heartbroken7320 Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 So my girlfriend of 5 months broke up with me last night. This is the most incredible girl I've ever met and I loved her so much that I don't know where to even begin to recover. Over the last month or so, we had been speaking less and less over text, but at the same time, we saw each other just as much (if not more) in person. She had been acting a little distant and I misread it as our relationship becoming more mature, since we didn't need to talk to each other all day long, just maintain contact once per day. After a little while, I began to second guess this lack of communication and thought maybe something was up. Anyways, she sat me down and asked if I saw us as just friends. This was the start of her saying she thinks we would be better off if we weren't together. I wasn't completely shocked, but this hit me right in the heart. She basically said that over the last few weeks, we've been feeling more and more like friends than anything. I told her that I knew what she meant, but that she meant the world to me and I didn't want a break up but of course I wouldn't try to change her mind. We have a college class together 3 days a week and sit right next to each other, so we discussed this and both agreed that we could both remain friendly since we were comfortable enough with each other. I was completely honest with her and told her that when I told her I loved her I meant it without a doubt and would've never told her if I didn't mean it (I got pretty choked up during this part, as well as other moments during our talk). Then I said that it wasn't my place to ask her whether she felt the same way all along or not. She did tell me that she loved me, and that I was a sweet guy, but not in the way that you love a boyfriend. She also admitted when I asked her that it threw her off a little when I first told her I loved her since it was so soon (3 months in). There was one thing I regret not telling her. I was surprised when I realized that I was in love with her too. I wasn't trying to be pushy or move too fast, in fact, I never thought I would ever be able to develop those deep of feelings for someone as quickly as I did with her. The moment I came to the realization that I loved her was when I noticed that I would do absolutely anything for her and that there was not a single girl in the world that would catch my attention as long as I had her. When I was with her, I was happy and not a single thing in the world could keep me down, So now I am completely devastated. I couldn't sleep more than an hour at a time last night and I would wake up and just begin crying. I know that the wound is fresh, so I still have a lot of emotions running through me right now. Here's the thing. This girl means so much to me that I'm not going to be able to forgive myself if I simply walk away from our relationship without putting in some effort to make things right again.I know that I can't force her to regain feelings for me, and I wouldn't want to do that to her. But I hope there is just a slim chance that she would come to a point where she begins to feel the same as she once did. I don't expect us to be able to pick up where we left off, but I would give anything to even have the chance to rebuild our relationship and feeling for each other scratch. We have our class together tomorrow and I know I won't even be able to look her in the eyes without feeling miserable. But as a couple class periods pass, without coming across as desperate, would I be wise to begin talking to her again? Even if it's just small talk? What about asking her to eat lunch after some time passes just to catch up and see how things are going? Any other advice? Thank you for taking the time to help me out! Link to post Share on other sites
lvroflife Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 First off you did everything exactly right and showed her how strong you are... You told her your true feelings without being mushy and pushing her.. Th ebest thing you did WAS ACCEPT the break up and you even discussed how to handle your class...So Kudos to you! Now you have to do thi no matter how hard it is... You have to go NO CONTACT!! Do not sit next to her in class and do not talk to her as a friend. I know you may think she will slip away, but this is actual for you to heal fully. Because everytime you see her and talk to her you will have those emotions. And let us say you are friends and she starts to date someone else you'll be hurt. GO FULL ON NC! perhaps she will miss you and what you gave her and those feelings will return, and perhaps they won't... But either way if you go NC you will be fine for 2 reasons. 1.)You completed healed from the break up and focused on you 2.)You are a different person and she will be attracted to that new person and you can start a new relationship with all negatives from the old gone!! It will be tough but definitely will be worth it!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken7320 Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 I just want to post an update here. Here I am nearly 10 months later and I just remembered this post. How silly of me at the time to post this. I was so heartbroken. It took me months to get over this girl. I still think about her every day. Up until a month or two ago, it seemed that she was all I could think about. Today, I sit here knowing that things have worked out in the way that is best for me. But let me say that I still miss her terribly. When you become so in love with someone and so invested in their well-being, you can't just "let go". It simply isn't that easy. However I know that we've both taken separate paths in life that would not have been compatible. Now for the important part. DO NOT let anyone fool you into thinking that going "no contact" after a breakup will make the girl (or guy) come crawling back to you and that you'll live happily ever after. If you're serious enough about the relationship, take the initiative to share your feelings (but please don't go stalking your ex). If your relationship is meant to be, then things will take care of themselves. Going "no contact" is only a childish game that will work in some cases, but do you really want some relationship with mind games or one built on trust and communication? Unfortunately I waited too long to take the initiative and communicate with my ex. It cost me one of the most special people in my life. But let me tell you that no matter what happens, you will be okay. Sure, you may miss your special one; but know that you will also look back and be glad that you were blessed with the opportunity to be around them. Pursue your own goals, do what is best for you, be truthful with those you care about and all else will fall into place. Sorry for rambling. This has no real point to it I guess. I've been so emotionally invested into this whole situation for so long that I felt like I just needed an outlet now that things are finally back to normal. I can finally say I'm happy. I'm happy to know where I have been. I'm happy to know where I am. I can't wait to see where I am going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
towardthefuture Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 what do you wish you had done differently, heartbroken7320? Link to post Share on other sites
