Is this girl a threat to my relationship?

[lovestruck55]

My boyfriend and I (we're both 23 years old) have been dating for 7 months now. We get along great, and are serious about our relationship. In the beginning of our relationship we decided not to share our pasts, as we thought that was irrelevant and did not want to make any judgements. However, if we felt anything in our past would affect our relationship right now, we'd share it. I told my boyfriend within the first month of our relationship that I was on friendly terms with my ex, and he was fine with it.

 

Over the course of the first 2-3 months of our relationship, I became aware of one of his female friends (of 3 years) who he currently works with. The first time I heard about her was when he told me he was thinking of buying her a gift from Pandora for her birthday. I didn't think of it as much at the time. As time went on, I found out they hung out on a regular basis - and even one on one. I then (about a month ago) asked him to tell me more about her as it was a concern to me. He said that they were really close, and used to like each other at one point, but due to religious differences it did not work out. He also told me that she's aware of me, and is respectful of his relationship with me. (I don't know when he told her about us though)

 

Now, in the 5-6 months I've dated my boyfreind, I have not seen this girl on his Facebook/Instagram profile whatsoever. She was there but she never seemed to comment on any of his pictures, or anything he posted. However, ever since she found out about us dating (or so it seems), she's become overly active on his profile. She'll comment on EVERYTHING my boyfriend posts (literally like 2 minutes after he posts something) To me it makes it seem like, she's trying to amplify her place in his life now for some reason. This never seemed to be the case before I asked my boyfriend to tell me who she was. My boyfriend rarely ever responds to her comments, and has told me I have the privilege to go through his phone/Facebook, if I ever feel the need to do so. I'm not the type to snoop around, but this girl has me a little concerned. Am I reading too much into this, or is this girl really a threat?

[veggirl]

Why don't the 3 of you hang out together so you can get to know her too? I mean a friend of his surely could become a friend of yours and it'd give you an opportunity to see how they act around each other.

[newmoon]

well, I would say at this point you're ok. the bf is being open and honest and his willingness to let you go through his phone, profile, etc. shows he has nothing to hide - those are good signs. I wouldn't bother him about it too much more because you'll look insecure and needy, and then he might just give you a reason to be worried, you know? just keep watch over her activity and if it gets to the point where he is responding to her comments or shuts you down when you ask to see something then you can start to worry. since you've been together 7 months+ you could also ask him if he'd be willing to block her from further contact - but be willing to do the same with your ex ... you have to show some sign that you're willing to release past relationships if you want him to.

 

 

I wouldn't suggest going out with her at all; there is no reason to bring her further into your relationship and no reason why you need to give her any importance.

[d0nnivain]

Pre-existing friends are part of the package.

 

 

Based on her FB post activity you can't draw any conclusions.

 

 

I agree that you need to keep an eye on her because it does seem like she's staking her claim but don't do anything dramatic & don't say anything to him unless his behavior changes. Befriending her seems like your best bet.

[FnlyFrei]

I understand your concern, however he is with YOU, even if she now is having remorse perhaps. She is in the friend zone. It is a little bit harder when men have women friends because females are VERY territorial and they let you know when you date THEIR friend, that he was their friend FIRST. I wouldn't worry at all as everything is out in the open. I would only worry if he started lying or trying to hide anything. As far as she goes, the more you do not react to her obvious jealous behavior, the better off you will be. He is a GUY, he probably doesn't even understand why you are all in a tizzy about her frequent posts. But she is doing it to dig at you. Not him. If he was so impressed with her in a romantic way, why is he with you? Right?

[Candy_Pants]

I wouldn't worry about her or the sudden facebook/instagram comments. Your bf is being open and honest with you and that's a huge plus. Keep the lines of communication open and stop stressing!!!

[nais]

Why worry about something you cannot control, nor should you try at this point. You picked up on a clue, he wasn't relevant until you became relevant. Be the person he fell for and let whatever happens over there happen, from what I can see based on your observations she is sloppy and will mess up all the more. Let her be the one at fault.

[Hopeful30]

The fact the he said "You can go through mtg stuff if you want" is your answer. He has nothing to hide.

 

My current bf hides talking to some girls behind my back, now THATS cause to worry. if he told me "babe you can go through our convos" then I would be like "okay he's genuinely being honest that there's nothing going on".

 

You're lucky your boyfriend is so open with you. Most men are not even if they aren't doing anything wrong.

[almond]

No girl can just waltz in and threaten your relationship - only a partner's lack of commitment can do that.

 

Don't worry about this. If he is going to cheat or leave you for someone else, interfering with his friendship with this girl won't stop him. If you trust him, then continue doing so until you have reason not to. Getting paranoid and jealous could create distance and problems within your relationship.

 

I agree with the suggestion that you three should all go out together. Get to know her - you might like her. You could also speak to him about this. Advise him that you feel silly, but that you're feeling a little insecure about their friendship. Make it clear that you are not questioning him, and that you trust him. Hopefully he can alleviate some of your concerns.