ChonChon Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 I have fallen head over heels for my best female friend. I let her know 3 months ago. But she has been involved with someone for 3 years or so. So I told her that I was going to have to stay away from her. We would talk once in a while when we would run in to each other(we live on the same street)but I sensed an awkwardness on her part. But I clearly expected it and knew the possible consequences of telling her how I felt. Well out of the blue she started to call me. But the conversations have been like nothing has happened. Before she knew how I felt, she would jokingly call me her boyfriend because we would spend so much time together. And now out of the blue, she is once again calling me her boyfriend. This is just an inside "joke" I guess. But why would she do that to me knowing how I feel about her. Is there something to it? Maybe she likes to torture me, I don't know. I'm confused. This just puts other ideas in my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 I doubt she does it to torture you, it's probably because she misses the friendship you two had, maybe it's her way of letting you know that she's feeling comfortable with you again?! Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 because women are evil and like to torture all1!!!! Ok i feel better. Where was I? Oh right, she does this because you are the emotional support friend ie 'saftey web' . With you she has 100% more emotional intimacy than she does with her boyfriend. You in essince are making up for her boyfriends inaddiquicies in the emotional department. But thats no good for you right. Of coarse. You want the physical part too. Too bad you are just a 'friend/brother'. I would suggest you make yourself less available to her. At least this will put up a sort of barrier between you and her that will let you breath a bit. And if it continues, tell her your feelings on the matter. But try not to get more emotional. She will just see it as her being justified in leaving you in the just friends catigory. More fish in the sea man. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 You need to tell her to STOP doing that to you and stop calling you her boyfriend when she is not. Seems like she KNOWS how you feel, yet she is quietly enjoying the attention and the fact that you do have feelings for her. I don't think it is malicious, but it is definately an ego burst for her. She is not thinking of your hurt feelings or what effect this is having on you. So TELL her and if she is a good friend, she will realize her mistake, say sorry and give you the space you need until YOU feel comfortable around her again. Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
Neechi Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by ChonChon I have fallen head over heels for my best female friend. I let her know 3 months ago. But she has been involved with someone for 3 years or so. So I told her that I was going to have to stay away from her. We would talk once in a while when we would run in to each other(we live on the same street)but I sensed an awkwardness on her part. But I clearly expected it and knew the possible consequences of telling her how I felt. Well out of the blue she started to call me. But the conversations have been like nothing has happened. Before she knew how I felt, she would jokingly call me her boyfriend because we would spend so much time together. And now out of the blue, she is once again calling me her boyfriend. This is just an inside "joke" I guess. But why would she do that to me knowing how I feel about her. Is there something to it? Maybe she likes to torture me, I don't know. I'm confused. This just puts other ideas in my head. I think you need to be VERY clear with her that it confuses you when she makes these remarks (even if they are joking to her) about you being her "boyfriend". If you told her how you feel, it is insensitive of her to make such remarks. Nobody deserves to have their feelings played with (whether she is doing it intentionally or not, I do not know). It could be that she just does not understand how these remarks affect you. I'd suggest being firm with her and telling her (in a matter of fact way) that she has a boyfriend and she should reserve those kinds of remarks for him. Try to be strong. I know it isn't easy but I think you need to stand up for yourself a bit and make it known to her that you expect her to be more considerate to how you feel. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Why does she keep calling you so much all of a sudden? Maybe she could be having troubles with her boyfriend and calls you to make herself feel better knowing that you like the attention? Not relising how insensitive she is and how it is effecting you knowing how you feel about her. Just imagine how her boyfriend would feel if he knew what she was doing? Wouldn't want to get caught up in that mess. Leave things be. I'm predicting if you do get with her it will be between you and this guy. If she's not sure who she wants to be with. The only thing you can do is tell her to stop calling or ask her why she's calling she'll probably say to see how you're doing. . Try get out some info about her relationship so you can help her out as a friend. Tell her how it is effecting you that she is ringing and acting this way with you and then give her some space to sort some stuff out. Easier said then done though. Like what Superfantastico says "more fish in the sea" Good Luck. . Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted January 29, 2005 Share Posted January 29, 2005 She's doing it because she's insensitive, and doesn't really care about you or how YOU feel. A LOT of women are like this. Push her away hard. She's bad for you buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted January 29, 2005 Share Posted January 29, 2005 Either way, she's being selfish and unfair: she did not if you're ok with the two of you being in contact, especially after you've told her about how you feel. It was tha same way with one of my very good friends. I let him contact me (after the incident), and then I started to see him again but really seldom. I mean, it took us half an year to overcome what had happened. And we never spoke about that ever again. Anyway, be frank and don't let her be. She's chosing the easy part. It is, indeed, very flatering for a girl to have one of her friends inlove with her. But taking advantage of that for their personal pleasure or vanity is plain cruel. Link to post Share on other sites
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