iDrumKing Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Evaluate how you feel. Take a day or two respond if YOU want to. Ask her what her reason is for contacting you Link to post Share on other sites
Author lvroflife Posted March 8, 2014 Author Share Posted March 8, 2014 How I feel is curious.... I mean I sent her the letter the other day... I didn;t expect this Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 How I feel is curious.... I mean I sent her the letter the other day... I didn;t expect this What was the letter about? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 How I feel is curious.... I mean I sent her the letter the other day... I didn;t expect this You sent the letter...its a call to respond. It won't be good. STOP NOW!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy99 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Call back. But be prepared for a re-hashing of why you broke up. Get yourself all prepared for that. Get a good night sleep and call tomorrow. Those calls can be hard. I had a break up some months ago and my ex and I are still, in a "friendly" manner, emailing back and forth, re-hashing the break up (even just last week), yet not back together. It's like this chess match we've been playing...like who was really right or wrong here. Sometimes people like to keep some sort of bond alive with exes. But we were long distance, which is usually doomed to failure anyway. Or maybe she wants to get back together. In which case, congratulations. Let her take the lead in the conversation and be ready to once again accept the break up, and if that's the case, end the call with, okay let's keep in touch or something positive. I've learned that being overly hostile during a break up only hurts me in the end. It's better to at least imagine them as a "friend." Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 DON'T call back. text her back, with the questions: "what about, and why is it worth my time to talk to you?" - if she doesn't respond back in a satisfactory manner, ignore her. and anything OTHER than something like "I made a mistake, and want to talk about getting back together" is breadcrumbs and not worth your while. Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 What do you want to do? Are you going to respond? Im interested to know what the letter was regarding too. Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 What do you want to do? Are you going to respond? Im interested to know what the letter was regarding too. I have found a lot of dumpers misunderstand how the dumpee is feeling. since the dumpee loved them, they assume that the dumpee will be THRILLED to hear from them and they are doing them a favour by simply contacting them to say hi. I hate it when dumpers contact me, absolutely hate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy99 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 One thing I always do is erase all text messages and emails after corresponding with my ex. I have no record of any of our conversations stored at this point (even from when we were together), so there's nothing to dwell on. All I remember is what's in my head and that's so much nicer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 One thing I always do is erase all text messages and emails after corresponding with my ex. I have no record of any of our conversations stored at this point (even from when we were together), so there's nothing to dwell on. All I remember is what's in my head and that's so much nicer. I go even further. I delete all text messages, emails, photos of us, throw any presents she gave me in the bin, etc. I once told an ex I was doing this and she responded "but then you wont be able to remember me" and I told her that was the point. Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy99 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 I haven't erased pictures. But we used to text back and forth a few times a day so my phone was filled with hundreds of text messages from him. I would sometimes read them and then one day I just hit delete on all my phone messages, and it felt like a huge weight off. I also found that I would read old emails and then I realized if I didn't have any, there was nothing to read. So even when we email now I immediately hit delete after corresponding...so no memory of any of our conversations exists. It's so freeing. Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 I haven't erased pictures. But we used to text back and forth a few times a day so my phone was filled with hundreds of text messages from him. I would sometimes read them and then one day I just hit delete on all my phone messages, and it felt like a huge weight off. I also found that I would read old emails and then I realized if I didn't have any, there was nothing to read. So even when we email now I immediately hit delete after corresponding...so no memory of any of our conversations exists. It's so freeing. Sometimes I wish the technology to erase memories existed, as seen in ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF A SPOTLESS MIND. I would erase my ex in a heartbeat. I learned that even a LONG time after the breakup when you think you are over them, the slightest thing can set you back. I had been in full NC with the dumper for over a year, and about a month ago by pure chance I saw her walking down the street hand in hand with a guy, obviously her new bf. it depressed me and set me back like you wouldnt believe. yes, you can fool yourself into believing you are over them but the slightest thing can set you back. the only true NC comes when one of you dies. Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy99 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) Ordinaryday: Well I am lucky that I am not in the same location as him now. We used to be, but not right now. I think I will be in his same location again in a few months, and I am debating whether that is a good idea. But for now, ignorance is bliss. We still have this ridiculous sticking point as to why things ended. We both have different opinions on a situation that revolves around money. It's one of the silliest break ups I have ever had actually. When it comes down to it, it was the distance that broke us up. But then this one issue sort of got blown up and now we are debating it back and forth. It's quite ridiculous really. We are debating who paid for more while maintaining a long distance relationship. Edited March 8, 2014 by Sandy99 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lvroflife Posted March 8, 2014 Author Share Posted March 8, 2014 So we had a three hour conversation, discuss what broke in the relationship and confessed the love we have for each other. She told me she is overwhelemed with her move and feels very lonely there (no friends, family, and new state), and her promotion is taking a toll on her and that her numbers are not where they are suppose to be.. She is focused on how to get the company out of -30% hole. She stated since the BU FEB 9 she thinks about me everyday and to combat she has been working non-stop all day... an when she gets down time she thinks about me and what I am doing and is missing me. She stated that she may be making a mistake because she knows I am a GREAT guy and all I have done for usm that she should do all it takes to work out, but her promtion (she runs the whole southeast USA and Caribbean Islands) has her not being home and traveling a lot and meetings galore... She stated couple that with getting the company out the whole and learning a new city and not having friends and me not being close and our current situation is doing a number on her. We talked about more... so in a nutshell we decided to go NC and she will focus on her and I will focus on me and we will live our lives and (this may sound crazy) come back 6 months from now (I told her only contact me if she wants to be together again, other than that to let me be and continue with life, as I am not focusing on her coming back)and see how we feel for each other, as we both will be more settled (I am moving and switching careers). My issue is I KNOW I need to let go and I am doing everything I can to do this...But my gut (AND YES IT IS MY GUT NOT MY MIND) is telling me we will work out, and I don't want that feeling, so I can completely heal and move on... What can I do? I love this girl and want to be with her for life, and last night after talking to her I could hear the fear in her voice. The fear of losing me, the fear of failing at work, the fear of he rnot being good enough, fear of everything. I love this girl with all my heart... And I truly feel she is who is meant for me, and I do not want to put my life on hold for her... I am so lost! Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 This is a tricky one especially since we don't know all the particulars.. but.. having said that... sometimes a woman wants a man to take the lead. IF you feel she would respond positively to pursuing her again, then I say make the effort. Right now, your FEAR is getting the best of you. If on the other hand you feel she is reaching out because of loneliness, and the original reasons for the BU have not been resolved, then I think you're on the right track. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lvroflife Posted March 8, 2014 Author Share Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) My original first post explains the break up... I tried to ask her for us to take it slow and start right now with a ne relationship, and she kept thinking about it, but was saying "no, I have to stick to this decision". I have taken the lead, but she mentioned that she feels sometimes I do not listen, and I am trying to listen to her now and respect the space... We both do agree that emotions are very high right now and we do need that space to allow us to cool down.. I am so in love with her and want to spend my life with her... and I know compared to a lifetime 6 months is nothing... But when you know you want to work it out, and she shows signs she does too, but is reluctant you think too much, ya know? Edited March 8, 2014 by lvroflife Link to post Share on other sites
Author lvroflife Posted March 14, 2014 Author Share Posted March 14, 2014 (edited) I have my ex password on FB (she has mine too). We been BU 1 month NC 1 week as she reached out to me last Friday. She broke broke up with me. Anyway last night I was asleep and a surge of energy woke me up. I wasn't dreaming about my ex but I snooped on her FB (as soon as I awoke) and saw that she has on numerous ocassions "searched" for me in the search portion of FB. She searched for me a week after the BU, a few times that week. Then she searched last Saturday and last night. When we spoke last Friday I asked to try again and she hesitated but stated she is still overwhelemed with all that is going on with work, her move, and promotion. I try not to take this as false hope and am putting together my life without her. As I have been hitting the gym (5days a week), got on a new meal plan (gained 7lbs of muscle in 2 weeks), joined kick boxing, jogging, looking at career changes, traveling, and doing for me. Why is she searching for me? During our conversation last Friday she kept saying that RIGHT NOW is not a good time as she tries to dig her company out of the whole they are I'm and she stated she feels she "bit off more than she can chew". She mentioned she misses the support I provide (when she lived here I always had her back) she said she misses me and the man that I am and the whole 9...but needs to focus and right the ship of her company and career. But why is she for mesearching? And yes I hate that I snooped BC I was doing ok, but I caved. And I AM SORRY I DID! I LOVE THIS GIRL AND WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH HER Edited March 15, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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