kp4633 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Yeah, when do you think you should have contacted her? I'm 3 months post BU with very limited contact. But I want her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken7320 Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 what do you wish you had done differently, heartbroken7320? If I would want the relationship to continue, I would've contacted her sooner and made my feelings known. Most importantly, I believe that pretending that you're doing okay and ignoring your ex is a major mistake if you hope to reconcile and plan to have a long lasting relationship based on honesty. Of course, it depends on the situation. I wish I hadn't let it hurt my self esteem and tear me up inside. I would've handled the situation directly instead of putting it off in hopes that our relationship would magically heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken7320 Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Yeah, when do you think you should have contacted her? I'm 3 months post BU with very limited contact. But I want her back. I would've contacted her within the first 2 weeks to talk about things. Come to find out from her family, the breakup was hard on her too. She also had been putting on this disguise of happiness. Turns out, if I had acted sooner, I might have been in a completely different place right now. Again, this only applies in my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I agree with you. In your post, "She basically said that over the last few weeks, we've been feeling more and more like friends than anything." That means she was not getting enough. So you wouldn't have been able to get her back giving her zero by going NC. Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) There is a reason why she did not make it known the breakup was heavy on her. She did not want to! There is no talking with someone that does not want to talk to you. I made everything clear like you wish you had done. Know what ? The only thing I would change is that when she dumped me I walked away instantly. And that is the reason why are you advised to go no contact. You are just honoring the wish of someone who does not want you to be a part of their life. Edited December 11, 2014 by erklat 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I just want to post an update here. Here I am nearly 10 months later and I just remembered this post. How silly of me at the time to post this. I was so heartbroken. It took me months to get over this girl. I still think about her every day. Up until a month or two ago, it seemed that she was all I could think about. Today, I sit here knowing that things have worked out in the way that is best for me. But let me say that I still miss her terribly. When you become so in love with someone and so invested in their well-being, you can't just "let go". It simply isn't that easy. However I know that we've both taken separate paths in life that would not have been compatible. Now for the important part. DO NOT let anyone fool you into thinking that going "no contact" after a breakup will make the girl (or guy) come crawling back to you and that you'll live happily ever after. If you're serious enough about the relationship, take the initiative to share your feelings (but please don't go stalking your ex). If your relationship is meant to be, then things will take care of themselves. Going "no contact" is only a childish game that will work in some cases, but do you really want some relationship with mind games or one built on trust and communication? Unfortunately I waited too long to take the initiative and communicate with my ex. It cost me one of the most special people in my life. But let me tell you that no matter what happens, you will be okay. Sure, you may miss your special one; but know that you will also look back and be glad that you were blessed with the opportunity to be around them. Pursue your own goals, do what is best for you, be truthful with those you care about and all else will fall into place. Sorry for rambling. This has no real point to it I guess. I've been so emotionally invested into this whole situation for so long that I felt like I just needed an outlet now that things are finally back to normal. I can finally say I'm happy. I'm happy to know where I have been. I'm happy to know where I am. I can't wait to see where I am going. Honestly, I don't think it would have mattered if you had contacted her sooner or not -- I think you were dead to rights regardless. That being said, No Contact isn't meant to try to get a person to miss you, it's meant to move forward. Often it does get them to miss you, but that's not its purpose. I don't think there was a magic window for you to be in contact with her -- if she was interested in trying again, she would have contacted you. She didn't, so she wasn't. Just because the breakup was hard doesn't mean she regretted it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I understand this very much from the girls point of view right now,I was going to have a similar conversation with my bf yesterday,but I just can't do it. It really does not mean they don't love you,I love my bf so much,I worry about him,everything,I don't want to let him go,it's just as she said some spark et al is missing that makes it feel more like friendship. This is not your fault! In any way,you cannot create that energy. Again it doesn't mean she doesn't love you,I will always love my bf. Give her space,yesterday my bf was sending me messages but today has pulled back and I really missed him,but whether that will have any effect long term I don't know. Again please don't blame yourself in anyway it will take awhile for you to deal with,so go easy on yourself,it's not only the loss you're dealing with,but the total sense of rejection that is not even your fault. You can pm me if you need support. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetKat Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Going no contact will just confirm to her she made the right decision. No matter how much she loves you. It hurts to love someone who does not show their love back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken7320 Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 Honestly, I don't think it would have mattered if you had contacted her sooner or not -- I think you were dead to rights regardless. That being said, No Contact isn't meant to try to get a person to miss you, it's meant to move forward. Often it does get them to miss you, but that's not its purpose. I don't think there was a magic window for you to be in contact with her -- if she was interested in trying again, she would have contacted you. She didn't, so she wasn't. Just because the breakup was hard doesn't mean she regretted it. I'm really not sure why I keep coming back here to read these.... Please read the posts. This is a situation that happened MONTHS ago. I just felt the need to update. Everything is good here. Just thought it might help someone looking for some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 I'm really not sure why I keep coming back here to read these.... Please read the posts. This is a situation that happened MONTHS ago. I just felt the need to update. Everything is good here. Just thought it might help someone looking for some advice. I'm aware. But you while you are good now, you are still rehashing a bit, and that's what I was commenting on. No need to get pissy. Link to post Share on other sites
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