joystickd Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Why do so many women find men who are married, engaged, or otherwise romantically involved so romantically and sexually appealing? I see women talk about men cheating but one thing fails to get asked. I noticed since I'm dating someone and other women know about it that women come out of the woodworks wanting me now. I had one show me her boobs, I had one when I stayed the night at work open the shower curtain to see me luckily I had a towel on, and etc. I could go on with the crazy stuff happening lately with women since I have dated someone outside and at work. Chris Rock said it best: "When men listen to their male friends talk about how wonderful their wife or girlfriend is, they will say to themselves, 'I want a woman JUST LIKE THAT!' But when women listen to their girlfriends talk about how wonderful their husband or boyfriend is, they will say to themselves, 'I want HIM!" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jcrew11 Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 completely agree. I think women just get jealous. I think men can get jealous to, but won't try to date taken women (probably because they don't want the boyfriend to beat them up). But women aren't really afraid from each other, so they enjoy playing the game, and stealing other girls' boyfriends. If a guy is "taken" then he "must be doing something right" and is therefore seen as better than the other "clueless and unattractive men" out there. Women are far more pickier with the men they have sex with - so they would rather steal someone like a married "Brad Pitt" type guy, instead of risk going out with some desperate single guy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 (edited) I have to admit this is true for me. I'm married, and completely smitten with my own man, but the men who I notice as attractive are very often married. I think it's because I am observing them acting in such attractive ways, being a great partner. Single men don't have as many opportunities to demonstrate their great partner potential. I was thinking about this just yesterday, while running in the park. I often see this one runner, with a sporting dog on a leash and a baby in the jogging stroller. That is like the Perfect Man to me. Swoon! Eta.....I wouldn't be able to identify that guy without the dog and baby at his side. That shows how unimportant looks can be. Edited February 24, 2014 by xxoo 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 This isn't gender specific. People covet what others have. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 @OP..... There is usually a name for such women...hint hint 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 This isn't gender specific. People covet what others have. Exactly. 1) People for whom there is high demand are less likely to be single. 2) Being with someone else is "proof" that they have redeeming qualities. Link to post Share on other sites
jcrew11 Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 I have to admit this is true for me. I'm married, and completely smitten with my own man, but the men who I notice as attractive are very often married. I think it's because I am observing them acting in such attractive ways, being a great partner. Single men don't have as many opportunities to demonstrate their great partner potential. I was thinking about this just yesterday, while running in the park. I often see this one runner, with a sporting dog on a leash and a baby in the jogging stroller. That is like the Perfect Man to me. Swoon! Eta.....I wouldn't be able to identify that guy without the dog and baby at his side. That shows how unimportant looks can be. Perhaps there is a biological reason for Polygamy, because women want to be with a proven man who has "husband qualities" even if he already has one wife. The single men have a "Stench of desperation and lonliness" that is unattractive and unappealing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 The single men have a "Stench of desperation and lonliness" that is unattractive and unappealing. On some level I think this is true. As a single man it can be hard to find someone sometimes but the moment you start dating or in a relationship with someone women just come out of the woodworks looking for you. For men when it comes to women they get in a relationship it's like I need to find a woman like her. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 On some level I think this is true. As a single man it can be hard to find someone sometimes but the moment you start dating or in a relationship with someone women just come out of the woodworks looking for you. For men when it comes to women they get in a relationship it's like I need to find a woman like her. But for men looking for sex, women in relationships can be attractive. Forbidden fruit. I know I've had plenty of indecent proposals from young single men who consider themselves too hot for a married woman to resist. Somehow, I resisted! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 But for men looking for sex, women in relationships can be attractive. Forbidden fruit. I know I've had plenty of indecent proposals from young single men who consider themselves too hot for a married woman to resist. Somehow, I resisted! It can be but mostly it's those women that are already in relationships pursing single men. You do have guys that pursue women in relationships but most don't. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 It can be but mostly it's those women that are already in relationships pursing single men. You do have guys that pursue women in relationships but most don't. I'm speaking from my own experience, of course. I've never pursued a single guy as a married woman, but I've had the opposite experience. The young hot guy makes a move on the older married woman, probably for the thrill of the challenge. Whatever. It's immaturity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 It's just like credit companies, any guy who is currently in a relationship has been preapproved. Maybe the smart thing to do when you see that your relationship is fading is to jump ship while other women still want you, instead of becoming single and having them lose all interest. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 It sounds like the woman showing you her boobs likes the attention and likes that you're "safe," in that you're not going to pester her for sex. It's NSA attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 It's just like credit companies, any guy who is currently in a relationship has been preapproved. Maybe the smart thing to do when you see that your relationship is fading is to jump ship while other women still want you, instead of becoming single and having them lose all interest. Not at all. There are plenty of a-holes in relationships. (Not all of them are a-holes, before anyone adds to that that women just want bad boys.) I've never liked it when a man in a relationship hit on me. The smart thing to do when you see your relationship might be fading, is to talk about it with your girlfriend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 It sounds like the woman showing you her boobs likes the attention and likes that you're "safe," in that you're not going to pester her for sex. It's NSA attention. No she made it clear she wanted sex. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 I've seen it both ways, both when single and married, and the common denominator was that the women were all married. However, the attention did increase while married to a level I had never experienced in my entire life. The really interesting part was, in spite of all that attention, when I did choose to have an affair, it was not with someone who gave me any attention, though many were quite attractive, it was with someone I hadn't seen in many years and who I spent time and effort to actually find. I could have chosen amongst those sly MW's who were approaching me sexually and flirting with me, even in front of my exW, but I didn't. Maybe the smart thing to do when you see that your relationship is fading is to jump ship while other women still want you, instead of becoming single and having them lose all interest. The most prolific period of 'attention' was ironically during the couple years where my attention and emotions were on my affair partner. I mean even women whom I would never have thought would act in such manners were surprising me, to the point where I purposely became less friendly and affectionate simply because I felt the interactions were inappropriate, which is ironic considering I was having an affair, albeit an emotional one. I just thought their physical acts were wrong. After my exW and I demonstrably 'split up', moving into separate homes and no longer being seen as a 'couple', poof, done. Crazy! People do what they do. It's all in the past now, and gladly. That (the women attracted to attached men) part is one I would gladly leave behind. Any future iterations hopefully will find me old and wrinkly and completely unattractive, though I have heard stories about being popular simply because the man is still alive. I get inklings of this when older friend's wives are jokingly sizing me up as a 'companion' when their H's die off. Thanks, I have a cat. Meh.. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 It sounds like the woman showing you her boobs likes the attention and likes that you're "safe," in that you're not going to pester her for sex. It's NSA attention. No she made it clear she wanted sex. Whether it's a man or a woman, and whether the goal is NSA sex or NSA attention, targeting an attached person is a way of getting the NSA part. That's logical, if not ethical. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Whether it's a man or a woman, and whether the goal is NSA sex or NSA attention, targeting an attached person is a way of getting the NSA part. That's logical, if not ethical. It may be but it's something when women go after attached men way more than men would attached women. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 I've also noticed that I get a lot more attention from men when I'm in a good relationship, and from more attractive and interesting men. It's probably because I'm happier overall when in a relationship than when single, and that's magnetic. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 I haven't noticed this at all. Personally, I get the same attention from women when I'm single and in a relationship. I also don't notice women becoming more interested in guys that are in relationships. I do notice that the guys that get interest from women while in a relationship tend to be the same guys that interest from women while single. So it seems to me that it has more to do with the overall attractiveness of the guy than anything else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I've also noticed that I get a lot more attention from men when I'm in a good relationship, and from more attractive and interesting men. It's probably because I'm happier overall when in a relationship than when single, and that's magnetic. It could just be that they want to "HIT IT"? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 It could just be that they want to "HIT IT"? Sure, but they seem to want to "hit it" more when I'm in a relationship than when I'm single - which is odd, because they have zero chance when I'm taken, and some chance when I'm single. But they don't give off the "want to hit it" vibes - it's more being chivalrous, looking at me dreamily, romantic flirtation. I'm overall happier and more lit up when I'm in a good relationship, and I guess men can see that and are drawn to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 In some circles, it's called "preselection". In the world of pop evo psych it's supposedly due to the fact that many people (namely women) are more attracted to a "taken" man because it indicates that basically, "another woman found him a worthy, viable candidate for mating and procreation so he must have value." Personally, I've always believed (like many others I'm sure) that women who are attracted to "taken" or married individuals are so because they feel if they can instigate a mutual attraction and/or relationship, it makes them especially valuable/attractive/worthy/whatever. The thinking is, "I am so damn hot/sexy/interesting/special/etc that he is willing to risk EVERYTHING just to be with me!" Others see it as a challenge, but experience a similar way of thinking. One in which they feel, "I am so damn hot/sexy/interesting/special/etc he is willing to leave HER just to be with me!" Because of this, frankly even though I find infidelity disgusting and extremely painful, I can kind of see the appeal of being an OM/OW. If a woman with low self-esteem, or simply in need of frequent ego boosts and validation goes this route, it's pretty easy to understand why. Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Jealousy . Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I can't fathom the appeal of an attached man over an unattached man, all other things being equal. But yes, there are crazy women in the world. H gets hit on all the time where he doesn't encourage them. Guess his disinterest, stimulates their competitive juices. Link to post Share on other sites
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