+ years of exploring myself and the reasons for my own mental illness was being able to feel that passion and hope that I had been missing. The fact that I am functional in life now was just a bonus. I am sorry that you are suffering with this. I know first hand how much it hurts and saps you, I do believe there is hope for everyone though -- trust me that its worth the time spent for this task!

[napy666]

Well I do suffer from anxiety and depression so yeah I do feel the way you described a lot.

[whichwayisup]

Well I do suffer from anxiety and depression so yeah I do feel the way you described a lot.

 

Are you on meds and doing counseling? CBT? (Cognitive behaviour therapy)

[whirl3daway]

oooops, mispost.

Edited March 14, 2014 by whirl3daway
mispost!

[pink_sugar]

I'm sorry OP, but I agree with your mom. Although she isn't being constructive by comparing you to others, not going to school, not working or doing anything to improve yourself, what have you been doing since high school? I myself failed the first written driving test, passed the second time and didn't pass the road test until my fourth time I believe. I thought that was bad, but I set my mind to it and did it at 22. I am currently not working due to a layoff and not going to school, (finished my degree in September), but I am also 25 and have been working many jobs since 16 and got my bachelors 6 years after high school. Believe me, nothing came easy for me it felt like, but my determination got me through it. I think you're not having enough faith in yourself and it sounds like perhaps there is a reason for lack of self esteem? If you have such a negative outlook, you won't accomplish anything.

[napy666]

I have always had a negative outlook on life and myself because whenever I would be happy or think positive things would never work or if I prayed to God nothing would happen so yeah. And yeah yeah yeah I know the stories about other people getting their license I tried too many times and don't wanna try no more.

[pink_sugar]

I have always had a negative outlook on life and myself because whenever I would be happy or think positive things would never work or if I prayed to God nothing would happen so yeah. And yeah yeah yeah I know the stories about other people getting their license I tried too many times and don't wanna try no more.

 

Having faith is one thing, but it has to be you to get things done. Did you study for the written test? I read the manual front to back and it was hard not to know the answers the second time.

[whichwayisup]

I have always had a negative outlook on life and myself because whenever I would be happy or think positive things would never work or if I prayed to God nothing would happen so yeah. And yeah yeah yeah I know the stories about other people getting their license I tried too many times and don't wanna try no more.

 

Thinking and praying are one thing, but one has to push themselves into some action to make it happen as well.

 

You never answered my question, are you in counseling? If not, would you consider it?

 

It's like you need ONE good friend (or a loving kind and supportive parent) to help you, guide you and support you, along your pathway until you feel strong and secure.

 

Depression is serious and until that is under control, your anxiety lessens too, life isn't going to be easy. Not having motivation or desire to 'live' and do things, push yourself hard, even in baby steps, nothing will change. I worry that you've isolated yourself and the mindset you're in is leading in the wrong direction.

 

Therapy isn't easy, it's a lot of hard work but with the right therapist, your life will change, become better and you'll feel happier and healthier.

[pickflicker]

Having faith is one thing, but it has to be you to get things done. Did you study for the written test? I read the manual front to back and it was hard not to know the answers the second time.

 

I agree with this. I'm studying right now and one of my units is statistics. I'm terrible at maths. But I read and practice the exercises over and over again. I write summary sheets. I put them down, walk away for 10 minutes and read them again. It eventually sinks in.

 

OP, you may have a learning disorder. It can be treated. How did you do at school?

[Lixxy]

Thinking and praying are one thing, but one has to push themselves into some action to make it happen as well.

 

You never answered my question, are you in counseling? If not, would you consider it?

 

It's like you need ONE good friend (or a loving kind and supportive parent) to help you, guide you and support you, along your pathway until you feel strong and secure.

 

Depression is serious and until that is under control, your anxiety lessens too, life isn't going to be easy. Not having motivation or desire to 'live' and do things, push yourself hard, even in baby steps, nothing will change. I worry that you've isolated yourself and the mindset you're in is leading in the wrong direction.

 

Therapy isn't easy, it's a lot of hard work but with the right therapist, your life will change, become better and you'll feel happier and healthier.

 

I can completely vouch for this...

 

I spent *years* in the process of getting help for my ishes and oh my GOSH.. the process - plucking up the courage to see a doc, explaining to them everything going on with you, finding the right kind of treatment, finding a therapist that you actually have a good rapport with, finding one who works well with you, actually exposing yourself to things you find scary (as is done in CBT), and keeping yourself as strong as possible if you're placed on a looooong waiting list...

 

This stuff can be daunting because it requires you to pretty much spill your life story to many strangers - some of whom just plain aren't cut out to work in their fields, argh - and actively work on them to the point where you can put these things behind you.

 

This entire process - from acknowledging you have a problem, to taking the steps needed to go about recovery - can take *years*, and oh boy it is work, but totally and completely worth it. I can't imagine where I would have been without it.

 

OP, I really, really would NOT blame you for feeling daunted by this, but let me tell you, by the end, you will feel like one powerful mofo.

[napy666]

I guess I don't see a point anymore.

[pink_sugar]

I guess I don't see a point anymore.

 

You still haven't answered anyone's questions. I mean, failing the written test 20-30 times is probably a world record. You're either exaggerating or as someone else mentioned, probably have a learning disorder if you really have failed the test over 20 times. It sucks, but these things can be treated and improve with time. Hell, it took me like 4 or 5 times to pass a math class, because I am TERRIBLE WITH MATH. I felt terrible about myself, but with persistence, I finally passed the class. I myself was diagnosed with a learning disability in school. Guess what? I am a college graduate now. Sure it took a few extra years, but I did it and so can you!